Ask Me Help Desk - Asking her to the dance

Asking her to the dance

Hi, I'm 15 and there's a girl I want to ask to the sophomore dance but I don't know if she will go with me. I don't want to just go ask her because I want to try to have the best opportunity for her to say yes because I really like her a lot. We are kind of friends, I'm also friends with some of her friends, and she's friends with some of mine. I say kind of because we pretty much only talk online. For the last 2 months or so she hasn't been answering my instant messages (her friend told me that her internet is messed up so that's y she doesn't answer). I don't think that I did anything to make her mad at me, maybe I instant messaged her too much or something, I don't know. So what are my chances with her going to the dance with me?

There are a two different things that she could be thinking about you
1. you are IMing her too much like obsesing over her and it is scaring her (I very don't think this is what is happening enless you are asking her for her num. pic. And every thing about her in which case she my think you are like a stalker)
2.itn is true that her internet is scrud up (is she on IM but just not resoponding to you? Is her away mesig up ever? If yes to ether of these espeshely the scond one she may be lying about having a messed up internet) in this case you can't be shore f she likes you or not

Ether way I think you should asklk her to the dance(enless you are almost positive she is lying about the messed up internet thing)
Even if she just likes you as a friend and does not want to got with you she will probebly be very sweet about it and want ton still be friends
If you are relly scard about asking you can go up to one of her close friends that you know and ask them not to tell her but you are planing on asking her to the dance and tell you if they think it is a good idea and if they think she will go with you
I relly hope this helped and good luck:)

p.s. please respond and say if I help please tell the trueth

Yea, ask a mutual friend if they think she will say yes or no. Ask a few that you can trust and won't tell her, and see where that gets you.

If you don't think you have anyone you can ask, just ask her. If she say's no just be cool about it and don't act hurt. At least then you'll know where you stand.

Good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by love and be loved

there are a two different things that she could be thinking about you
1. you are IMing her to much like obsesing over her and it is scaring her (I very don't think this is what is happening enless you are asking her for her num. pic. and every thing about her in which case she my think you are like a stalker)
2.itn is true that her internet is scrud up (is she on IM but just not resoponding to you? is her away mesig up ever? if yes to ether of these espeshely the scond one she may be lieing about having a messed up internet) in this case you can't be shore f she likes you or not

ether way I think you should asklk her to the dance(enless you are almost positive she is lieing about the the messed up internet thing)
even if she just likes you as a frend and does not want to got with you she will probebly be very sweet about it and want ton still be frends
if you are relly scard about asking you can go up to one of her close frends that you know and ask them not to tell her but you are planing on asking her to the dance and tell you if they think it is a good idea and if they think she will go with you
I relly hope this helped and good luck:)

p.s. plz respond and say if I help plz tell the trueth

1. I IMed her like once/twice a week back when she answered me, then I IMed her like once a month or every 2 months so I don't think that I'm obsessing about it and I never asked for her number or anything. I think at the beginning I may have IMed her too much though.

2. she is online some but the only away message that comes up usually is the default one unless she is online at a friends house but I haven't IMed her then. Her friend told me that it freezes a lot and that's y she doesn't get it.

As far as the mutual friends, I'm friends with 3 of her friends, 1 of them lives in my neighborhood along with the girl I want to ask.

It sounds like it is true about her computer I think you have a good chance of her going to the dance with you good luck tell me how it turns out

Quote:

Originally Posted by love and be loved

I think you have a good chance of her going to the dance with you good luck tell me how it turns out

We don't talk at school barely, so if she doesn't talk to me how do I have a good chance?

Hi,
You don't talk at school? Why not? Have you tried talking with her at school?
Computers and "online things", chatting, etc, are great, but they do not replace face-to-face meetings with people. Chatting online means you are "talking with" someone, who you don't have to be yourself, don't have to look at their face, and you really have no idea most of the time, what they are really thinking!
Why not just go up to her at school, and ask her to the dance? "Will you go to the dance with me?"
All she can say is either "yes" or "no". The longer you wait, the better chance she will already tell someone else she will go with them.
You said "she doesn't talk to me at school". You should start talking with her, see if she is really interested in you. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Hi there!
I know it probably feels as if you're facing the biggest mountain in the world, but you'll find out it'snot. Like Fred said, don't wait too much, she might agree to go with someone else while you hesitate.More than that, the more you toss it in your mind, the more difficult it appears to you. So, just go, say "Hi, how're you doing.." - whatever.
Then, after you exchange some lines : just ask her.
I f she agrees, - great!
If she doesn't, you're in a still better spot than now:
You know where you are with her , and more than that: you've gained the experience you might be lacking now, so next time you're in the same situation, it'll be easier for you to deal with.
GOOD LUCK!
Millie :)

I wanted to give the previous answer an "approval" but got the "spread it around some more" window!
The previous answer is very good!
Experience is, most of the time, the best teacher; and we learn from it. If you ask her to the dance, face-to-face, you will learn from it. The more experiences you have, the more confident you will become, and get to the point that you are comfortable with talking with girls, face-to-face.

