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I'm 15 and pregnant. The father is only 13. My mother and his mother want us to give the baby up for adoption. My mother saids that she does not want the baby in her home. I intentionally got pregnant because I wanted a baby. Now she doesn't want me to keep it. Can she make me give it up or will the law force her to let us stay in her home.
While I agree with your Mom, she can't MAKE you give it up. She can make your life he11 until you decide to give it up, but you are the one who has to sign the papers, not her.
Why in the world did you think that you should have a baby at your age? How are you going to afford it? Do you even know the risks of teenage pregnancy? Nah, of course you don't.
How will you afford the NICU bill should the baby be born prematurely or with other health issues? How will you buy diapers, formula, clothes, baby food?
Wanting a baby and raising a child are 2 totally different animals.
There is another factor in this. You could be arrested and prosecuted for statutory rape. In which case your baby will probably be taken away from you.
And frankly, I think that's best thing that can happen. You are clearly not mature enough to raise a child when you are only a child yourself.
Its true that your mother can't MAKE you sign your baby away. However, she will be one of the only people in the world who will be there to support you since you won't be able to do this alone or with another child who's only 13. It may be very hard, but if you want to be the best mother for this child you have to start thinking of the baby instead of yourself. Have a long talk with mom and consider your options. Its never easy, but adoption may be best. With adoptions, parents have to prove they can provide a good home--which your child deserves. I'm sorry, but without the support of your mothers, you won't be able to do this. Its time to think about what baby needs, not about what you want.
I wish you the best. Unfortunately you have a very tough life ahead of you.
Ok PEOPLE OR SO CALLED PEOPLE!! She is 15 and just found out she is pregnant she don't need you ridding her but she has got that from her mother and probbly others try some compastion for god sakes!. My dear you are very young to have a child but where there is a will there is a way I too was very young when I had my first child and my mom was telling me I should give my child up but I decied to tell her that I was leaving and made my own way... I am now a pround mother of soon to be 4 kids and have made a great living for myself but not to joke its hard you have to bust your butt and things were tight for a long time but I worked thought it and came out on top now I live across the street from my mother she still don't help me but we do talk and we do have visits but I can honestly say I did it!! As for the fauther scottgem is right you could be in trouble for that but you are both under age and can not be put in jail but you can be severely punished they probbly won't take the baby but will send you through several child classes and C.A.S will be involved but do what they ask except give babe up unless you want to.. and they will help you and to all who are being rude and judgemental get a grip like you have never did something you shouldn't have in your life!! And darling ignore people like that you don't need the stress!! And I hope things work out for you and think this through you are very young and have a big resonsibility ahead for your young shoulders you must grow up fast and know where you want to be in a couple years and what ever you do do not give up school it will be your best friend later in life.. my last question where do you live? Only give the country nothing else as other people can be freeks I was wondering as to what maye be avalible to you to help you out.
Sorry Connie, but this is a 15 yr old girl who deliberately seduced a 13 year old boy (yes I know it probably didn't take much seducing) to get herself pregnant out of some romatic notion of what it would be like to be a mother. I don't speak for the others but I think she deserves to be told how immature and selfish and just plain dumb she has been.Quote:
Originally Posted by connie-mom
And they may not put her in jail or they may. At the least she may be placed in a juvenile facility until she is 18 or 21 and who will care for the kid then? So yes, if she is convicted of statutory rape and sentenced to a facility there is a strong likelihood the baby will be taken away (as I hope it will).
I'm glad you managed to build a life for yourself, but you are the exception not the rule.
I do actually agree with your mom.
And as for connie-mom, they weren't being hatefull or anything, they were just telling her the truth. Sometimes it is hard to hear, but they were telling the honest truth.
Tonvwill, I hope you live in a country that has free health care, because I couldn't imagine how much it is to deliver a child in a country that doesn't. And after the child is born all of the expenses! Do you have any idea of how much it costs to raise a child?! Yet again, the tax payers of your country will probably pay for this one too.
