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-   -   I'm 13, he's 16 and I don't know where our friendship is going (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=363178)

  • Nov 27, 2009, 04:37 PM
    Homegirl 50

    Because this is a game to him. He likes being idolized by very young girls.
    If he thought the world of this girl, he would not be sniffing around you.
    This guy IMO is bad news.
  • Nov 27, 2009, 05:09 PM
    Melhoneybee

    Hmm OK, now I understand you...
    I'm going to try and keep my distance, and I promise I will try
  • Nov 27, 2009, 05:23 PM
    Homegirl 50

    Good girl!
    I don't want to come online here and see that you have been hurt.
    I wish you well.
    Keep me posted and write anytime.
  • Nov 27, 2009, 11:06 PM
    Cortney_Michelle28

    I had a problem in some senses similar to yours and Im 14 so I understand how wierd and new it all is! Believe me when I say this DONT LET HIM FOOL YOU! I understand you love him but all teens need to understand older ppl sum times take advantage of younger ppl. And as a teen you also need to remember that at this point in your life you are so full of raging hormones that you could start a hell bent army! These hormones can cloud your judgement and common sense and make you think its love when its sum thing else. Im not saying what you have isnt love, it sounds genuine to me , but what I am saying is to be careful about who you give your love away to! Cause it could come back to bite you in the a**!!
  • Nov 28, 2009, 01:20 PM
    Melhoneybee

    Are you saying it could be something else? I don't understand...
    Today the college had a christmas market (can you believe it in November?) and me and him were working on stalls selling things. He came over to see me and aologised for what came over him last night when he got upset and how he should have contained himself. I told him there was nothing to worry about.
    At the market, was a piano and a band, and I sang some stuff...
    He came to congratulate me and give me a hug...
    His girlfriend was there, but not once did they speak to each other but he did want to speak to me. I'm trying to be a mature adult, and control myself and treat him like a friend and nothing else.
    I feel now, I am able to sort things out in my head, and create a distance. Thank you for your advice
  • Nov 28, 2009, 02:39 PM
    Homegirl 50

    This older guy is giving you attention and I'm sure it is flattering, but he is being out of line. He really should leave both of you girls alone, you are both too young. I hope he has not gotten all he wanted from the other girl and has now decided to go after you again.
    The boy is either unstable or is playing a game with both of you, either way, keep your distance from him.
  • Nov 28, 2009, 02:42 PM
    Melhoneybee

    I've just heard, they are kind of having an argument, I'll leave them alone, it's not my business, I'm diverting my mind to other things
  • Nov 28, 2009, 02:46 PM
    Homegirl 50

    Good girl. You are a smart young lady.
  • Nov 28, 2009, 04:14 PM
    Cortney_Michelle28

    That's good! Just keep your distance and every thing will turn out okay!
  • Nov 29, 2009, 11:30 AM
    Melhoneybee

    I was keeping my distance. I promise I was. I found myself speak to him today (tut tut Mel) and I asked him how is mock exams were going (He's taking mock exams, before his finals in May) he said not good and that he was bound to fail and had accepted it.
    I told him that was a silly thing to think, he's very clever and has applied to Oxford.
    But then he explained that he hadn't revised for any exams and during his exam on Friday afternoon he spent at least half an hour trying to concentrate, but his head wouldn't settle because too many things in his head were distracting him.
    I think this could have been a reason to why he was crying in our play rehearsal.
    I'm a little concerned about this. Despite trying to sitance myself, I do want him to do well in his exams. These mocks are important, they let universities know what grades he might get. If he doesn't do well enough, no university is going to want to offer him a place.
    He just doesn't seem bothered. How do I motivate him? I know I should be pulling apart from him, and he is bad news, but I'm one of the few people he listens to. I did try and advise him, but he said it was no use, he doesn't feel happy about anything any more.
    What can I do? I can't bear to see him throw away at least 2 years education, because his minds distracted... How can, I give him the courage to go forward?
  • Nov 29, 2009, 12:00 PM
    Homegirl 50

    You can't. You told him what you needed to tell him the rest is up to him.
    Don't let him suck you in. I think he is using your concern for him to keep you on a string.
    He is not your responsibility.
    Leave this guy alone. He has problems you are not equipped to deal with and you should not gave to.
  • Nov 29, 2009, 05:47 PM
    rosemcs

    Oh baby, these men love to pull you close in your sympathy and then tell you how very nice you are in order to set up their first sexual advances.

    Even if that's not what he will ever do... that's how it works with many men. The woman tries to have compassion on something that she really can't have any control over.

