Hi! I have just turned 16 and I am dating a 13 year old, and I was wondering if that is "OK". We are both virgins, and we DO both love each other very much. WE both know our limits when it comes to the relationship, niether one of us would go further than the other would want to at anything. Yes I have just turned 16, and yes lot of guys that age aren't in it for love, but I can say that I am. I am not going to say.. ohh I don't want sex, for any guy would like that, but I know the limits. You might think she is immature, but she is not. We like to play around and stuff like that but at the same time we can still be serious and have normal conversations and what not without it getting "silly". Of course, I am more or less afraid of what her parents will think about it. My first thought is they may not like the whole idea, but maybe if we explain all this to them they won't have a problem.
Please help me out on this one! Thanks!

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Originally Posted by djmidnight

Hi! i have just turned 16 and i am dating a 13 year old, and i was wondering if that is "OK". We are both virgins, and we DO both love each other very much. WE both know our limits when it comes to the relationship, niether one of us would go further than the other would want to at anything. Yes I have just turned 16, and yes lot of guys that age arent in it for love, but i can say that i am. I am not going to say..ohh i dont want sex, for any guy would like that, but i know the limits. You might think she is immature, but she is not. We like to play around and stuff like that but at the same time we can still be serious and have normal conversations and what not without it getting "silly". Of course, i am more or less afraid of what her parents will think about it. My first thought is they may not like the whole idea, but maybe if we explain all this to them they wont have a problem.
please help me out on this one! thanks!

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No that's just wrong

Its not likely to be okay with her parents. I know it wouldn't be okay for my daughter. And I wonder how her parents don't already know about this, where are they??

Legally yes.

There is nothing illegal about dating. The legalities come when having sexual relations.

However, I can't understand how you can think you are dating if her parents are not on board with this. A 13 yr old should definitely not be dating without her parents knowledge.

I would wait until she's 14 and then let her get her parent's permission.

To most people it would seem that you are taking advantage of this young girl. Just treat her with respect and don't engage in sexual activities, she's not old enough and you could be prosecuted. Just enjoy eachothers company and see how your relationship progresses

NO that is not OK. Think of it this way. She has only reached her first year of being a teenager. Sorry if you don't want to hear this but my guess is that she has not even reach puberty yet. I dated a 16 year old guy when I was 14 and I regret it until this day. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. Please if you can let her stay a kid as long as possible and find someone closer to your age to date. Not to mention if something were to happen that she pressed charges against you that you can be tried as an adult in court at the age of 16. I can't make you do anything. But use your common sense and DO NOT PUSH HER INTO ANYTHING, she is young and gullable. It will be best for the both of you.

OK, I know a lot of people "just say this", but I dated a guy who was 17 when I was 13. And... idk. He didn't take advantage of me. But for me, when I told my parents they FLIPPED. It was honestly the worst time in my life because my parents neva trusted me. It was horrible. However, of her parents were OK with it it might be a different story. But if there not, please take my advice, and Don't do that to her. If you really love her, then you both can wait and be friends for a while intill she hits 14 or 15. That would make the situation a hole lot more better

Hey there I was 13 when I dated a 16 year old and our relationship was great his parents knew about and so did mine but my parents never freaked on me they said now that I'm a teenager and will make my own mistakes and learn from them but they also guided me in to the relationship also they told me about sex and stuff and they helped me they didn't really care but they also did care a lot when he broke my heart my parents were there just don't rush in to anything with this girl and yes I say it's just fine as long as it's not a sexual contact relationship

TECHNICALLY YES YOU CAN.
I am also a 13 year old girl and to me age does not matter. Almost all of my guy friends are older than me and all of my boyfriends have been older. THe parents in the situation, may not like it so much. If it was the other way around then it might not be a problem. I can't say first hand, but dads seem to be more protective over their daughters than their sons. I can't really be all that intune with dads though because mine lives 3 states away and I only see him 3 times a year. Mom is also always really busy with stuff and hardly ever notices what I do. Anyway, Age should never create an issue in a relationship, however, in this scary world in which we live, its basically all that matters to people outside of a relationship. Don't let that affect you and her. However, I do not support the main obvective of most guys. SEX DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, take advantage of her and tell her things like, You're pretty, or I love you, or Ill always be here for you, just to get her to have sex with you. That's not right. Obviously she can't be emotionally mature enough to do that. No matter how intellecutally secure and emotionally stable she may act, she can't be ready yet. You can love her though. And you can and should support her and let her know that someone in this big old world loves her. If not that, you can be her friend, her brother, even her boyfriend, but not her LOVER.
That's about it
L4<3
Nikki

I Think That if you two love each other then forget the age I've gone out with younger gus and older it doesn't matter about age her parents should be willing to look past the age and see that you really love her with your heart !

