Hey umm... I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now and the other night I stayed over at his house and early in the morning we had sex.. it was my first time and he used a condom and I don't think I have much to worry about, but I'm thinking if it was the right thing to do?. I'm only 14 and he's a year older than me.. I'm just wondering.. am I completely safe from pregnancy or anything? And I can't tell my parents or anyone because my mum would kill me if she knew... well not really kill me but get really really angry with me so I don't want to tell her so I can't go to the doctors or anything I am so confused? Please please help!

Condoms are not 100 percent effective, and unless both the boy and girl are old enough and mature enough and able to raise a child they should not be having sex.
Depending on the study you review failure rates run from 10 percent to 18 or from 10 percent to 33 percent

But even the best reports give a one in ten chance of failure.

Condom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Condom Warnings, High Failure Rates, Stop "Safe Sex" Lies, Doctors expose condoms, Pro-Life America, Celebrities, Speakers, TV, Radio, Videos and Literature to help save moms and babies from the pain and suffering of abortion. Save sex for marriage a

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Originally Posted by MistakeMaker

hey umm... ive been going out with my boyfriend for a while now and the other night i stayed over at his house and early in the morning we had sex.. it was my first time and he used a condom and i dont think i have much to worry about, but i'm thinking if it was the right thing to do?.. im only 14 and hes a year older than me.. im just wondering.. am i completely safe from pregnancy or anything? And i can't tell my parents or anyone because my mum would kill me if she knew... well not really kill me but get really really angry with me so i dont want to tell her so i can't go to the doctors or anything i am so confused? please please help!

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Dear MistakeMaker:

I'm a parent with a 17 year old son. We just discovered yesterday that he had a girl over our house and they had sex when we weren't home. We were, and are VERY upset with him. But you know why we are upset? Because we love him so much and we really want the best for him. If he look at what he will be when he is 25, we know that his life will be much better in so many ways if he commits to one woman in marriage for life. So, our extreme love for him motivates our anger with him. And, yes, he will have consequences that he will not like at all.

Do me a favor... go get a long stick in your house like a yard stick or a broom handle. Go ahead, do it now.. . I'm waiting... Got the stick? Good. Now balance the stick on your finger for a few seconds. Go ahead. Now, where were you looking when you were balancing the stick? [answer: at the top of the stick] Now I want you to look at the bottom of the stick where your finger is an try to balance the stick. Go ahead. Any luck? Of course not. Just like you cannot balance the stick when you look at the bottom of the stick, you can't balance your life when you look for short term pleasures. Just like you CAN balance the stick when you look at the top of the stick, you CAN balance your life when you look at long term gains.

Can I tell you something about guys? He may be a very nice guy but the fact is he, like almost all guys, wants your body. That is not to say that guys are all jerks. We are just strongly motivated by females. It's just the way we were made. Giving in to him does not make him love you more. In fact, it does just the opposite - he will respect you less. If he really loves YOU (not just your body), he will show it by waiting for you. And it should be a long wait - you are very young!

From what you have said it is clear to me that your mother really loves you a lot and wants the best for you. The only real "Mistake" you could "Make" right now is to wait more than 5 minutes to confess the whole situation to her and tell her you are sorry. She WILL be angry. But she will love you. It will hurt in the short term but the short term is not what it's about.

-Mike

Yes but I'm so scared.. I won't be allowed out of the house until I'm 18 if I tell her! I won't be allowed to have a boyfriend or anything until I'm 18 if she finds out! Me and my boyfriend have agreed to pretend like it never happened.. like it was a dream.. only a dream... it that a good thing to do?

That's a great question to ask your mom. Turn off your computer. Turn off your cell phone. Get away from the virtual world and step into the real world. It DID happen. You're not a little kid anymore. Stop pretending and go talk to your mom. I'm logging off.

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Originally Posted by MistakeMaker

yes but im so scared.. i wont be allowed out of the house until im 18 if i tell her!! i wont be allowed to have a boyfriend or anything until im 18 if she finds out! me and my boyfriend have agreed to pretend like it never happened.. like it was a dream.. only a dream... it that a good thing to do?

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Keep dreaming, he has probably already told at least six of his closest friends. That is how YOU can and probably will end up with a bad reputation.

Im sorry to say, but you can't pretend it didn't happen. THe reality is that it DID happen and you can't go back and change what is past. Now, I can't make you do anything, really I can't I'm just a little person far away, but you should talk to someone, and stop pretending, because it did happen.

there is no such things as a dream..

a Dreams are often a response to our daily thoughts, activities and sensations. They are often, then, a reflection of what has consumed our minds in the preceding day or two. Dreams are apparently a necessary part of our being but dream is just a dream when you asleep...

but if you dream in a reality.. it not a dream no more.. it a LIE >.. that you Lie to yourself so that you believe it is and was a dream...

