I'm so confused! Well first of all. I'm a white european-american and he's half black and half spanish.(I've never liked a black guy before but this guy is different) I know this is not important but it kind of bothers me. I do fencing and I met him at a meet. Me and my two other friends thought he was pretty hot. We all talked with him and then he wrote down our names to Facebook us. We became friends on Facebook and eventually on aim. We talked A LOT and I really liked him. I saw him again at another meet that lasted like 12 hours.. he was there and he totally put the moves on me. For example, he put his elbow on my shoulder & it kind of hurt and he saw that so he massaged my shoulder for more than a minute.. and we shared a coke. Things like that. I was so happy. Then we talked more on aim after that day, and he kept flirting. At first, I loved it. Then he wasn't on for a few days and I missed him a lot): and when we talked again I was happy.. and then I don't know I sort of didn't like him as much anymore. He's such a flirt. And at that 12 hour meet I told my 2 best friends who were in the area to meet him. They kind of discouraged me from him a little.. and so did a few other friends. I think its because he's black but I asked them if that's why and they said no and that they just thought he was ugly. Anyway, I'm just so flustered by my feelings and I like him but I'm not sure if I do if its because of the attention or because I really do like him. IM SO CONFUSED ):
I know I wrote a lot but I REALLY need advice...

How old are you? What exactly is your problem? It sounds like you and your friends need racial diversity, and sensitivity, education.

Seems your not thrilled when your friends don't like your choice, so you back off. To bad, their opinion carries that much weight.

Wait... are these the two friends who thought he was hot to begin with? My head's spinning lol. Stop caring what other people think and follow your own heart.

I agree disliking someone because they are racially different to you is disgusting. Sorry to put it so bluntly but I really believe it is integrally wrong.

So what should you do?

Hmm, grow up and realise that

a. that judging someone on their appearance is also mean and incorrect (as your friends 'reason' for disliking him became)
b. that colour of skin, sexual preference or point of origin does not predetermine a person
c. your friends opinion is not all that important if you like him.
d. all of the above

I'd go with d. To be honest I don't think you deserve what seems to be a nice guy if your going to follow your friends and your racism away from him anyway.

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

How old are you? What exactly is your problem? It sounds like you and your friends need racial diversity, and sensitivity, education.

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I'm 15 and he's 17.. I don't care about race but we live 40 minutes away from each other. And the friends who thought he was hot is different from my friends who came to the meet to see him. And my mom personally frowns upon racial... mixing I guess? But its not like I'm going to marry him.. but I'm not sure what to do about this. Thanks for your response anyway though/

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Seems your not thrilled when your friends don't like your choice, so you back off. To bad, their opinion carries that much weight.

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I think you're right. I don't know why I care so much but I gave it thought and I think they're jealous because no juniors have asked them out... or liked them. And some other friend lets call her friend A said he's a creeper because he made dirty jokes to me. A lot of other things but I won't go into detail.. but he talks sexually sometimes and he told me he's not a virgin, that he dranked and smoked. But that doesn't bother me too much.. except for some of the things he said. He called me sexy and that flattered me but he also used the L word. And it's a little too soon. And were not even going out... and he hangs around girls a lot, but he said to my fencing friend that he likes me.

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Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

Wait...are these the two friends who thought he was hot to begin with? My head's spinning lol. Stop caring what other people think and follow your own heart.

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No lol they're different... fencing friends are the ones who thought he was hot and the other two said the things that sort of discouraged me. If you look at my other comments above, you'll also see why I'm insecure. And I'm not rascist whatsoever! But if someone calls the person you like ugly, I don't know you somewhat look at them at a different view. But I like him when he's not here and I miss him, but when he talks to me, I sort of get annoyed because of some of the things he says. I've never had a cute older guy hit on me until now. So I'm not sure if I like him because of the affection he's showing me or some other reason..

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Originally Posted by neverme

I agree disliking someone because they are racially different to you is disgusting. Sorry to put it so bluntly but I really believe it is integrally wrong.

So what should you do?

Hmm, grow up and realise that

a. that judging someone on their appearance is also mean and incorrect (as your friends 'reason' for disliking him became)
b. that colour of skin, sexual preference or point of origin does not predetermine a person
c. your friends opinion is not all that important if you like him.
d. all of the above

I'd go with d. To be honest I don't think you deserve what seems to be a nice guy if your going to follow your friends and your racism away from him anyway.

