Ask Me Help Desk - He wants me to prove I love him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_me

but if she thinks he's the right one for her,than why is she having doubts???
if she thinks she can trust him than she should do what her heart states...!!

Well spoken by another teen who has a family behind her to guide and support her. You can't follow YOUR heart, and make mistakes because YOUR parents won't let you. Following your heart without guidance and support and boundaries, AND protection is a disaster for teens, and for adults alike.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackieelovee_

I came here for ADVICE. And yes I am taking in consideration everything ya'll been telling me but why can't you for once listen to me ? Like ok , tell me not but you were young once and you had a person who made you feel above and beyond .. outta every one in my life he's the ONLY person who makes me feel like Im actually ment to be here and its hard when your barely 15 with one younger sister and no grandparents or anyone but mainly your cousin who her self is still enjoying being young . Losing him would suck ! When I fell in depression because my parents and older sister passed guess who was there for me , next to me the whole way ? Exactly. HIM . Not my cousin . But HIM.

I can understand the intensity of your gratitude for this fellow, as we all need someone to lean on in troubled times, and your situation is greatly magnified with the tragedies you have endured at such a young age. But while you are stuck figuring how to prove your love you must also give thought to protecting your own interests and standing up for your own future.

I know its scary facing life without him, and even thinking of him leaving, but older wiser people are just telling you that him asking you to prove your love to him is a big red flag that something isn't right here with him, and you better pay attention, before you make a BIG mistake.

He may not even know he is doing the wrong thing because he is young himself, so I guess you have to think what's best for the BOTH of you. Now that's worth considering isn't it? His thinking maybe OFF, because you have to prove yourself after all this time because of other things besides YOUR actions.

Its NOT right, nor is it healthy, and may hurt you both.

"I came here for ADVICE. And yes I am taking in consideration everything ya'll been telling me but why can't you for once listen to me ? Like ok , tell me not but you were young once and you had a person who made you feel above and beyond .. outta every one in my life he's the ONLY person who makes me feel like Im actually ment to be here and its hard when your barely 15 with one younger sister and no grandparents or anyone but mainly your cousin who her self is still enjoying being young . Losing him would suck ! When I fell in depression because my parents and older sister passed guess who was there for me , next to me the whole way ? Exactly. HIM . Not my cousin . But HIM."

Yes, I was young "once" (as you so graciously put it). Yes, I certainly fell madly in love "when I was young."

The difference is I never traded my body for his love - I don't think that's much of an even exchange.

If he supports and loves you and will never, ever leave you (and I could post probably a thousand threads over the years from women who started with that same mindset and were very surprised when "he" moved on) why is he pressuring you for something which makes you so conflicted? People who love you don't pressure, don't encourage, you to do something which you do not 100
% want to do. I don't understand that part.

So, now that you have my undivided attention, can you explain that to me?

I also still don't understand why a 20 year old has custody of you. I understand your parents died. I understand your sister died. I understand that you are/were depressed and there was no one, absolutely no one, there "for you" except for this person. Why is that? Where was/is everyone else?

Did you seek counselling for your depression?

Depression can come and go. Sex is not a quick fix - sex isn't even a slow fix

And as far as what sucks and what doesn't suck, I'm a widow. I know about losing and how unfair life can be and what sucks and doesn't suck. You don't own that territory.

But, back to the basics - people who love you don't pressure you to do something if you aren't 100% on board with it.

And just wondering - why didn't you post that he was asking you for sex to prove your love at the very beginning? Why did we have to wade through post after post of how you prove your love (and that includes making posters for an almost adult) before we got to the truth?

If you were comfortable with the idea of sex with this person to prove anything I think you would have been more up front.

I'm also interested in why you and your younger sibling were given to a 20 year old. That does not sound right to me.

If someone cares for you, and knowing all you have been through, they would not be pressuring you to prove your love. That is a very selfish and immature request.

I understand your loneliness, but this is a negative situation. This guy should not be asking you to prove anything.

As a mother - all right, stepmother - my concern would be after you prove your love by having sex with him, he feels "uncertain of your love" a second time, he thinks you've cheated (whatever form that takes), what is the next step in "proving your love" and holding on to him? Three somes? Shoplifting? Sex with his friend(s)?

I very well remember the NYC casting coaches - I certainly had friends who participated. They didn't get jobs... but they certainly got an opportunity to take things one step higher (or lower) up the ladder to "prove" how much they wanted the job. I don't see the difference.

When you body becomes a bargaining chip you are going to lose self respect.

And when you break up and it's posted all over FB and the Internet, what then?

We tell you these things because you need to hear the truth, but you do not want to listen.

We tell you these things because after almost 20 years of answering questions on boards like this, we have had 1000s of girls come "after they had sex" not understanding why the boy left, after they proved it. Or that the boy left after she got a STD or after she got pregnant.

We want you to have a better life than what happened to these other girls.

And yes any and I mean any man who says this to a young girl, is just wanting sex and it is a way to try to force her to do it.