Age does matter when you're 13 and he's 16 or when one is a minor and the other one is not. Love has nothing to do with it. She is too young to be dating and you are too old to be trying date her.
I know if it were my daughter, I would have a fit and would be having a conversation with your parents.

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Originally Posted by carly381

I Think That if you two love each other then forget the age ive gone out with younger gus and older it doesnt matter about age her parents should be willing to look past the age and see that you really love her with your heart !

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When one is in their adolescence they are more often than not more in love with the concept of being in love then actually in love with someone. Kids in their adolescence don't have the maturity and experience to truly judge whether they are really in love or not. Sure it feels like love to them, but it rarely is.

Age doesn't matter when both are adults, but it certainly does matter when one or both are minors. Part of the responsibility of parents is to make judgements that their children are not experienced enough to make. They know that what I said about adolescents and love is true. That's why parents aren't so willing to look beyond the age because they can see the difference between love and infatuation.

Who says what its not breaking the law at all and if you like each other why not its no one els business is it good luck together

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Originally Posted by djmidnight

Hi! i have just turned 16 and i am dating a 13 year old, and i was wondering if that is "OK". We are both virgins, and we DO both love each other very much. WE both know our limits when it comes to the relationship, niether one of us would go further than the other would want to at anything. Yes I have just turned 16, and yes lot of guys that age arent in it for love, but i can say that i am. I am not going to say..ohh i dont want sex, for any guy would like that, but i know the limits. You might think she is immature, but she is not. We like to play around and stuff like that but at the same time we can still be serious and have normal conversations and what not without it getting "silly". Of course, i am more or less afraid of what her parents will think about it. My first thought is they may not like the whole idea, but maybe if we explain all this to them they wont have a problem.
please help me out on this one! thanks!

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That is totally okay. As much as people want to think it is wrong, age is just a number. Most of the time parents will dissagree but you two will have to be stronger than that, trust me I know. I went through that at a point in my life as well. I was 13 dating a 17 year old, 14 dating an 18 year old, and 14 dating a 17 year old. Age is just a number and if it was meant to be, it will happen.

I meant to add to the above reddie, that it is wrong to encourage teens to do things against their parents wishes. That is not being strong, that is being disobedient.
There is no way I would have allowed a 16 year old boy around my 13 year old daughter. Parents are supposed to make sure their kids are not doing things that aren't good for them. Just because something may be meant to happen does not mean you don't put some restraints on your teens. People are meant to have sex and babies but you don't just give your young teens free range to do it.
A 13 year old girl is not ready for a relationship, let alone with a 16 year old boy with raging hormones.
Like I said earlier, me and your parents would be having a chat about my daughter.

Well I'm 13 but most people thnk I'm 14 or 15 because I already went through puberty and developed so a lot of older guys look at me atnd they just want some I just know it. So many people are going to say that you just want to get some from her but you have 2 prove to them that your different because alll boys want is sex. And you know its true so yea. Hope I helped

Let's pretend that she is my daughter and you have just asked my permission to date her...
I'm now hollering for my husband who is going to explain a few life lessons to you, and if that doesn’t sink in then maybe he will shove it down your throat with his fist. How is that for a NO.

For stonewilder, I really haven't really got around that much, just because I date older guys doesn't mean that I won't responsible. Just because someone is dating someone it doesn't mean that and that is exactly what everyone is thinking. I'm sorry but if the parents trust their child enough then why not? I'm also straightedge so that means I don't have sex before marriage, do drugs, or drink. I'm sorry but age is really just a number and it is someone's choice if they would like to date older or younger no matter what everyone else thinks, because in life no one really cares about everyone's else's opinions.

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Originally Posted by steffy_bear

I'm sorry but if the parents trust their child enough then why not? I'm also straightedge so that means I don't have sex before marriage, do drugs, or drink. I'm sorry but age is really just a number and it is someones choice if they would like to date older or younger no matter what everyone else thinks,

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First, If you read the OP, you will see that her parents don't know about. He specifically stated he was afraid what they will think. So we don't know if the parents are OK with it.

Second, those of us that are mature have repeatedly said that age DOES matter when one or both of the parties are minors. This is because minors are still developing and maturing. As children mature they go through different stages, and the difference between those stages can be a wide gulf at just a few years. When both parties are adults, then age differences are not a real factor, but for minors it is.

Third, as minors, they still are subject to parental care and concerns. So it is NOT entirely their choice.

So please stop giving such bad advice.

