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-   -   I'm 11 and I'm in love with a 16 year old can I date him? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=109599)

  • Sep 24, 2007, 05:43 PM
    sevvy661
    Well the chances of that r 1 to 10000000000000000000000000000000007000000000002000 09000100000000

    But I'm 12 and I dated a 14 year old for 2 days... lol... way 2 old for you find someone who is around your age!!
    (dont count on it! Find someone else)
    I don't want there to be pregnant 11 years olds running around!! lol

    ~sevvy~
  • Sep 24, 2007, 10:07 PM
    cal823
    By the way, a lot of us younger people think we are in love all the time
    We say "ive never felt this strongly for a person before"
    When its really just a crush or something, we just haven't had one that strong before, so we think its love.
  • Nov 11, 2007, 06:24 PM
    eady_52
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by iminovewithryan281
    ok..
    I'm 11 years old and I'm in love with a 16 year old.
    Can I date him without one of us getting in trouble?
    We dont want to have sex.
    We just want to hangout,hold hands, hug and a kiss every now and then,
    Thats all.
    What do I do?
    I love him soo much and he loves me back.
    Can i date him?

    Hey I think you guys should date if you both love each other age shouldn't matter I'm 14 and I'm in love with a 20 year old he loves me back too so I see where your coming from but yea just don't have sex with him and it will be fine
  • Nov 11, 2007, 06:48 PM
    ScottGem
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by eady_52
    hey i think you guys should date if you both love each other age shouldn't matter im 14 and im in love with a 20 year old he loves me back too so i see where your comming from but yea just dont have sex with him and it will be fine

    You have got to be kidding. A 20 year old in love with a 14 yr old is sick! You are from 2 different worlds. You don't have the experience to truly know what love is. And a there can only be one thing that interests a 20 yr old in a 14 yr old.

    Where are your parents. How do they feel about this. Where did you meet this freak?
  • Nov 11, 2007, 08:58 PM
    cal823
    A 20 year old who dates a 14 year old is either a pedophile, or very stupid.
    Sorry, I know its harsh, but that's how it is.
  • Nov 11, 2007, 11:00 PM
    Lief_of_Del
    Comment on starlady's post
    Lol I like how everyone hated your answer, but I thought it was great advice
  • Nov 11, 2007, 11:13 PM
    Lief_of_Del
    First off, make sure your parents know what is going on and what your thinking. They will probably say no and yell at you like my parents did when I told them that I liked someone younger than me, but it is easier to date and get past the legal issues this way. Also have his parents know too. If either of your parents disagree then try waiting as long as you can without dating till the years start rolling past but stay close friends to increase your relationship with him. If they do say its OK then go out and don't worry about what others say or think. Just be careful and don't be to mad at your parents for their reaction, just try to wait it off till they except the idea of you dating, but don do anything behind their back or it could get him in serious trouble. Goodluck!
  • Nov 11, 2007, 11:18 PM
    Lief_of_Del
    Comment on ScottGem's post
    Everyone expeirences things at different times, when I was in fifth grade I saw animals being ripped apart alive, drug dealers try to sell me stuff at my school, and gangs, I'm very mature for my age, don't judge everyone based on your experiences
  • Nov 12, 2007, 06:26 AM
    ScottGem
    Comments on this post

    Lief_of_Del : everyone expeirences things at different times, when i was in fifth grade i saw animals being ripped apart alive, drug dealers try to sell me stuff at my school, and gangs, im very mature for my age, dont judge everyone based on your experiences
    First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

    While I agree with your comment to a point, this situation is so potentially dangerous with exploitation it needs to be spoken out against.

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html
  • Nov 12, 2007, 11:59 AM
    love is abby
    It depends, do you know him pretty well? If you don't it might not be a good idea. Talk to your parents about it, I'm thirteen so I know where you're coming from. How much we hate it they do have a little consent on who we date.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 05:40 PM
    Greatadvice4you
    If he wants to do "inapropriate" stuff with you he might just be saying that he loves you to do that kind of stuff. Don't fall for it even if he tries to pressure you in it still say no. If you do say no he will probably say something like "I thought you loved me" and then you'll say " I do" and then he'll go "prove it" and force you even more. WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T DO IT!!

    Good luck!
  • Nov 15, 2007, 10:57 PM
    Lief_of_Del
    Anyone think its funny that she hasn't been on since she posted this but we still comment and give avice
  • Nov 17, 2007, 10:31 AM
    Jaime208
    Have you ever seen the movie "speak"?
    There's a dose of harsh reality there for you.