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Its not that I'm rascist because that's not true whatsoever. I'm just scared I guess because he's older, not a virgin, and he told me a lot about himself and he's sort of a perv. I liked him but a lot of people told him they thought he gave off a weird vibe. I could go on for hours telling you what he told me about himself that sort of scared me or got me sort of discouraged. But I think I like him and honestly I'm not a mean person, and saying I don't deserve a nice guy is a little harsh. Its just I have another meet tomorrow and he's going to be there, but he told me he wants a picture of me in his memory book. I'm just not good at taking things fast. I've been hurt by guys in the past, and I don't want him to take advantage of me. So I'm just confused if I should go for him and meet him tomorrow or just back away.

don't pay attention to what your friends say about him, probably they are just jealous and are trying to make you think that you don't like him (I am saying this from experience).

About the thing "and hes sort of a perv", well try to find out more about him if I were you to see if he's just playing around or anything.. but it can also be that he is trying to impress, get attention from you
And also, what a person did in the past is not a garuntee of the present i.e. people change etc.. But the way you put it is like he sort of "boasted" as he told you he is not a virgin from the very first.. it takes time to see what the person's really made of

Get to know him better, become more friends before dating if you feel insecure about him.
Advice: do not fall for him from too early, take it one at a time

About the pictrue he wants, if you are confused, tell him you forgot, and if he asks you for it on aim tell him your harddisk got corrupted or whatsoever.. an excuse will do till you feel comfortable with him ;)
Don't do anything you are not sure of
By meeting him it won't hurt, just watch what you are doing and think with your mind not your heart (till you are not confused about him anymore)

Good luck :)

I do see some red flags about this guy, since you have elaborated. You have some honest misgivings that maybe should be paid attention to.

Your absolutely right about going slow though, and don't do anything you are uncomfortable about. Getting to know someone is hardly a commitment for life, and its for your own protection.

Take it at your own pace and do what you feel is the right thing for you, and no one else.

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Originally Posted by Mel_126

don't pay attention to what your friends say about him, probably they are just jealous and are trying to make you think that you don't like him (i am saying this from experience).

about the thing "and hes sort of a perv", well try to find out more about him if i were you to see if he's just playing around or anything.. but it can also be that he is trying to impress, get attention from you
and also, what a person did in the past is not a garuntee of the present i.e. people change etc.. but the way you put it is like he sort of "boasted" as he told you he is not a virgin from the very first.. it takes time to see what the person's really made of

get to know him better, become more friends before dating if you feel insecure about him.
advice: do not fall for him from too early, take it one at a time

about the pictrue he wants, if you are confused, tell him you forgot, and if he asks you for it on aim tell him your harddisk got corrupted or whatsoever.. an excuse will do till you feel comfortable with him ;)
don't do anything you are not sure of
by meeting him it won't hurt, just watch what you are doing and think with your mind not your heart (till you are not confused about him anymore)

good luck :)

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Thank you so much! Out of everything I've heard so far your advice probably helped me the most. I really appreciate that you took the time to help me and now I think I know what I'm going to do... he does seem to like me because he told me that when he gets his car (he already has a license) he wants to take me out somewhere. And he even told me if I didn't live so far away he'd totally ask me out. :) but my only problem lately is when I talk to him and say "hey" he won't answer me.. in the past 2 days I tried on fb, no answer, aim- no answer.. and last night I said hey you never answer me any more what's going on? And no answer. I miss him so much when he doesn't answer me.. and when I do talk I get sort of nervous. Honestly I think love is confusing. But I'm going to try to fix this..

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I do see some red flags about this guy, since you have elaborated. You have some honest misgivings that maybe should be paid attention to.

Your absolutely right about going slow though, and don't do anything you are uncomfortable about. Getting to know someone is hardly a commitment for life, and its for your own protection.

Take it at your own pace and do what you feel is the right thing for you, and no one else.

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Thank you! I appreciate your view of things and I will take them into consideration.

