Sorry for the long story but I need some serious advice with this...

All started around November... I was at the last class of high school where in the end of the year I was going to give some serious examinations in order to enter the university. Well there was a girl not in my main school but in another where I was going for extra lesson. We were not in the same class for a long time but somehow I fell in love with her. One friend of mine took her phone for a friend and he gave it to me(I did not ask for it though)... I started texting her in order to become familiar.

Well I learn she had a boyfriend but they had a relationship from distance. After about 20 days of texting we agreed to meet each other on a date. It was the first time to speak face to face.. We said a lot for ourselves and she told me that she appreciates my attention and she knows that a relationship in distance (which she already had) could not work. So I let her some days to think and tell me.

After 3-4 days she told me she likes me so we agreed to meet again. This time we agreed to be in a relationship and we made out... But the next day she seemed distant.. She told me that because of the examinations we could not have a serious relationship but something more "free"...

Well for some days we did not meet... But again we dated during Valentines where I bought her some gifts... We agreed again to be in a relationship but again she seemed distant. I told her via sms that I don't know what to do... and that when we were together she was perfect but after that she seemed like we don't know each other..

She told me for 3rd time that she wants to be with me but after 10 hours she texted me again and told me that she can't be in a relationship right not but she Does like me though.

I really got mad but I did not say anything. After some days I did not see her so I texted her to see if she was OK.

After about 20+ days. We met in a school party where again we made out. I was so happy again because I thought that all this situation was only because of the examinations.

For some days we did not have contact at all... But when I was about to leave for a trip, she texted me and told me to have nice time, to be careful , and that she always thinking of me no matter where I am..

When I got back I bought her some presents. Then she left for a trip and when she got back she brought a present for me.

I thought everything was OK and that we needed just 1-2 months to pass the examinations and have a serious relationship. After some days she had her birthday so again I bought her a present and have a birthday-cake surprise at school. She seemed so happy and I thought she really wants to be with me.

I did so much for her. After some days we had a break for Easter vacations. All this time we had to date from valentines. She had canceled at least 4-5 dates with me. Again in the vacations we arranged a date but again she canceled it. When we got back and had a lesson in the same class, one friend of mine heard her telling one friend of her that she had changed her number. I was in shock. I thought that after 1-2 days she would inform me. But nothing. After 1 week I had no news from her. I heard that she was very anxious because in one week we had the examinations.

I texted a friend of her telling her to tell me "GF" that she had to be calm and some things like that (advices in general) The next day I get a text message from my "GF" telling me that she had changed her number and some excuse. I told her my advice and things about how I feel about her (again! ).. she told me she feel too lucky to have me and things like that.

Well we talked one more time during examinations where she told me that I had not to be anxious for anything and soon we would be together.

After the exams I heard nothing from her. I did not text her in order to see what she would do.

About 30+ days passed and I received a message from her asking me how I was. I answered like I was a little "angry" at her and she told me that she knows that I would not like to talk to her and that she wishes me to be fine. Well I told her all my "problem" that she always told me we would be together when the same time she did not do anything. But she told me that she needs me. I asked her "how" she needs me. For at least 1 hours of text messaging she was not giving a straight answer about how she feels about me. Then she told me that if she makes a relationship she wants to be in love with the other person and she would not like to tell me something when she was not sure. She told me that she would like stay friends at least for now. I then told her that I should forget her and get on with my life. She then told me that she does like me and she is not sure about what to do.

She told me that whenever I want I could call her or arrange a date with her. I agreed to be friends with her and that some day we could meet in order to give her some books that I don't need but she does. Well 17 days have passed after the text conversation. I have to see her for over 1,5 month...

I am still deeply in love with her. I made so much things for her and I want her in my life. I know she does like me but she certainly does not love me. It confuses me the thing that from one hand she does not want to be in a relationship with me but on the other hand she does not want to lose me from her life.



What should I make? Is there anything I can do?

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Originally Posted by fwnaklas

Sorry for the long story but I need some serious advice with this...

