Ask Me Help Desk - My Girlfriend of a year and a half.she wants a "break".

My Girlfriend of a year and a half.she wants a "break".

All right people. I'm feeling really down so I thought I'd come here to tell you my story and maybe get a bit of advice..

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a year and a half.. she's 15 and I'm 16. Our relationship had everything, we went to each other's house nearly every day, we went on trips together and we were very happy with each other, or so it seemed.

About 4 weeks ago (I was just about to go on holiday), she suggested going out casually (we still see each other but see other people too). I said no, definitely not as I couldn't share her with other people. So that was that, we were still together.. going out steady.

When I came home from holiday (2 weeks ago), everything was back to normal. We went to each others houses and stuff and we were just acting like we usually would. Then one day she brought it up again, only this time she suggested that we go on a "break". She told me the reason for this was that we can see other people for a while. She told me she's only 15 and wants to see other people at this age.

I'm very hurt by this. I can't take my mind off her.

I have also done something very stupid.. I don't text her or phone her but when she logs onto MSN, I chat away to her. I've told her she's my everything etc etc, and I know I shouldn't have done this as soon as I read some topics on this forum.

Let her have her space. The more you push her the more likely she is to think that you really are not the right guy for her right now. She's probably just thinking that she's only 15 and doesn't need to be in a serious relationship.

You should respect her feelings and if she decides to break up let it happen and find another nice girl to date.

I know. She told me that she doesn't want a serious relationship at 15 years old but if we go on a long break, she will realise what she's missing...

Not if you keep chatting with her...

And honestly she may decide that she's not missing much. You need to be prepared for both outcomes.

That's why I'm going to try my best not to talk to her. It's going to be very difficult, but I'm going to do it.

I know. I love her very much however and I can't imagine my life without her. We have spent every day since we started going out with each other.

Just remember that its for the best.

There is one thing you will learn through you life-taking your time and waiting.
You two are still young, let her see more in her life and give her a chance, also give you a chance to see more.
Don't be blinded by love, don't rush things. Just give her some time, wait a little bit.
Your personal growth is more important at this point, so either she comes back after a while or leaves you, it's all part of life, you will grow stonger.

Just let the break take it's course. Take some time for yourself and enjoy it.:)

I will try to enjoy it. The most difficult thing is at night, when I think about how much I love her, I can't sleep. I know this girl is the one for me, even though I am only 16.

I do think she'll see what she is missing. It might take her a month or two, but she will see what she is missing.

Hang in there DazzaB and ponder this as you go:

When we are teenagers the pain is deep
But the learning curve is steep.

Our first lover we wish to marry,
We are sure she's the one and it feels a little scary.

Our hormones rage and our hearts beat -
We dream of a life together where our thoughts are deep.

Romeo and Juliet were just teens after all
And they got so overwhelmed they both took a fall.

The thing is that if they had hung around until they were a few years older
They might have seen that as you grow life makes you bolder.
It also makes you wiser.
So, hang in there in a few years you'll be old enough to drink budweiser...
And think of the girl you were sure you wanted to marry -
Because in a few years you might look back and be glad you are very...
Very... free.

Just a thought.

And when we are older we still have troubles... Here's some advice that may be of use in the future too:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

You had fun and now its over... with her at least, but there will be others. Enjoy your youth and don't waste it on being carried away with your emotions. It get better if you act right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazzaB

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a year and a half.. she's 15 and I'm 16.

I'm going to break the bad news to you. At your age this was never going to be a life long relationship. Truth is you'll probably be in more relationships and some will probably last longer. But that doesn't mean you can't pick up a few pointers from this and learn for the next girl.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Our relationship had everything, we went to each other's house nearly every day, we went on trips together and we were very happy with each other, or so it seemed.

Tip number 1. Do not go to each other's house everyday. If you talk make it short. If you tell her your going to be there at a certain time, and it's not important that you be there at that time show up late by 15 minutes. Keep her guessing. End conversations with her and don't always be available.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

About 4 weeks ago (I was just about to go on holiday), she suggested going out casually (we still see each other but see other people too). I said no, definitely not as I couldn't share her with other people. So that was that, we were still together.. going out steady.