Your right she is 15 but we expect so much from young children as the new generation what do we expect them to do... and if she is to dumb to raise a child then how does she know how to seduce a 13 year old boy like come on get a grip are you telling me you never had a one night stand? And if you did did you use protection all the time and if not how meny children could you have out there you didn't know about how about abandinment how about you go to jail for things you have done... I am not the exception I was just a young girl having sex not knowing what the concequences were till it was to late!! And how do you not know he was not to instagater!! How do you know she is not saying shw wants kids because she is now pregnant please you don't sound stupid so don't act stupid get facts before you judge it can make a difference in your life and hers how do you know she don't get so depressed she don't try to kill her self or child like get a grip she needs help not critsisim so stop being a jerk and help the poor girl I am sure we have things we all look back and go holy crap what was I thinking!! Try some compassion not blood!!
And dear child don't be ashamed of using hand me downs learn to sew stich and knit it can save you bundles and sorry the government probbly won't help you sorry for the blow but you are to young to get government help
As for mjl where do you see these so called people being nice? And as for tax payers I would give my life to another in need of help try not being greedy try giving something to another it could brighten up your day!! And as for the government helping her she would have to go to a foster home and they would have to help her just like all the other children forgotten or neglected by retarted adults who say "i can't do this so here you go take my kid" I know some parents have a very good reason to give up their child and I do agree with them but to ask a person who can rasie a child to give it up wow what a world I live in I feel sorry for my kids having to grow in a worl where people put money before a life!! I just pray my daughters never meet people like you!!
First of all I didn't call her stupid.
I think you have some issues if your assuming all those things like she is depressed and going to kill herself... where did you read that in her post??
And for the rest of I don't even know what you are talking about. Maybe try some better spelling and grammar, and then I'll get back to you on that.
And why are you being so critical? You abviously have something's to work out if you are taking effence to something that's not even directed at you.
You obiviously have an issue with hearing the truth about teenage pregnancy if you think that a 15 year old getting pregnant on purpose is the cool thing to do.
First I didn't say stupid try reading what is said not what you want to read and I said what if she try to kill her self and the child I din't say she was depressed and is going to try to kill her self and child!! Read what is said.. and yes I do take effence to people attacking a little girl who has asked for help and if you read you will se I said there are other ways of say things with out sounding judgemental but still get your point across and never did I say its cool if a little girls gets pregnant but things happen and you can deal with it or act like it never happened I would rather be suportive then say things like you should go to jail or have your child taken away and if you read I was a young mother so yha I do take affence to people putting down those less fourtunite.. and as for spelling wow so I spell bad try something else to pick on me for, I am a growen up and don't need to revert to childish behaveiour.
Why can't you understand that they weren't attacking her. They were telling her the truth. It's unfortunate that you dissagree.
You are too hard to have a conversation with, so good bye, I will not respond anymore.
OK thanks
Wow, I don't remember anyone calling her dumb, except you Connie.
And Scott, you spoke very well for me thank you. I wish I could return the favor.
I would have much more compassion for a girl who found out she was pregnant accidentally than on purpose, as is the case here.
I work in Labor & delivery (all semester) and have seen the devastating effects of young pregnant teens.
PIH (pregnancy induced hypertesion)
CPD (cephalopelvic disproportion)
Preeclampsia
Eclampsia
And the list goes on. Many of these babies can be permanently damaged by the pregnancy and birth process. A 15 year old girl is not able to deal with the permanent disabilities of Erbs Palsy for instance.
This girl delibirately seduced a 13 year old for heavens sake. I guess you don't think it a problem if your 13 year old is a father in 6th or 7th grade, do you?
As Scott said, she may or may not go to jail, but she does have the possibility of being labeled as a sex offender for the rest of her life.
First never called anyone dumb or stupid!!
