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I'm so close to having sex with my boyfriend... I know we are young, but it feels right, I know there are consequences, but I really don't care, I want to do this, and I know I am ready, I know everyone will argue against me, but I feel so right about this.
We have places and times planned, but nothing will follow through unless I say so...
What should I know about sex if our plans follow through, or something just seems to happen?
I know I know I know, no one wants to hear the age thing. But honestly please don't do it unless you are 16 or older (this seems to me like a good standard). Sex is definitely a wonderful thing, and great to experience. I know some people will argue with me, but the only way to be TRULY happy with your first time is to wait till marriage which most people cannot do (myself included). So I'm telling you, there is a high chance you won't end up with the person you lose your virginity to. I say that you go through with it, keeping in mind you feel strongly. Make absolute sure, that you two are being safe, ALWAYS use a condom, and for later if you go a second round, change the condom!! I hope you are aware of the utter disaster of disease and pregnancy. I lost my virginity to the girl I am currently with and I hope to god every day that I don't get her pregnant, even though we use condoms AND she's on birth control (good idea, extremely good idea). But for me, if I get a girl pregnant, it COMPLETELY screws up their lives, they won't go to college or university, all their money goes to the kid, the two of you will start to fight (he might not be so brave, and abandone you, seeings as it takes years to know someone completely). Just think long and hard please girl, think long and hard. Don't make any mistakes OK? The pull out method is just ridiculous. I hope I helped you, have fun, live love and learn.
Follow Please.
Sounds like you won't listen to whatever people will say here, anyway...
Just make sure you have a STABLE job to raise a kid, be prepared for 2 hours sleep a day for more than a year and not be able to hang out with old friend because there's a baby.
"I know there are consequences, but I really don't care."
That sounds like the young immature mind at work. This means you're not ready. If you WERE ready, you'd say, "I know there are consequences, and I will take every precaution possible to avoid the consequences, and even if those precautions fail, I am ready to handle the responsibility afterward."
The whole, "yeah, it could end up wrong, but I don't care, I'm doing it anyway" is the attitude that many drunk drivers and pregnant 13 year olds have.
Reassess your attitude towards actually being pregnant, having a child, raising a child, and potentially changing your entire future plans, all over one or two minutes of sex.
You, well IF something like me getting pregnant happens I wouldn't keep it as my own, I would give it up for adoption
Also. You don't want to hear this either, BUT, I've witnessed MANY of my friends, guys and girls, have sex and totally ruin their relationships. In fact I've had a friend who's dabbling in sex lead her to be very promiscuous and lose many many friends. This sex too early can ruin the relationship between you and this boy... there is much at stake OK. I hope you don't take these posts lightly because many people experience it, you may be stubborn, but if any of this hits home at all keep it in the foreground. Have fun without your genitals for a while... oral sex is also a great thing. And you'd be surprised what fingers can do, for both of you.
OK, I'm glad you have a plan. Have you... thought about the 9 months that you'll actually HAVE a child inside you? Doctor's visits left and right, morning sickness, walking around school with a bump on your stomach, actually feeling sick all the time, not to mention... actually going THROUGH childbirth?
... don't toss away, "oh, I'll have a kid and if I can't take care of it, I'll give it up for adoption."
It's a HUMAN BEING, not a dog.
I suggest you watch a live childbirth and actually witness what happens in the delivery room.
You may not think that having a kid is "that big of a deal"... heck, you might not even eat lunch that day.
I won't sugar coat it, sex=babies, so if you are going to have sex then be prepared to have a baby. No form of birth control is 100% effective and many people I know and people on this site, got pregnant using 3 different forms of birth control. So, if you aren't ready to be a mom then don't have sex.
If you are going to do it anyway then please, please, please. Birth control pill, get on it now, be on it for at least one month before having sex, and take it regularly, don't miss a pill, ever. Also use a condom, even though you're on the pill. Two forms of BC are better than one.
Realize that your first time probably won't be that great, it will probably hurt, you might bleed, you'll be sore and uncomfortable for a few days afterwards.
Even with a condom you can still get an STD. Condoms need to be used correctly in order to help prevent STD's (notice I said help prevent, not prevent). Read up on condom use, how to use it correctly, how to take it off correctly, etc. etc. etc.
Bottom line, there are very real consequences when having sex. Read the pregnancy and motherhood threads, so many teens coming here telling us they're pregnant or think they might be, this could be you, so be sure you're okay with that if it happens.
Why are you in such a rush? If you're really in love then you should be able to wait.