I am sorry but if something already happened.. it happened.. there is no turning back like an old saying that... EVERYTHING HAPPENPED FOR A REASON...

the only thing you can do now is facing it and live on with your life.. but also... if you can and you think you ready... please tell you parent... I no that they will mad at you or even worst ground you... and they always said grounded you for life or till you are 18 but.. after a short while they let you go.. because they love you so much more and MUCH MORE

THINK ABOUT IT ^^

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Originally Posted by MistakeMaker

hey umm... ive been going out with my boyfriend for a while now and the other night i stayed over at his house and early in the morning we had sex.. it was my first time and he used a condom and i dont think i have much to worry about, but i'm thinking if it was the right thing to do?.. im only 14 and hes a year older than me.. im just wondering.. am i completely safe from pregnancy or anything? And i can't tell my parents or anyone because my mum would kill me if she knew... well not really kill me but get really really angry with me so i dont want to tell her so i can't go to the doctors or anything i am so confused? please please help!

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If you where ready then that's fine, people say you have to be ready to raise a kid if you have sex. I don't believe that. I think you should tell your mum. Be careful though start with please don't get mad at me, I just think you need to know.. then w.e you feel is right to say. I was the same age when I had sex for the first time, my parents took it better than I thought. Well good luck!

Girl If U Didn't Want To Have To Worry This Much You Shouldn't Have Done That. Sex Is Illegal If Your Not 17 It's a Known Law. And Everybody Who Disagrees Go Look It Up Ok? Seriously Girl That Was A Stupid Move Ur Freakin 14 Ur Still In Puberty For God Sakes. Tell Your Parents Or Your Life Could Be In Danger Of An Std, Just Do Something Girl. That Was A Mistake.

I'm 19 and I still think condoms are unreliable. I always used second protection. You are already showing signs that you are perhaps regretting it a bit because you are worried that there is a possibility you could get pregnant, and the fact you are underage. You questioned whether it was right, only you know if its right, but you don't therefore you may not of been completely ready. You can't change what happened, but hopefully you will think about it more next time for your own sake :) if you don't want to go to your doctor, maybe go to a clinic instead. You need to be sussed out with protection before you do it again! Otherwise its not worth it at all getting pregnant because the condom split or it slid off or whatever, then realising you shouldve just made that one trip to the doctors. Goodluck :)

Look you know it happened, you can make it so no one else know s it happened but it did. Every time you talk to yoiur mom or dad you will be keeping this secret, you will feel worse and the longer you wait, the worse it will feel. And if you are honest and express remorse your mom/dad will be mad,but if you wait years than tell them they will be mad not only cause you had sex, but that you didn't tell them.
You made a mistake, everyone does, yoiur parents love you and want to teach you to do what is right. Tell them, and no matter what you say they'll still love you. And don't only do it for them do it for you, so you won't have to feel horrible just spit it out. Youi'll feel better.
Ps (don't do it again)

You've received good advice here dear, and I don't think this will make you the 'school slut' as one poster judgementally put it. You were nieve one time and you can make sure that you'll not be caught with 'your pants down' like that again. And, when you tell your mom, she will be upset, but she will also make sure that you get a check-up and are healthy - she was your age once too.

What I don't understand is that he can actually suggest that you 'pretend' this did not happen! He's not only being dishonest to himself and you for that matter... hey, he had that darned condom available pretty easily, so does he also 'pretend' that all the other girls he goes to bed with were a mistake?? Think about it. If this was not talked about and romantically planned, then he was just using you - no matter what age you both are - that's immature and indicates that he only thought of himself.

If he wants to forget it all and treats you just like a 'pal' without warmth and respect after being so intimate with you, you are better off not pretending to stay away from him, but actually do so.

Please, please, from now on, never wind up in bed with any guy at any time, for any reason unless you've known each other for a long time and honestly talked about being ready to take over this type of responsibility and then both being strong and truthful enough to 'fess-up' to his and your parents when the time comes.

Honey, you are worth more than just a 'mistake' in the morning... and don't you ever forget that! I don't preach, but what's done is done, and you need to feel good about yourself again and not guilty and ashamed for the rest of your life. Also, take note of how many of his 'friends' are starting to be 'nice' to you now - he could have told everyone and they might think you are easy - which you are not!. you were just caught off-guard. Just make sure this does not happen again and keep your self-respect. There might be talk for a while, but if you don't give in he will be known as the liar that he is.

Good luck dear, and don't let this drag you down - he's not worth it.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifhttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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Originally Posted by MistakeMaker

hey umm... ive been going out with my boyfriend for a while now and the other night i stayed over at his house and early in the morning we had sex.. it was my first time and he used a condom and i dont think i have much to worry about, but i'm thinking if it was the right thing to do?.. im only 14 and hes a year older than me.. im just wondering.. am i completely safe from pregnancy or anything? And i can't tell my parents or anyone because my mum would kill me if she knew... well not really kill me but get really really angry with me so i dont want to tell her so i can't go to the doctors or anything i am so confused? please please help!

