Ask Me Help Desk - How do I deal with all this stress

The human body has a strange way of fighting back when people use drugs or alcohol... right after the temporary numbness wears off from them... the body is even far more sensitive to the stimulous than it was before.

That's how it makes it worse... and doesn't help anything.

Its making you sound like an out of control troll. Not only hurting those that have befriended you, but also will hurt your mom to find her daughter in a drunk stupor, and breaking her trust.

No matter what you have been through, it's a BAD decision by a traumatized 15 year old, and you can do better than make a bad situation worse. Cut it out!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I feel like I'm going to cry and I don't want to I just want to let it go for one friggin night I know it will still be there but not for now. How am I suppose to co operate I don't even know what she wants me to do I can't even look at her. I don't even like the taste of this stuff but at least I won't be able to think

Night time is when doubts and concerns become monsters waiting to pounce. Alcohol makes them stronger and puts you in a very bad situation. No Alcohol. No Drugs.

You need to start finding better ways of coping. We have given you several options. Can you think of something that normally grabs your attention and holds it? When the anger and frustration start taking over, find a positive thought/action to focus on instead. Banish the monsters by not giving them space in your head. It takes work, but you can do it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its making you sound like an out of control troll. Not only hurting those that have befriended you, but also will hurt your mom to find her daughter in a drunk stupor, and breaking her trust.

No matter what you have been through, it's a BAD decision by a traumatized 15 year old, and you can do better than make a bad situation worse. Cut it out!!

Fine I don't want to hurt mum and I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't think. I can drink I anymore of this stuff anyway it gross. I'm just being selfish think about mum. Why is it that I always have to think of everyone worry about them it doesn't work anyway they end up getting hurt. I need help I don't know what I'm doing anymore

Another thing to share with your mom! You cannot do this alone and drugs and alcohol make it worse, so take that shower, and get some hot tea and RELAX!

Did the police refer you to any helplines or support groups?

If you give your general location (Country/State/Territory) we might be able to help you find some on-line resources or phone numbers.

In the morning you need to let your mother know you need help dealing with this. Be honest with her. That is the main way you can get the help you want and need.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

Fine I don't want to hurt mum and I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't think. I can drink I anymore of this stuff anyway it gross. I'm just being selfish think about mum. Why is it that I always have to think of everyone worry about them it doesn't work anyway they end up getting hurt. I need help I don't know what I'm doing anymore

Welcome to what its like for adults... and doubly so for parents.

Children think only about themselves... what they want... whats good for them. THey really don't understand the world doesn't revolve around them and their actions affect others... good or bad.

You are just beginning to understand this... but you are still used to thinking as a child. The older you get... the less you will do that. Your mother will have put most of what she wanted asside in order to be able to give more to you and your sister. So much you really can't understand right now... but in the next 5 or 10 years.. you will really understand how much. And you will feel ashamed that you actually felt the way you do right now.

Maturity and courage is all about doing what's right, even if its not what we want, and sometimes when it hurts... if its going to help someone close to us. Nobody is closer than family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Did the police refer you to any helplines or support groups?

If you give your general location (Country/State/Territory) we might be able to help you find some on-line resources or phone numbers.

In the morning you need to let your mother know you need help dealing with this. Be honest with her. That is the main way you can get the help you want and need.

I live in australia in adelaide. I don't really know what they said or gave mum she didn't really talk to me much but ha you grt that right

Drinking your troubles away does not make you feel better, and if you don't even like the taste of it, it does not even make sense. You are opening yourself up to developing a horrible habit and as young as you are, you are asking for bigger trouble. Listen to those who know better than you. Do you want your mom to feel worse knowing you are now drinking? You need someone there to talk to. Ask your mom if there is a group of some sort you can join or talk to her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Welcome to what its like for adults... and doubly so for parents.

Children think only about themselves... what they want... whats good for them. THey really don't understand the world doesn't revolve around them and their actions affect others... good or bad.