You... I'm just a young kid and I'm going to make mistakes... things like that get me thinking all the time, just the idea of getting pregnant makes me nervous...
And I can be quite stupid most of the time because I never seem to care what life threatening thing might happen to me, I'm actually slightly suicidal, which gets me to think those things...
All right, it is obvious you are not ready for sex if you've that mentality about a child. You can't just throw babies at people little lady, if this is what this world has taught you then you need a personal revolution. A baby is full time commitment, which involves extreme pain mentally and physically, and ruins your body keeping in mind stretching, perhaps a c section, what if the baby dies during birth? What if you get emotionally attached and end up keeping it, and having to dropEVERYTHING in your young un developed life? What happens when that kid realizes that its mother was in irresponsible 13 year old who ed up and just threw him or her away because they were a mistake? THINK THINK THINK
L I V E LOOOVE AND L E A R N
Quote:
Originally Posted by Allforthebroken
Wow, wow, wow. Do your really think it's that easy to give away a child that you created, carried inside of you for 9 months, gave birth to? Really?
Do you have a pet? If so, give it away, go ahead, should be a piece of cake right?
It's not easy to give away a child, so you might want to talk to someone who's done that, let them tell you how it feels, how you will never forget, there will always be a piece of you missing.
To say that you'll just give it up, without thinking it through, well honey, that shows me that you are not ready to have sex.
How old are you anyway?
Ive had friends who got pregnant so early and now feel envious with me. Why? Im free! No obligations, no curfew, in a nutshell, I enjoyed my youth, unlike them who can't even buy stuff for themselves and now looks 20 years older!
A moment mistake will ruin your entire life. One quality of a matured person is understanding the virtue of patience and resistance to temptation. Think again..
Well my aunt wants another baby so itd still be mine, but I would have help supporting it so to speak...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Allforthebroken
I suggest therapy asap. You're suicidal, treat the idea of getting pregnant like it's an inconvienience, not a life changing event, don't care what happens to you.
Please, get professional help, you are not ready to have sex if you don't give a damn about the consequences.
I have been to therapy and hospitals etc. they just made things much much worse...
And my BF is the one who "keeps me happy" so to speak
Sorry little girl, but if you continue with this attitude, your boyfriend is going to be the one to screw your life over and drive you to these suicidal ends. Life is not worth giving up (haha see the pun in that) please don't. Make the world a better place, find an optimistic point of view girl, be happy and enjoy life... dont disagree with all these people. It may sound very self centred and what not but I'm sure most of us know WAY more about this than you do, this advice isn't just words were throwing at you, they are words with spikes meant to attach to you, to dig into you, to TELL you something. This site is for help to be heard not refused!
More than a toy, child knows whats' missing, not normal, whats' wrong and not while growing up.I hope your child wouldn't curse you when because he was brought in this world out of raging libido.
Plain and simple, you're just not mentally healthy enough to make this decision. You need to find out what's going on with you, get the help you need, keep going to different doctors until they figure out what's going on.
You are not ready for sex because you don't care about the consequences. You treat the idea of getting pregnant like you're smacking a fly that landed on your nose. You simply aren't ready.
I don't think you'll take birth control seriously because you yourself admitted that you don't care what happens to you. This is all a big joke to you. Aw, if I get pregnant I'll give the baby to my Aunt, no biggie, whatever, not going to change my life. That's not a good way to think about something that will change your life forever, no matter what you do or how you feel right now.
I speak from experience. No, I never had to give up a child, I got lucky. Sex was a big joke to me, and I didn't care at all about myself or any of the guys I slept with. Because of events that happened in my past I wanted to punish myself, and I did by being promiscuous. I did get an STD, thankfully it was easily cleared up, gone, done. I got lucky, I met a great guy, married him and now my life is great. You might not be so lucky. Don't start down this path. Figure out what's going on with you first.
You... follow please I think so far you've been the most helpful... thank you again, this really changed my outlook on a lot of things...
Altenweg, thanks for the advice, ill take everything into reasonable perspective before thinking recklessly...
That's all we can ask.
Look, we've all been there, we've all made mistakes, that's why we are giving you this advice.
You're young, you should have fun, live your life, grow, learn, laugh, cry, but, there are some mistakes you don't have to live through in order to learn from them.
