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I understand needing sleep. I really do, but drinking then taking the sleeping pills is not healthy for you.
You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and empower yourself. You can empower yourself by getting angry at him for doing what he did. Use the anger to your advantage.
Now, as far as work, you tell your mom that you just need to get out of the house and do something that is normal in your life. It will make you feel better to get some fresh air and it will get your mind off things.
J_9 is correct you should be angry at him and not question yourself. Get some sleep, without the extra stuff that isn't good for you.
In cases like this, anger can be productive and get the results you need and deserve. Wallowing in self pity is detrimental to you right now and will not help your situation.
Get pi$$ed off, scream, yell, get mad. It's appropriate, and it's okay.
I know you feel like you need to get out, but I also think your mom is worried for you. Talk to your mom and tell her you need to get out of the house, but don't disobey her.
As far as the pills and alcohol goes, as J_9 said, don't do anything that can discredit your story.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. What you did was very brave.
I didn't drink and take and take sleeping pills at the same time, and I didn't think about the way you put it either. I'm trying to be strong and think positive but it's hard when I can't get my thoughts tomstop. I don't feel sorry for myself I feel angry with myself and I trying hard to not think about it. I already told mum I need to get out that I need something to do to keep busy but I don't think she really was listening but I'll just go anyway I usually get p early on Saturday and go for a run then ride to work. I'll just leave her a note for when she gets upQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Why do you fell angry with yourself? You didn't do anything wrong. You should feel angry at him.
Don't do anything against your mother's wishes, you should, though, tell her that you need some normalcy in your life. Being cooped up is only making matters worse for you. I know she wants the best for you and is trying to protect you from other predators, but she also needs to know that you need to get out and away from your thoughts. The only way you can do this is to go to work, go to school. Otherwise you are cooped up in the house with nothing to do but think about this. She should understand this. I am a mother and I would understand.
I have been angry with him I was angry at him just after it happened I wanted to hurt him but at the time I thought it would also hurt my mum if I said anything tso I pushed it away. I don't know if I can get mad anymore the only thing I feel scared of him and disgusted when I think about himQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
And you SHOULD feel disgusted with him. He is a disgusting child molesting pig! There is nothing wrong with feeling disgusted with him.
You didn't hurt your mum, you saved her from a world of heartache if you let this continue and he eventually did this to your sister. You didn't hurt your mum, he did.
Has Families SA been there? If not, she may need for you to be home when they show up. If they have, did they make any recommendations for counseling and other forms of support to help you get through this?
I feel angry at myself for this whole situation. I'm angry how everything is happening I don't feel like I'm in control of what's happening so I'm angry because I made it this way. I never wanted to tell my mum it's only because I came here and you all made me realise if I didn't something could happen to my sister and it would hurt my mum. So I'm not brave for telling my mum I wouldn't have told her if I thought my sister would be safeQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
No they are coming on Monday for a home visit. So another day I have to stay at homeQuote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
Right now you are not in control of anything. But you know what? That is okay.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
How did you "make it this way"? You didn't. If he was a respectful adult he wouldn't have done this to you. You didn't do anything.
You are VERY brave for telling your mum. Don't ever think you aren't. It takes a very brave person to do something they are afraid to do.
You are so much stronger, and braver, than you think you are. Most of us advising you are adults and/or parents. We are so proud of what you have become considering where you started in this thread.
I don't feel OK not knowing what's happening. Thinking about what's going to happen and what has happened is all I think about even when I'm trying to concentrate on something all of a sudden I find myself thinking about it I can't control it and I angry with myself cause I can't control my thoughts. When I didn't talk to anyone it was easier I could push the one thing in my head aside I stopped thinking and just listened to everything around me and for a while I was OK.Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
That's why we get angry - because we feel we have lost control of a situation. But what I see in your situation is that you indeed ARE in control and have done all the right things for yourself, your sister, and even for your mum, for now and for the future. We are all so proud of you!Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
NO!!!!!! HE made it this way. Stop blaming yourself, and like J_9 said earlier, get off that pity pot and continue to be that brave girl we have been admiring throughout this thread.Quote:
so I'm angry because I made it this way.
Nobody feels OK not knowing what's happening. I don't care if you are 15 or 51. None of us feel OK with that. But you know what... That's okay, believe it or not.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Guess what. That's normal for anyone of any age.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Be honest with me. Was it really easier? I don't think so.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
How do I as you say get of the pity pot? I don't think what happened was my fault I do think about if I had only not stayed home that weekend how different it would be but I don't blame myself for what he did.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
You are brave. Being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared, hurt, angry and a lot of other negative emotions. Being brave means that you are facing those emotions and doing what you know is right.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
I am very proud of you and the strength you are showing.
J is right. You did not cause this. He did.
Your mother may have reasons for wanting you to stay home. She may think she is protecting you. Calmly ask her why she wants you to stay home. If you feel like she isn't hearing you, write down in a short note why you want to go to work and school.
