Hi, I Have a good friend of mine who's been battling depression for a past couple years, and he's been opening up to me and I've afraid that I'm giving him the wrong Advice, This is less about me and more about him. Just now He sent me a letter he recently sent to a Suicide Hotline Service

Hi,

I've been dealing with depression for a few years now, and it's gotten quite severe now. For so long my life is void of any joy. I know that seems like an exaggeration, but I walk around in a state of depression, or a blank numb state. I also struggle with self loathing. I've tried to better myself, quality of life, and relationships. No matter how hard I try I always seem to bore my friends. I'm always quiet, and withdrawn from them, and everyone else for that matter. They never ask to do anything with me, and whenever I am around them I feel so unwelcome. I try so hard to talk more, to be more interesting, and it never works. I wish I could simply talk.

Recently I have one friend who I could talk to about this. She's been the only person I can to into detail about what I've been going through. I worry though that she pities me. No one ever seems to make any attempt to interact with me when I seem fine. I was supposed to call her tonight and she gave me a time to call her. However she blew me off and I need somebody to talk to more then ever. I worry she's growing bored of me or stopped caring. Maybe she doesn't even care at all.

I feel so alone. Nobody genuinely seems to want me around unless they pity me. My relationship with my family is so broken. I have little relationship with my mother. I wonder what kind of person I am if I'm not well liked in my family.

My father seems to be getting tired of me. Sometimes he is the only person that kept me from killing myself. He said some extremely hurtful things and I don't know what to do after tonight.

My step father has choked me when I was a boy. He even outright has yelled at me at all my flaws, and how much he hates me.

I believe every single one of them.

I'm starting to contemplate suicide very heavily. I don't have anyone to lean on it seems. Nobody ever wants to be around me. I have no joy in life anymore, and I wonder what I'm doing here still. I hate myself so much, there is a reason why this is happening to me, it's my own doing. I try to change so much, I never get anywhere.

I started to cut myself the other day. I don't know what else to do. I hate myself, and I found it to be a good way to vent my feelings on myself. I've also choked myself before this.

I've lost almost all interest in my hobbies and things like that. I don't know what to do. All I want to do is lay in bed and sulk, maybe being fortunate enough to be graced with the gift of unconsciousness and not having to constantly deal with my depression. I've thought that if death is like that, then it must be the best thing I could ever go through in the world.

I'm so scared. I don't think I'm going to be here in a few months. The only thing keeping me from going ahead with it is the little shred of me saying that I could have a brighter future. One where I'm wanted, where people care about me, enjoy me, care about me, and vice versa. I don't know how long it will be until I see that day. I don't even know if it'll happen or if I'll make it there.

Death sounds so soothing right now. I wish I could enjoy life, but I don't. I don't see any point in living it anymore. I know people have their ups and downs, but I only have downs. I have nothing to live for, no passion for anything, nobody to turn to, nothing.

I don't know what to do anymore. I guess the little shred of me is trying to stay alive. With my less then exemplary self, I doubt that life will ever be any better. Most of me is thinking I'll constantly have to deal with this.

I'm so sorry this email is so scattered. My mind is racing and I'm so scared and depressed. I stopped thinking clearly a while ago.

Thanks so much for any help you can offer me.


Here's What they said back

Hi,
It is so sad to hear that you feel that your life is devoid
of any joy, such a descriptive phrase to use. You obviously
have a great gift of expression, do you find that it helps to
release some of the pain when you express it on paper?

You talk about death as a form of unconsciousness and
therefore an escape from your depression but is that the only
way out from the blackness? What other strategies have you
considered or tried, you mentioned that you found it helpful
to confide in a friend but that sometimes the friend choked
you off.No matter how well meaning,a friend may suffer from
other pressures and not be able to always provide the empathy
that you need, which does not mean that they don't care.

Depression is such a dark tunnel to go through but the little
shred of you that considers the possibility of a brighter
future is the pinprick of light at the other end.

You ask what help we can offer, we can listen to your
feelings without judging you and we care. If a listening ear
can help you in any way as you struggle through this time of
pain we are here.

First I can not understand how anyone wakes up and thinks I will cut or hurt myself today to make it all better, it does not even make or change anything only makes things worst over all.

What needs to happen is professional help, medication perhaps.

Let your friemd know that his life is worth living for. Get him professional help immediately!!

Guy, how old is your friend? This step father that choked him, is he still in the picture?

It sounds like your friend has allot to deal with, but he's taken the first step by writing that letter to people who deal with this sort of thing every day. Now he needs to take the next step and get professional help. Sounds trite, I know, that's what we always say. Depressed, get help, get on meds, but we say it for a reason, because it works.

I've suffered through depression many times in my life, I'm on anti-depressants, have been for 7 years, and they changed my life. I've tried going of the meds a few times, and it's not good, so I stay on them.

He should go see his doctor, possibly start meds and see a therapist, someone he can talk to whenever he needs to and will always be there.

You are a good person, and a good friend. Just be there for him, listen when he talks, you don't have to say much, just listen, let him know that his life is worth living, and that you are his friend. Depression is awful, and unless you've experienced it, you'll never completely understand, so stick by him. :)

Maybe tell him to come here, we can listen, give some advice, lend an ear, it might help. :)

Guy, First of all, does your friend live where you do? If he does, why don't you call him and ask him to come hang out with you and your friends. Tell him that you are not pitying him, but you like him and that you need someone to hang with too.