    It would be unwise and possibly unsafe for you to date a 16 year old boy.
  • Nov 17, 2007, 08:35 PM
    ChihuahuaMomma
    I agree with nearly everything I have heard here, except that 11 year old don't know what love is. True, they don't know what "true love" or "sould mate" or anything to that effect is. Not at this point.

    The age difference is vast, and would not be a good idea. I don't think either of your parents would approve.

    My "first love" and I were both 11 when we started "dating". We didn't hold hands until we were 13, didn't share a kiss until we were 14, and didn't have sex until we were 17. We were together until we were 20.

    My point is this, 11 year olds are not COMPLETELY clueless about love.

    I know that most of you may disagree with me, but I just wanted to share my point of view. But please avoid the "reddies" and just quote me and tell me why you would disagree.

    On the other side, Honey, you are young. DO you parents even allow you to date? I doubt they would approve of a 5 year age difference. And in a lot of states, more than three years under the age of 18, is illegal and is still considered statory rape.

    Just worry about school and your friends... not boys.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 12:04 PM
    stardust713
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ScottGem
    You have got to be kidding. A 20 year old in love with a 14 yr old is sick! You are from 2 different worlds. You don't have the experience to truly know what love is. And a there can only be one thing that interests a 20 yr old in a 14 yr old.

    Where are your parents. How do they feel about this. Where did you meet this freak?

    I disagree, I dated a 23 year old when I was 15. My parents introduced me to him, they absolutely adored him. He never tried to take advantage of me, or push me into doing something I wasn't ready for. Sex was not the only thing he was interested in. We've been great friends now for 6 years, and still date on and off. (since we live in separate cities it's quite impossible to have a serious committed relationship at the moment) But I still feel as strongly for him now as I did when I was 15.

    In addition my parents, who have been married now for 34 years, started dating when My mother was 15 and my father was 23. My grandparents, who were married for 71 years, until their deaths, began dating when she was 15 and he was 23.

    So it is not sick, and can be a truly loving relationship. But you do have to be careful. We waited till I was ready, and legal, until we finally had sex. And although that was simply our decision if you do truly love someone and they return that love then waiting should be your only option. Otherwise the risks you take are severe. If he's not willing to wait then he doesn't respect you, your decisions, or your feelings, and no respect= no love.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 01:04 PM
    ScottGem
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by stardust713
    I disagree, I dated a 23 year old when I was 15. My parents introduced me to him, they absolutely adored him.

    Maybe this is a cultural issue. Maybe you and your parents come from a culture that looks on such relationships differently. I really can't imagine any American parents allowing a 15 yr old child to date a 23 yr old man. Frankly I can't imagine what a 23 yr old man would find in common with a 15 yr old child (except the obvious).

    So while you can disagree with me as is your right, I stand by my advice here. The odds are so great that an adult male involved with adolescent female is exploitive if not pedophilia that I don't think such a relationship should be condoned in the slightest.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 02:09 PM
    stardust713
    ScottGem,
    Nope, we are American. But people mature at different rates. I experienced things growing up that led to me maturing much earlier than most teenagers. But we had plenty to talk about, we listened to the same music, watched the same movies, had the same interests, had very different political views which led to interesting political arguments. (because you can't have everything in common with someone for a relationship to work, in my experience) Being with him was fun, exciting, and educational, for both of us. There's never a dull moment between us. So it is possible for people with that great of an age difference to be more than just physically attracted to each other.

    I didn't mean for my post to be advice. It was simply me relating to the posters. I certainly don't give the advice to date someone with such an age difference at such a young age. But it is a touchy subject as there are plenty of cases like mine. You just have to be careful in these situations. You have to really know and trust someone (and even then it's still risky as in most rape cases the victim is raped by someone they know and trust) If someone is in this situation the best thing is to let your parents know where you are at all times, don't go behind their backs and lie to them. If they're not OK with you dating an older person then maybe that's a sign that the relationship isn't meant to work out. Find someone more your age until you are old enough to date this person. Trust me, if it's really love, the feelings will still be there years down the road. But letting your parents know where you are and who you're with keeps you safe, and your safety is more important then puppy love.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 02:45 PM
    ScottGem
    There are exceptions to every rule. I'm sure there are situations where a 15 yr old might be very mature and the 23 yr old not as adult. But such situations are few and far between. By talking about a successful relationship you are, indeed, giving advice that such a relationship is OK, no matter what caveats you put on it.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 09:34 PM
    Lief_of_Del
    Comment on Jigicou's post
    Not everyone only thinks about sex. You can't judge every guy in the wrld to be a pervert when they are teenagers

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