It was easier until my mum wouldn't leave me alone kept pressuring me to talk to her.Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
You get off the pity pot by getting mad. Being angry. This was a man who was supposed to protect you, but he took advantage of you. You get off the pity pot by knowing that you did nothing wrong, but he did.
If I remember correctly, you had said earlier in this thread that he kept trying to touch you and would grab at you, so who knows what would have happened had you not said anything and he would still be coming to your house. And if you were successful at pushing him off, he just might have tried something with your sister, even at her age now. Yes, be very angry at him!
I know what he did was not my fault I didn't want that to happen, I don't blame myself for that I shut my anger for him away I just don't have the strength to feel that again I don't see how it will help. I just want to be able try and forget it and do what I have to and I pray it's over quickQuote:
Originally Posted by J_9
I'm going to work this morning I'm not staying in this house any longer. I'm going to leave her a note for when she gets up but I can't stay here any more I need to get out and do something. I feel good after going for a run its going to be an awesome day :)
Should have listened to my mum and stayed at home. Is it ever going to be possible to have a normal day. Had a great day at work until the end of the day then my boss tells me that they don't need me to work on weekends anymore I asked why and he said that they are friends with both mum and him and don't want to get involved and since he's not allowed near me I can't work at the deli anymore because he comes in to see them. I was so embarrassed how would they even know I bet he told them. I'm so friggin mad right now it's not fair I haven't done anything wrong. Just want to have one normal day. He's taken that away too
You obviously need a better plan than being impulsive and acting on your own without your moms input in your quest for a nice normal day. So run it by mom, and see what she suggests.
Obviously there is more going on than you know. Let mom help. That's better than finding stuff out and being angry about it.
First, Noon (I also like that name better, don't you?), I applaud your bravery. You were self-sacrificing and I am so glad that you are finally taking steps to normalize your life. I am wishing you the best of luck and hoping it goes smoothly for you.
As a person who has been very much in your shoes, I am really, really sorry for what happened to you. I'm still a teen myself, though, and I know only what it's like to want to be uncommunicative with your parents. I have no idea (like the other answerers) about how it feels to be worried about your child. Maybe this is why, so far, I have personally always chosen to approach (or non-approach) problems with silence. I never told my parents what happened with me, either. This was a mistake that I am afraid might have lead to irreversible damage with the way I think. I find that I still can't talk about it, even though they did eventually find out, because these things do explode eventually.
That's why communication with your mother is key. Please don't keep her in the dark from now on or ever again. She is a good parent and I can see that she is trying her best to keep you happy and safe. It must have been hard for you to see her unhappy, because you are a good daughter and you care, but remember that it is her job to make sure you are unhurt and never the other way around. When I was younger, I read a book called “Speak” by Laurie Halse Andersen. Maybe you will find it relevant to your life. I did.
I like that you're pursuing a part-time job. Good. Independence is better earned. It's difficult for you that the problem had to interfere in this aspect of your life. Again, I suggest telling your mom about it and about how it is making you feel. Maybe get her help and find a different job entirely, if you'd like.
You've managed your problem in a much more effective way than silence, but this doesn't mean it's gone forever. It's not going to stop interfering in other aspects of your life and your mind. Drugs, alcohol, and other substances are another way of ignoring your problem. You've got to realize that a problem is there and work through it, not around it. You've already started so nicely. The problem seems bigger today, but with the decision you've made, it will reduce in time, not grow. Why stop now? Why create a new problem?
Mind-altering substances work only until your body flushes them. After they are out, you don't feel the same way as before, but worse. Then you decide to use them again. You will feel worse, not better each time, and will need more and more substances just to get through the day. Fortunately, my parents never let me touch a substance and I have no desire to do so. But I have seen the process. It is heartbreaking, sickening, and goes only one way: downwards. In the long term, it will affect your heart, liver, and other vital organs. Not pretty at all, painful, and sometimes fatal.
But YOU are in a position to CHOOSE whether you will let it begin. From here, will you go DOWN or UP? Because once it begins, well, there goes your spirit. Do you really want to deprive your young sister of the wonderful, beautiful spirit that her older sister truly is?
You'll have to work on healing in a constructive way. Talk to someone you love, or maybe a professional therapist if you want, although it isn't entirely necessary. Recovery is a continuous process. I'm happy that you run. Continue exercising regularly - it's great for overall health. Find an activity you find particularly relaxing, and regularly participate in it. It doesn't have to be social, but that would be nice, too. Make new friends, turn over a new leaf, or repair old bonds if you'd like.
I want to finally emphasize that none of this is your fault. None. It would appear that your life has been stressful lately, but it has never, ever been you who began the whole problem.
Have you ever thought of harming yourself, Noon?
You say things will only go up or down from here how could things possible get any worse? And up well if things are going to go up I don't see it I don't want to talk about it anymore I don't want to feel any of these feelings anymore. I just want to curl up and let the world pass me by. I wish I was alone and I didn't have to worry about my mum or sister. I'm going to be selfish and stay in my room and not come out until I'm ready to and I don't want to talk to these stupid people from families sa or anybody until I'm ready to. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm being a selfish brat but after the last few days trying to have a normal day and not happening I just want time away from them allQuote:
Originally Posted by spareaddress
Talking to these people from family sa is something you must do. They are not stupid . They are there to help you. Don't let all this be for nothing by staying in your room and not talking to them. That hurts you in the long run.