And yes I do agree being young can cause real problems in the pregnancy and in delivery but how do you know she is the one who seduced it could have been him... and how do you know she wanted this baby before she got pregnant some children saythings to make a point... and if she was to give up the child she is still going to have to go through the pregnancy and delivery so why not give her the cahnce to be a mother if she can't do it then yes she should give the child up but if she has come for help why hinder her by saying mean things with out the full story? If my daughter was 15 and pregnant of course I would freek!! But I would also support her in her dession.. we buy little baby dolls and baby things for our children to play with but expect them to not want children till they are ready? What are we trying to say learn to look after a baby but don't have one? They have toy babies that pee and eat and cry really what is that saying when we but it for our kids? And why blame the child how do youknow that the parents did what they should have to provent this from happing? With out the full story why judge why not give her advise like
Being young theitr could be complication like this this and this or because you are 15 and he is 13 you could be in trouble with the law or being young and your body not ready to have a child you could have this this or this happen that is a nice way of say what you would like to say not to hurt her feelings or sound like a complete jerk as I said there are always was of saying things with out being mean and doit in a way so a 15 year old gets the message you are trying to say not getting you bad bla bla bla she needs help in understanding her situation not what you think should happen to her and the child.. that is not your choice its hers she has to know what she could be infor before she makes any dession try telling her the complication and explain them to her explain what could happen during delivery if you know so much explain it in lamens terms so she knows if she is to young to have a child she is to young to know the full extent of what might happen so tell her help her understand why you have said what you did explain to her the procedure of what might happen and what might happen to the child if she goes thorough with this... That si what she needs to hear not your bad you seduce another child you might go to jail you might loose the child tell her medical stuff to help her understand what might happen to her and child to get your point across people will tell her till they are blu in the face and it won't make a defference BTU to explain some things to her she might make a good dession
I believe this is you calling someone dumb!! Not me what I said was if she is dumb then how can she seduce onther person?Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem
Basically those were your words.Quote:
Originally Posted by connie-mom
She was irresponsible in getting pregnant. By a 13 year old no less. She manipulated him so that she could have a baby, because she WANTS one.
Gimme a break Connie, she wanted a baby, but most likely does not know what all having a child entails.
You are new here... we see girls who want a baby for many reasons...
Love cause they think the baby will love them... heck a baby doesn't know what love is, they do know however where their food comes from...
Cause they're so cute... heck babies aren't cute when they weigh 1 1/2 pounds and are in the NICU for 4 months ringing up a bill close to a million dollars
Cause it'll make my boyfriend stay with me... in all actuality, most partners don't stay together for the duration of the pregnancy.
The mother in this case is right wanting to give the baby up for adoption for many reasons...
She may not be able to afford to raise this child. How is a 15 year old and a 13 year old going to get jobs, go to school, and afford to raise a child.
The mother may be trying to protect her child from being labeled as a child molester.
And there may be other reasons behind this. From being a 43 year old mother and a nurse myself, I have seen this frequently. I have also learned a lot from being here on this website.
These 2 children are not able to raise a child as they are children themselves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by connie-mom
Need I say more?Quote:
Originally Posted by tonvwill57
And, yes Connie, your posts are very hard to read. Could you please use some punctuation and paragraphs? Spell check works really well too.
So explain that tell her your experance if you want her to see the big picture you have to paint it!! Just telling her she is wrong and she is silly for doing what she did is not going to get the point across tell her what you have seen as a nurse go into details paint a picture for her so she knows what she is doing and might have to do because this or that reason... and right I did say if IF!! She is to dumb which is what scottgem said then how can she seduce some one? But neither here or there she needs to be told the truth yes but explain it tell her the complications and what might happened after, HELP HER!!
Poor child, I feal so sorry for you. I don't think that you are dumb or stupid I do believe that you weren't ever told how devastating this could be to your life. When we are young we think we know how everything will turn out, but that is often not the case. I hope that you are up to this task, because this is going to be a very hard road. I believe that if you are strong enough though that you will make it threw this. You should know right now that you HAVE to finish school, I know atm it doesn't seam like you do but if you don't you will be beyond poor for the rest of your life. Also your baby will not get the things he/she needs. You should look into all of the gov. help you can get. There are several programs out there that can help you. I sugest that if you live in the US to go to planned parenthood, but I would leave out the on purpose part just for your sake. You and the boy will probably be questioned by CPS. But you must stand your ground. I don't have any children, but I have family that has dealt with them. You must remember that this is a long struggle and if you want to win than you will have to fight for every inch. I am courious about how the boy feals about all this and how his parents are takeing the news. Maybe they will help you. I would also suguest you find parenting classes and maybe a psyciritrist. Also remember that this decision means that for the rest of your life your "I wants" are gone because it's not "The baby needs". I think if you can hold strong that you can accomplish this. Oh also if you live in the US try to get into a program called " The Good Health Card" it use to be called the gold card. It's a discount program for low income families.
