OK so you don't believe(neither do I!)

I lost the idea of god as the supreme,all knowing,omnipotent being when I was 13.Logic and facts ended my belief.

Now I have an understanding I can live with.

MYSELF.

I am the only thing/person/being,that can make me feel anything.

The god I was brought up to believe in just didn't hold water for me.Has there been any miracles that you can show evidence of,in the hear and now?How about this holy spirit they profess about? Do you feel it?I know I don't.

So what is left?Life on life's terms.Living in a world that man makes and breaks.There is no being that is going to MAKE you FEEL better!If you want to believe that,well,go for it.I have tried,many times,I have never,ever had this being/spirit make ANYTHING happen,much help me to feel better,I had to do the work for that.

If I could, don't you think I would ask for the feelings from my life to be better than they were?How about to ask for a better life,not for me,but for all those struggling everywhere,why not,this 'god' should show some kind of interest in those suffering,shouldn't it?Ain't going to happen.

SO,what's left?You making the decisions for yourself.Every time life makes you down,you have to do the right thing to make it better.Faith won't do it,you have none,so faith can't do you any good.ALL decisions are what you make of them,they are your responsibility.This is a life without a god figure hanging over your head.

Make sense?

OK manwithnoname,I have to get my beauty rest and get ready for the 'fun' I am going to have tomorrow.

When I can,I will post again,I might be a little different because of the surgery and pain,but I hope we can still work together!

Take it slow and easy,take a deep breath before you do anything rash and keep up the good work you are doing in here,OK?

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Originally Posted by KBC

OK so you don't believe(neither do I!)

I lost the idea of god as the supreme,all knowing,omnipotent being when I was 13.Logic and facts ended my belief.

Now I have an understanding I can live with.

MYSELF.

I am the only thing/person/being,that can make me feel anything.

The god I was brought up to believe in just didn't hold water for me.Has there been any miracles that you can show evidence of,in the hear and now?How about this holy spirit they profess about? Do you feel it?I know I don't.

So what is left?Life on life's terms.Living in a world that man makes and breaks.There is no being that is going to MAKE you FEEL better!If you want to believe that,well,go for it.I have tried,many times,I have never,ever had this being/spirit make ANYTHING happen,much help me to feel better,I had to do the work for that.

If I could, don't you think I would ask for the feelings from my life to be better than they were?How about to ask for a better life,not for me,but for all those struggling everywhere,why not,this 'god' should show some kind of interest in those suffering,shouldn't it?Ain't gonna happen.

SO,what's left?You making the decisions for yourself.Every time life makes you down,you have to do the right thing to make it better.Faith won't do it,you have none,so faith can't do you any good.ALL decisions are what you make of them,they are your responsibility.This is a life without a god figure hanging over your head.

Make sense?

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I still kind of believe, but not in a spirtual way, more of a, hmm, I don't know exactly what to call it, I believe in a god, I believe that jesus is my lord and savior, but that's pretty much it, no fear of hell or heaven any more, no fear of god judging me, no fear of being sinful, I guess I just see god as something that looks down on us, but doesn't judge us, nor does it interfear, I don't really see it in a religious veiw, more of a, I don't really know exactly, agnostic, I don't know, but now that the fealing of faith, and ghaving to allways be careful not to sin is gone, it almost seems like a large weight has been lifted, I stikll believe that jesus is my savior though, maybe because of my upbringing, but I don't exactly know why, I guess its just comferting, but knowing now that I don't have to worry about what happins when I die, it seems almost, intoxicating, I still have some worries though, but those can be worked out over time

Maybe it's not the right faith for you. Who said that just because you don't believe in Yahweh The Christian Tribal God you would go to hell. It's a ridiculus assumtion. AS long as you live a good life and try your best in all you do if there is a heaven God will have to accept you. Although sometimes by doubting something we regain a stronger sense of faith in that thing. We are no longer following blindly but finding our own reason to follow.

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Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

Its havin an edge over people who try to read me, try to find out how i feel, i dont exactly feel comferatable with that

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It may be just me but I find it a lot easier to read people when they're like that. Because your pity is putting up a front, what your actually feeling slips through the cracks... like when something you say or do is out of that tone pity gives you, it must be what you really are feeling. Like Sigmund Freud said "He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore."

And, also, I know that sometimes it can be a little unnerving having someone understand you and your thoughts and feelings but it's a hell of a lot better than having no one care about them all.

Like I'm going to be honest dude other then your internal problems and the chick thing you seem to have it pretty good. I don't know you so of course I can say for certain but even if there were some things going on you still have it pretty good. And I say that because you are living in an environment where you get to live to be happy unlike the millions and millions of people in the world who are just living to survive. Did you know that in Haiti there are children who are held up in slings because they cannot what so ever hold their own weight? They can hardly even move their limbs since their muscles are so weak and minuscule. They're stomaches are pertruding out so far it's unbelievable and because food is so low in the country from the constant hurricanes they have to resort to eating mud and grass patties just to stop the unbearable pain of hunger. And the terrible thing is they could just give up on life and die but they don't. They keep pushing because they want to live life and enjoy at least some of it and not have it end in the slow agonizing pain that it probably will.