All started around November... I was at the last class of high school where in the end of the year I was going to give some serious examinations in order to enter the university. Well there was a girl not in my main school but in another where I was going for extra lesson. We were not in the same class for a long time but somehow I fell in love with her. One friend of mine took her phone for a friend and he gave it to me(I did not ask for it though)... I started texting her in order to become familiar.

Well I learn she had a boyfriend but they had a relationship from distance. After about 20 days of texting we agreed to meet each other on a date. It was the first time to speak face to face.. We said a lot for ourselves and she told me that she appreciates my attention and she knows that a relationship in distance (which she already had) could not work. So I let her some days to think and tell me.

After 3-4 days she told me she likes me so we agreed to meet again. This time we agreed to be in a relationship and we made out... But the next day she seemed distant .. She told me that because of the examinations we could not have a serious relationship but something more "free" ...

Well for some days we did not meet... But again we dated during Valentines where I bought her some gifts... We agreed again to be in a relationship but again she seemed distant. I told her via sms that I don't know what to do... and that when we were together she was perfect but after that she seemed like we don't know each other..

She told me for 3rd time that she wants to be with me but after 10 hours she texted me again and told me that she can't be in a relationship right not but she Does like me though.

I really got mad but I did not say anything. After some days I did not see her so I texted her to see if she was ok.

After about 20+ days. we met in a school party where again we made out. I was so happy again because I thought that all this situation was only because of the examinations.

For some days we did not have contact at all... But when I was about to leave for a trip, she texted me and told me to have nice time, to be careful , and that she always thinking of me no matter where I am..

When I got back I bought her some presents. Then she left for a trip and when she got back she brought a present for me.

I thought everything was OK and that we needed just 1-2 months to pass the examinations and have a serious relationship. After some days she had her birthday so again I bought her a present and have a birthday-cake surprise at school. She seemed so happy and I thought she really wants to be with me.

I did so much for her. After some days we had a break for Easter vacations. All this time we had to date from valentines. She had canceled at least 4-5 dates with me. Again in the vacations we arranged a date but again she canceled it. When we got back and had a lesson in the same class, one friend of mine heard her telling one friend of her that she had changed her number. I was in shock. I thought that after 1-2 days she would inform me. But nothing. After 1 week I had no news from her. I heard that she was very anxious because in one week we had the examinations.

I texted a friend of her telling her to tell me "GF" that she had to be calm and some things like that (advices in general) The next day I get a text message from my "GF" telling me that she had changed her number and some excuse. I told her my advice and things about how I feel about her (again!!) .. she told me she feel too lucky to have me and things like that.

Well we talked one more time during examinations where she told me that I had not to be anxious for anything and soon we would be together.

After the exams I heard nothing from her. I did not text her in order to see what she would do.

About 30+ days passed and I received a message from her asking me how I was. I answered like I was a little "angry" at her and she told me that she knows that I would not like to talk to her and that she wishes me to be fine. Well I told her all my "problem" that she always told me we would be together when the same time she did not do anything. But she told me that she needs me. I asked her "how" she needs me. For at least 1 hours of text messaging she was not giving a straight answer about how she feels about me. Then she told me that if she makes a relationship she wants to be in love with the other person and she would not like to tell me something when she was not sure. She told me that she would like stay friends at least for now. I then told her that I should forget her and get on with my life. She then told me that she does like me and she is not sure about what to do.

She told me that whenever I want I could call her or arrange a date with her. I agreed to be friends with her and that some day we could meet in order to give her some books that I don't need but she does. Well 17 days have passed after the text conversation. I have to see her for over 1,5 month...

I am still deeply in love with her. I made so much things for her and I want her in my life. I know she does like me but she certainly does not love me. It confuses me the thing that from one hand she does not want to be in a relationship with me but on the other hand she does not want to lose me from her life.



What should I make? Is there anything I can do?