I wish you the best of luck with this its going to be a hard life. At 15 I was still intrested in barbies. But I understand why you did it, You did it for someone to love and someone to love you. That doesn't mean that that was a good reason or a right one, but it was probably your reason.
Sorry I have a child on my lap kind of hard to type excuse me if I do not add puntuations or spell right my bad.. even if she said that she already knows she is pregnant right.. is she were to say yha I had sex got pregnant I want to keep the baby what would be the response there who knows and she might be saying she wanted the baby to make a point even if it was an opps she wants to keep baby because she don't know the full extent of what she is in for... she is no doctor neither am I so neither of could tell you want happens to young parents but you could you could explain it to her just so she knows what might happen
Ps: I think your mother is not thinking this threw, this is her grandchild. Weather she is ready to have one or not it is her grandchild.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zyi
Well put and I am glad others are here to support her thank you god bless
And I agree it is her grand child I would be mad but be suportive and love my grand child with all my heart.
It's all going mad with this post. But the end of the story is she is pregnant. I think its to late to ask why she wanted it and did she suduce a young boy or not.
TONVWILL is there any local place you could go, all call to talk about the options you have?
I really think you need some advice from pepole that deal with this all the time.
Leti
At 15 with a 13 year old father I am not sure your parents are not right,
You need counseling first to find the issues in your life that made you believe having a baby at 15 and having sex with someone 13 was a good idea to start with.
Also with a two year age difference you could even be in trouble and your parents with family and children services. But it is possible that you and your baby could be taken into custody by family and children services,and the baby taken away by them for the welfare of the baby.
Try reading what she said; "I intentionally got pregnant because I wanted a baby." Do you think its smart to get yourself pregnant at 15?Quote:
Originally Posted by connie-mom
Yes you are the exception. Most teenage parents wind up in a cycle of poverty and their kids grow up with problems. I'm not saying they can't succeed, but the odds are against it.
I can only judge based on what she told us.
I don't know where you are from, but look and see if there is a home for unwed mothers in your area. When I got pregnant with my son (19 years ago) I was unmarried, alone, no job, and practically homeless. I went to the welfare department, got ADC/Food Stamps and asked if there was such a place to help unwed young mothers. I was living in Ohio at the time, and I found one in Findlay. It basically is a home, that takes in pregnant women (any age), they set you up with a doctor, ride to and from appointments, assign you a counselor, and have group therapy. It is something to check into. It helped me! They will also help you with adoption or if you're keeping your baby.
Please look for help kiddo. A mother's love is unconditional. When she realizes you need her right now, she'll come around to her senses.
I wish you and your baby the best of luck kiddo!
Tonvwill, consider an open adoption, that way you could possibly keep in contact with the baby. Without the support of his family or your family you have so little options.
I just am wondering are your parents responsible for the baby since you are under aged.
Is It their choice to give it up.
Will you be considered an adult when you have this baby and be responsible for it.
Right now the boy or his parents bear no responsibilities since paternity can not be established.
Could the boy and his parents stop an adoption.
Can the state declare you unfit and make you a ward of the state and take the baby.
All I can say, you need some serious help, try calling a planned parenthood counselor or A children's hospital and speak to a counselor. They may know the laws in your area regarding such matters.
I've been reading all these posts to this CHILD. Where in the world is people's humanitarianism?? Who said anything about she seduced HIM?? Maybe it's the other way around! All she said was that she is 15 and the father is 13. Were is the seducing part?? And another thing, BOTH family's could press rape charges on the other. Then again, who said it was rape?? Maybe it was consentual (sp). That child came on here and asked for some type of a parental advice. Yes, she needs to be told about what could lay ahead, but people... have some kind of heart!
I have a friend who's 15 year old daughter got pregnant by some boy she met at a party. The mother wanted her to give the baby up for adoption, the girl wanted to keep the baby. She kept it, didn't want to have to take care of it all the time, so the child became the grandmother's responsibility.
And what does this girl do? Two years later, she is pregnant again, different guy.
I'm all for showing kids understanding, but these young kids need to know they are bringing another human being in the world that has to be cared for and raised. You don't have babies at 15 just because you want one and the government should not have to take care of them. Kids need to be told they are wrong when they do something wrong that has dire consequence.
