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Listen... if he actually did this to you... then your mother NEEDS to know because you have a younger sister that's still going to be at home long after you are gone...there is touching...and then there is touching (as in the inappropriate type)..if you see the differences between them, or are you hesitant to tell her because maybe that's not the whole truth?
I see the reaction I get just from writing a little bit of what he done to me and believe me what he did was more than just touching I just didn't want to put it all out there. I get you don't know me I didn't ask you to believe me just for a bit of advise. I hear what your saying about my sister and I never really thought about when I'm goneQuote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
When (not if) you tell her, she will ask him about it. He will have his own story to tell. Is that part of your concern?
I agree with smoothy about protecting your sister, especially for when you aren't at home, now AND later.
I don't care what he says, I don't care what people think of me I never have, I care about my family. When dad left it was just us and me and my sister tried hard to get mum to be happy to be the way she was when dad was with us. You don't understand how hard it was to see her like that and not be able to do anything about it. Now she is happy and because of me being selfish and not going with them and me being stupid and drinking with friends and not being strong enough this happened. Then I thought I could be strong enough to not say anything but I couldn't if I didn't speak to him then she would know something was wrong so I decided to not speak to anyone to let her be happy she deserves to be. But I don't want anything to happen to my sister and I never thought about when I leave. But I'm not going anywhere for a whileQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I will tell her for my sister
Please let us know how it goes. We're on your side (and some us have been in your shoes).Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
That's EXACTLY why you should be talking to your mom... if he did it... she really NEEDS to know about it. People that do it...do it more than once. Meaning you probably were not the first...and are unlikely to be the last. If nothing gets said...nothing will stop. See the point I'm getting at?Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Not trying to be mean..., but sometimes being blunt will really get someones attention. I'm trying to get you to see this the way you should....and do what you should do...which is talk to your mom to start with. And I'm not questioning your honesty...if this happened, the police should be the next people that are talked to after your mom, and by that I mean not long at all....meaning within the hour....not within the week or within the month.
Its going to get ugly...that's why I was saying make sure it really did happen...but if you care about your sister, you will do it....and think about how your mom would feel if it happened to both of her daughters....because you said nothing? One is bad enough...both is much worse.
I spoke to my mum, I told her about what happened. She cried a lot but didn't say anything I told her I was really sorry I didn't want it to happen she just cried I made her cry. I had to get up and leave her I could sit there and watch her cry its all my fault I shouldn't have told her. She's in her room on the phone now, I feel sick I want to throw up I don't know what to do she was so happy when I said I wanted to talk to her but when I told her god I'll never be able to get that look on her face out of my head. I just want to fade away right now
You did the right thing... she didn't know what happened. I said it would be upsetting, but would you rather have done this... or remained quiet... knowing your sister would be next when she was old enough to get his attention.
These types all have a preffered age range and it isn't the same for all of them... you are in his... your sister isn't yet. Think of the future pain you are saving your sister from, and the future pain you are saving your mother from if it had continued. That is an act that shows maturity by thinking of the well being of others before your own comfort.
I'm proud you found the courage to do it.
This will get easier after the initial shock wears off...
Remember earlier that I said it is not your job to protect her, it is her job to protect you? She will be upset because she probably feels like she brought a threat to her children's safety and well-being into the home. More than likely she already felt like things weren't 'right' in the house and now she knows why. Give her time to get over the shock and figure out how to deal with the situation.
As much as it hurts, you did the right thing. Be ready to talk to her. Do not shut her out again or decide to be the martyr and take back what you told her. Be ready to talk to a counselor and/or the police. I know that isn't where you want this to go, but that is where it might lead.
As for feeling guilty for staying home and drinking and putting yourself in that position, let it go. More than likely he was looking for an opportunity to get you alone. Until then you may not have realized his behavior wasn't innocent shows of paternal-type affection. Men who are attracted to young teens tend to be very good at hiding their interest until they act on it.
If you give us a general location (country/state/territory), we may be able to help you find support to help you and your family get through this.
As a mother, I am very proud of you.
One more thing if you will accept it: A big virtual hug. {{{{{Noon}}}}}
What you did was vey brave and I'm sure she is upset and sad. I'm also sure she is glad you told her. No woman wants to be involved with a man who would do something like that. This is not your burden to carry. Your safety and wellbeing is her concern not the other way around. Once all of this soaks in, she will get through it. You both may need to talk to someone one, but at least you are no longer carrying this.
I'm proud of you and your bravery. You did the right thing.
I'm with smoothy and Cat and Homegirl -- am so glad you had the courage to talk to your mom and tell her! Now, get back into the family by helping out around the house whenever you can, playing trivia games with your sister or reading to her (or letting her read to you) and just spending time with her, and giving your mom (and sis) a hug now and then. How does that sound?
I'm with Wondergirl. Get back into the family now. It will be a big help to your mom and sister. It will also make you feel better.
