Quote:

---

Originally Posted by beth911

he just said that he tries to treat me better but that he just cant.
Im confused because, how do i know he cares?

---

Do you like to keep "dragging yourself over the coals", especially, considering the uncertainty that you have felt and known by hanging onto J?

You have already had questions answered so many times.

How about listening for a change an acting upon the advice that you have been given, rather than going around the same... really now, hopeless circle of hopelessness concerning that which doesn't seemed destined for you to have.

Hang it up and move on, please.

We could be talking about your future and abilities on this site. I have already tried to do that with you a couple of months ago.

Okay, I can see that you aren't logged onto this site anymore.

Just for another two cents to add here, I would like to add, that there are lots of fish in the sea, and that the first one that you catch might not be the best one to keep.

Above, is just a thought for you to ponder...

Also, please remember what I told you...

"Almost every girlfriend that I ever had, I still love..."

"But, I moved on..."

Why don't you?

I don't think that it is any different for guys as it is for gals concerning that.

I don't know all I can think about is how I'm afraid to go to school tomorrow

Theirs NO way out. I'm so afraid I would die to get out of it

I've always had fears at school... like to do anything or even be seen.

Tomorrows going to be the worst day of my life and I will never forget it.

Ok, tell me everything. Why the worst day of your life?

You would think its stupid. But it's the worst feeling ever to me. To start...
Everyday...
Gym class. - I never participate. I'm afraid to be seen running or anything and I'm afraid to be seen in those clothes. I am very afraid to wear certain things. I even wear the same thing almost everyday for some reason. I over think it.
Class work - I am afraid of finnishing first or last. I'm afraid when I have to get up and walk across the room to turn it in. I feel like everyone's looking at me and sees something wrong with me.
I'm afraid of talking. What if my voice sounds weird?
OK tomorrow in my chemistry class, we have one of those labs. She makes us wear goggles and an apron... NO WAY. NO NONO NO NO NO
I'd rather die. And I don't care that everyone else does it too. If you ask me, they want us to feel and look stupid. Ive had enough of it and I won't go along with it. NO WAY. I guess I'll just continue to fail all my classes and never graduate.

This is why I think I should be homeschooled. I'm not like other kids and I don't accosiate with them. I don't belong there.

And I don't get enough sleep so I'm never there on time.

Then I think that you should go to bed right now so that you can face the real world!

If you want to have relationships, friends, career, home and money, etc. someday, then you are just going to have to face the fact that there are some things that you are going to have to do.

Oh, and uh.. . GOOD NIGHT!

I'd still rather die. "Live every day like it's the last" then I'm not going to feel stupid for a tomorrow that may never come. Then again 100 years from now I should be dead... so I won't care about any of this anymore.

Interestingly enough, no one is looking at you or even cares how you look or act. Each student has the same feeling about himself. And homeschooling won't work. You'll figure out new excuses to get out of stuff.

Well, lukilly I got in school suspensin to I didn't have to go to class. And j seems to be a lot happier now when he talks to me... well I goes tyou could say he talks to me kind of like he talks to his friends... before it seemed worse.idk how to expllain it.
But other people sytill aren't like me... I know for a fact they aren't.
Lets see... I skip lunch to avoid people, Never talk, try to hide my face anythime anyone's aroufn... ywah

I have a boyfriend of 2 years. He got mad and we quit talking for a while so I started talking to another guy online. Now I'm talking to both. My boyfriend wouldn't apretiate me talking to the other guy and he doesn't know about it. I don't want to tell him but I don't want to keep it from him. I want to quit talking to the other guy even though he's really nice and sweet... but I don't want to hurt his feelings. He knows I have a boyfriend.. and he keeps still wanting me to get with him. I told him maybe if me and my boyfriend break up. But he still keeps saying he loves me and that I deserve better and he would treat me better and everything. I told him we could still talk as friends and its not a problem but he doesn't seem to get that. He even said he would take a bullet for me. I like talking to him but I don't want to because of my boyfriend. So what should I do? He is nicer than my boyfriend and seems to care more and everything. But I'm not leaving my boyfriend for him.
Also, I told this guy I loved him back... Last time I told another guy I loved him I was just joking around to see what he would say and that was 2 years ago.. my boyfriend still gets mad over it and says if I ever tell another guy that while we are still together, he is never going to talk to me. So I just want to stop where its at.

Is this guy that you have chatting with online anywhere where it would be easy for you to physically be around him now? That is, if you definitely know who he is and how old he is and that it would be appropriate for you to get together with him?

Is he someone you know from school?

Do you really know how old this other guy is and who he is? If you think that you do, how do you know for sure?

Are you sure that the site where you are chatting with this other guy is a safe place for you to be?

No.
I'm just wondering how I can quit talking to him without making him feel bad. We get along perfectly.

I take it that "No" is the answer to all of the questions that I asked. Correct? I, and I know others are very concerned about you getting involved in chatting with others on sites where you don't really know for sure with whom you are communicating.

If "No" is an answer to all of the questions that I have asked, then just simply not communicating with this other guy anymore should be just fine. If you don't know who he is, where he is or how old he is, then just stop chatting with him. For all you know, he has probably been chatting with other girls around your age and telling them the same things that he has been telling you. How do you or would you know that he hasn't been doing that?

"Getting along perfectly" as you say, is easy to do online, especially if there are no obligations or commitments that are to be made in an in-person in the physical, real world sense.