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you should only do what you want and aslong as he`s wearing something, you should be OK but there's always a chance you could get pregnant. Don't be confused because we`ve all been in these situations but we don't speak of them. You should go to the doctors and perhaps go on the pill but take this as a lesson well learnt, don't say anything to your mum if you isn't pregnant but good luck chick x
matt from UK

Ok, first lets deal with your major concern. You will have to wait until you get your next period or take a home pregnancy test to know for sure. No way we can tell. The odds are against you being pregnant though.

Despite what some other (obvious teens) have said, you should NOT be having sexual intercourse unless you are prepared to have a child. That goes for adults and especially for teens.

Hopefully your boyfriend does agree to forget it and not ask for a repeat. If he does you should explain to him that while you don't regret what you did, the anxiety and worry it caused you is not worth it.

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Originally Posted by matthughes

you should only do what you want and aslong as he`s wearing something, you should be ok but theres always a chance you could get pregnant. dont be confused because we`ve all been in these situations but we dont speak of them. you should go to the doctors and perhaps go on the pill but take this as a lesson well learnt, dont say anything to your mum if you aint pregnant but good luck chick x
matt from UK

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Dear Matt.. there is something you need to understand about this site.
We DO NOT encourage sex to the posters who are legally underage!

We are aware that it's going to happen one way or the other, but it does not mean it is right. There should be courses in schools to teach sex education and the dangers of contracting diseases and prevention of pregnancies - AND, I personally think that it's the parent's responsibility to talk with our children and encourage them to wait until they are legally of age and have dated long enough to communicate and plan a romantic encounter (because I think the first time should be romantic) instead of a rush-job because the dude has an erection in the morning - and surprisingly enough has a condom available. That, in my book, is selfishly using someone - and THEN had the hutspa to suggest that this be forgotten.

If you want to give someone from the USA advice that is legally not the keenest, from England, may I suggest you PM (private message) the individual or you will constantly wind up with negative ratings - so please choose your advice carefully from now on.

I know you young folks will do what you want, legal or not, but please understand that I've was also a teen (all of us were) and we do understand the pressures and fears and seriously intend to help, so it's not what you say, but how you say it that's important.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Don't worry you probably have nothing to worry about, it's more the fact that you did it that is making you fear being found out more.

I was 14 when I lost my virginity, thankfully I am still with that same guy who took it- I hope it's the same for you :)

The best thing to do at your age- if your going to have sex that is- is to use water based lubricant. I say this because it will help stop any accident breakages. I've made the mistake of using lots of different dodgy things with my boyfriend- and I still am not pregnant or had an abortion to this day.

I can understand that your mum would be cross but I also understand how hard it is not to give in when your boyfriend wants to have sex with you. She won't find out, as long as you guys keep it to yourselves and don't make it look obvious that you have.

Just be careful and make sure he is ensuring you are OK when you do it.

Happy sex life tehee

Sorry Chery I underystand what you mean.

You are far too young to be having sex, but hopefull you've identified someone really great in your boyfriend.

I don't believe worrying her is good either. There is a 1-2% chance that she would become pregnant with a baby.. so I really don't think that will help or she could be wasting her money on materials not needed- pregnancy tests and worrying herself sick.

Yes, you should be worried that you are so young having sex and I hope you have someone at home to talk to- or us. I hope you mother likes your boyfriend has respected you in your decision and not made it difficult for you to say no.

One other thing- did you regret what you did?

That's a very important thing to think of.

Sorry if I encouraged you into having more sex.

Good luck
X

Hello
I'm 12 and loads of people in my year are having sex. All of them regret doing it as all of them have now split up with the same boyfriend. This girl in my year is pregnant as she was having sex and the condom broke and they carried on. Her boyfriend left her now. She is now propa upset. I just think I should say DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU WILL REGRET WITH A BOY WHO YOU POSSIBLY WON'T STAY WITH.

I lost my virginity at 15 turning 16, and I do wish I never lost it that young. I still think that even the legal age of 16 is too young to be having sex because most are not even fully aware about the risks etc, yet even know what love is. I know I THOUGHT I was in love and how very wrong I was, because I have now felt real love.

But its not just the STD's or the pregancy, because sure its risk, but you can use condoms and other types of protection to try and lower that risk.. however, cervical cancer is another issue which not many people think about. You can get it from having sex at a young age (even more at risk if you don't use a condom, and even more of a risk if you are younger because you are not fully developed down there AND even more of a risk the more partners you have, which is another reason why having sex too young isn't good, because you will go through more partners throughout your life). That is the reason I wish I didn't have sex so young, and also because I have personal experience from the people around me. I have a friend who is now 24. She's only had 2 long term boyfriends since 16, and lost her virginity at 16. Last year she had cervical cancer growths and had to have them removed but there is still a risk of it returning. Now the fact she just had 2 longterm boyfriends worries me, but I suppose it was also because of the young age. I also have an aunty who died from it.