Do you go to the same school? If so, you might want to have a talk with the school counselors on his behalf, in confidentiality. You could take a copy of his letter, so they understand the severity of his thoughts of suicide.

I don't know if you know his parents, but maybe you could share this with your parents, and they could be of some help too.

Your friend needs professional help immediately!! You could also suggest when he has no one to talk to, or is feeling lonely, that he can always come on AMHD and talk about whatever he wants, and no one here will judge him.

There are also other sites on the internet much like this one, where you can chat like on here, with people who are having the same feelings. Some of them that have gotten past their immediate feelings of suicide, might have some insight for him.

Good luck to your friend, and I hope he gets the help he needs before this gets farther out of control.

(You are talking about a "friend" aren't you Guy?)

Yes, I am

He lives where I used to live in Juneau, But currently is residing in Boise, Idaho...
I knew him a long time ago from early childhood, But kind of fergot about him until a couple years ago

Quote:

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Originally Posted by theguywithnolife

Yes, I am

He lives where i used to live in Juneau, But currently is residing in Boise, Idaho....
I knew him a long time ago from early childhood, But kinda fergot about him until a couple years ago

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Just making sure hun.

Just keep on talking to him, and maybe he will trust you enough to take some of your advice. Encourage him to go see someone and get some help. Tell him there are meds out there that can help him a great deal, and his life could be a whole lot better and he wouldn't feel like his life wasn't worth it.

Just be there for him as a friend, and let him know that you are around anytime he needs to talk. Tell him that when he feels like cutting, he should call you instead, and talk until the feeling goes away. That might help a little.

Guy, I agree with Starby, be there for him, give him a nudge in the right direction. I realize that's allot to put on your plate, but I think that you're up to the challenge. You obviously care allot about this friend, after all you came to us for help. Stick by him, he needs a friend right now, try to convince him to get the help he needs.

Now, should things go awry, realize that it's not your fault, no matter what happens. All you can do is be there and suggest therapy and help, the rest is not in your hands, but his.

I also realize that suggesting going to an adult about this feels like narcing, but it isn't, he may be angry in the beginning, but it's something you should consider doing. You are young, this weight should not be on your shoulders alone, you don't have the resources to get him the help he needs, so you may have to tell someone that does.

And we are here for you, and him if he wants, you know that right?

Hi Guy! My heart breaks for you and your friend. It is no wonder that he feels self-loathing and no joy... but that is not because of who he is as a person... and I hope there is someway, someone might be able to share this with him... it is because of the experiences he had as a young child. The abuse he suffered told him, he was worth nothing. If you have read much of what I share online, you know I have a strong faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I grew up without self-love, even though I would walk into a room and make myself be outgoing, all I wanted to do was fall into a crack and disappear. If a person has never experienced these feelings, it is difficult to identify with those who do. It took three years of me seeking an answer to have peace and joy yet in one instant, as I was praying, the Lord gave me that self-love that I had not had. Anytime, I see people struggling with this type of issues, I always see it as a spiritual battle going on for their life. God created your friend to be so much more than he can ever, at this point imagine. Satan wants to keep him down and ineffective. (For those who would jump on this and begin to argue, I have to just say that I share this from my heart and from my belief system and how I view it and from my own experience... I have no desire to argue the point. It is also my belief that arguing accomplishes nothing.)

When a person is this depressed, they can barely put one foot in front of the other, and have a hard time expressing themselves. I must say though that your friend shines in this area which makes me know he has a bright future ahead but he must continue to live.

A friend of mine committed suicide. It is my belief that any person thinking about it, does it within a moment of extreme duress and if they would wait three minutes, they probably would not have done it. That little hope your friend has right now is what is keeping him from taking his life. He is struggling for some reason to live. I have to respect him for hanging in there.

He says:

My step father has choked me when I was a boy. He even outright has yelled at me at all my flaws, and how much he hates me.

I believe every single one of them.

The key part of this is where he says "I believe every single one of them." He is believing lies spouted to him by someone who was or is himself unhappy and filled with self-loathing. It makes this step father feel better about himself by treating your friend this way. This step father is probably just an out of control miserable person who also needs to know some of these same truths.

He says he wonders what kind of person he is if he is not well liked by his family. What his family feels or says does not dictate or describe or denote what kind of person this friend of yours is. He is basing what he thinks of himself by listening to what others are spouting in times of anger and hate in their heart.

I am sure I am preaching to the choir addressing this with you but just wanted to be clear in what I am saying that what others say or do does not dictate who we are. We have to chose what we are going to believe about ourselves. My greatest comfort comes, when I am going through difficult times, which I do on occasion, is knowing the Bible tells me that when I asked God to forgive my sins and come in to my life, to be my Lord and Savior that "I am accepted in the Beloved". (Yes, I still sin and make wrong choices everyday but I have a relationship with the Lord where I can ask forgiveness and know all is right in my heart as I continue to strive to do what is right each day. I am not saying once you ask God into your heart that your life will be perfect.) If God accepts me and loves me for who I am, who has the right to say I am not lovable and acceptable.