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OK,OK,OK, OK!! That story was long but here goes. She played with your emotions. Every time she saw you it was because you guys were away. She apparently thought by buying you a gift it would mend the broken heart that you was feeling. You did a lot for her but she couldn't give you the same in return so what she did was lead you on in a negative way. Instead of telling you from the beginning that she couldn't be in that relationship, she mistakenly lead you on. MOVE ON NOW. Your not going to be in a relationship with her. She never wanted that. From what your telling me. Good Luck.

You are so much in love with her, given some "hope" so you can't so you tend to expect and rush A BIT, which is understandable...

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Originally Posted by fwnaklas

I am still deeply in love with her. I made so much things for her and I want her in my life. I know she does like me but she certainly does not love me. It confuses me the thing that from one hand she does not want to be in a relationship with me but on the other hand she does not want to lose me from her life.
What should I make? Is there anything I can do?

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Possible things
1. She likes you but not really as a BF and she can't just drop you like a stone.
2. She's occupied to have a BF for now (even after "battery" exams).
3.Sh'es still mending a broken heart. How has it been since her last break up? Does she still in contact with him?

What to do:
1. Make yourself busy. Distance yourself, regain your toughness and turn down her invitations too.
2. Take what she said "FRIENDS FOR NOW". I guess you know how to act when your "just a friend." Give it a chance, who kniows?
3. You're giving your best, so you learn to know when to give up.

Thank you for your time... I am deeply in love with her... why then when I told her "if I could not make you fall in love with me until now, I will never do, so I have to move on ... etc etc" she said to me "please don't do that to me" and after I asked her "what I do which confuses you?" she told me that she is not sure , and she is interested in me, blah blah blah..

I was thinking of calling her in the end of the month just to learn how she is going and in order not to forget me... and the next month when she has her name-celebration I was thinking of asking her out and giving a her a small gift...

What you think?

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Originally Posted by ylaira

You are so much in love with her, given some "hope" so you can't so you tend to expect and rush A BIT, which is understandable.

The problem is, she doesnt over yet with her recent relationship. How has it been since she broke up? Does she still in contact with him?

I certainly believe that you have a space for her its just it sounds like things are still confusing. Take what she said "FRIENDS FOR NOW" and wait a little. You sound too nice to her thats why she can't just drop you like a stone OR you may just MOVE ON. Its your call.

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Well during our second date she told me that it was over with him. But after 15 days she told me that they broke up. In our 3rd date when I asked her she told me that he called her and asked her to forget it. And she also told me that they had a serious fight over phone. He is in another town so I don't think there is a possibility they met each other. As for the contact I suppose after the fight that it was over (I asked also a female friend of both)... But I can't be sure...

I really love her and I gave her everything. I have worried so much for her all the time. Always looking for her to be happy. She told me the last time we texted that she indeed did mistakes with our "relationship" and that she may seemed to be distant from me but she did cared and worried for me always..

I personally don't think she is a bad girl. But I think she handled the all thing in a no-mature way. And I also think she is a bit selfish because she did not tell me "forget me and move on" or something like that. She does not want a relationship but I think she wants me to remain in love with her

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fwnaklas

I was thinking of calling her in the end of the month just to learn how she is going and in order not to forget me... and the next month when she has her name-celebration I was thinking of asking her out and giving a her a small gift...what you think?

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Would like to be used on a rebound? Let her chase you when she's done. You'll feel it that she's really done on her. baggage. You've done so much enough.Give yourself a break.

So what should I do? Just wait and don't do anything? She did contact the last time (via text message before 18 days) where we ended up as "friends"... Should I do the next contact approach? Or again wait for her?

[B]YOU'RE FRIENDS FOR NOW... So you may still speak to her but don't do anymore extra special. Just act casual. Regain your toughness this time. You know friends? You don't give flowers to your friends and text them every now and then, you know what I mean.

I understand but I don't meet her at all. If I want to speak to her I have to call her or text her. So last time she texted me. Should I be the next to call her and check how she is going? Or should I wait for her again to come? We may be friends but I can't see her as friend. I really love her and she understands that I do.