Tip 2. When she or any girl says that a couple of things are already happening. One is she is already thinking about it so there are problems already. Second is she is getting her courage up to end it. This sounds like it was a "dry run" to see how you would react, what she would feel like and how it would all play out. In the future if this type of question is posed to you, your answer should be "That's a great idea, I've been interested in seeing someone else myself" or "That's a great idea, I've got a lot of other things I'd like to do but I can't juggle them all and see you."

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

When I came home from holiday (2 weeks ago), everything was back to normal. We went to each others houses and stuff and we were just acting like we usually would. Then one day she brought it up again, only this time she suggested that we go on a "break". She told me the reason for this was that we can see other people for a while. She told me she's only 15 and wants to see other people at this age.

It's so hard to explain to people your age because you don't even know what real life is yet. I can't tell you because you haven't lived it but once your out of high school you won't even remember this girl. In reality it won't take you that long but the standards you live by are not realistic when applied to the real world. That is why I hope you can learn from this for future relationships.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

I'm very hurt by this. I can't take my mind off her.

Sounds like you need Chuff's get over the ex advice. Here it is...

I'd recommend making a list of things that you want to do in the short term only. Hang that list up so that you see it when you go to sleep and when you wake up and start working on those things. The more you focus on those things the better you'll start to feel and less you'll think of the ex.

I also recommend that if you don't have a gym membership you get one. Working out is a great way to get out of the house but also make yourself feel better. Get on a elliptical or stairmaster and just go for 10 or 15 minutes. Get off and rest and then do it again for another 10 or 15 minutes. I promise you, you won't be thinking about anything else other than what your doing. Plus it's healthy for you. Even if you don't get a gym membership take a walk, and go for long ones if you have the time. It gets you out the house, clears you head, and makes is healthy for you. If you have something else you like that's physical do that. Anything that creates motion in your body is good for you.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

I have also done something very stupid.. I don't text her or phone her but when she logs onto MSN, I chat away to her. I've told her she's my everything etc etc, and I know I shouldn't have done this as soon as I read some topics on this forum.

Well I don't know if I would call that stupid. You at least learned not to do it. Some people have yet to get that after several posters tell them over and over. But yes you are right in that this was the wrong thing to do. One of the problems you have created was that you were always there for her. You became so available that you never gave her space, or a time to think about your, or a time to wonder what you were doing. You were always there.

Secondly, telling her that she is your everything works awesome in the movies. In real life it get's your butt kicked to the curb. Women want a man that is solid, and one that has to tell her he needs her or she is everything to him makes him look soft. The other problem is you can't say to her "I don't need you" or "you are not my everything" because that only states the obvious that you do need her. So you have to show her by your actions that you are strong and don't need her by getting out of there and not talking to her. You must disappear.

But this time is also for you. It's a time to rediscover who you are and what you want that has nothing to do with her. So take your new found freedom, rebuild yourself, rediscover yourself and create some traits that will make you stronger in the future.

Yes, but we have agreed that this isn't the end. We went on a break last year for a month and it done us the world of good...

I'm going to do the "silence is golden" technique. I know that she will come crawling back soon enough and I will take her back. I will take your advice on not making myself so available. This is probably the reason it has came to this, we seen too much of each other thus making the relationship boring.

If she does come back to me and we get back together, and it doesn't work out... then I know it's for the best. But I think I owe the relationship that one more last chance.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Yes, but we have agreed that this isn't the end..

That sounds like an one way agreement to me.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

We went on a break last year for a month and it done us the world of good...

So the other guy she was interested in did like her back?

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

I'm going to do the "silence is golden" technique. I know that she will come crawling back soon enough and I will take her back.

She may very well but how many times can she take a break with you?

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

I will take your advice on not making myself so available. This is probably the reason it has came to this, we seen too much of each other thus making the relationship boring.