Your friend is for sure in a struggle for his very existence. It is difficult to even comprehend how much we are loved by God if we have not been shown love from our earthly parents.

Some simple active things your friend can do as a beginning and he would probably do this if you or a friend could share the time with him, is to daily go on fast walks or jogs, working up to 30 minutes at a time if he is out of shape. Keeping the heart rate up at least 15 to 30 minutes releases endorphins in the brain that help lift depression. Your friend may need an anti-depressant just for awhile to give him a jump start, and if possible, have a counselor to share with even if the counselor just listens. So many times, we can work through a lot of our issues just by talking and talking and talking and then we begin to gain some perspective.

The cutting is a way of punishing himself for what he believes is true about himself, that he is not lovable, that his life does not matter but these are lies he has been told by those who abused him... they were in the wrong, not your friend.

I grew up, as I said, feeling unloved, unwanted, told all my life I had not been planned so to speak, (though no hurt was intended by these comments, it was just stated a lot because my parents thought they had their little family of four all set then years later, ah oh, here I came.) I was always taught I was not to impose on anyone which made me feel unworthy to live at times. This also was not meant to make me feel this way but it is how I perceived it. I was told by a man who counseled me that he saw a person who had been scarred over and over by rejection. I would begin to share something and then say, "But they didn't mean to say or do, etc." I always excused people when they hurt me, understanding why they did this or that. He stopped me dead in my tracks and said, "NO!" You need to see that these things were said, these things were done and they were not right. It is okay to say you were hurt and it was not right. You can forgive these and not hold onto them but it is okay to say it was wrong." (He went on to say that he saw scars, not open wounds and that is good because it meant they were not open sores- this was speaking from a spiritual input, not literally seeing the scars, etc.) Your friend right now is still dealing with open wounds that need to heal, so to speak, in his spirit.

Oh my, I have gone on and on but my heart breaks for anyone feeling these things. We are so damaged at times and don't understand that we are good people, we are worthy of living and we do have a bright future ahead but we have to make some conscious choices. When a person is this depressed, those choices do seem unattainable. The truth is though, THEY ARE NOT UNATTAINABLE! Choice is a key word in any circumstance. Your friend must decide by his choice what he is going to believe about himself.

I am not "Little Miss Merry Sunshine" by any means. I have lived through some pretty scary times in my life. It would be of no good purpose to go into those other than just to say I have seen an ugly part of life but placing my trust in God through Jesus Christ, gave healing, new direction and pulled me up out of depression and fear.

I hope my sharing this might help in some way. If there is anything I can do in the future, please don't hesitate to let me know. Even if your friend or anyone else reading this, does not believe in or want to think on spiritual matters, it is still important to make good healthy choices of jogging, fast walking, drink lots of fluids, get on antidepressant if necessary, stop hearing in your head all the negatives that has been yelled in your ear by beginning to do your best to know you are worth so much. When a negative thought or a quote from the past comes into your head, just say "I do not accept that as truth. I believe I have worth." I know it is not a fix all but it is a beginning and your friend needs a new beginning.

Guy, I would also like to say that you should make your friend understand this. People that say hurtful and demeaning things to other people, do this because they feel inadequate. They are so self loathing, that they feel they need to drag you down until you feel beneath them, and then they elevate themselves in their own minds, in order to have control and feel superior. The only way they can do this is to make others seem smaller than they are, because they really don't have control and they crave it.

The things that were done and said to your friend had nothing to do with his self worth, and everything to do with the lack of self worth from the people that were saying and doing the things they were.

Hi,

I am the person that Guy is talking about.

It's getting unbearable to handle all of this right now. Nothing gives me comfort, and nothing makes me happy.

My step dad has not caused of these problems for me. What gets me more than anything is that it seems no one wants me around anymore. My dad has been trying to push me away more and more. I feel so unwanted. Everyone I thought I could have relied on have left me.

I've thought about medical help, and I'm still skeptical about them. I don't want to pay some person to listen to me and convince me my life is better then it is, or that I'm worth something. I don't want to walk around with a chemical induced smile either while I'm still lonely, boring, and unwanted.

It's so scary to think I can't get away from this. I just don't know what to do.

Hey there Antlion,

Please read some of the advice we gave Matt for you okay? I think you have a preconceived notion, in the way the therapists and counselors who are trained in this field deal with it. They don't try and "talk" you into feeling better. They are trained to help someone just like you in the situation you are in. I'm really not too crazy about the answer you got from from the Suicide Hotline, but of course this is just my opionion. It sounded like a form letter to me, although I wouldn't give up on them when you need them either.

You wouldn't necessarily have to pay anyone to help you. There are programs out there for you, and I'm sure Juneau would have those resources available for you too.

Regarding the meds. Don't see them as something that keeps you drugged up. The meds they have available now just the opposite. They balance you out, not put you into some kind of euphoria where you are not completely in control of yourself. Often times it is a brain imbalance, and the meds will help to balance your brain, and release certain things so the depression is manageable at the least.

Once you have been diagnosed by a professional, they can recommend what will work best for you. Please consider seeing someone. It is not all a bunch of hocus pocus, and people just trying to get into your brain to talk you into something that you don't want to do.