Like I know you're really set on your goals and in your mind right now and that's all you want to do but eventually your going to have to get a back up plan if you don't, because it actually seems like a lot of people don't. To give up just because you don't get exactly what you want in life, to be honest, is a bit selfish. And you're still only 15. I mean you could probably end up finding something else that you want to do more than the Blackwater thing.

People who have gone to a darker part of life (like the aggression you have been feeling) when they get out of it they're actually enlightened by it. You might later on be thankful that you did go through that. Everything that happens in life is a learning experience, it teaches you something; makes you understand something. Regretting things is dumb and a waste of time when you can just take something positive from what happened.

Be thankful for what you have. Be thankful of all the possibilities that you'll get to have in life. And when you get those experiences enjoy them to the fullest or else you just wasted a part of your life that could have been amazing.

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Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

I still kinda belive, but not in a spirtual way, more of a, hmm, I don't know exactly what to call it, I belive in a god, I belive that jesus is my lord and savior, but that's pretty much it, no fear of hell or heaven any more, no fear of god judging me, no fear of being sinful, I guess I just see god as something that looks down on us, but doesn't judge us, nor does it interfear, I don't really see it in a religious veiw, more of a, I don't really know exactly, agnostic, I don't know, but now that the fealing of faith, and ghaving to allways be careful not to sin is gone, it almost seems like a large weight has been lifted, I stikll belive that jesus is my savior though, maybe because of my upbringing, but I don't exactly know why, I guess its just comferting, but knowing now that I don't have to worry about what happins when I die, it seems almost, intoxicating, I still have some worries though, but those can be worked out over time

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Worldly worries are a part of life,every one has them.

So,if the idea of faith is at rest,what's next?The anger? The beating yourself up over your human shortcomings?What is it that is making life so uncomfortable?

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Originally Posted by KBC

Worldly worries are a part of life,every one has them.

So,if the idea of faith is at rest,whats next?The anger? The beating yourself up over your human shortcomings?What is it that is making life so uncomfortable?

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I don't know exactly, oh, I met a girl today, prettiest eyes I've ever seen

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Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

I dont know exactly, oh, i met a girl today, prettiest eyes ive ever seen

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AHH,young love(lust/whatever... lol)

How is she going to be different(if you hook up with her?)

Does she know of your 'violent' past,or can you start on a new foot with her?

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Originally Posted by KBC

AHH,young love(lust/whatever...lol)

How is she going to be different(if you hook up with her?)

Does she know of your 'violent' past,or can you start on a new foot with her?

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No she doesn't, she's a freshman
I probubly can start a new foot with her, if I hook up with her, id probubly pay more attenton to her then I did with my other relationships

That's awesome!

You have learned a powerful lesson.

Are you going to tell her about your drinking/smoking stuff?

I guess you could,but she might not understand.Maybe that would be for another time(right before you PROPOSE TO HER!! :D) JUST KIDDING... LOL

And that reddie we gave that guy yesterday w t f was he thinking anyway?sleeping with her what an idiotic idea!

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Originally Posted by KBC

That's awesome!

You have learned a powerful lesson.

Are you gonna tell her about your drinking/smoking stuff?

I guess you could,but she might not understand.Maybe that would be for another time(right before you PROPOSE TO HER!!!:D) JUST KIDDING...LOL

And that reddie we gave that guy yesterday w t f was he thinking anyway?sleeping with her what an idiotic idea!

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Yeah I know, I don't know if he was being sarcastic, or just stupid
But uh, I'm probubly not going to tell her about the smoking and drinking until I get to know her better, we exchanges cell phone #s so she's been textin me a lot

Good start with the texting.

How are you going to deal with the anger stuff?You know that isn't gone,what happens when it comes to the top again?

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Originally Posted by KBC

Good start with the texting.

How are you going to deal with the anger stuff?You know that isn't gone,what happens when it comes to the top again?

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I don't know, but I really seem to feel happy when she's around< when she speaks, did I mention her eyes, prittiest things ever
But yeah, the anger thing may become a problum

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Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

I dont know, but i really seem to feel happy when shes around< when she speaks, did i mention her eyes, prittiest things ever
but yeah, the anger thing may become a problum

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When do you want to do something about the anger issue?After the next incident or before it has a chance to become another month long regret?

You know all of the people who write in your thread are willing to assist you in the discovery of this anger,and willing to hear your rants as well.Just don't reject them for trying.

I hope you chose to look at it.I am more than willing to help you to see it for what it is.It won't be easy but in the end you will feel something I think you are looking for.PEACE.