Yes you are right... and you are learning. Good news here.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

If she does come back to me and we get back together, and it doesn't work out... then I know it's for the best. But I think I owe the relationship that one more last chance.

You might, I can't make that decsion for you, but she made the break up call... not you. So you owe the relationship nothing at this point. It is her that needs to prove what the relationship is worth. You've done everything... and more that you can do for the relationship. Time for her to step up and hold her end of the bargin.

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Originally Posted by chuff

That sounds like an one way agreement to me.

No, we both stated that we would see how this break goes and that we will get back soon to see how we both feel.

So the other guy she was interested in did like her back?

I actually did the dumping back then. I made a big mistake and was made to pay for it.

She may very well but how many times can she take a break with you?

That's what my worry is. If this will happen again..

Yes you are right....and you are learning. Good news here.

You might, I can't make that decsion for you, but she made the break up call....not you. So you owe the relationship nothing at this point. It is her that needs to prove what the relationship is worth. You've done everything.....and more that you can do for the relationship. Time for her to step up and hold her end of the bargin.

You're right and I will try to avoid her until she contacts me. She texts me every night to tell me how much she loves me and to say night.

My quotes in bold...

At your age - less is more with the opposite sex.

But now's the time for learning kid... So, do what you must.
One day this may all look different.

And one note: Don't get anybody pregnant.

You guys just need your own space.
Don't go see each other every day don't go out all the time.
This is what happened with me and my ex we spent way too much time together and I really got sick of it I couldn't see any of my friends it was always him him him him.
And I now know why we didn't work out. It was seeing each other all the time it didn't make things speacial when we did see each other. And we just fought.
I know I wanted a break so I could go meet new people and make mew friends.
But I was not and will not sleep around.
Maybe this is all it is too much time together

Yeah, I think so as well Sarah. I really enjoy her company, so after I make her sweat a little and let her get used to being single again, I think we will give us another go.

Umm... why are you looking for a life-long commitment at 16? I made the same mistake but keep in mind that at 16, people say things and they usually end up being alf truths. I sure hope it'll work for you guys and I hope you'll be the 1 out of 20 who will marry their sweetheart from when they were teens. But you're gonna have to be prepared for the worst.

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Originally Posted by Canada_Sweety

Umm... why are you looking for a life-long commitment at 16? I made the same mistake but keep in mind that at 16, people say things and they usually end up being alf truths. I sure hope it'll work for you guys and I hope you'll be the 1 out of 20 who will marry their sweetheart from when they were teens. But you're gonna have to be prepared for the worst.

Exactly! @ the age of 16, it's too early to look for a life long commitment.
When you start college, begin your job, enter the real world, you will change and grow.
U can't help changing, everyone experiences it. Nothing is easy in life, you can make things happen and see things beautifully but again it's not simple as you have thought.
Life without waves,up and down is not the one you want it to be.

Ok, so now my time to ask your advice..

I have agreed with myself not to contact her. But every night she sends me a message to tell me how much she loves me and to say night. Should I reply to these?

Also, if she texts me during the day to ask me what I'm doing, should I reply? I'm afraid if I don't reply, she will give up on me..

She has told me that she taken advantage of me lately because she sees me every day and she wants a break to see what she's missing.. She has told me that once she sees what's she's missing, she will come back and ask me to start seeing her again.. When this happens what should I do? Tell her no to keep her sweating, tell her I'll think about it or what?

I really do want this girl back in my life. We got on very well and didn't row that much. I understand that she wants to be single for a while..

Of course you can reply. But as a friend and minimal.

Let her go.
Would you want her back after she tests out other guys? If it works out with the other guy, she's gone. If it doesn't work out, she's comes back to you? If you do take her back you are a butt kisser and she will never have respect for you...

Face the hard cold facts - Its over

All right, so I had been in no contact with her at all today (she had texted me twice to say she loves me and she's thinking of me to which I didn't reply to) until she logs onto MSN tonight. I don't speak to her and after about half an hour, she starts to speak to me.

