I had tried to make her my own since 2 years and now its 5 months that she and I started a relationship. Before a couple of days, she told me that she had one boyfriend before me and she had sex with him too. Its was a hard thing for me to bear and I can't even imagine about an incident like that. She was having that previous relationship when I was trying to make her my own. She was just 14 when she had sex.

I'm so much sad about it and so much of cryings not to be the person to have sex when she was a virgin. I was dreaming about to be the one and only man in her life to have sex with her but now it's a very hard to make my mind clear. She says that she wants to be with me forever and loves me more than her life. She cries so much too.

Once I decided to forgive her and said my decision and now our relationship it still alive but I cannot make my mind that much clear. I still love her. If you please help me to take the most correct decision and tell me how to get over this, it will be helpful for me to decide my whole future.

You shouldn't be deciding your whole future when you are both teenagers. You're 16. That's too young to be planning your life. Have fun, do well in school and prepare yourself to get into college. Marriage? Being the only man in someone's life? That's way too much to worry about at your age. Get over the fact that she's not a virgin. She made a mistake. Let it go.

MEN and their obsession over virgins. Not all men, but far too many. Do we women agonize over the sexual past of our men?
What's this 'trying to make her my own?' For starters, people aren't puppies or ipods. You don't 'make' them anything, nor do you own them. Secondly, she wasn't your girlfriend yet. What gives you some special rights just because you were TRYING to be her boyfriend then?
Grow up. Yes, I am being harsh and mean. Neither one of you has a clue what promises for the future mean anyway. Teen age romance turns on a dime. One reason why parents keep their children from involvements like this (aside from pregnancy) is the total cluelessness about what any of it means. She could wake up one morning 3 weeks from now and decide she likes the cute guy next to her in class, and you could do the same.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

MEN and their obsession over virgins. Not all men, but far too many. Do we women agonize over the sexual past of our men?
What's this 'trying to make her my own?' For starters, people aren't puppies or ipods. You don't 'make' them anything, nor do you own them. Secondly, she wasn't your girlfriend yet. What gives you some special rights just because you were TRYING to be her boyfriend then?
Grow up. Yes, I am being harsh and mean. Neither one of you has a clue what promises for the future mean anyway. Teen age romance turns on a dime. One reason why parents keep their children from involvements like this (aside from pregnancy) is the total cluelessness about what any of it means. She could wake up one morning 3 weeks from now and decide she likes the cute guy next to her in class, and you could do the same.

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Oh now this is totally unfair... I read the original post and thought about all I was going to say to him. As I usually do, I read the replies and I saw this one and thought, "Great, she said everything that I was going to say." Great post.

All I can add is stop the crying and trying to make her feel guilty for something that happened years ago while you were trying to make her yours.

Thanks for the good laugh this morning odinn7.
At least you have more greenies than replies, quite a feat on AMHD, and something to be proud of.
Is it because I 'pave the way'? Nah. It's because you take time to think, and give quality over quantity.

First of all, be a man and stop crying like a baby. Grow a spine. What happened before you two were exclusive is none of your business.

At 16, I can promise you, you won't be together forever. Stop the thoughts of marriage, chances are high she won't be the one you marry.

For now keep your junk in your pants. You've already shown your immaturity by crying over her losing her virginity, it's apparent you aren't mature enough to be a father.

You mean... should I leave her?

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you mean... should I leave her?

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Yes. You can't respect her.

I missed the part where you decided to 'forgive' her. For WHAT? She doesn't need forgiving - you do, for being so horrible. You have her crying over something that is your fault. She should dump you, but probably won't, so out of fairness, you should leave her. Just make it clear that it's because you can't handle this situation like a mature person (which you aren't).
If you live in a culture where virgins are prizes, have an arranged marriage in a few years.

You are 16 and time to put away the notions of childhood dreams and put your best foot forward to manhood. Decide if you love the person or the idea of what you want the person to be?

If you love the person then enjoy them while they are in your life. Be grateful, and stop crying and making her feel bad for the things that are none of your business, and you have no control over. Until you can cope with reality and deal with YOURELF, then you have a long way to go to mature manhood. Show love not misery.

If you cannot control your own thoughts and actions, then you are not yet ready for mature manhood and have a lot of work to do NOW, before you can plan for tomorrow.

She should leave you for oh so many reasons that are in your post. But mostly she should leave you because you are a drama queen. Stop crying and man-up. Go to the drugstore and beg the Pharmacist for a masculinity pill.

I agree, as you get older, girls will have had many boy friends before you, your issue, is that she should not have told you.

Next she is not "your own" she is a girlfriend, just that. You do not own her.

Next you are sad since you did not get to be the first, so all you are interested in is the sex also.

Thanks a lot for your ideasss

More comments are accepted please

What do you think of what has been told you so far? Without your input and questions then this thread will likely fade away.

My girlfriend and I had sex for the first time month before last month. (we both are 14 years old). Can I know about the changes that occur in the her body after losing virginity. (temporary changes and long term changes in body except from the absence of the hymen) Will those changes affect for her future life? Will her body shape change?

There are no physical changes from losing virginity, but there are major physical changes for her from pregnancy, which she may be if you didn't use protection.

The only physical change is the rupturing of her hymen.

However there are emotional changes that can be very hard to handle for people your age. Plus there is the risk of pregnancy that can have a profound affect in many ways.

You are too young to be engaging in sexual intercourse. End of story.

And I'm moving this thread. You posted this under Adult Sexuality in violation of our rules that only adults can contribute to this forum.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

The only physical change is the rupturing of her hymen.

However there are emotional changes that can be very hard to handle for people your age. Plus there is the risk of pregnancy that can have a profound affect in many ways.

You are too young to be engaging in sexual intercourse. End of story.

And I'm moving this thread. You posted this under Adult Sexuality in violation of our rules that only adults can contribute to this forum.

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Some people say that the hips get wider and the breasts get more heavier and bigger after losing virginity . Are those saying true?

This is just one of the reasons you should not be engaging in sex. You are trying to emulate adult behaviors without the emotional growth or maturity that is necessary.

You were already answered, losing virginity has no physical effect other than the rupturing of the hymen. Who are these "some people"? People in your peer group who know as little about biology as you do?

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

This is just one of the reasons you should not be engaging in sex. You are trying to emulate adult behaviors without the emotional growth or maturity that is necessary.

You were already answered, losing virginity has no physical effect other than the rupturing of the hymen. Who are these "some people"? People in your peer group who know as little about biology as you do?

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Sarcasm warning - Maybe this is all a science project and in the interest of higher education they engaged in a physical relationship.

Seriously though - what is the point of these questions?