I fell sorry for this young lady because she has no clue what she's gotten herself into, and the boy, I don't know what he must be thinking.
Someone is going to have to raise that child, her mother will probably end up doing it. I just hope she isn't understood and coddled so much that she'll see no problem with getting another baby in a couple of years.
Excuse me, but a 15 yr old girl who has sex with a 13 yr old boy and makes the statement; "I intentionally got pregnant because I wanted a baby.", that spells seduction to me. I said it was rape, specifically statutory rape. The father is underage, the girl is older, that makes it statutory rape.Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred40
I do have a heart. I feel for the poor baby that will result from this ill conceived idea. But I have little compassion for an immature child who would corrupt a 13 yr old to become pregnant under these circumstances.
Yha know what she is 15 she is pregnant and she needs help she also needs to hear actual facts not you seduced or didn't seduce the boy or the baby is having a baby or baby will be taken away by child services!! Lest get a grip! We all have different ideaon this lets not send out the wrong message here she needs to be told the truth but in a nice way she needs to have things explain where a very scared very confused 15 year old gilr can understand it!! We can trow things back and forth at each other but it won't help or change the fact she is pregnant and she is going to have this baby and she has a very big dession to make... but how on gods green earth can she do that is she don't know the meddical facts of what could happen to her or the baby she probbly don't know of any help places in her area and she probbly don't even know where to start on getting this done... being adults some with compation some with out on this subjet need to kep in mind its help she asked for not critisium so put cruel comments aside for one sec and send her all the medical help she could use and any info about your area and things she could look for to help her work through this big dession... and for all those who say a 15 year old don't know what to do with a baby well I hate to burst your bubble but even a 20-40 year old first mother is scared and doesn't know what to do with a new child and most children that go into care are not from young mothers but drug addicted mother who get pregnant and can't look after their child look up the info it will make you head spin I know it did for me!!
And dear child look for help... ask question and find a qiuet place to think things through in the end its your child.. I know when I found out I was pregnant I was so scared my mom was like yours but I did descide to keep my child who is now over 6 years old and it was hard and I know I sufferd through long nights by myself and a lot of hard ship money troubles and yes I asked the government for help and got on OW (ontario works) when I was old enough but I worked my butt off to get my schooling and have a job and make a life for me and my child.. if you are prepared to work harder then you ever have in you short life and spend sleepless nights up with babe and then going to school then go fot it!! if deep in your heart you know you can do it be strong hold your head high... and never let anyone tell you different.. but do listen to the nice advise and if no one on here can help you with meddical info go do some research on your own make yourself prepared for what ever may come your way... other then that always believe in yourself you may to some have made a mistake.. and to others a bad judgement.. but only you can figure out what you think of this situation and only you know what you want to do so go forward be brave and good luck.. my hopes are with you... and just a word once you reach rock bottom the only way is up!!
Oh and to those who will freek about my typing I have three kids to deal with and I am on here to help out this girl not to get graded on my spelling... and to make a point I got a 5.0 and past an I.Q test with a 195 I don't like to have to prove myself but some on here care more about speling puctuation and grammar then helping out others.
Its not the fact that we care more about your spelling and grammar than this girl, that's not it at all. It's just a little hard to understand what you are trying to get across.
I understand what you are saying and I'm sure this young lady is thankful for your support.
I think the problem a lot of people have, is there are just way too many teens getting pregnant on purpose without a clue to what they are getting in to. They just want a baby. They get government help, told it's OK and many of them go on to have another baby.
While they need to be understood, they also need to know what they are doing is irresponsible and selfish. (I'm speaking of the ones that do it on purpose) These young ladies need to know that if they decide to get pregnant on purpose, they need to have the facts before hand.
Her concern was not what is available to help her get through this, she wanted to know if her mother could make her give up this baby she got pregnant with on purpose.
I'm thinking, if you think your grown enough to do this, show me how grown you are by having that figured out before hand. At least have some concept of what you're going to need to care for this child and have a way to do it.
This is one reason teenagers have no business making babies. They do it with very little thought, then want others to uphold their decision and lend them a hand.