We are always here when you need to talk. One of us is usually around somewhere! You are obviously a pretty smart guy, because I've read a lot of posts from young teens and adults, that can't even form a sentence properly! So that is one good quality that I noticed about you right off the bat! ;)

Hi Antlion,

I'm glad you came on this site.

I'm not a doctor, nor am I a therapist, but I have been where you are now. I know you think you're alone, and that only you feel this way, but you aren't, really, you aren't.

I was skeptical of getting medical help too, but boy am I glad that I did. The meds I am on are very good, they're called Celexa, and they really help with depression. They take a few weeks to kick in, so I suggest you go to your doctor now. Give it a chance, there's nothing wrong with getting some help, and most meds do not change you but just balance you out, I do not have a chemical induced smile, I'm still me, just not as sad.

I don't know what's going on with you and your dad, but try not to take in personally. Have you talked to him about how you feel, what's going on? I'm sure that he cares about you very much, maybe he just doesn't know how to talk to you right now, don't give up on him, give him a chance, okay?

You will get through this, tomorrow is another day. Dealing with depression is difficult, there is no quick fix, there is no list of things to do and then wham, you're cured. There are steps to take, and believe it or not, you've already taken a few of those steps. You've told someone how you feel, you've written a letter to people who can help you, you are talking about your feelings with us.

Now, I know that you think you'll feel this way forever, that you can't see a bright happy future, but trust me, really, there is a bright future for you. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I do know this, you where put on this earth for a reason, not to give up, You are a special human being, and I know that sounds mushy and parental, and preachy, but it's true.

I've been through hell and back in my life, and there have been many times that I didn't want to continue, but I did, and I'm here today to tell you, it will get better, really, it will, but not without some help. This is a hard road to walk on, but you don't have to walk on it alone, I know that Guy is there beside you, and now, so are we.

PM me anytime you want, talk to us, talk to guy and talk to your doctor. Okay? Please, give it a try, don't give up.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Antlion3130

Hi,

I am the person that Guy is talking about.

It's getting unbearable to handle all of this right now. Nothing gives me comfort, and nothing makes me happy.

My step dad has not caused of these problems for me. What gets me more than anything is that it seems no one wants me around anymore. My dad has been trying to push me away more and more. I feel so unwanted. Everyone I thought I could have relied on have left me.

I've thought about medical help, and I'm still skeptical about them. I don't want to pay some person to listen to me and convince me my life is better then it is, or that I'm worth something. I don't want to walk around with a chemical induced smile either while I'm still lonely, boring, and unwanted.

It's so scary to think I can't get away from this. I just don't know what to do.

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Hi dear. You've gotten some super advice here, and you can get more for free somewhere near you.. take those few steps to do so.

Millions of young people today in this messed up world are going through similar issues, fears, pains and frustrations. It can happen within the family, at school, and even at the workplace when you get older. Even the changes in politics and other news can set off inner fears with every one of us - it makes us feel helpless and induces many of us to loose hope.

There are actually young and old people who are using means of escape such as ecstasy pills, alcohol, and other substances - some are even doing self-inflicted damage such as cutting, eating disorders and letting others abuse them. I'm glad that YOU are not using these means of escape and hope that you don't even think about them.

Honest, there are many of us who have gone through these feelings when we were growing up - mentally and physically. (My mother tried to abort me and she beat me for years before I finally left home, later my husband tried the verbal and physical abuse too, and I let it happen until one day I finally had enough. But I did become an alcoholic to ease the pain - and am now dry for over 25 years). Therapy and just plain 'survival instinct' has gotten me to get this old - and I'm a happy grandmother, even though I have cancer now and will not last more than a year. But life does that to us, and it depends on how we want it to continue and go from there.

YOU are NOT to blame for this and you need to seek support and assurance in order to help you get stronger and more secure within. Please don't give up so soon in your life... you will have a different view on things once you get help with your current pain, and assistance in dealing with what comes up in the future - it's all in your attitude in life, and also standing up to those who drag you down for their own pleasure.

I know you might not think it's worth it now, but I promise if you stay with us and others who support you locally, things can change for the better.

So, dear stay with us and talk to us for as long as you need to - we are here!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gifYou have just as much right to be here and seek happiness and peace of mind as anyone else does... don't let anyone tell you different!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Antlion3130

Hi,

I am the person that Guy is talking about.

It's getting unbearable to handle all of this right now. Nothing gives me comfort, and nothing makes me happy.

My step dad has not caused of these problems for me. What gets me more than anything is that it seems no one wants me around anymore. My dad has been trying to push me away more and more. I feel so unwanted. Everyone I thought I could have relied on have left me.

I've thought about medical help, and I'm still skeptical about them. I don't want to pay some person to listen to me and convince me my life is better then it is, or that I'm worth something. I don't want to walk around with a chemical induced smile either while I'm still lonely, boring, and unwanted.

It's so scary to think I can't get away from this. I just don't know what to do.

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One thing I have come to understand from experience with depression is that once it has reared it ugly head, it perpetuates itself. One gets in a circle of depression which appears to the person, there is no break from it, no way to escape it, not way to come out on the brighter side but feels locked in the circle that never ends.