You are just beginning to understand this... but you are still used to thinking as a child. The older you get... the less you will do that. Your mother will have put most of what she wanted asside in order to be able to give more to you and your sister. So much you really can't understand right now... but in the next 5 or 10 years.. you will really understand how much. And you will feel ashamed that you actually felt the way you do right now.

Maturity and courage is all about doing what's right, even if its not what we want, and sometimes when it hurts... if its going to help someone close to us. Nobody is closer than family.

Well that's something to look forward to. I wish the world would go away right now I don't want anything revolving around me. Does it not get tiring then make you go mental always thinking of everyone putting what you want last because I'm finding it hard. I want to get drunk and make it go away but then I hurt my family and offend people who are here helping me so I won't drink anymore

It's time to start talking to yourself in a positive way, not negatively like you've been doing. It will take some practice, but I know you can do it.

I was going to list some positive thoughts to have, but how about if YOU tell us at least three positive things you can say to yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Drinking your troubles away does not make you feel better, and if you don't even like the taste of it, it does not even make sense. You are opening yourself up to developing a horrible habit and as young as you are, you are asking for bigger trouble. Listen to those who know better than you. Do you want your mom to feel worse knowing you are now drinking? You need someone there to talk to. Ask your mom if there is a group of some sort you can join or talk to her.

I don't want to join a group and I don't want to talk to my mum about it I want to push it aside and forget and if I can't do that by drinking then I will just try myself. I had the will power not to talk to anyone for months so I can do this I just need to snap out of it I'm not this person I know I can be strong

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

Well that's something to look forward to. I wish the world would go away right now I don't want anything revolving around me. Does it not get tiring then make you go mental always thinking of everyone putting what you want last because I'm finding it hard. I want to get drunk and make it go away but then I hurt my family and offend people who are here helping me so I won't drink anymore

You night not see it this way yet... but when you are an adult... its natural to do things that way. You don't sit there and think... oh how I hate this, or oh how I hate that... you just do it because you need to do it. And it actually feels good to help others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It's time to start talking to yourself in a positive way, not negatively like you've been doing. It will take some practice, but I know you can do it.

I was going to list some positive thoughts to have, but how about if YOU tell us at least three positive things you can say to yourself.

Three I can't even think of one thing at the moment. The only thing I'm still here for is my sister and mum. I don't want to hurt them

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

Three I can't even think of one thing at the moment. The only thing I'm still here for is my sister and mum. I don't want to hurt them

1. "I'm here for my sister. I don't want her to get hurt too."

2. "I'm here for my mum."

Okay, good. I KNEW you could do it! I want you to think of one more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

Three I can't even think of one thing at the moment. The only thing I'm still here for is my sister and mum. I don't want to hurt them

And those are good thoughts to be having, they will help keep your mind where it needs to be... not, I want to get drunk...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

1. "I'm here for my sister. I don't want her to get hurt too."

2. "I'm here for my mum."

Okay, good. I KNEW you could do it! I want you to think of one more.

3. I should not complain there are people out there who have been through worse situations than me

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

3. I should not complain there are people out there who have been through worse situations than me

Hmmmm, a little iffy there with the "not" in it. Let's turn that into more of a positive. You try first. Maybe start out with "I'm going to...."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

3. I should not complain there are people out there who have been through worse situations than me

Those are good positive thoughts and the last one is a good one and shows maturity. You will get through this. Your mom listened and took steps to change things. There are girls out there whose situation did not turn out as well, so your ahead of it already.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

And those are good thoughts to be having, they will help keep your mind where it needs to be... not, I want to get drunk...

I wanted to get drunk because if I did what I felt like doing it would hurt my mum and sister I though that if I got drunk I would not hurt anyone but myself and it would help bunt I get it it won't help

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Those are good positive thoughts and the last one is a good one and shows maturity. You will get through this. Your mom listened and took steps to change things. There are girls out there whose situation did not turn out as well, so your ahead of it already.