This is one of those mistakes. Wait a while, there's no harm in waiting. Trust me, you won't be a virgin forever. :)
Thanks, and I certainly hope you are taking this to heart. I just want you to live life happyily. I want future children to live happily, I want your depression and suicidal tendencies to flutter away and show you how great life can be. Live love and learn. I can only beg you that you take this seriously. Some of these others are trying to make their points in a brash way, ignore the rudeness in them and extract the message. Wait awhile, life DOES and WILL get better, and you'll realize what mentality you should adopt, you'll realize how important life is, and how great it is to love. Not just love of the opposite sex, but love of those around you and how they all affect your life. I beg of you, listen, don't refuse. Advice from the world (multiple views) is a great thing to have access to.
Live love and learn
More than a year? Try 18+. And it's so nice that mine are adults (over 30) now. No more school lunch making, no more getting up at 6 to get them ready for school, no more waiting up while they are out on dates, no more getting up at night to clean up vomit and change the entire bed, no more runs to the ER, no more three-hour waits at the dentist.Quote:
Originally Posted by ylaira
Yes, we are sometimes brash or rude. Follow, you're advice is very well written, very well said. When you've been on this site as long as I have you'll understand why we are sometimes rude or brash.
I deal with teens like this sometimes 20 times a day on this site alone. Do you want to know how many of them actually listen? Out of 20 I'm happy if 1 of them does. Out of the remaining 19 at least 12 of them will come back to say she thinks she's pregnant. Those aren't great odds.
So, sometimes you have to be brash and rude in order to get your point across. I've tried nice and undestanding, it doesn't work.
All right... I understand that much... and ill try my best to make the right decisions in life and to just be smart...
Thank you all again
Im real sorry if I offended you, I don't want to make stabs at your... profession if I can call it that. Im purely saying that if I'm on here for advice id rather have the understanding approach, but have STRONG points made for me to make my decision from. Again, sorry.
Your welcome AllForTheBroken. I hope you keep everyone's advice in mind, not only for this subject but anything else it may apply to. Have fun, and don't rush things that need great consideration.
Follow Please,
Live Love and Learn.
Even though you probably already made up your mind, listen to my story. If you ready you won't be nervous the first time. And the first time I had sex it was retarded. I kept slipping out and she was uncomfortable and it was just a reck. 2nd time we had sex it was amazing, more comfortable, it felt right and everything went smooth. Don't expect you first time to be great, and give your guy a break if he screws up. He'll feel bad if you blame him for how bad it went. Its just natural that the 1st time is terrible.
Do you want to know many nights I didn't get even two hours of sleep because they were sick or because they stayed out all night against the rules or because I worried about something going on in their lives? My internal alarm clock still rings, even though they are adults. I will never sleep as long or as well as I did before I had children. And they were basically good kids.Quote:
ylaira agrees: I mean if the kid is sick,mother can't sleep & has to wake up every 2 hours when the infant peed or hungry.
Allforthebroken, all we can ask is that you give it some thought. If you at least do that before jumping into anything, that would be a great step. We are here if you need to talk, if you have questions, or anything else. Remember that. The people on this site are great, no question is too ridiculous, trust me. :)
Followplease. No offense taken. This isn't my profession, but I do try my very best to give good advice on this site. I am kind when I need to be, and harsh when I need to be.
With most of the teens on this site, kindness does nothing, harshness is the only thing that gets through.
I care about these kids, I don't want to see them make these huge mistakes, so I take the harsh approach, that's the one that I find works the most.
Go to the teen forum or the pregnancy forum, you'll realize pretty quickly that the nice approach doesn't work most of the time.
It's sad, but true. I'd rather be mean and get through than be kind and ignored.
Hey, you havta remember that guys think about sex about every five minutes when they are younger.
FWIW, don't even consider penetration at this point. The massage, the mutual undressing, the mutual shower and the laying down and caressing each other. You need that before you even consider penetration.
I you'd like, dabble into oral sex. But NO penetration. Bear in mind that pregnancy can occur with precum, so be careful.
Each of you must understand that No means No. By saying we will not have penetration, is a good way to evaluate just how trusting a partner really is.
Remember that the male will be thinking with his "little head" and that brain isn't too smart.
You really don't want to loose your virginity in a car or if a parent comes knocking on the door. It needs to be special and occurs in stages.
I'm afraid that if you rush things, you may end up having bad thought the rest of your life on how you were his W***e.
In a past life I was a rabbit. No kids, though. The guy with the little head will always want sex and not intimacy. You don't want that. You won't enjoy it because of the fear of pregnancy.
Plan for all possible contingencies.
Oh dear. This is pure unadulterated, immaturity, you are a kid. Play with some dolls and if you have to, yourself until you grow up and understand consequences and reality.
Holy mackerel.
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