I don't know it sounds good I do miss playing with my sister. I'm just not sure how to do that it's been so long how do I just act normal towards them.I'm really don't know how to feel at the moment you all say I did the right thing it just doesn't feel like I have, I know I had to tell mum for my sister. I'm scared she hasn't spoken to me yet but I haven't been near her either maybe I'm being paranoid I'm so tired I always wake up in the night I try to go back to sleep but I cant. I don't really want to be here I wish it would all go away.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Noon, you may have noticed that I dropped the 'e' off the end of 'Noone'. Let me explain why. 'Noone' is very close to 'No one'. You aren't 'no one'. You are a bright and beautiful young woman who reminds more of 'Noon'. A time when the sun is high and shadows retreat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
You have an inner strength that shines through. Hold on to it. Things may be rough, but you will make it through this.
It will take time for things to get back to normal but they will. Just talk to your sister a little bit more everyday. I'm sure she will be happy about that. Do the same with your mom. We will be here if you need to talk.
I too was 15 when my little sister (my only sister) was 7. She was a very girly girl and like to play dress up and pretend she was a princess or a mom (with her dolls being her children) or a teacher (with her stuffed animals and dolls being her students). I remember playing school with her. She'd be the teacher and I would be the "students," using different voices as I pretended I was the teddy bear student or the Barbie student or the camel student. We had a small chalkboard that she would write on to teach us the alphabet and nouns/verbs/adjectives -- whatever she was learning in school herself. She would ask questions after she read us a story.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
I taught her games like "Rock, Paper, Scissors," and we played War and Memory with a deck of playing cards. I would put evenly-spaced dots on a sheet of paper, and we took turns connecting them to eventually make squares, like this -- Dots and Boxes - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. And ask HER what she would like to do -- even playing catch outdoors or identifying trees (maybe using a library book as a guide). And just do some storytelling -- "Once there was a beautiful princess named ....... who lived in ........" and so on (use lots of body language and appropriate facial expressions), letting your sister fill in the details as you tell the made-up story.
Thanks for the advice it makes me happy to read how you played with your sister reminds me of when I play with mine :) I haven't really thought about all the things I was missing. I'm so selfish I can't even imagine how my poor sister has been feeling all this time I've just completely ignored her I feel terrible how could I of done that to her. I hope she will want to have something to do with me still. I have been really selfish now I think about it completely ignoring everyone, how could I ever of thought it was the right thing to do its so hard to try and not hurt everyone around me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Okay. That's the last time you are going to say that. Bashing yourself doesn't do anyone any good, least of all yourself. Now it's onward and upward from here on. Let's be positive.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
I bet your sister would love to do some of those things I did with my sister. Try one of them today and let us know how it worked out. I'm guessing your sister will be thrilled that you are willing to spend some time with her. And your mom will be happy to see her two daughters playing and laughing together.
It's a bit hard to think positive at the moment it would be a bit more easier if I know how mum feels or if she talked to me. But I will block everything out and conscentate on being a good big sister I can do that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Yyyyyyyaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Mums not letting me go to school today I don't know why she just came into the kitchen and told me to go to my room while she drops my sister at school. I hope she will talk to me she looked really bad this morning. I said good morning to my sister and she gave me a big hug it was good I told her I would play with her after school today she was happy so I have that to look forward to,
He came here this morning I could hear him and mum yelling, I could hear everything I've never been so scared in my life I thought he was going to come up here but mum told him to leave. Mum came and spoke to me she asked me if I was lying she said she wouldn't be mad if I was why would she ask me that then she asked me if I would go to the police station. I told her I would I am worried about having to tell a stranger what happened I didn't even really tell mum all the details I don't even like thinking about it. She's having a rest now she has to work this afternoon. Sorry for keeping on posting on here I don't have anyone to talk to I kind of messed that up when I didn't speak to my friends not that I would tell them anyway, it's easier to write. I will get a diary write in that instead. I wish she had of let me go to school at least I wouldn't have to sit here alone thinking I can't even sleep I need something to do I wonder if she would notice if I went out for a bit I don't want to wake her
Don't go out without her. If she woke up and found you gone, she be even more worried.
She asked if you were lying because she needed to give you a chance to come clean if you were lying. That she is asking if you want to go to the police says that she does believe you.
Something you can do is come up with your own ideas of things to do with your sister. Catch up on school work if you know what they are doing and have your books available. Arts, crafts, writing, exercise, maybe look up Yoga and meditation.
It is okay to keep posting, but a diary is a more private way to get your thoughts out and you can share it with your mother if saying the words is too difficult.
Might freak her out with worry if you're gone and she wakes. But relax, as she obviously believes you, and willing to do what she has too to protect you, including going to the police, and making them aware of what he did. Big trouble for him.