Thank you I apologise to everyone for being mental. I seriously need sleep not seeing things to clearly. I shall write down these three things stick it to my mirror thank you. Just need to get this stuff out of my head and be normal

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Hmmmm, a little iffy there with the "not" in it. Let's turn that into more of a positive. You try first. Maybe start out with "I'm going to...."

I am going to be grateful my situation isn't as bad as other people's ? I don't know

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

Just need to get this stuff out of my head and be normal

While trying to go to sleep, repeat these three things to yourself over and over again. If you wake up during the night, do more repeating. Drive out those negative thoughts by overlaying them with these positive thoughts. The more you say the positive ones, the more they will become part of your "self-talk."

And smile while you say them to yourself!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I am going to be grateful my situation isn't as bad as other people's ? I don't know

Much better. And "I'm going to cooperate fully so this man doesn't do this again to anyone else."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I wanted to get drunk because if I did what I felt like doing it would hurt my mum and sister I though that if I got drunk I would not hurt anyone but myself and it would help bunt I get it it won't help

If you need to remember why you are doing this, and need to find some strength... look at your sister. And remember what you are saving her from. And other girls you don't even know.

That's something you can be proud of...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Much better. And "I'm going to cooperate fully so this man doesn't do this again to anyone else."

I know I shouldn't complain but I can't say this to my mum I don't want to upset her so I'm just going to write it then forget about it. I'm scared if I have to go to court I find it all very scary and intimidating, I've been in a courtroom on a school excursion they are big and so many people I can imagine having to sit there and answer questions that I find hard to even think of myself and he will be there he scares me the most he hurt me and I've had to pretend like it never did and to see him all the time I heard how mad he was yesterday morning when he came here he was going to come to my room he's mad and I'm scared of him. Sorry to complain but I needed to get that out

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I know I shouldn't complain but I can't say this to my mum I don't want to upset her so I'm just going to write it then forget about it. I'm scared if I have to go to court I find it all very scary and intimidating, I've been in a courtroom on a school excursion they are big and so many people I can imagine having to sit there and answer questions that I find hard to even think of myself and he will be there he scares me the most he hurt me and I've had to pretend like it never did and to see him all the time I heard how mad he was yesterday morning when he came here he was going to come to my room he's mad and I'm scared of him. Sorry to complain but I needed to get that out

It may not come to that -- sounds like that was a jury trial. At first, you will be questioned by someone in the police department. Be sure your mom is with you so you feel protected (and yes, she will do that for you). I'm not sure how the legal system operates in your county, but he will be questioned too (away from you). Be sure you mention how scared you are of him. Of course, he is mad and will try to lie his way out of it, but it sounds like your mum believes you. Your mum seems to have her daughters' best interests at heart. Trust her and cooperate with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It may not come to that -- sounds like that was a jury trial. At first, you will be questioned by someone in the police department. Be sure your mom is with you so you feel protected (and yes, she will do that for you). I'm not sure how the legal system operates in your county, but he will be questioned too (away from you). Be sure you mention how scared you are of him. Of course, he is mad and will try to lie his way out of it, but it sounds like your mum believes you. Your mum seems to have her daughters' best interests at heart. Trust her and cooperate with her.

I already got questioned tonight they took my statement then they asked me questions heaps of questions they wanted to know every detail god it made me feel so horrible they said if they press charges and he pleads not guilty it goes to trial and I doubt he will. They are going to question him and take a statement from him. But they said its hard with out any physical evidence because it happened months ago so I didn't have to do a medical examination and my clothes and bedding have been washed. Just have to wait and see

I just wanted to apologise to everyone for the way I acted last night for being so stupid and for the way I wrote. I don't know what I was thinking being like that. I can't believe I drank some of mums drink guess now I'm going to have to e plain that one. Thank you for snapping me out of it, I feel horrible today glad I didn't drink the whole thing. I am very grateful for the advice you all have given me and sorry I complain so much. Well I guess I should see if I'm aloud to go to school today, I hope so I really don't want to spend another day here.