You CAN get away from this. So many people on this site will be sharing their stories, their experiences. Please just open your heart to what you read. Think on what is shared. I understand being skeptical. I find it very difficult to trust. Just please keep telling yourself you CAN get away from this because that is TRUTH! Hold on to that. Keep us posted. We want to be here for you if you will allow us.

We are all affected by all who come into our lives, some for good, some not. As little ones, we can't help what happens many times as we are not given a choice and we have others who make decisions for us. At this time in your life, you do have choices. Choose well. There is a great life that lay ahead of you, waiting for you to break that cycle of the depression circle. You can do it. No one is pushing antidepressants on you so to speak, just one other idea of where help could be for you. Sometimes because of what our diet has been, our bodies get depleted of certain chemicals and if we can replace that until we can get to a better place, I think it is a good idea. I have a seizure disorder so I never want any medicine that makes me feel "out of it" but I do want the meds that keep my electrical circuit in my brain functioning correctly so I don't have to deal with the disorder. For me, medications are probably for the rest of my life but for you, chances are good that an antidepressant will be needed only until you get back on your feet, eating right, making healthy choices and in a better state of mind. A friend of mine does have to take them all the time but she is just as she was for the last tons of years we have been friends... when she stops them, that is when she is not herself. Alty shared her personal experience taking them which was so great for her to do and so many others have and will. Starby and Chery have opened their lives up to you in sharing. I mention these, not to leave anyone else out, just that I have read many posts by these mentioned and know they do care so much and have life experiences that can help. There are many others that I know who can help also and they will bea round soon as they get online. These are amazing people, all. They have reached out to me, one who is not much of a joiner, and made me feel much loved.

Be kind to yourself. You are great at self expression, you have a good friend who cared enough to help you reach out to this site. You now have an army of people pulling for you but we can't make choices for you. All we can do is be here for you, make suggestions, etc. Take the suggestions that you feel comfortable with and know we care much what you are going through.

One day, I expect to see you on here, shining brightly in this world, sharing your experience with others to help them!

I had to spread the rep Rebby. You mentioned a good diet, and that is very true, and I should really learn to follow my own advice sometimes also! A lot of younger people go for the fast foods, and do not eat as healthy as they should. Some of the chemicals and preservatives that they put in fast foods these days is scary! That could have a lot to do with all of the depression in recent years also.

Good point Rebby Girl!

I see that our friend is still on line but he hasn't come back since he posted. Antlion, please come talk to us, there's nothing you can say that will shock us, trust me, so come talk so that we can help you better.

I guess I'll try to get a hold of some medical help. I'm not sure if it'll help much though cause it seems to me my problems are more with the outside world then with chemical reactions inside my head.

As long as I'm not in some euphoric state like it was stated earlier, their worth a shot, and if it helps me get to that glimpse of hope in 5 years like I talked about, it might help.

I've been trying to reach out and talk to people, it sort of helps. I still feel terrible though. I still feel so lonely and unwanted, today I spent my entire day in bed and I had to force myself to eat, I haven't been hungry though. I've always been a pretty bleak person, yet it hasn't spiraled down this bad.

I've also found a few minutes of releif working on stuff. Anything. That few minutes where my mind is somewhat focused on a task are now golden, and get me thinking of other things. The problem though is the effort required in bringing me to that, and then focusing. They get harder and harder to do by the week.

In the long run though, I guess I'm doing better from last night and this morning. There is no telling though what will come tomorrow and next week.

Those are all of the classic signs of depression hun. You just think that you can never pull yourself out of it. You don't feel hungry, you want to stay in bed and away from the outside world. All of that just drags you down further into your hole of depression, and it gets harder and harder to pull yourself out of that.

I'm glad you did something, anything, that took your mind somewhere else for awhile. Start there, and try and work your way up to doing it a little longer each day when you can.

What do you like to do? What kind of music do you listen to? Are you listening to depressing music? That can bring you further down also.

Just a thought, are you interested in an instrument like guitar maybe? I know Guy likes to play the guitar. Maybe you could teach yourself to play (if you don't already) and write some lyrics to include your feelings, and work on a tune to put to your lyrics. That might seem further depressing at first, but if you are actually getting your feelings out in some form, it might just help you. You could even share them with us on here if you wanted to.

Whatever it is that you find even the least bit of enjoyment in, just try and do it a bit everyday.

Getting over depression is one step at a time, and sometimes you take two steps back, at least for a while. You've taken that first step, don't stop now.

The meds won't change you, they will just help, give them a few weeks though, it takes a while for them to work.

Now, I'm going to give you some valuable advice. If you stay in bed all day, doing nothing, then it's easier to stay in bed the next day, and the next day, and so on, pretty soon, you don't want to get out of bed, or you've forgotten how.

So, tomorrow, get out of bed! Trust me on this one okay?

Now, what do you enjoy, do you have hobbies, do you like the outdoors, sports, nature?

I have an assignment for you, and it's easy, tomorrow I want you to get out of bed, and do something that you like to do. Get up early, eat breakfast and go do your thing. When you get back, I want you to write about it, how it made you feel, what you liked about it, and what you didn't. When you're done writing, I want you to eat something and then go out and do something else you like. See a trend?