TTYL

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Originally Posted by KBC

When do you want to do something about the anger issue?After the next incident or before it has a chance to become another month long regret?

You know all of the people who write in your thread are willing to assist you in the discovery of this anger,and willing to hear your rants as well.Just don't reject them for trying.

I hope you chose to look at it.I am more than willing to help you to see it for what it is.It won't be easy but in the end you will feel something I think you are looking for.PEACE.

TTYL

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I think I'm beginning to control my anger, I met the girls friends today, ehhhhh, bunch of fagets, she's a scene girl, if you don't know what a scene girl is here's a link Urban Dictionary: scene girls
scene girls - Google Image Search
Well being that she's a scene girl she hangs out with emo guys, and they are annoying, all they talk about is myspace, bad music, and how much they don't like me, and I'm not kidding, they said it to her in front of my face, almost as if I wasn't there, they were saying I dress badley, I'm wearing jeans an acdc t shirt, a broun ll bean jacket with fuzzies on the inside, and steal toed boots, while they wear girl pants, scarves, and wool gloves with the fingers cut off, that's hot on a girl, not on guys
But any ways, they were dissin my music, my hobbies
This one guy was pointing at my shirt and pokin at it making fun of acdc, first, unless you don't want to get your @$$ kicked, don't be pokin people, wjhile saying bad things about them, second, never ever say bad things about ac dc, its part of the man code, don't this ac dc, ever, and eat bacon, that's the #1 rule, lol
So he's pokin me, making fun of me, making fun of the best band ever, and I'm taking it like a b*tch, so I'm thinking to myself, pop him in the face, or don't pop him in the face, normally, id go with the first choice, but then I took some time to think
If I pop him in the face, I may never beable to hook up with the girl I like, and if I pop him in the face, shell never go out with me, so I didn't punch him, but I did want him to stop, so I just go full metal jacket door gunner, YouTube - Full Metal Jacket- Get Some I start yellin at him, GET SOWME GET SOWME, GET SOWME BAYBEE, WHOOHOO, it scares him and his friends less, she's laughing, surprising, and he probubly won't mess with me no more

Now that is real progress,you stopped and thought it through, WTG DUDE!!

I can almost see that guy trying to impress her by messing with you!

Now that you know how to deal with idiots like that and not look like a punk,the next time it'll be just as easy!(If not easier)

She respond in any good way,like a smile or a look,, you know the look LOL

Why did you stop and think?What made you do that?

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Originally Posted by KBC

Now that is real progress,you stopped and thought it through,,WTG DUDE!!!

I can almost see that guy tryin to impress her by messing with you!

Now that you know how to deal with idiots like that and not look like a punk,the next time it'll be just as easy!(If not easier)

She respond in any good way,like a smile or a look,,,you know the look LOL

Why did you stop and think?What made you do that?

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She did resond in a good way, a smirk, then a giggle, then the look
I guess I stopped and thought it through because I didn't want to mess up with this girl, and I also thought, what would clint eastwood do, I didn't have a 44. Magnum on me at the time so I just used physicological warfare
The 44. Magnum thing was a joke by the way

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Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

She did resond in a good way, a smirk, then a giggle, then the look
I guess I stopped and thought it through because I didn't want to mess up with this girl, and I also thought, what would clint eastwood do, I didn't have a 44. Magnum on me at the time so I just used physicological warfare
The 44. Magnum thing was a joke by the way

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Like I couldn't tell that was a joke, huh?(I have 2 44. Magnums pointing at the screen right now... ha)

Your progress is really amazing,seriously.At your age I wouldn't have even tried to change my attitude(it took the young girls father pinning me up against the wall and a few choice words from him to do that.:( )

I learned my life lesson the real hard way and I have NEVER forgotten the message either,, it was,' settle down BOY or else... ':eek: I took it to heart,believe me!

So the anger had a chance,now for those eyes... what do they look like again?

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Originally Posted by KBC

Like I couldn't tell that was a joke, huh?(I have 2 44. Magnums pointing at the screen right now...ha)

Your progress is really amazing,seriously.At your age I wouldn't have even tried to change my attitude(it took the young girls father pinning me up against the wall and a few choice words from him to do that.:( )

I learned my life lesson the real hard way and I have NEVER forgotten the message either,,,it was,' settle down BOY or else....':eek: I took it to heart,believe me!

So the anger had a chance,now for those eyes...what do they look like again?

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They are the prettiest things I have ever seen, I could get lost in them, their very blue, like sky blue, eyes of an angel maaan
But yeeah, girlfreinds dads allways scare me, espesually my last gfs dad, very religious, he wanted me to pray at dinner, I freaked out, so I told him that I didn't normally pray at dinner, and that our family doesn't really stricley practice religioun, his face was so red man

As a family tradition we still say grace before the evening meal(when we are all together) but beyond that,no,I have my own beliefs in religious things,, as you already know:p