You caused none of this, he did, and its being addressed. I would say its working out better than you feared. It's time to heal, for you both, for your whole family. I admire your courage, it had to be very difficult. Now relax knowing you have done the right thing.
Mums at work she said when she gets home from work she is going to take me to the police station. The thought of having to tell someone everything that happened makes me want to throw up just thinking about it now makes me sick. Mum said it would be all right she would be there with me but I don't want her to be I don't want her to know everything that happened she would be devastated she already is I can't even imagine how she would be after hearing everything. She will be home in a couple of hours I'm going friggin crazy being in this stupid room all day long it's all I can think about but she said I had to stay at home my sister is at my aunts house so I can't even talk to her. All this thinking is just making everything freak me out even more.
She's going to find out anyway... best to get it out now. He's certain to be facing charges... which means a court trial... unless he pleads guilty. It also means depositions and your mother would have to be there for them as you are a minor.
Just another of those moments as we grow up where we will have to do things we might not want to do... but must because they have to be done.
Your mom is an adult and apparently a very tough one, so stop underestimating her strength, and trust in it. She obviously is going to handle her business the right way for her family. She will help you through this and I think you are in excellent hands.
I hate my ing life right now I wish I was dead. I feel horrible I never want to have to do anything like that again, but guess I'm going to have to do it again and again. I hate how it's all up to me to do this I didn't want to say anything but then I felt like I had all this pressure responsibility to tell I just want it to be over. That I want my life to be over I can't deal with this . I've never been so ashamed in my whole life all the questions constant questions. I can't handle it I stole my mums bottle of bourbon I've locked my door and I intend to get messed up the end!
Now that is a totally irresponsible thing to do. This is not the route to take and a bad habit to form.
It will be OK. Stay away from the alcohol.
Talk to your mom about how you're feeling.
I don't care if its irresponsible I couldn't care less for once I don't want to have to think. Things will be OK what a friggin joke this is just going to drag on and on I'm never going to be able to just forget it well it I will drink and forget
You were doing well before that last bit... thats the wrong thing to do... its wrong for you, and its wrong for an adult.
Nobody WANTS to have to do anything like that... nobody WANTS to go through what you went through that made this necessary.
Drugs or alcohol doesn't make it go away... it only makes things worse. It doesn't make you forget.....it never does.
THe questions are needed for a number of reasons. To establish everything that happened... and to establish reliability and credibility of everything said.
Because you were being honest... this will prove it and is in your favor. Its needed because sometimes people intentionally or unintentionally because of emotions involved embelish, or leave bits and pieces out. Multiple questions over a period allow them to get all of the bits... and to average things out..and get at the cold hard facts. Again this is needed and works in your favor.
Remember nobody can change the past... but we all have a hand in changing the future. And what you did is save your little sister from having to go through what you went throgh. You also saved yourself from having to go through more of it in the future.
Drinking to forget is a very bad habit to start. What you did was very brave, hang in there, it will get better. You are also setting an example for your sister. Do you want her to think it's OK to steal mom's alcohol and drink? Have you talked to your mom about how you're feeling?
Do I always have to care of corse I don't want my sister to think its OK but right now I couldn't careless I really couldn't I'm so angry right now and I don't even really know why how funny is that that's how friggin stupid I am
My god my mum how could I speak to her I'm so ashamed she had to sit there and listen to that she cried and cried ing hellQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Did you think that she would be happy that one of her little girls would have had that happen to them? Of course not... do you think anyone.. including your mom wishes you said nothing? Of course not... if you think she is upset now... how do your think she would feel if she found out it happened to BOTH her girls... and that it happened for years because nobody said anything about it?
Obviously that would have been far worse.
What is there for your to be ashamed about.....YOU weren't the one who did this to him.......HE did it to you....you were his victim.
But the whole situation will still be there when you sober up. And then you drink again? and again? Sorry but alcohol won't drown this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
I'm really amazed at how well your mom is handling this. Help her by cooperating.
Remember always -- this is for your sister -- and for other girls he may come in contact with. Like someone (I think smoothy) had said earlier, you may very well have not been the first girl he did this to.
And it's okay to be angry -- but at HIM, not yourself. He has robbed you and hurt you in all sorts of ways.
Oh cut that self pity moaning and groaning out why don't you. It only keeps you from relaxing and makes you feel sorry for yourself and think stupid thoughts. It keeps the misery going in your own head. Cut it out! Take a long hot shower, and focus on the water on your face, and relax.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
I feel like I'm going to cry and I don't want to I just want to let it go for one friggin night I know it will still be there but not for now. How am I suppose to co operate I don't even know what she wants me to do I can't even look at her. I don't even like the taste of this stuff but at least I won't be able to think
So, you have already started your buzz on to kill the pain and stop the brain? CUT IT OUT!! You are making things a lot worse.
How could I possibly make anything worse really I don't think I could I think it will make me feel betterQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
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