Ask Me Help Desk - I'm 16 and this girl I met is 11.

Why did you mention UK in your first post when you live in Australia?

Comment on Wondergirl's post

She has to head back there

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Originally Posted by husky004

for me as a parent, not even if he was santa clause.

a decent, kind, reasonable guy would have no desire to enter into a relationship with a child.

could i ask you to use the answer box at the end of the page instead of the comment feature, it makes the thread easier to read and follow

so i take it that means you think i'm in decent?

no.

It means a decent guy would NOT enter a relationship with a child, you are in a relationship with a child...

I don't know about anyone else but I'm finding it increasinly difficult to communicate to the op, the thread is going around in circles.

Comment on redhed35's post

Well, I can be hard to talk to when someone takes an aggressive approach, which some people here have

Actually, if you think about it, Santa is a bit off. When you take your young child to visit him they sit on his lap, and he promises them toys. If he wasn't Santa, just some guy, he'd probably be locked up.

Even I'll agree with that

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Comment on Altenweg's post
I'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down

I know I would. My daughter is 17. If a 22 year old man came calling (same age gap) I would forbid it because they are in two totally different age groups. Whether he made her happy or not is not the issue. The issue is what he would have in common with her.

Unless you have a mental illness, you have nothing in common with an 11 year old. I had my daughter read this thread and all she said was... "OMG, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth."

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Comment on Altenweg's post
And how will she get that necessary experience if she doesn't experience it?

11 years YOUNG is too young for this kind of experience. She should still be playing with Barbie Dolls.

Now, please tell us about her mysterious condition. I'm sure everyone would be interested.

No child 11 should date, any responible parent would not allow it, any other person trying to, would be in jail for a variety of laws and the 11 year old would be grounded to the point of not having a chance to see the other person again.

My granddaughter, most likely they may never see the boy again.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

My granddaughter, most likely they may never see the boy again.

Tell me about it... I'd hold this boys hand as I walked him to the police station!

She's 17 and you would prevent her dating? I know what I'm doing is wrong to you, but at 17 people can make there own decisions. Especially if she's sensible enough to feel sick over this.

Comment on Fr_Chuck's post

I saw you in the other person's post, he had the same problem as me. To many people looking on the logical and morals side of the argument. It's no wonder he closed the post after 13 comments

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Comment on J_9's post
She's 17 and you would prevent her dating? I know what I'm doing is wrong to you, but at 17 people can make there own decisions. Especially if she's sensible enough to feel sick over this.

Why do you continue to put words in my mouth?

I never said I would prevent her from dating someone her age.

What I SAID was I would not allow her to date a 22 year old. That is the same age difference between you and this child.

Well, sorry, that's what I meant. At 22 there are some decent guys, and your daughters obviously sensible enough to make her own decisions

And I'd brake your legs for trying to make her sad at that time

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Comment on Fr_Chuck's post

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I saw you in the other person's post, he had the same problem as me. To many people looking on the logical and morals side of the argument. It's no wonder he closed the post after 13 comments

Here's a site lesson for you. The OP doesn't close the thread. A moderator does if the moderator decides it should be.

I hope you weren't thinking that you could this thread any time you wanted it closed.

Comment on J_9's post

Sorry, I just get angry when I think someone I care about could be sad. And I think that would

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Comment on J_9's post
Your daughters obviously sensible enough to make her own decisions

You know this how? Until she is an adult and moves out of my home, I either approve or disapprove of her decisions. I am the parent here. Her decisions are NEVER final until they are reviewed by myself or my husband first.

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and how will she get that necessary experience if she doesn't experience it?

At 11 it's not time for her to experience it. At 11 it's time for her to be what she is, a child. She'll have plenty of time to experience it when she's old enough to be a bit smart about it. At 11, even if she's the most mature 11 year old on the planet, she's not old enough, and she's not mentally mature enough to handle being in a relationship.

I just told my son about this thread. As mentioned before, he's 12. You know what he said? He said "Why would someone that can drive, can date, goes to highschool, want to date a kid?" He can't wrap his head around it, and he wants to know what you two do together, what you two have in common.