Everyday for the next week I want you to get out of bed and do something, anything, and write about it. I also want you to make an appointment with your doctor, get on some meds and ask for a recommendation for a therapist.

If you feel you can, talk to your parents about your feelings and thoughts, if not, talk to us.

Yup, I'm being bossy, but guess what, I care about you. Yup, I've never met you, I don't know you from Adam, I could walk up to you on the street tomorrow and not know you, but I care about you. Nope, not some freaky old stalker lady on the internet, ask Guy, just someone who cares about what happens to you. Give it a chance, you might be surprised. :)

Alty

I think I'll try.

The food part is going to be hard, I don't feel that hungry anymore. I'll give it a shot. I'll do it all though.

It's gotten a little bit better progressively today. I just hope that tomorrow I don't lose all my work.

I'm trying to decide how to go about how to go about talking to a doctor about treating this. I don't want to talk to my parents about what I'm going through in detail. However I'm just a little shy of being legal so I can't go to the doctor on my own accord. I especially don't want to let my step dad know altogether either, so that is going to be a challenge.

Anything that makes life just a little better is worth a shot though.

Alty, you are a jewel. You gave some straighforward steps for our new friend to have a plan for a new starting place in his life.

Antlion, When I read your response, my heart sure leaped for joy that you are open to suggestions. I understand about the food part. I went through a time that nothing wanted to get past these lips and if it did, out it came. Sorry to be so graphic. But start with something. A little is better than nothing. Make sure to drink lots of fluids to keep hydrated.

Keep in your mind the idea of doing a fast pace walk each day if only for a few blocks... get your heart rate up. I know your body won't want to do it, going back to bed is easier and right now has been your comfort zone but your body needs the stimulation in order to get some endorphins built up in your system to help lift the depression.

Alty had a great idea of writing down how you feel each day, etc. You do seem to be very articulate and writing may be a gift in yourself you have not yet discovered you possess... a love of writing. Keep us posted. :)

It's noon here, and I'm going to try and bring myself to do something soon.

I can already notice a weight loss. I don't weigh myself or anything, but when I took a shower today it was already noticeable.

I'm going to try and ride my bike today, in my mind the task seems so big and unappealing.

I used to write raw songs for fun (I say raw because my ability with instruments is limited, so it's hard to find a melody). I haven't for a while, I just don't want to. I might try today. I was however able to get myself to write an article about music the other day. It wasn't long, but again it was a nice break.

I might try reading today. The hard thing though is going to keep my mind from glazing over the text and thinking about all of this again. At least with writing I can't have my eyes glaze over.

I think that sounds great Antlion! I'm so glad you are putting in the effort to help yourself. You will feel better at the end of the day if you do these things. I understand what you mean about reading. Sometimes you do catch yourself staring at the words and not absorbing them, but it's worth a try. Make sure you read something that really interests you.

You know you could probably find something on the internet that could give you some tips with your guitar playing, or just keep practicing and I'm sure you'll come up with something. I love it that you write music, keep it up! Here's just a thought to keep in mind. You said you felt like you never knew what to talk about in groups of people. Well playing the guitar is a way around that to break the ice... and there is a big bonus too... girls luuuuuvvvv guys that can play them a song! My brother was a really shy kid, and he would sit in his room with his guitar. Then he taught himself to play keyboards, and then drums. Now he is in a very successful band, and everyone wants to hang around him, and be his friend. Just something to think about. If you practice hard enough, those are the rewards.

I hope you have a nice time on your bike ride. Go somewhere nice! Getting out there and onto your bike is the hardest part. Once you're on it, just go for it.

Try and have the best day you can!

(and for God sakes, try and eat something... anything! You need nutrition! I bet you are a bit more hungry after your bike ride)

I was glad to hear you say Antlion that you are getting involved in some of the activities that you enjoy, if even a little. Hobbies and interests can add needed value in times like these. There has been some great advice from caring people here Antlion, please listen to what you are hearing here it isn't fake we do care and want to help in any way that we can. Please look to your future, you sound like and intelligent, bright person who has a lot to give to this world. We are all needed, we all make up a piece of this place you know.

You know, someday you may be that special person that is there when someone else is in need and may be the person that has the insight to say the right thing and help them in their time of need. Many times a person is in the right spot at the right time. You are a valuable resource that the world needs.

Stringer

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Antlion3130

It's noon here, and I'm going to try and bring myself to do something soon.

I can already notice a weight loss. I don't weigh myself or anything, but when I took a shower today it was already noticeable.

I'm going to try and ride my bike today, in my mind the task seems so big and unappealing.

I used to write raw songs for fun (I say raw because my ability with instruments is limited, so it's hard to find a melody). I haven't for a while, I just don't want to. I might try today. I was however able to get myself to write an article about music the other day. It wasn't long, but again it was a nice break.

I might try reading today. The hard thing though is going to keep my mind from glazing over the text and thinking about all of this again. At least with writing I can't have my eyes glaze over.

---

I have an idea. Antlion, Guy plays the guitar, you write songs, maybe you two should join forces. :)

Riding you bike is a great idea, but don't just think about it, get up and do it. Exercise is a great way to release endorphins, and endorphins make you happier. So ride your bike, write songs, write articles, read, do what you enjoy, you'll be surprised. At first you'll have to push yourself to do these things, but before you know it, you'll be doing them because you really want to, and they've become a part of your life.