Her cousin is up (she only sees him once a year) and she tells me that he's going home on Thursday. She suggested that I come over tomorrow to see him before he goes home (when her cousin is up, I usually see him every day). I told her, "we agreed we weren't going to see each other any more".. that was really difficult to do and I really wanted to go but I knew that she was the one that wants this break, and I want to make her sweat.

Have I done the right thing? Or should I go tomorrow and try to sort this out?

You're doing the right thing. If she wants the break then let her have it. As for seeing her cousin, maybe you should... well, if you can find a way to get around her.

You need to step back and take a hard look at how you are being used, manipulated and led around by the nose. Absolutely no contact with her at all. Disappear from her life and get your own.

Dude, I don't have time right now to give you the Chuffing you deserve. But this girl is using your a$$. She is stringing you along, keeping you in her emotional web and making you play this game with yourself. Just stop. She wanted a break to see other people. In other words, more accurate words she dumped you. She didn't think you were good enough for her. She will only think your good enough if she dates other people and they become bigger wusses then you so she can manipulate them as well. Then she will do the same damn thing. She doesn't care one damn bit about you, and if you don't believe me ask yourself this... "Would I Dazza treat her like this?" I'm not psychic, I know you wouldn't. Why? Because you know it's not right to play with people's emotions and you wouldn't do that to someone that you care about. Well she obviously feels differently then you, so nut up and put an end to this BS by this bottom feeder.

Ok people, here I return. Now, what you lot doesn't realise is that she's got a lot to think about at the minute.

Her mum has a new boyfriend who is going on holidays with them (they're going in 10 days), her dad is in hospital feeling ill, all her dogs are dying (2 of them have already died), she's going to see her favourite band in concert very soon, she's working every day (she only started the job).. she's only 15 so I'm assuming that she has a lot to think about...

Now, she wants a break to see what she's missing.. I don't care what any of you say, she DOES care about me. She sees me every day and she has got so used to us being together that she is now taking me for granted. She didn't dump me, because when I told her we're better off breaking up completely, she didn't want to.. she says that we'll be better than ever when we're both ready (I also told her that I was taking her for granted too)...

So, to make this break, a "break".. I need to be not talking to her.. I want her to see what she's missing. When I'm at home, I think about her because I have nothing else to do.. I usually end up texting her then.. when I don't text her, she texts me and that sets me off again...

So what should I do? Block her from MSN? Not reply to her messages, go out and not be about home very much?

Any advice is appreciated as I'm really struggling at the moment. I have met two other girls since we fell out... I don't like any of them.

I know you went out with her a long time, and it hurts like HECK...
Worse than anything you can think of... BUT:

She's not missing anything - you are. (Don't let her make that happen.)

You're 15, so enjoy that. 90% of the planet is older than you.

To do list: There's... sports, girls, school, girls, video games, girls, girls, girls, school, friends, movies, girls, and pizza... (Not necessarily in that order.) And girls.

Block your MSN, stay off the computer awhile, get in a fight with your sibling, make your parents buy you something to cheer you up and be PUMPED! You have your whole life ahead of you.
TRUST ME. If you ignore her, and be happy (fake it if you have to) it will
Be the best (and only thing) you can do to make her think about you... And you now need to go (try) enjoy yourself...

On top of getting over her manipulative ways, you'll come to realize in a few years or so how you want to be treated. You shouldn't settle for anything less, don't sell yourself short. In a few years you're going to be so busy (especially when Junior - Senior year) when you are applying for colleges and the last thing you want on your mind is some girl who is stringing you along while you have your own stuff to do.

High school can be hard, but it's more of a test to see how you can learn and figure out how to handle the real world. I've been out almost two years now and I still have trouble, as most people much older STILL need help.

Go hit up a sports team, get active, get fit, keep your mind, body and attitude healthy and clean.

Think about it like this, what's more attractive than being a smart, confident (but not cocky) individual with a real world outlook on life and an education to take you far.