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Originally Posted by fwnaklas

I understand but I don't meet her at all. If I want to speak to her I have to call her or text her. So last time she texted me. Should I be the next to call her and check how she is going? Or should I wait for her again to come? We may be friends but I can't see her as friend. I really love her and she understands that I do.

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You can do either ways but again act normal, dont talk about "your friendship" because it confuses her more. She will open up things that she doesn't do when you're persisitently pursuing her.Please while in the process watch out a nd carefully gauge things.Its her way this time, I'm sorrry. If you want your way you can leave her anytime.

Thanks ylaira. Any more views on the subject please ?

Φιλαράκι,

τη πάτησες... Μπορείς να αντέξεις την πραγματικότητα?.

Το κάνει μέ άλλον.ΣΤΑΝΤΑΡ.Πιθανότατα κάποιο μαλάκα χασικλή.Σε γουστάρει αλλά οχι σαν άντρα,είστε πλέον φιλενάδες.
Εξαφανίσου άμεσα.Συμβαίνουν αυτά,είσαι μικρός ακόμα,θα μάθεις τί παίζει.Κάνε λίγο googling για ladder theory.Θα ξεκολλήσεις και γλιτώσεις πολλές μαλακίες.

Άντε και καλά αποτελέσματα,αν και με το μυαλό στο μο*νί,@@ θα γραψες...

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Originally Posted by ka1111

Φιλαράκι,

τη πάτησες...Μπορείς να αντέξεις την πραγματικότητα?..

Το κάνει μέ άλλον.ΣΤΑΝΤΑΡ.Πιθανότατα κάποιο μαλάκα χασικλή.Σε γουστάρει αλλά οχι σαν άντρα,είστε πλέον φιλενάδες.
Εξαφανίσου άμεσα.Συμβαίνουν αυτά,είσαι μικρός ακόμα,θα μάθεις τί παίζει.Κάνε λίγο googling για ladder theory.Θα ξεκολλήσεις και γλιτώσεις πολλές μαλακίες.

Άντε και καλά αποτελέσματα,αν και με το μυαλό στο μο*νί,@@ θα γραψες...

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Thanks file... OK dn nomizw na eisai toso xalia oso ta les... alla tespa :P... oso gia tis eksetaseis egrapsa mia xara eutixws :)... perasa ekei pou ithela...

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I am deeply in love with her...

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Sorry dude this ain't love. It an exercise in assumptions and false expectations. Her feeling don't match yours, so its all you give, and she takes. That's not love.

Read my signature

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you a option in theirs.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry dude this ain't love. It an exercise in assumptions and false expectations. Her feeling don't match yours, so its all you give, and she takes. Thats not love.

Read my signature

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you a option in theirs.

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I have to agree. You appear to be the one doing the stalking and she isn't feeling the same way your feeling. It clearly shows how she feels for you by the way she leads you one. Think twice before making a decision to give up everything for a woman that isn't feeling you.

So what is your point of view? She told me last time we talked (before 22 days) that she needs me... possibly for boosting her up...

But what should I do? Leave her and never do anything for her or try again to win her?

Take a break, and get back to your emotional center, and decide those questions on the basis of fact, and not feelings. That's a start.

Love is not a tingly, needy feeling, its two people who care enough to express themselves in an honest way, and work together to solve their problems, to the benefit of both.

Can you honestly say that's what's happening here?? Back off, and let the emotional dust settle, before you take another look to see what your course of actions should be.

Straight talk, your feelings are deeper than hers, and an unequal relationship seldom survives, nor is it healthy for either partner.

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Originally Posted by fwnaklas

so what is your point of view? she told me last time we talked (before 22 days) that she needs me .... possibly for boosting her up...

but what should I do? leave her and never do anything for her or try again to win her?