My son has a friend that's 2 years older than him (2 years, not 5!), they've been friends since they were little. This last year they've grown apart. Why? Because his friend is now 14, a teenager, he no longer wants to hang out with the kids, he doesn't have anything in common with my son anymore, they're on totally different levels of maturity. The 14 year old is dating, he's in Junior high, he just got his learner permit (to drive), and he has a job (delivering the newspaper). My son is 12, he's a child. He's still in grade 6, his job is to clear the driveway when it snows. He still likes to play, because he's a kid. Does he like girls? Yes. There's a girl in his class he has a crush on. Is he ready to date? No way! He's a kid!

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Comment on Altenweg's post
If a child wants to date then what's the harm in letting them try?

There is nothing wrong with it, when they are the right age. 11 is not the right age.

Comment on J_9's post

What age would you consider right to start dating then?

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Comment on J_9's post
what age would you consider right to start dating then?

Okay, I've had enough of this. Please stop using the comments feature to follow up. Scroll down to the Answer box.

I consider 15 or 16 to be appropriate if BOTH parties are 15 or 16.

Dude, I've raised 2 sons already, they are 24 and 23. My daughter is 17 and one more son is 8. I think I know what I am talking about here.

Now, tell us about her mysterious condition.

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Originally Posted by husky004

i'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down

Yes, emphatically. I would not (and did not) allow my 11 yr old to date period. When she was 13, she was allowed to hang out with boys and other girls in groups. When she was 14 she was allowed to date one on one. AFTER we met the boy.

You still don't get it. We are now talking about an 11 yr old child who you met while she was in Australia. You have given no indication on how you met her, how long you have known her or what you are going to do when she returns to the UK. What about those things?

Bottom line is you have no business tempting this girl with promises of a relationship that you won 't be able to follow through on.

And again, Please do not use the Comments feature for followups. That is not what they are there for. Use the Answer options at the bottom of the page.

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Now, tell us about her mysterious condition.

If she wants to talk about it then she will, but until that time I'm going to respect her privacy

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scottgem:
You still don't get it. We are now talking about an 11 yr old child who you met while she was in Australia. You have given no indication on how you met her, how long you have known her or what you are going to do when she returns to the UK. What about those things?

Again, if she wants to tell you or she wants me to tell you then I will. But no one here except for me and her have the right to know about that stuff

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am I the only one that finds it strange that the pets expert is beter at giving advie the people person from yesterday? Anyway, that's he's opinion, if a child wants to date then what's the harm in letting them try?

The pets expert is also a mom, and female. ;)

There's tons of harm that can be done. That's the problem. I'm 40, to you that must be ancient. I remember being a teen, and trust me, things aren't any different now then they were back then.

You ask what the harm is? Do you really want to know? I don't think you mean this child any harm. I do believe that you have the best of intentions, that you don't intend to have sex with her. The problem is, you're at an age where dating is something you should be doing, something that's expected, something that most of us (when we were your age) did. She's not at that stage yet. She doesn't have the sense God gave a goat when it comes to dating. It doesn't matter if she's smart, or mature, her age, the very fact that she's only 11, means she's just not ready. How do I know? Because every year I've been on this earth I realize how little I knew when I was younger. A lot of that comes from experience, a lot comes from maturing, and even more comes from being old enough to mentally grasp the consequences of every action.

You don't understand what we're saying because of your age. I'm not saying you're not bright, or mature. I'm saying that you're young. Your 16 year old brain isn't able to understand what we know. It has nothing to do with intelligence, it has to do with brain development, experience, and learning. One day, you'll look back and realize that we're right, because you'll have the knowledge and experience to understand.

You are on the verge of become an adult, well, in the eyes of the law anyway. But you still have years of living to do, learning to do, before you are mentally an adult. She's close to being a teenager. She has many many years before she even reaches the stage you're in right now.

Let me ask you something. What were you doing when you were 11? Be honest with yourself. Think about it. At the age of 11 what was the thing you wanted most? What did you do on a day to day basis? Do you remember your thought process when you were that age?

If you're honest with yourself, I think you'll agree that at 11, you really weren't ready to date.

As for the consequences, well, having a friend that was pregnant at 13 because she really didn't think it could happen to her, that was a big enough consequence for me to start rethinking the things I was doing. Sadly it took many more years before I became smart about the whole thing, but that had more to do with the things I went through then actual intelligence. I'm very lucky that I didn't suffer any serious consequences because I did stupid things. Most people aren't as lucky as I was.

I want the best for my kids. I don't want 5 minutes of stupidity to end up ruining their lives forever. I love them too much for that.