Something I wish I did was take some lower division college courses while still in high school. I was in a class and there was a SOPHOMORE in high school in my same class. He was taking 9 units (3 classes) during summer courses (6 weeks)

Yeah, you lose some of your free time to... sit and do nothing, but if you started NOW and get all of your lower division courses complete, especially at a far cheaper price than any uc or state.. you're set bro. You'll not only go into a jc, uc or state with your general ed complete (or at least close to complete) You can finish a 4 year college in 2 if you stick to it.

You're 15, don't worry about girls and love and sex and all that stuff.

Kevin

Oh Dazza,

How lucky are you. Today I DOOOOOOOO have time time to give you the proper Chuffing you deserve. Hold on tight. Dazza it's nothing personal you are about to be Chuffed.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Ok people, here I return. Now, what you lot doesn't realise is that she's got alot to think about at the minute.

God she uses, you like an emotional tampon. Your actually making excuses for her behavior. She has enough time to text you, and MSN you, and toy with you, and throw her emotional garbage at you. Yet you take it and use it as an excuse for her behavior. Do you think the guy she's really looking for acts like this?

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Her mum has a new boyfriend who is going on holidays with them (they're going in 10 days),

Wow she's going on vacation. Such a tough life.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

her dad is in hospital feeling ill,

And yet she still finds time to get on MSN and talk to you while dumping all her problems on you.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

all her dogs are dying (2 of them have already died),

Well the dog lover in Chuff can certainly relate. Losing a dog sucks. It sucks bad. When I lost my dog I didn't have anyone to dump my emotional pain on. I had to suck it and work through it. I'm glad she had you. To bad if the reversed happen you wouldn't have her.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

she's going to see her favourite band in concert very soon,

While that certainly is stressful.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

she's working every day (she only started the job).. she's only 15 so I'm assuming that she has a lot to think about...

I work everyday. Even today on my day off I got a call about some damage at where I work. I still don't go around using people to be my emotional tampon while I look for someone else.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Now, she wants a break to see what she's missing..

Then why doesn't she take that break? All she seems to do is text, and IM you. It's like she has all these issues and she found somebody that will listen to all of it. As a woman that certainly isn't something she would find attractive in a man but it certainly something she would like to have around so she doesn't have to deal with the issues.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

I don't care what any of you say, she DOES care about me.

Oh my.

Hold... on... a min... ute.

Oh man that was funny. Thanks, I really needed that.

It turns out that some vandals did a bunch of damage at my place of business overnight. The worst part is I don't even own what they vandalized so I have to break it to the guy that does own it, and it's thousands of dollars worth of damage. Normally I wouldn't post something like that here but since you like being an emotional tampon I figured I'd throw some of my problems at you as well. You don't mind do you? I mean after all I do care about you so that's all that matters I just feel like I'm missing something if I don't answer other posters.

Hey tampon, wake up. She's using you. She does NOT care about you and all you are is a way for her to dump her problems. If she did care she would not have dumped you... yeah remember that, she dumped you.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

She sees me every day and she has got so used to us being together that she is now taking me for granted.

That's her story huh.

My story is you made yourself so available that she had no reason and no challenge in the relationship. But she also didn't want to get rid of the only guy she knew that was her tampon so she said "I need a break."

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

She didn't dump me,

Oh God please take the show on the road. Tampon I can't stop laughing.

A break is another word for dump. Call it what ever word you want you are not in a relationship with her so by that very definition. But for you act I'll accept that you got breaked which I guess means you got broke. She broke you. Congratulations, you're a broken man.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

because when I told her we're better off breaking up completely, she didn't want to..

You don't really think she was giving up her emotional tampon, do you?

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

she says that we'll be better than ever when we're both ready

How nice of her. You know what's funny about that besides the line itself. It's the same line every other girl uses when they want to keep there emotional tampon stringing along hoping for false hope.

Guess what. It's working! Sure you are making excuses for her, telling all of us with more life experience that we are wrong, your actually defending her stupid behavior and the way she treats you.