    JUST LET HIM LIVE HIS OWN LIFE AND PROBLEMS. HE CAN'T BE HELPED BY YOU IN THIS SCENARIO.
  • Dec 17, 2009, 03:19 PM
    Melhoneybee

    I guess I should explain what's been happening.
    A few weeks ago we were at another concert. (Yeah, I know, I do so many concerts) and he and his girlfriend were there. We do the concerts at a palm house in our local park. As all the musicians walked back they walked in front of us, arms around each other looking utterly in love. The group of us decided to walk really slowly behind them. I thought this was so we could give them some time together, but in fact what happened was one big about them both. Everyone started saying all these awful things about the poor girl. I just walked along listening in silence. Feeling an empty pit of sadness in my stomach seeing them so happy together, a feeling of anger at that people could be so mean, and a slight embarrasement at the fact I couldn't help agreeing with what they were saying, and at some points said "yes I agree" with some of their points. I felt really bad inside.
    When I arrived back, I went into the ladies, to hear sobbing. The poor girl was crying her eyes out. She had obviously heard what everyone had been saying about her and how much they hate the relationship. I expected her, when she opened the cubicle door to slap me, seeing as I'd said some pretty bad stuff (I know, I'm terrible, you hate me) which I thought she had overheard. Instead she flung herself onto and began to sob into my shoulder, saying despite the age difference, she was the only real friend she had...
    I felt so bad... I couldn't believe it. Here I was, soothing the person, who is seeing the person I really loved...
    A few days later, a friend of mine, who is friends with his girlfriend told me about some of the things they had done. I'm quite shocked. Meh, I'M REALLY SHOCKED! Omigosh! She's only young.. and he, he should know better than to do these things with a 15 year old... gosh I sound like a mother, and I'm only 13, but I'm just worried... Not my fault...

    Not so long ago, I was speaking to my mutual friend... We'll call her lucy, about the relationship between... (We'll call them) Fred and Hannah... (I need names to explain this)

    Apparently Fred used to fancy Hannahs friend Rosie (another made up name, but you get what I mean, they're real people). I knew about his love for Rosie. But I didn't know he asked out Rosie, which according to Lucy happened. And When Rosie said no, because the thought of seeing a 17 year old scared her, the next day he asked out Hannah. Who then said yes. That's why she's getting into argument with everyone. They are all convinced he's using her for something, especially since he asked her out straight after Rosie. Hannah, believes they are all out to make her unhappy, they really just care about her.
    Ok, so less of her... A few nights ago, me and him spoke, for the first time in a long while. We spoke about how we first met. He said how grateful he was to know me. So I being foolishly overcome with emotion told him, I loved him, and he was like a brother to me. To which he replied how he had always seen me as his little sister.
    Hmmm...
    No matter how I hard I pretend, I really do still love him. Like a brother and more. I think of him all the time, he's like the second thought always, always in my head. I don't want him to know I love him. I have a feeling that he would feel used. The fact that I have been so kind to him because I have a very very large crush on him, and not because I seem him as an extremely close friend may offend him I feel...
    At the moment his relationship is on the rocks. She's away in the USA with our college skiing in California, and according to sources, is flirting with every lad going, and when he texts her and rings her up, she can't be bothered speaking to him.
    I of course, am spending my nights on the phone to him, emailing him, soothing his worries and promising things will be OK... when in fact I know, things are not what they could be...
    Sorry, I know, long rant... I really do wonder what I have got myself into... ARGHHH!
  • Dec 17, 2009, 03:20 PM
    Melhoneybee
    *she said I was
  • Dec 17, 2009, 03:31 PM
    Homegirl 50

    This guy is playing you like a fiddle.
    I'll tell you again. Leave him alone.
  • Dec 28, 2009, 11:48 PM
    rosemcs

    I think that everyone on this post has experienced this kind of situation, is wiser and older than you, and has told you to stay away from him, but you don't want to listen.
  • Jan 3, 2010, 11:43 AM
    Melhoneybee

    I am staying away from him. I haven't spoken to him in a long time. Yes I have received texts from him, but I haven't answered them. I don't return his calls. I'm staying away from him, and I don't intend to have anything to do with him. I am listening to your advice, it's just hard. But I think I've finally managed to solve everything now. Thank you for your advice, it has worked.
  • Nov 12, 2010, 02:59 PM
    helloxxx123xxx
    Look, I'm in the same situation. Im in love with a 15 year old, that turns 16 in about a month. I fell in love with him quite a while ago and I've never stopped loving him.
    Tell him how you feel, because I built up the courage to the other day and now he is considering going out with me, which I never imagined he would do.
    If you don't tell him how you feel you could lose touch one day and he will never know. He might feel the same.
    Just tell him, even if he doesn't love you back, your young, and you have your entire life to find someone who feels the same way about you, and if he does love you back, you won't need to
    I hope that I'm helping <3 xxx

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