For myself, I used to paint, haven't done it for a while because of a loss in my life, but thanks to the people on this site, I'm starting to paint again, yup, it's been 7 years since I picked up a paint brush, but now, I'm excited to start, just need some new supplies.;)

So, find something you love, or something you've always wanted to try, don't be afraid, you can't succeed if you don't try, a wise man named Stringer (yup, on this site) once told me that.

We're here, so talk to us, we'll do our very best to help you through this. Know that you're not alone, allot of us have suffered through depression, and other things, everyone has something in their life that they've gone through and lived through, now it's your turn. You don't have to do this alone, you've got a huge support group right here, and you'll find one where you live.

I hope you tell us how you're doing, good or bad, we're here to listen and to offer advice when we can. We don't always have the answer, but we do have ears to listen, and hearts to care.

Alty :)

Stringer, Alty, Starby, and Rebby... You are all so insightful and warm in give your caring support - I know I've benefited from it since 2005 and I'm still here.

Antlion.. I did the stay in bed thing, got anxiety attacks and didn't even answer the doorbell or phone after I got out of the hospital from a stroke - almost catatonic state, but the good people here helped me and after a few months I started coming on here again. So, believe us when we tell you we know how it's like and that the things we suggest can help you a lot. For months I stayed away from news programs on the TV and watched only comedy and cartoons.. they kept me entertained while my mind was wandering from one place to another and kept me occupied enough for a few hours a day helping me be distracted from my depressive thoughts. My depression came from my illnesses and being powerless against them and the possibility of not being here for my daughter and grandson - I felt totally worthless for months. And I am one of those individuals that does not believe in antidepressive medication.. so it was extra hard.

But we all have our 'issues' as Altenweg said, so you can be darned sure that you can talk about anything and everything under the sun with us and we will understand and try our best to help you gain and maintain strength. We know it's hard to eat a normal meal, but get a yogurt or ice-cream on the way while riding your bike, rest and enjoy a good flavor. I'm glad you are at least thinking of leaving the house - that is one major breakthrough!

You will have your up days and also your down days, but as long as you talk to us about them, while taking care of finding a good doctor and/or therapist, you have won 20% of the battle and the scale is moving up. You don't have to get into detail with your parents (and they probably already sense that something is bothering you), so just let them know you need their help in straightening some things out. I'm sure they will not pressure you into telling them more until you feel like letting them know.

Again, stay with us and don't let anyone purposely drag you down again. If that happens, come on here and get our Virtual Hugs and support.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Chery, just sharing your struggles means a lot but you multiply that by giving good helpful suggestions for the day. I love the part about not watching news and watching comedies. I have had to do that at times and it does help so much. Laughter is certainly good medicine!!

Antlion, I will be checking for updates from you and please know you can get through this and come out of this as the amazing person you ARE. :)

Antlion, I would like to extend an invitation to you. On this site we have something called member discussion, it's a place to start a discussion, or start a thread for you and your friends to meet. Well, it just so happens that I have two such threads going right now. Guy visits us when he can, and so do many other regulars. We're a silly group, have fun, tell jokes, and other silly antics. I'd love it if you join us. I'm posting the link to my castle, yup, you heard right, castle. Just click on the link and come on in. :)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge...ed-235749.html

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Antlion, I would like to extend an invitation to you. On this site we have something called member discussion, it's a place to start a discussion, or start a thread for you and your friends to meet. Well, it just so happens that I have two such threads going right now. Guy visits us when he can, and so do many other regulars. We're a silly group, have fun, tell jokes, and other silly antics. I'd love it if you join us. I'm posting the link to my castle, yup, you heard right, castle. Just click on the link and come on in. :)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge...ed-235749.html

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Might want to read it from the beginning just to get the real feel of the Castle, right? I think this is a great suggestions and invitation Alty. I hope he will join us! :p

Read from the beginning, wow, that's allot of reading, the castle in up to over 1000 posts. :)

We get together, talk, joke around. I know the guys would love it if you join us, they think there are too many females in the castle.

I think you'd have fun there, fun is always a good thing. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Read from the beginning, wow, that's allot of reading, the castle in up to over 1000 posts. :)

We get together, talk, joke around. I know the guys would love it if you join us, they think there are too many females in the castle.

I think you'd have fun there, fun is always a good thing. :)

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Oh my goodness Alty, I didn't realize!! Up to 1000 already. I have been having so much fun I didn't even notice! You are right, that is a lot of reading. It all comes together eventually anyway... tons of fun! ;)

Antlion, really, join us, I'm sure you'll have a blast. Come here to talk about your problems, and come to the castle to laugh! Really, do it, I'll be watching for you. :)

So here is an update like you guys were talking about.

It took a lot to get out of bed today. It didn't happen easily, nor quickly. But eventually I was able to get out of the house if only for a few minutes. I didn't do anything rigorous, but I got out nonetheless. I didn't really feel good while I was doing it though.

However I had a mini-epiphany staring at my back yard today. I was able to organize a few thoughts and have a few good thoughts for once. I thought what could happen in the next few years if I really put all my effort into fighting this. It gives me something to look forward to and a little comfort.