Score one for her and a big fat zero for her emotional tampon.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

(I also told her that I was taking her for granted too)...

Oh God.

So she threw you under the bus, and told her to drive over you again.

I can just imagine how you said it, "your Dad's dying, you are about to go on vacation, and now I'm taking you for granted, you are right I you need a break. Contact me anytime."

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

So, to make this break, a "break".. I need to be not talking to her..

Finally a grain of sanity in all this.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

I want her to see what she's missing.

Exactly. Now we are getting somewhere.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

When I'm at home, I think about her because I have nothing else to do.. I usually end up texting her then..

Well stop texting her.

Here is my get over break up solution. I'd recommend making a list of things that you want to do in the short term only. Hang that list up so that you see it when you go to sleep and when you wake up and start working on those things. The more you focus on those things the better you'll start to feel and less you'll think of the ex.

I also recommend that if you don't have a gym membership you get one. Working out is a great way to get out of the house but also make yourself feel better. Get on a elliptical or stairmaster and just go for 10 or 15 minutes. Get off and rest and then do it again for another 10 or 15 minutes. I promise you, you won't be thinking about anything else other than what your doing. Plus it's healthy for you. Even if you don't get a gym membership take a walk, and go for long ones if you have the time. It gets you out the house, clears you head, and makes is healthy for you. If you have something else you like that's physical do that. Anything that creates motion in your body is good for you.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

when I don't text her, she texts me and that sets me off again...

Stop accepting texts.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

So what should I do? Block her from MSN?

Yes.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Not reply to her messages,

Yes.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

go out and not be about home very much?

Yes... or do things that need to be done at home.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Any advice is appreciated as I'm really struggling at the moment. I have met two other girls since we fell out... I don't like any of them.

Forget about girls and figure out what you want from a girl. Also figure out what you want from yourself and what you will accept and will not accept from a woman.

Quote:

she's only 15 so I'm assuming that she has a lot to think about...

Leave this 15 year old alone and broaden your horizons. There is agreat big world with a lot of fun stuff to do and your way to young to get stuck on a female. You had fun, great. Nows the time to move on, and stop letting her put you on hold while she does her thing. How old are you anyway??

He's 16

Yes, he is 16 and they have been dating for 1.5 years.

Well, kids these days... back in the old days, I wasn't even allowed to talk to boys at the age of 15,LOL.:D

Ok well as you know we're going out "casually".. but after reading Chuff's posts I've realised how bad she has treated me! I haven't been in contact with her since Saturday night and she hasn't bothered to text me or anything..

We aren't on a break any more we are going "casually"... should I ring her and tell her that we should go on the break she wanted? Or just leave it until she contacts me?

What would be the point? Casually date someone else.

Give her the break she says she wants and you start seeing other people. At your age there's no need to go exclusive. You've got lots of options so exercise them.

Going through the same thing and it suks! A lot! I'm 18 and she's 16 and she said the same thing although I have smothered her the past 2 weeks I'm stopping by not calling her or txting and I even deleted mysapce lol so do the best thing for you and stop all contact and gl hope you get through it!

Ps: many other girls out there although I can't take my own advice

Has any one noticed how a simple break, turned into casual dating? That's how easy you can move from LUV, to being put in the friend zone. Fellas especially the younger guys, when a female says break, don't do anything but give her what she wants and seek your own happiness. Hanging around waiting gets you confused, and makes you look downright silly waiting for a bone. Leave the drama and chaos behind you, and move forward and enjoy the freedom of being a happy single guy. Dazz, are you a happy single guy??

Hey, a very similar thing happened to me but the other way around when I was 16, I was devistated when we split because he wanted to see other people but I moved on and found someone else quite soon, then he decided he wanted me back, we got back together but only so I could have the satisfaction of dumping him. I'm 26 now and he still chases after me! And I'm married with a kid. She will soon realise what she's missing out on when she see's that your moving on with your life, just get out there and meet someone else that's my advice, wish you all the best :)