I don't know how he feels. And, quite frankly, since if "No" is the answer to all of the questions that I have asked, then I don't care about him or how he feels, because according to you because of the way that you have answered my questions, then he is an unknown entity. I would rather be caring about those who do reveal truths about themselves, in instances like this, that can be verified than those that don't. This becomes an issue of trust. Trust must be earned. There are some folks that you can't trust, because you don't know if you can trust them by virtue of the circumstances in "meeting" them, and you don't really know what and why they are about what they do and also the intentions that they have for doing what they are doing.

People can hide so much about themselves with their online identities. It's best to be communicating with people where you are sure it is safe. At least on this site, after hundreds of posts between you and myself, Wondergirl, grammadidi and some others, at least you do somewhat know who we are and what we are about here especially because this site is so well moderated and the credibility that can be shown about the members with whom you are communicating. It's not the same way on most boards and forums out there on the Internet that I have seen and it's certainly not that way on chat sites.

We do care about you greatly here, Beth. Please listen to us.

I am sure that others will also come along to add their own two-cents in answer to your original question.

The way to stop talking to the guy online? Don't sign in to messenger... don't answer his emails... that's the easy part.

The hard part is that you need to decide is if you are committed to your relationship with your boyfriend of two years or your e-boyfriend. E-relationships are easy, they only see the best side of you and vice versa.

Don't lead either guy on. And, I think you're right... your boyfriend would be a tad upset if he knew you had told another guy that you "loved him." Honey, make up your mind and chose.

Wondergirl, I need your help. ASAP
J keeps talking to me and being all nice one day then the next day acting like that again.
He e-mailed me saying this:
"no, you have made your choice. The day you drive up to my house in a Mustang sports car, have both your ears filled with piercings, and wearing a tight, black, full body spandex suit...will be the day I want you. Until then, I'll always just treat you like dirt. So you would be wise to forget about me.."
He keeps saying things like this. I try ignoring him but he always calls or e-mails me and says something to wehere I just want to either kill him or myself.
I can't take it anymore. If I can't be with him I WILL NOT live. And I won't be with him If this is how he's going to be.

O and he keeps saying EVERY LITTLE THING he can POSSIBLY think to say that will bother me

Don't respond to him. AT ALL.

I already did. I told him to leave me alone and I was going to find someone else.
Do you think he cares one bit?
Just the other day he said that he really tries to. And he was acting all nice then next thing you know out of no where he's saying anything and everything to make me want to kill myself.

I mean, do you think he's just saying all that? Why do you think he's doing it? I just don't get why he's acting this way. Its like you never know what to expect from him. Then he said "i like to keep you wondering, it keeps you comming back for more."
Well I can't take it anymore. I thought it went to far a lot of times before. But I swear this time someone's getting hurt.
And it'll probably be his "bff", that girl he talks to all hour while he ignores me.
Then he gets mad that I don't talk to him all hour so now I think that he doesn't want to talk to me and I won't talk to him tomorrow during class and then he'll get mad about it and he'll say that he don't remember ever saying that he doesn't want to talk to me...
I know how it goes. And its weird how every year I've been with him is exactly the same.
Same fights over the same things on the same days just different year.
And we both have changed a little bit but winter time seems about the worst because all we do is argue and stuff and theirs never a reason. He just always has to go and start something with nothing.
I hope one day he is with someone who treats him like he treated me and then he looks back and regrets all this while I am with someone else who treats me better and forget about him...
But I'm not ready for that yet. I am still trying to get him. I just wish he was a whole lot different. What should I do? Io mean do you think if I ignore him he will see that he really is pushing me away and then maybe he will change? Do you think he will really come back?

Do not reply to his IMs or email message. Do not say you will find someone else. Do not say a word to him. Nothing. Nada.

Trust me.

Do you really think he will? And actually... I kind of told him that I already did find someone else just to make him worry.

Do not say a word to him. Do not tell him anything. Do not threaten. Do not promise. Do not throw out red herrings.

DO NOT RESPOND TO HIS EMAIL MESSAGES!

So what if he thinks that I am with someone else and then he just kind of moves on? What if he never does come back? How do I know for sure? Do you think he's only messing around with all this and that he knows I didn't find someone else?

You're sure not finding out the way you're doing it, are you.

Try my way.

I'm confused.
And this last couple months doesn't seem like we have really been together at all.

Confused about what?

You haven't been together these past months.

I don't know. I'm just afraid things aren't going to work out because of how theyv'e been. Do you think he will EVER be... I don't know how to say it other than a good boyfriend?

Do you think he means anything like that he says?

Well, all I know is that you are killing every chance you have.

So this is really all I can do that couls possibly work, right? Or it's the best thing anyway, right? So what do I say when he gets mad I'm ignoring him? Do I still ignore him? Or do I just tell him that its what he wanted?
I mean, he might come up to me and ask me or something? I don't want to just walk away.

If he comes up to you, just treat him like an ordinary person. Do NOT say a word about your past with him, the present situation, or the future with or without him.

Start reciting the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears if you have to.

What if I don't know the story? Lol. J/K.
I could try that and see how it goes.

Then recite a poem or fairy tale you know. DO NOT talk about your relationship with him or threaten about a relationship with anyone else.

Its going to be kind of hard when he's always saying things to other people in front of me that he knows is going to upset me or how he is always talking to his "BFF" and all that.