I'm glad my post helped :)

Don't try to run after him all the time, let him come to you sometimes, let him miss you and feel your absence. It will make him realize more that he likes you. I am not saying here to abandon him - no way, or else he would think you are not into him, but if you make him wait, he will become eager to meet you.
About the thing: "when i talk to him and say "hey" he wont answer me.. in the past 2 days i tried on fb, no answer, aim- no answer.. and last night i said hey u never answer me any more whats going on? and no answer."
.. it happened to me, and I got really confused and obsessed etc. so I am afraid to give you advice on this :S
But if it were to happen to me again I would:
Let some time pass, don't fuss on it
If you are sure that you will meet soon, then don't make any more contact, if he is really there he will respond

If you are not sure you can meet (had not mentioned about coming again or anything last time) after a week or a bit more passes and no still no answer, contact him again.

I agree with what talaniman had posted as well.

Your welcome. I have to say though and I assume you can tell if he is online or not, but not answering, in a friendly way is yet another red flag, and his words are not matching his actions.

He says he would do this, and that, but can't say Hi how are you? Pay attention to small things like that.

I totally again with talaniman, it could be this way too.
Also about checking whether he is really offline, check if there are anyway from where you can check if he is really on

But on the other hand it could be also that he is just trying to play a bit hard to get

Be careful and just as talaniman said: "Pay attention to small things like that."

If these 'negative thoughts' are wrong, than he will contact you and miss you and you get the answer
However if he does contact you, still keep an eye on him, his way of talking, etc.

Well. What do you like about him, give me 5 reasons you liked him that don't involve you? If you don't see anything in his personallity that attracts you, then you can't really like him. It is all just feelings of attraction that are not based off knowledge. I believe in order to truly like someone it can't just be based off feelings of attraction, there has to be things specifically about this person that you like, or other wise the relationship will not be built on a solid foundation.. and he will be just like every other person. My advice analyze the specific things about him that you like.. if you can't find anything.. then you just had feelings of attraction based upon him showing you attention.

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Originally Posted by Mel_126

i'm glad my post helped :)

don't try to run after him all the time, let him come to you sometimes, let him miss you and feel your absence. it will make him realize more that he likes you. i am not saying here to abandon him - no way, or else he would think you are not into him, but if you make him wait, he will become eager to meet you.
about the thing: "when i talk to him and say "hey" he wont answer me.. in the past 2 days i tried on fb, no answer, aim- no answer.. and last night i said hey u never answer me any more whats going on? and no answer."
.. it happened to me, and i got really confused and obsessed etc. so i am afraid to give you advice on this :S
but if it were to happen to me again i would:
let some time pass, don't fuss on it
if you are sure that you will meet soon, then don't make any more contact, if he is really there he will respond

if you are not sure you can meet (had not mentioned about coming again or anything last time) after a week or a bit more passes and no still no answer, contact him again.

i agree with what talaniman had posted as well.

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See usually he writes to me first.. maybe he's playing hard to get? Or maybe he wants to see how long it takes for me to write to him... but it upset me the other day because he made his aim status "im in love with this girl daysi-swan" no idea what that means.. and there's nobody named daysi swan so maybe he just wrote that so he wouldn't write my name? I don't know I'm just being hopeful. Lol and yeah I'm trying not to obsess but when you talk to a person like everyday and then you stop.. n they don't answer it kind of gets to you uk? Il just try to see what happenss

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your welcome. I have to say though and I assume you can tell if he is online or not, but not answering, in a friendly way is yet another red flag, and his words are not matching his actions.

He says he would do this, and that, but can't say Hi how are you? Pay attention to small things like that.

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You're right.. that could also be true... il see what happens if we have future conversations. I can't give you much more to work with but I might see him soon if I get a ride.. like today in 20 minutes or so. I hope things go well if I do see him..

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Originally Posted by Mel_126

i totally again with talaniman, it could be this way too.
also about checking whether he is really offline, check if there are anyways from where you can check if he is really on

but on the other hand it could be also that he is just trying to play a bit hard to get

be careful and just as talaniman said: "Pay attention to small things like that."

if these 'negative thoughts' are wrong, than he will contact you and miss you and you get the answer
however if he does contact you, still keep an eye on him, his way of talking, etc.

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Yes definitely.. I am just hoping he isn't mad at me for something. I doubt I did anything. But he's been calling me hun, sexy, stuff like that and if its all true which I hope it is then he should be into me.. if we talk again which I hope will happen.. then il look at the things he says carefully...