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No one is telling you to leave her. But the situation here is that she is never going to be with you. If she wanted to be with you she would have done that long long long time ago. You obviously love her but she isn't feeling the same. And the longer you keep doing for her she's going to keep playing you. I don't know her so I really can't speak for her but from what you are telling us, she is doing nothing but leading you on. She obviosly knows how you feel. She's not going to take your advancements because she isn't feeling the same way. I don't know what else to tell you or even how to explain what I am reading as a Player.

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Originally Posted by fwnaklas

but what should I do? leave her and never do anything for her or try again to win her?

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You got it. You're in love with your fantasy of who she is, and she's using your fawning attentions for an ego boost, but she doesn't love you. Stop punishing yourself.

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Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

You got it. You're in love with your fantasy of who she is, and she's using your fawning attentions for an ego boost, but she doesn't love you. Stop punishing yourself.

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Stop pursueing the issue. Leave her alone. Do you get it.

Yeah.. I don't do anything for her at all... I had no contact with her for many days (last time she texted me)... You know some times, I just realize using my logic that is not worthy doing all these things for a person who doesn't feel the same... But when the "love feeling" covers me, I desperately I want to try to have her again...

Many friends males and females agree that I was too much nice to her, and that she was so lucky. She even said it to me when texted me once that she feels very lucky... but...


It's just the DAMN feeling that I will never find a girl who I will love and she will love me back. I know it sounds silly but I just feel like that, that never a girl will love me back..

I am 18 by the way :)

While your feeling are common, they are not true, as you will have many chances at love, and romance, and you must learn how to deal with those very intense feelings, in a positive logical way, least they betray you, and leave you in some embarrassing, humiliating positions, as you find yourself in now

What purpose can it serve, to love one that does not love you? Back off, and regroup, and leave her alone, no matter how strongly attracted you are.

So next time if she texts me should I text back ? Or it's better to ignore her completely?

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Fwnaklas, so next time if she texts me should I text back ?

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ABSOLUTELY NOT

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or it's better to ignore her completely?

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I prefer the term "dissappear from her life" either term you use stop the contact, for your own healing. It will also save your dignity and self respect a lot of misery, pain, drama, and confusion.

Hello... over one month of NC at all... well she hasn't made any try for contact either... but the fact is that we never had any serious communication so I suppose she doesn't get the hint..

Anyway just to let you know... before some days I was with some guy friends and we were coming back home on foot, and my friends told me that on the other side of the road was her with a boy... well it was night and we can't be sure if it was her, because from the 2 friends who passed next to her, one had seen her only on photo, and the other has a bit of myopia... but the 3rd friend who was on the other side of road with me told me that she was pretty much like her... they told me that the boy was much worse comparing to me...

Even if it was her or not, I guess that she may have another boyfriend by now...

Well I want to ask you something

In a few days it's her name "birthday", so should I text her about it? Showing her again how unique I was? Or should avoid it?

And also in the end of the month we will be in a pool party of a common friend... how should I act in front of her ?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

As for how to act, act like a perfectly happy person who is better off without her... Because you are

Don't you think that it would be too rude of me not to say anything?

Don't you think it was rude of her to end it?

Well... she didn't actually end anything, because we didn't have a normal relationship as I wanted. I feel that she did play with my feelings not because she is a bad person but because she was immature and did not know what she want...

Damn I don't know... I just think that I will feel guilty if I don't do anything at her name's "birthday"...

STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HER... You send that message, welcome back to step 1 of NC.. Constant wondering of what is going on

Well actually, I can feel that time heals my wounds... I don't know why, but I feel better day by day. Sometime I really want to text her, or find her, or just see her but later I feel much better.

I know that it may sounds silly, but day by day I feel more free from her. I am still thinking of her everyday, but it becomes less while time pass..

I don't know for sure, but I suppose that if I text her even just to tell her happy name's birthday, I will put her again in my mind and I will think again of her more and more... and maybe even gain some hope again..

I have to make myself believe that the best is to avoid her at all...

Damn.. it's somehow difficult to forget a girl forever...

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damn.. it's somehow difficult to forget a girl forever...