I know I have a lot ahead of me though. I still feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness, but if I can achieve some goals I have set up for my future, every single second of pain is well spent.

I feel like I've made quite a bit of progress from Friday. I'm probably going to take a step back this coming week, I'm not ready to muster up the strength to go back to work. But the life I could lead in the future is worth working at.

Maybe tomorrow I'll bring myself to write something.

I'm so glad that you are trying, that's a huge step. Looking to your future is great, because you have so much ahead of you.

You still have allot ahead of you, but you had so much more on Friday. Today you are on the right track, getting ready to walk down that road, on Friday you were no where near that track and didn't have directions to the road. So, your journey begins. There will be bumps in the road, sometimes the road will split and you'll have to choose which path you take, there will be times when you want to stop walking, or want to turn back, and you'll start to wonder if you'll ever get to the end of the road. Then one day, you'll get out of bed, and know, just know, that you've reached your destination, and oh what a wonderful place it will be. Truly, it will be, I promise you.

Loneliness is hard to deal with, but there's an easy solution. Go out, meet people, give them a chance, you'll be surprised.

I can't wait to hear how you are doing day to day, share the happiness, but also share the sadness and the pain, we can't help you deal with it if we don't know about it.

Now, I've got to go, I need to take some cold meds and get some sleep, my throat hurts and I want to get rid of this asap.

Take care, we're here when you need us, any time you need us. Got that? :)

Hi, antlion! As you can see, I'm Unknown008, but some call me Unky, or rarely Jerry, for short. I've been going through the thread for sometime now, but the ideas, suggestions and sharings from our dear members (alty, starby, stringer, rebbie, c momma) were better than what I could ever have given. But here, I think that I can have my little word.

It's great that you have been able to get out of bed! Even if it is slow, no worry. I know it is difficult. But as we've said earlier, "a little is better than nothing", posted by jrebel, whom we call as Rebbie. So, I'll ask you to try to get up a little faster, lets say, each three days, for the sake of not pushing you too much.

The essential is that you're at least getting out a bit! And what exactly made you not feel good? Try to do something that you know can make you feel better, during your walks or rides (except alcohol and cigarettes!).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by antlion

if I can achieve some goals I have set up for my future, every single second of pain is well spent.

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Well said!

And don't forget to visit the castle! I'll put the link again, because its growing everyday!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge...235749-55.html

There's also the Bunny Binky Room, where you can find lots of animals (bunnies, dogs, cats, ducks, turtles, bunnies, g-pigs, hamsters and even got a skunk recently!) Here's the link:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge...235381-33.html

You may want to read the posts from the start, how everyone joins in, etc. This is a great idea! It'll give you something to read! And surely, something to write also in response to our posts. Both are fun, you'll see. I'm looking forward to see you there, on any of the threads!

Keep on this site and we'll surround you, making the sense of loneliness fly away, right everyone? Antlion, just keep to the great advices given by all of us, I'm sure that you'll have the will to overcome the current situation, and who knows, you'll perhaps be able to prevent others from harming themselves! By saving yourself, you can save many others! Just like dear Alty and Chery are doing here! I sincerely hope that you'll be going better and, concerning your parents, I hope that you reconciliate. I'm certain that deep inside, your father never meant that, but he did say that under the influence of perhaps anger.

Keep safe.
Sincerely,
Unky

Quote:

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Originally Posted by theguywithnolife

Hi, I Have a good friend of mine who's been battling depression for a past couple years, and he's been opening up to me and I've afraid that I'm giving him the wrong Advice, This is less about me and more about him.

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Hey Guy.. thanks for getting Antlion to come on here. I think everyone needs a friend like you - so come back to the Bunny room or castle and we'll have a little party for you.

And Antlion, you are invited of course, only if and when you feel up to it..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Antlion, we are thinking of you today and hoping good things for you! Looking forward to hearing an update from you! If today was one of those days where you choose to just chill abit, we understand that also... been there done that! Just know we are all pulling for you! :)

I agree with Rebby! Don't get overwhelmed! Just take things day by day, and increase your activities as you go. We'll always be here to listen, and don't think you can't come on if you've had another bad day. You won't let us down. Everyday that you take another step, is just that... another step forward from where you were. If you have to take a step back once in awhile, well, know that you have made a few more steps in the right direction.

We're all glad to know you! :)

I third that motion. Keep coming back, unload all the bad stuff, let us carry some of the weight that's on your shoulders.

Just so you know that you aren't alone, I'm posting a link to a thread that I started, it seems like forever ago, but it really wasn't that long. Just to show you, we all have our demons to deal with. Having said that, I'll post the link, you read, you'll get a bit of insight in to me, and realize also that there's nothing you can't talk about with us. The people on this site helped me more than anything when I went through my own personal battle, and we'll be there for you too. Alone you are weak, but with many around you, holding you up, helping you take each step, honey, then you are strong;

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...me-195877.html

Grab hold and don't let go, we're all her for you when you need us, in good times and in bad. I can personally vouche for the people on this thread, they are kind caring people, friends, although we've never met face to face, and now, my dear, you are included in this link, you are a friend. I hope you know that you aren't alone, and never will be again!