I can't talk to anyone at the moment I don't want anyone to see me like this I can't stop crying and I feel like crap. I don't want to talk to them I don't even know what they want and I don't want to have to o through what happened again. It won't hurt me to stay in here I'm perfectly fine to sit in here and wait until I've dealt with this crying before I come out. My doors locked and its going to stay that wayQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Argh I just want to rip my friggin hair out those people came and I wouldn't come out of my room I told them to go away but they won't they said they will come back tomorrow and everyday until we have a chat. Why don't they get it I don't won't to talk I went to the police I told them what happened isn't that enough it's bad enough thinking of having to go to court. Mums pissed off said it made it look bad on her and that she's going to get my uncle to come and take my door off if I don't come out today and eat something. Why can't they leave me alone let me deal with this just for a little while I need some time
I am going to be very blunt with you.
Your mother is scared and she has a right to be. Families SA needs to talk to you to determine if you and your sister are in a safe environment. That your mother by her actions or inactions was not a party to the abuse and that you are getting the help you need. Hiding in your room tells them that things are not good and causes them to become concerned that the situation is worse than you have already reported. It makes them worry that you are still in danger if not from others from yourself.
They understand tears and anger. They expect it. You aren't the first and sadly won't be the last abused person they have to talk to. Give them a chance to help instead of making their job harder.
"Normal" is a relative term. Life will never be the same as it was. It will be better or worse depending on how you choose to react.
Get out of your room. Help your mother make something to eat. Get a long hot shower/bath. Decide that you are going to make a new 'normal'. You aren't going to hide because you did nothing wrong. You are going to talk to Families SA and give them all the information they need. You are going to ask them if they have any suggestions on therapy or support groups. Believe it or not it will help.
I agree with Cat1864, this is hard on your mom and it makes her look bad, like she does not have a good handle on the situation. Your mom believed you and took the steps to make sure it does not happen again. This is not easy for her either. Now come out of your room and do what needs to be done. They can help get you counseling so you can better deal with this. Hiding in your room is like doing drugs and drinking, neither of these things will change or help the situation.
Get off the pity pot and do what needs to be done.
You want your normal life back, then do the right thing and get this done.
An adult thing happened to you. That is sad because you aren't an adult yet. However, you now have to handle this in an adult manner. Hiding in your room isn't going to make this go away, it will just make it harder in the future.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to talk to Families SA. They will teach you the coping mechanisms you need to get through this. If you continue to fight them, there is a possibility they could take you away from your mother and put you in a group home or foster care. I promise, you don't want that.
You did make your mother look bad because she is trying to help you, not hurt you. Taking the door off your room is a very good idea since you can't seem to control your impulses. Someone needs to keep an eye on you.
God what's wrong with me one minute I can't stop crying then I'm so angry I just want to hurt myself and don't care about anyone else. Bloody hell I must be going mental. I don't want to get taken away from mum I love my mum and sister. Frigging hell I will talk to the lady from families SA today I'm just sick of all the questions questions questions. I didn't mean for mum to look bad I'm trying to do the right thing I just feel very overwhelmed with all these emotions it's asking me go crazy
Be honest with them. They will understand.
As much as it may feel like it, you are not going crazy and what you are feeling is pretty normal. Talk them and your mother about finding someone (a neutral person such as a counselor) who will do more listening to what you need to say than asking questions. You do need to be able to sit down with someone who can help you deal with these feelings.
I don't want to sit down and talk to anybody about my feelings I can't even look at people. It's easy to write on here I don't know who you are and you don't know me I can see what people think when they look at me. I hate the person I have become but I just want to be able to work it out myself. I don't want to be judged I already lost my job because of this I worked there for two years helping and just like that its gone. I did what I was suppose to I told the police now I just want to be left alone to deal with it. I don't want to get taken away so I will answer their questions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
Firing you was wrong. That could have been handled much better.
You can't work through this on your own--it's just too huge. I'm glad you will talk it out with a professional. Express your anger!!!! Cry, even scream. (Every therapist has a supply of tissues handy.)
I can do this by myself I just have to make myself stop crying and get over it! But I will talk to the lady from Families SA because I don't want my mum to look bad and I don't want to get taken away. I can make this go away I can forget about it I just have to stop being so god damm emotional about it and it doesn't help when everyone wants to talk to me and ask me questions. I just want it to all be over withQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is not something you get over on your own. Hey-- your mum is on your side and we are too! Continue being courageous!
You can't forget about it and make it go away on your own which is why you came here for help to begin with. Listen to the advice given here and the help from Family SA. These are people who know what they are talking about. It is Family SA job to help you. It's time to lean on a adult and stop trying to fix things on your own.
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