Not aloud to go to school today mum wants me to stay at home. She had to go to work. What to do? I don't have any home work I just wanted to get out of the house take my mind of stuff at home.I might put on some music and clean the house got to do something. Positive thoughts all day today

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noone2014

Not aloud to go to school today mum wants me to stay at home. She had to go to work. What to do? I don't have any home work I just wanted to get out of the house take my mind of stuff at home.I might put on some music and clean the house got to do something. Positive thoughts all day today

Definitely -- cleaning house is a good way to quiet your mind, a very positive thing to do. Cleaning the bathroom especially calms ME down. And we'll be there with you in spirit, virtually scrubbing right along with you.

Cleaning the house is good. That is what I do when I'm stressed. Calms you down and your house is clean.

I am a bit worried mum said people from families SA are coming around to speak with me. The police have contacted them mum said they have to inform them when a report has been made involving a minor. I don't know what they want I hope I don't have to tell more people. I have a huge headache I wish I could sleep I think I'm going mental lack of sleep I swear when I was cleaning I thought I could hear someone call my name twice. My mum has some sleeping pills in the bathroom thinking about taking some. I don't why I can't sleep would be nice think I've probably had about 5hrs in the last two days I guess that might be why my head hurts

You are tired and stressed. Don't take any pills. As all of this winds down you will be able to sleep again

I looked up Families SA. It looks like they are going to be making certain that you and your sister are safe. They are probably part of getting you help so don't be afraid.

I am very proud of what you did. You saved yourself from further abuse, but more, you saved your sister and possibly many other young girls. That's something to be very proud of.

Now, I am going to be the stern mother voice of the group. I know it's hard, but you have to get off the pity pot. Drugs and alcohol are a coward's way out. They will only make your situation worse than it is already. So stop thinking that way.

So far you have shown us how strong you are by reporting this. Now, continue to be strong and follow through. If you drink and/or take sleeping pills, there is a chance that your story will not be believed by the authorities and this man will be free to do this to your sister. I know that's not what you want. Is it?

Your mother is crying because a part of her, you, has been hurt. Until you are a mother you won't know how painful that is. However, your mother is a good mother because she believed you and she is working on getting this solved. She is helping you, so you need to help her.

Right now the two of you need to work together as a team. Drinking, drugging and hiding isn't going to do it. You will only hurt her worse.

Rather than hiding this pain, get mad at it. Get mad at him. Do everything in your power to make sure he never does this to another young girl!

God I'm never going to get a whole nights sleep I took 3 sleeping tablets and I still wake up in the middle of the night. What do I have to do to have a good sleep? Have work tomorrow looking forward to going mum doesn't want me to go but I'm not staying in this house any longer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

I am very proud of what you did. You saved yourself from further abuse, but more, you saved your sister and possibly many other young girls. That's something to be very proud of.

Now, I am going to be the stern mother voice of the group. I know it's hard, but you have to get off the pity pot. Drugs and alcohol are a coward's way out. They will only make your situation worse than it is already. So stop thinking that way.

So far you have shown us how strong you are by reporting this. Now, continue to be strong and follow through. If you drink and/or take sleeping pills, there is a chance that your story will not be believed by the authorities and this man will be free to do this to your sister. I know that's not what you want. Is it?

Your mother is crying because a part of her, you, has been hurt. Until you are a mother you won't know how painful that is. However, your mother is a good mother because she believed you and she is working on getting this solved. She is helping you, so you need to help her.

Right now the two of you need to work together as a team. Drinking, drugging and hiding isn't going to do it. You will only hurt her worse.

Rather than hiding this pain, get mad at it. Get mad at him. Do everything in your power to make sure he never does this to another young girl!

God I just read this now I feel horrible I didn't think it was that bad to take a sleeping pill I just wanted to get some sleep

You need to go. You need some sense of normalcy in your life to get through this. Being cooped up is only making your mind wander and making you feel less than human.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

You need to go. You need some sense of normalcy in your life to get through this. Being cooped up is only making your mind wander and making you feel less than human.

I tried telling her that! I need to go I don't want to lose my job and I don't want to be stuck here in this house. I hope she doesn't get to angry when I go.