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You got that right buddy, but realize it works the other way around, as we fellows are as hard for them to completely forget too. Hehehehehehe!

I have to say right off that I didn't read all the posts, too many. ;)

Starby's Lil Bro, I have to say this, this girl is using you, she may not be doing it on purpose, but she is doing it.

She wants you around just in case, you are her security blanket, but she's not in love, and never will be.

Move on, find someone who gives you the same attention as you give her. There are tons of girls out there that would love to have a nice guy like you around. Girls that will make you as much a priority as you do them.

Forget this girl, go to no contact, move on, find someone else. :)

Oh, and listen to Tal, he knows what he's talking about. :)

If I was in your shoes, I'd ignore her and find a new girl. Obviously, she's cheating behind her boyfriends' back already by making out.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I have to say right off that I didn't read all the posts, too many. ;)

Starby's Lil Bro, I have to say this, this girl is using you, she may not be doing it on purpose, but she is doing it.

She wants you around just in case, you are her security blanket, but she's not in love, and never will be.

Move on, find someone who gives you the same attention as you give her. There are tons of girls out there that would love to have a nice guy like you around. Girls that will make you as much a priority as you do them.

Forget this girl, go to no contact, move on, find someone else. :)

Oh, and listen to Tal, he knows what he's talking about. :)

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Thanks alty for advice... we I can't believe that she was such a bad girl and wanted to hurt me, but I think she was selfish and hurt me like that... She didn't want to be in relationship with me but when I told her that I have to move on and continue with my life she said "don't do that to me now"... It really shows that she was not sure of what she wants... But the fact that she really treat me badly.. I know that I was so good at her and gave her all the care and attention I was looking for, but she just "played" with my feelings... Well I am in no contact with her for 2 months now and I have to see her since may... The fact is that sometimes, something happens and she comes to my mind when I least expect it...

I really think I am over her but I don't know how I'll be if I see her somewhere or if she texts me.. I don't want to get distracted...

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If I was in your shoes, I'd ignore her and find a new girl. Obviously, she's cheating behind her boyfriends' back already by making out.

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Well she had a relationship from distance and she knew that he was cheating her too... But that was the last thing I was worried for... She treated me badly and she hurt me really bad...

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Originally Posted by fwnaklas

Well she had a relationship from distance and she knew that he was cheating her too... But that was the last thing I was worried for... She treated me badly and she hurt me really bad...

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You need to step up and find a new girl!

Lil Bro, don't be too hard on yourself if you think about her once in a while. You cared about her, and it's natural for her to pop in to your mind once in a while. It's only been 2 months. I think that you're doing great, just keeping looking forward, don't look back. What's in the past should be left there, and she is in the past.

You're still young, you will have many loves in your life, and then, one day, you'll meet the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and the wonderful thing will be that she feels the same way. You deserve to have someone that loves you as much as you love her, and you will find her, one day. :)

Stick to NC, don't give up, and remember, we're here if you need to talk. We've all been through this before, and we know how much it hurts and how hard it is. We've been down that road, so we can help you on your journey.

Chin up, shoulders squared, look straight ahead and keep walking, you're doing great! :)

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Originally Posted by hjpan

You need to step up and find a new girl!

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One day he will. Right now he needs to heal his heart. Jumping from the frying pan in to the fire is never a good idea. A "new girl" isn't going to fix anything, a rebound never lasts.

He needs to take his time, not rush into another relationship just to fill a void.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

One day he will. Right now he needs to heal his heart. Jumping from the frying pan in to the fire is never a good idea. A "new girl" isn't going to fix anything, a rebound never lasts.

He needs to take his time, not rush into another relationship just to fill a void.

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True~ he needs some time to himself =]

To quote Forgetting Sarah Marshall

"When life gives you lemons, just say F the lemons and bounce."

This girl can't give you the answers your looking for, no use wasting your time trying anything with her when you're just going to be dissapointed each time.

Some times we all have to learn this the hard way.

Ignore her, even if she messages you.