I don't mean to worry you at all, I'm just stating some facts and I'm stating my personal opinions and the reason why I myself even wish I didn't start sex at a young age. But I do hope you think more about the underage sex, and your health. At least carry on using a condom.

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Originally Posted by Olivia132

Don't worry you probably have nothing to worry about

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Actually... she has quite a bit to worry about. Pregnancy, although she has better odds of NOT being pregnant, is STILL possible with the condom.

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Originally Posted by Olivia132

I was 14 when i lost my virginity, thankfully i am still with that same guy who took it- i hope its the same for you :)

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And... how old are you now?

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Originally Posted by Olivia132

I can understand that your mum would be cross but i also understand how hard it is not to give in when your boyfriend wants to have sex with you. She won't find out, as long as you guys keep it to yourselves and don't make it look obvious that you have.

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Are you out of your mind? "she won't find out as long as you keep it to yourself?" Great mentality you got there. Hope it's consistent when it comes to drugs, killing, and stealing from others.

Do you REALLY want your child to do the same to you?

OK take it easy, I think the best thing to do is to go to the store and buy a pregnancy test and test yourself first, if it comes up positive then talk to your mom, am pretty sure she will understand. One way or other she will find out so don't put yourself in danger but am sure that nothing will happen as long the condom didn't brick...

Its OK to feel a little scare but you need to let your parents kniw in case of anything,they should know who to call.you need to let your parents trust you.

Toisneezfunny
So sorry I meant to say "it is accurate) but I though I was posting somewhere else sorry. And to mistakemaker its best to tell your mom.

@OP:

Way to go. Your fault for giving in your boyfriend. Not to sound mean, but I can guarantee that you two will split within less than a year. Stop pretending that you did not have sex; his penis penetrated your vagina... you're not a virgin anymore. Not to mention, you're 14 years old... what is wrong with your brain? You could've just said "no" and left.

Also, you KNEW your parents will not approve of you having sex yet you still DISREGARDED the rule.

If you were my daughter, I'd get you to work at 15 and pay me rent.

My house. My rules. You follow.

To make sure this never happens again, don't sleep over at guy house. Where was his parents at the time and did your parents know where you were.

When you stay over at a guy house this is what can happen. To avoid this don't, otherwise you might not have happen or at least at that time.

There's a lot of things I did when I was a teen and times I was scared to tell her the truth. It takes a lot of heart and guts, but in the end, it help cleared my concience. I felt better even if I got in trouble. Actually, I preferred punshment instead of hiding something because guilt ate me up and I could not focus. To this day, my mom talks about me being unable to hide things but she felt good that I will tell her the truth. Sometimes I did things so bad I felt like running away or locking myself in my room,but I realize family is there no matter, through thick and thin, up and down, sorrow and happiness. Confind in your mother so at least she can guide you and you never know what you will with you about her past. Remember your mother was a teen at one time.

Good Luck! I'm pretty sure you learned something valuable about this and hope it's not repeated.

U should be able to talk to your mom about things like that even though shell be mad.. she will forgive u. Look you don't need to have sex your too young..
And about you getting grounded till your 18 and not havein a b/f well that's not a bad thing..
U don't need to focus on guys focus on your education that's what's inportant.. therell be time for guys later in life you have plenty of time for that... go to your mom

Next time you have a well visit with your doctor tell them and they can help you it is illegal for them to talk to your parents about it. If they do tell your parents then at least your parents know you are trying to make sure you are OK. If you think you are pregnant talk to this guy and tell him go but a test and figure out what you need to do, there are ways around telling your parents

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Originally Posted by hjpan

@OP:

Way to go. Your fault for giving in your boyfriend. Not to sound mean, but I can guarantee that you two will split within less than a year. Stop pretending that you did not have sex; his penis penetrated your vagina... you're not a virgin anymore. Not to mention, you're 14 years old... what is wrong with your brain? You could've just said "no" and left.

Also, you KNEW your parents will not approve of you having sex yet you still DISREGARDED the rule.

If you were my daughter, I'd get you to work at 15 and pay me rent.

My house. My rules. You follow.

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I don't think this is a nice way to put things. And by the way you can't get hired at 15 no one will. They want older workers. I don't think she should have done it but you don't have to be so cruel about it. I also think she should not be doing it anymore.

You are way too young to be having sex. Condoms are not always good because they can break and if get pregnant at age 14, its going to be hard raising a child, especially if your boyfriend leaves you.

Ok, The OP hasn't been back online since 6/20. Please review such things before you post to a large thread.

This thread is now closed.