And the parents not knowing oh well. They should just tell them and what they say is what they say. I don't care what anyone says, everything happens for a reason and if they are meant to be then it will happen no matter what the parents say or not. Please tell me if you were going to marry someone and you brought them home and your parents didn't like them would you leave them to make your parents happy or stay with them to make yourself happy? The parents can not like the idea and be cautious but ultimately it is their decision.

Again NOT when one or both are minors! When are you going to understand that? If I was going to marry someone I would no longer be a minor. So your question has no bearing. If its "meant to happen" then they can wait until they are both over 18 and see if they are really in love. But while they are minors, the parents make the decision.

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Originally Posted by steffy_bear

And the parents not knowing oh well. They should just tell them and what they say is what they say. I don't care what anyone says, everything happens for a reason and if they are meant to be then it will happen no matter what the parents say or not. Please tell me if you were going to marry someone and you brought them home and your parents didn't like them would you leave them to make your parents happy or stay with them to make yourself happy? The parents can not like the idea and be cautious but ultimately it is their decision.

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We are not talking about adults bring someone home, we are talking about teenagers, minors. 13 is too young to be dating and a parent, has every right to say so.
Whether you agree or this agree, is immaterial. We are talking about minors, and a girl who is barely in her teens.

Comments on this poststeffy_bear disagrees: That's your opinion and personally I think your sdvice is bad not mine. =]

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

When your advice ignores established facts and encourages a child to defy their parents then that IS bad advice. You are entitled to disgaree with me but your use of a negative comment was inappropriate.

One of my bfs is always liking younger girls his latest is a 13 and he like you is 16 but he's almost 17. I have he upmost respect for love but she's just a baby you're age difference is not only illegal but also irrealistic what happens when you're 18 and you can go clubing? And her parents will not like it. Trust me I'm 16 and these 20 year olds try pursuing me and my parents go crazy.

I disagree Rinacakes, but only with your last comment about love is love. You can justify anothing under the guise of love. I've read a lot about ages are just numbers and all that nonsense, at the ages we are talking about I doubt most realize what love actually is and what ramifications wait for them when they do things out of "love". At 13 I loved candy, soccer and a slurpee now and again, let kids be kids and lets get off this notion that age plays no part in anything, itreally is the silliest thing I've heard in a while.

Personally, I would let my 13 year old date a 16 year old. But rest assured, there would be strict guidelines until my daughter reached the age of majority. I am sure if the boy was 'truly in love' with my daughter he would be willing to endure my rules.

Rule number one would be that all contact with my daughter would be chaperoned by myself, my husband or both until she reached the age of majority. Zero exceptions.

I think that one simple rule would put things into proper perspective for the would-be-suitor. If he is honourable, there should be no problems.

I myself am 3 years (and for part of the year 4 years) older than my husband. Granted, I was 27 and he was 24 when we began dating, but I understand your dilemma.

Work it out with her parents if you wish to court this girl. This will make or break your relationship.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

When one is in their adolescence they are more often than not more in love with the concept of being in love then actually in love with someone. Kids in their adolescence don't have the maturity and experience to truly judge whether they are really in love or not. Sure it feels like love to them, but it rarely is.

Age doesn't matter when both are adults, but it certainly does matter when one or both are minors. Part of the responsibility of parents is to make judgements that their children are not experienced enough to make. They know that what I said about adolescents and love is true. That's why parents aren't so willing to look beyond the age because they can see the difference between love and infatuation.

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I COMPLETELY disagree the thing is you can tell if your in love when you're a child and adults just take a child's maturity for granted !

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Originally Posted by carly381

i COMPLETELY disagree the thing is you can tell if your in love when your a child and adults just take a childs maturity for granted !

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So your claim is that a child of 13 with little experience in intersexual relationships, can tell when they are in love. And if you believe that I have a bridge in Brooklyn you might want to buy.

Sorry kid, but adults, who have already been through it, know better. Young teens today are rushed into this whole relationship thing. Kids change partners weekly. Hormones are mistaken for love. When you grow up (you are 13 and think you are engaged) you'll know what I mean.

Eh, if it makes you happy, then sure, but personally I think 13's a little young..

"Age doesn't matter when both are adults, but it certainly does matter when one or both are minors. Part of the responsibility of parents is to make judgements that their children are not experienced enough to make. They know that what I said about adolescents and love is true. That's why parents aren't so willing to look beyond the age because they can see the difference between love and infatuation."

love doesnt have jack to do with age. sure if youre 14 and run around saying youre in love after a month, you clearly dont know what youre talking about. but if youre 14 and have been with someone since you were 12, im sure they know what love was. it also depends on maturity level as well. just because you are legally "a minor" doesnt mean you know nothing when it comes to love. youre implying that once they hit 19 they'll know all about it, concidering theyre not "minors" any longer. which is a very ignorant statement.