Thanks Fred!
Millie :)

I don't see her a lot, and when I do its just in the halls and she's usually with some friends and stuff so how should I ask her?

Hi guy!
Just walk up to her, say "hello"- "what's up"/""how's life"
Whatever.
Or ask her something about classes, teachers - whatever.. even better: call her at home, ask how she's doing, start some sort of conversation, anything -you have mutual friends- ask them what are her interests -then talk to her about them.
After several lines, ask her about the sophomore dance - see what her plans are, ask her out.
I wish you the very best luck,
Millie :)

Just ask her, all she can do is say NO!

She's on vacation until Monday so does anyone have any other advice or anything for me?

Wait until Monday...
Millie

Next time you see her in school go up to her and ask her.
If you don't want to ask her in front of her friends, say something like "hey, can I talk to you over here for a second?" and then just ask, think of it like pulling off a plaster/band-aid, the more quick then better.
Don't stress over it, just be cool. If she say's no just be like "oh thats no problem, I'll catch ya later then"
That way she won't think it bothers you that much.

It's best to just say it, instead of stressing.
Good luck!

I don't really know why this has been a 2 page conversation already. Its pretty simple. I know it doesn't seem like it right now in your life, but you will learn that there is no magic secret in asking a girl to a dance, on a date, to go out with you, or to marry you (ok, well maybe the marrying one lol).

Really though, here is the magic formula... you + CONFIDENCE = date to the dance. (BE CONFIDENT)

(BE CONFIDENT)Next time you see her at school, muster all the CONFIDENCE in the world, walk up to her, pull her aside* and just ask her. Don't ask her if she already has a date, just ask her to go with you.(BE CONFIDENT)

(BE CONFIDENT)*I say her aside because girls may act different around their friends. You don't want her to get uncomfortable because you put her on the spot in front of her friends.(BE CONFIDENT)

(BE CONFIDENT)Also, if she says no, don't sweat it. BE COOL. Move on to the next girl in line. Im not saying to give up on this girl, but if she already has a date, don't sweat it.. its just a dance! Invite another girl and have a great time with her, too! (BE CONFIDENT)

(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)

Sorry, but I can't stress that part enough. Lol

Um... EXSCUSE ME...
I am sry but I HATE IT WHEN GUYS ARE THAT IGNERENT AND STUPID
I am a girl so I should know we do not going to like you more if you act confident or fine with it after we tern you down
Acting fine after we tern you down: makes her think you did not even relly want to go out with her in the first place and that she is second or you were just asking her out to look good with a hot date!! And She will definitely not say yes next time if she would have the first but alredy had a date
Acting confident: it makes her think you think you are the grates guy in the world and that you are self senter and full of yourself

Lisen to me and don't be stupid take my advise and don't act like a selfsenterd jurk!!

Woah there little lady... there is a BIG difference between CONFIDENCE and ARROGANCE.

What I am talking about is if this kid goes up to this girl with his tail between his legs and starts whimpering to her about a date, his chances become slim to none. Sure, it might work in the movies... but rarely in real life.

And I don't know how old you are... but I have interacted with HUNDREDS of women. The one thing that will attract women over ANYTHING else is CONFIDENCE. Im not telling him to be an arrogant, self-centered jerk... that is WAY different. But just CONFIDENT in himself.

And yes, if she turns you down, you CANNOT let it get to you. Not because you don't care... but because you RESPECT her decision and that is that. Don't go crying in the corner because that just doesn't help anything. Suck it up and find another date.