My advice to her would be to be prepared to lose her teen years. Once this baby is here, the baby is her priority, her responsibility. And then I wish her the best.
lilred40 disagrees: Did she state that she intentionally wanted to get pregnant by that 13 year old boy? No. She stated she intentionally wanted to get prengant. Unfortunately, it happened to be him. What if the boy was 17 instead of 13? Would your views be any differ?
First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html
She had sex with a 13 yr old boy to get herself pregnant. That's the key point. My views would differ if she hadn't preyed on a 13 yr old, but not appreciably. The key is that she deliberately went about getting pregnant.
To Connie,
We ARE telling her the facts. There is a strong likelihood that she committed statutory rape. There is a goood possibility that she may be prosecuted for it.
Remember she didn't ask about health issues or support. Her question was whether the baby could be taken away from her. That's the question that I was answering.
I believe that it is both posiable that she could lose it or she could keep it a lot depends on who her social worker is. If she has the determination then a social worker may send her to a unwed mothers home (which in my opinion might be the best since her mom isn't any help) or they might just take the baby away all together. I feal so sorry for this girl she has compleetly ruined her teen years and quite posiably the rest of her life if things go a certain way. But I also know of several girls that at 15 got to keep their babies. Some of them had them taken away years after because of neglect or other things, but there are just as many who didn't have them taken away it all depends on what type of mother they turn out to be. I don't wish to say that I think it is write for children to have babies, but if you think about it it wasn't all that many years ago that parents married off their girls at 15 and 16. Was it right, no it should have been the girls wishes but they had no say so in it. I think that everyone is going a little overboard with all the crazyness and are not sticking to the topic. Yes the question was could her mother make her give it up, but I think that she should be given a more indept answer. I think maybe she needs to decide if she is strong enough to do this and is this a right decision for her. I have to agree she shouldn't have done this because ultimatly she has ruined the life she would have had, but then she could make it into a good life. Now it all depends on her. If she would like some help finding resources I will be glad to look up what I can, the internet is a vast wealth of knowledge. I so far haven't came across the info for her original question but I'm batteling the flu and a migraine so I can't sit here that long.
PS: my spelling is horiable but the spell checker keeps comeing up with weird words so I gave up on it lol.
And yes there are to many young girls having children these days but what I want to know is where are their parents? No spanking and putting rules down means wild children. Its sad, when I have children you better believe they will have rules and spankings and they will not be alone with boys... silly parents.
Okay, first off... I had to skip so many of your post because it is making me cross-eyed. An occasional misspelling is one thing, complete destruction of the written english language is another. At least try! Being new to the site... I would suggest you make friends before enemies.
Secondly, Has any else here thought... The mother wasn't there to teach her daughter right from wrong (having sex at 15!? ), then how would you expect her to be there to raise her daughters child (when she can't raise her own)?
Connie-Mom: You asked if anyone has had a one-night stand? Yes when I was 20 something and paying my own way... no child should be having sex at 15! Sex is for adults!! Because you need to be an adult to deal with the consequences. I also agree this shouldn't be a bash session, but in my opinion... you started it. Father Chuck may have been a little blunt (he is know for that), but most of his advise is dead on! (Research for yourself).
I would never give my child up for adoption, but I am/was also obviously a lot more responsible than the OP. She can not feed the child, clothe the child, diaper the child or teach the child (she has a lot to learn herself). Hell, my 2yo can hold a child... there is more (as you all know) to raising a child.
All that being said... tonvwill: You have made a mistake, time to make the best of your decisions. If your mom is not willing to help, do you have other family that would be willing to help you? An Aunt willing to take both (you and your new baby) of you in? Where is your dad? I don't think you are a bad person, or necessarily would be a bad mom... you just haven't been taught right. That, my dear, is not your fault.
The only thing you can do now is raise your head, your sights and your standards. Get to working on plan B, but looks like with no help Plan A (adoption) will have to work for you (it's what is best for the baby). Try maybe looking into a private adoption, where you would still have contact with your child.
Either way... good luck to you and your family. Keep us updated.
Tonvwill I don't think it was such a good idea to get pregnant at such a young age. If you choose to keep the child you will soon learn how hard and expensive it is for anybody of any age, let alone 15. I wish you the best.
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