Just take it slow guys there's no time limit on love. You'll know if you loved them or not when you break up and find yourself still in love 6 months later.

You say you are more or less afraid of what her parents will think about it. Do you like her enough and are you man enough to go and sit down with her and her parents and tell them just about what you said in your post ( I might not say it exactly like that) but experess to them that you like her a lot and that she has the same feelings for you. Tell them that you realize that this may not last a life time or for that matter even a year because people do change but for now the two of you are at the stage that you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend if they approve. And also point out that in a few years the difference in your ages will not matter, if fact it will be about average of couples getting married. Good luck to both of you.

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Originally Posted by godsbabygirl267

I am also a 13 year old girl and to me age does not matter. ... Mom is also always really busy with stuff and hardly ever notices what i do. ... Age should never create an issue in a relationship, however,... its basically all that matters to people outside of a relationship. ... However, I do not support the main obvective of most guys. SEX DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT, take advantage of her
Nikki

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Some good advice and some not so good advice. You don't say how much older your boyfriends have been. But at 13 you really shouldn't have had many, if any relationships.

I think it's a shame that your mom doesn't have time for you and hasn't given you the boundaries a 13 yr old should have.

Its also not true that age is all that matters to those outside a relationship. As has been said here, age does not matter in an adult relationship, but it DOES matter when one or both are still minors.

I had parents freek out about the age difference thing, back when I was 17 and the girl was 15. My thoughts then were "what could a 17 yr/old do that a 14 year old couldn't, but it made a difference to the parents, so that was the end of the story.

Now I have a slightly different perspective...

Do you have a job in which you can support someone else along with yourself? Shouldn't the purpose of dating be to look for a marriage partner? If it is close friendship, why can't you do that without attaching all the pressures of dating into the situation? Do you want this to be just a practice relationship for when you are actually ready for finding a life partner? I'm not saying to stop enjoying each other's company and friendship, but take a long look at your motivation.

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Originally Posted by carly381

I Think That if you two love each other then forget the age ive gone out with younger gus and older it doesnt matter about age her parents should be willing to look past the age and see that you really love her with your heart !

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Are you serious? If an 11 year old girl decides she loves a 16 year old boy and he her, I as a parent am supposed to just let them be because they think they love each other? Give me a break.
No need for parents then, (except to buy kids what they want and put a roof over their heads) let them do what they want. Let then live.

Obvouisly carly381 has no idea what parents are suppose to be doing, they are suppose to be showing you what is right and wrong, and setting rules and boundies that you are suppose to follow. Not just letting things happen. I am sorry if you have parents like this, since proper parenting is not like that.

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Originally Posted by djmidnight

Hi! i have just turned 16 and i am dating a 13 year old, and i was wondering if that is "OK". We are both virgins, and we DO both love each other very much. WE both know our limits when it comes to the relationship, niether one of us would go further than the other would want to at anything. Yes I have just turned 16, and yes lot of guys that age arent in it for love, but i can say that i am. I am not going to say..ohh i dont want sex, for any guy would like that, but i know the limits. You might think she is immature, but she is not. We like to play around and stuff like that but at the same time we can still be serious and have normal conversations and what not without it getting "silly". Of course, i am more or less afraid of what her parents will think about it. My first thought is they may not like the whole idea, but maybe if we explain all this to them they wont have a problem.
please help me out on this one! thanks!

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Well ima tell truth love make you do some crazy , even on tha age tip. But ima be real and straight up she's to young rite now you need to keep that between you until she's a good 15 or at least 16 cause telling her mama I mean mi mama would have been done went crazy but I don't know maybe you should wait but I can't say that cause your in love so make the best out of it
One love lissa

Just do homework together, and please just do homework together. Help each others at school and visit each others' parents houses, okay?

Yea you're fine. Just make sure the parents are okay with it... If you love someone.. thats what matters the most. Don't pay any attention to other people.
Its not even against the law.

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Originally Posted by BayB

yea youre fine. Just make sure the parents are okay with it.... If you love someone..thats what matters the most. Dont pay any attention to other people.
Its not even against the law.

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Hello, BayB!

Greetings and WELCOME to the site! I do hope that you take some time to read thoroughly, an original post and how other people have already responded to posts to which you decide to form an opinion and then post a response.

djmidnight obviously was looking for other's opinions as to what do, so I do take exception to your advice of "Don't pay any attention to other people." Would that include you?

Also, djmidnight has not so much logged onto this site nor responded to any of the responses posted to this thread since November 3, 2007 at 09:05 A.M.