Or, of course, there is another approach. Be persistent. If she is not already committed to someone else... be persistent. Don't take NO for an answer. That doesn't mean to be all needy and obsessive... but if you are confident in yourself, you could convince her to go with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrJizzle

(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)(BE CONFIDENT)

Sorry, but I can't stress that part enough. lol

DrJizzle,
Agree, but it seems THIS is the heart of the problem here, so he might need some kind of help to deal with it, UNTIL he becomes more confident.
It so happens, that in many situation, experience helps to achieve it,
BYe,
Mille

Hi, Someguy,
No, there isn't much you can do until Monday. Just accept the fact that you are going to ask her Monday, or Tuesday, if you don't get the chance on Monday.
One of your answers had this:
"but if you are confident in yourself, you could convince her to go with you."
This above quote might or might not be true. There are seminars and classes in being a Sales person, given by some of the top companies in the world, on how to sell products. Some people will not buy the product, no matter how hard you try. One old saying I heard that if "you can sell ice to someone living at the North Pole", you are a good salesperson!
My suggestion is to keep a smile on your face, always SMILE.
A Smile shows you are a friendly person, and others will want to smile with you, and most of the time, want to be your friend.
So, when you ask her, have a SMILE on your face. Being confident always helps some, but having confidence does not always get you what you want.

I was talking to her online last night for about an hour and we had a nice friendly conversation, talked about movies and school and stuff, but I didn't ask her out because she's on vacation with a friend so I took your earlier advice about that. Thanks for everyone's advice!

You were chatting with her online for an hour but didn't ask her? What are you waiting for? You can't just wait for the right moment... you need to create it! If you keep waiting, some other guy might swoop in and ask her before you get the chance to. Sure its better to ask her in person... but Id rather ask her over chat than miss my chance just because I waited to ask her in person.

She's on vacation with some friends and stuff and a few people earlier told me I shouldn't ask her when she was with friends and put her on the spot, she may act different with friends, etc... also since she's on vacation, I don't think anyone is going to ask her before she gets back.

That was me that said that lol

Yeah, that's true.. if she's chatting with her friends around, better to wait till she's alone. Are you sure she's not going with anyone already?

I'm not quite sure but I don't think she is, the dance is may 20th so it doesn't seem like many people have asked anyone probably.

Ask her and find out. You've got nothing to lose. Based on what you've said I think chances are pretty good that she'd go with you.

See some one agrees with me that you chances are good :p

Just friends

OK so I'm 16, and there's a girl I like and we are friends right now we met over the summer at my friends grad party and chilled there for a couple hours and we talk online 1-2 times a week. In her blog she took a 'love survey' and in it said that she definitely would rather be friends first rather than just going out. She also said that she waits for the guy to make the first move. What I'm confused about is how will I know when to make the first move and how good of friends does 'being friends first' imply?

Don't take what she wrote in a blog at heart. The only way you will know is if you actually experience it. If all you have is her IM, than ask her for her number. Talk to her for a few of weeks, no more than once, maybe twice a week though, and then ask her out, depending on how the phone thing goes. She may have written the friends first thing just cause it sounded good at the time, it's probably a case by case basis though. Just cause you ask her out doesn't mean you guys have to be all over each other. As a matter of fact, if you do go out with her, only give her a kiss on the cheek good night. That will peak her interest and keep you from getting a reputation that you were too aggressive.

Friends first is really a key a STRONG relationship - it's like you her 'girl friend/ buddy-buddy' - it's getting to know each other and sharing things - doing things together.

The right move is asking her to go do something - food, bunge jumping, sky diving, coffee, dance, sporting event, movies are no good because you don't spend quality time together.

Thanks for your advice, it sounds about what I was thinking but I never thought about it just sounding good to her so she wrote it... anyone else got an opinion?

Frankly, I wouldn't put too much stock in that "friends first" jazz. That's probably just her way of saying "I like to take things slow", which is always the wise approach. If you really like her then talk to her but don't be too available to her. Spend some time with her in person (but not 3-4 times a week.) When you feel comfortable, make your move.

Well me and you both pal... all I got to say is... when you feel as if you are in the moment then make your move...
'being friends first' probably means that she want to get to know you first. I wouldn't blame her.. any more questions?
Hoped I helped...

Well we are friends already and we kind of know each other like we talk about our sports that we're doing and school n stuff so is that knowing her enough and should I like invite her places like a sporting event or something as friends with some other mutual friends?

Yea you should try doing that! I like a friend.. he invite me to a game... I cheered him on... he said thxs 4 coming gave me a hug.. I felt good! So I probably think she'll do the same... k let me ask you this...
How often do you talk to her?

Honestly I believe if you pay attention to people you'll pick-up clues to answer all your questions, and just keep in mind friends have fun and enjoy and when dating have fun and enjoy HMMM... In other words have fun and enjoy yourself.

Any other opinions? Any teenage girls want to chime in?

Quote:

Originally Posted by someguy222

any other opinions? any teenage girls wanna chime in?

In case you didn't realise, teenagers' are usually the worst group of people to ask questions in dealing with relationships. They are just finding out about life.

Take momincali's advice and use it well.

Anyone else?