Thanks for the coments it makes me feel a little better about going I suppose I can only give it a go. My ex has been ringing me for the last three days I've been ignoring his calls but I feel really bad I sent him a text to see what he wanted. He said he really needs to talk to me but not on the phone. I don't know what to do should I ask my mum if I can see him or just go see him I just feel really bad he was always there for me but I don't want mum to get all angry and start calling me names. Im confused I don't know if I really trust myself to go and see him with out anything happerning I do love him still and if he needs me then I want to be there but I don't know if it will just make things worse.

It will make things much, much worse. Text him and tell him straight up, ain't nothing happening, and your mom wants it to stay that way, "Sorry, end of story"

Another one of those do the right thing moments. Your moms trust is at stake, don't forget that, and don't let anything stop the hard work you are trying to accomplish.

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Originally Posted by tazma95

i dont know if i really trust myself to go and see him with out anything happerning i do love him still and if he needs me then i want to be there but i dont know if it will just make things worse.

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Please don't go. You'll undo all the good things that you've accomplished.

Taz,
If he really cared for you he would understand and back off.
He was there for him, not you.
He wants to see you because he knows he can manipulate you
Better face to face. His interest is with him , not you.
If he really loves you he will wait , understand your
Situation, and try to help by backing off and letting you
Get your life together. He is the last thing you need right now.

Believe me, if he really loves you he will put your interest first
And do whatever is necessary to help you.
If he insists on anything else it shows his interest is with himself.
Love is putting your own interests secondary, especially in this case.
Be strong and resist letting him manipulate you.


It is good news you decided to try the counselling , worst come to worst it can't hurt.
I think the new perspective it offers will help you a lot.

I sent him a text told him that I can't see him that it will just make things worse. He said that he really wanted to see me and was quiet angry about it when I said I couldn't see him he told me he was there for me and if I loved him I would be there for him. I feel really bad but I don't want to wreak everything between mum and me its so hard. I feel so confused at the moment I know what it feels like to be hurt and I don't want to do that to someone else.

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Originally Posted by tazma95

i sent him a txt told him that i can't see him that it will just make things worse. He said that he really wanted to see me and was quiet angry about it when i said i couldnt see him he told me he was there for me and if i loved him i would be there for him. I feel really bad but i dont want to wreak everything between mum and me its so hard. I feel so confused at the moment i know what it feels like to be hurt and i dont want to do that to someone else.

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Being there for each other is not a your turn, my turn thing.

Being there is offering support to help in any way you can
In this case he would be there for you by understanding your situation
And backing off.

He is trying to manipulate you to do what HE wants
Not what is the best for YOU.

It's a two way street .
Why should his need to see you be more important than you
Wanting to make your life easier and do some constructive things
You need to do?

If he really loved you.
Your needs would come first. And he would be supporting
The things you want to do instead of hindering and causing
More problems. This is selfish and childish.
He is not worth it.

Tazma, he should have realized the need to back off and leave you alone when your mother wanted to have him arrested. You are being here for him by NOT giving her a reason to have him brought up on charges. Showing anger and trying to emotionally blackmail you into giving in are not the actions of a mature individual.

In my opinion, you should show this correspondence to your mother so that she knows what is going on and can take measures to protect the both of you. Be honest with her that you tried to tell him to leave you alone, but he won't. Let her know that you need her help in getting through all of this and knowing what steps to take. Counseling will do a lot to help, but you also need the emotional support of your mother.

I want you to remember that you aren't alone. You have your mother and a thread full of people who are here to help you.

Remember what I said about being ahead of your peers. This is the start of it. Love is not something you prove to one another. Love is the first brick in the foundation to a lasting relationship. The real biggie is commitment. It's the invisible line. Love can wane at times and its commitment that carries your through. By him saying to prove you love him only shows how childish he really is for a grown man. If he were committed to you then he would want what's best for you no matter what. Sometimes that even involves hurt feelings. Your mother is committed to you and that's why the hurt is happening. She wants you to grow but more importantly she wants you to see that growth. Your at the turning point in life where your stripping the cacoon you have been in all these years and are now getting set to turn into that beautiful butterfly. Fly high and seek the wind. Release yourself from this fool. It hurts now but I promise you love and life are not over. You have much ahead of you on lifes journey. Make your choices count.

This guy is thinking about himself. He is probably wanting to make sure your mom is not going to pursue having him arrested, wants to make sure you say he did not force you in to anything.

I agree with Cat1864, you need to show this text to your mother. She needs to know this is going on, that he is trying to pressure you.

I showed my mum the text she went mental she rang him up and told him to leave me alone or she would go to the police. She got really angry at me for text him she said I should have just ignored his calls I was going to try and explain to her why I text him but she was just so mad so I just said nothing she took my phone off me which sux but I'm not going to say anything it will make it easier for me if I don't know his been ringing anyway.

When she calms down and she will, let her know you love her.

Losing the phone probably is for the best. When you get it back, you might even ask your mother if you can get the number changed to ensure that he can't contact you. It is one of the best ways to enforce No Contact and keep the confusion that happens with a break-up to a minimum.

Good luck.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.



As a mom, I would have done the same thing. I would have really gone off on him. It is probably best you don't have the phone right now.

She is angry and that is understandable, she is also probably angry with herself, feeling she should have been paying better attention. While this situation is trying, it has knocked things out of stalemate, let you know you can't stay in your grieving cocoon, there is still a daughter who needs her mother and a mother who needs communication with her daughter.
You two are going to be fine.

Again every comment to your new event that has happened is right on the money. I would love to add one more thing. Just keep this in your mind. Boyfriends will come and go, your mother is forever. You choose.

What a complete waste of time that was going to a counselor it just made me feel worse. I told my mum I didn't want to go again boy was that the wrong thing to say to her she's not happy she told me I have no choice if I want to live under her roof I have to go. I hate it I don't want to talk. I love my mum and want to have a good relationship with her but I don't want to go back there again. This is so unfair its not like she understands she's not the one who has to sit there talk. Im so mad I just want her to let me do what I want I really though breaking up with my boyfriend and trying to be really good would make things better but it seems like I'm the only one who's trying she doesn't even try to talk to me she still exactly the same ignors me most the time like I'm not there she only speaks to me when I talk to her or she wants to yell at me. I'm so over this

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Originally Posted by tazma95

What a complete waste of time that was going to a counselor it just made me feel worse.

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What didn't you like about it?

There are times when you do feel worse, and that means the process is working. It's not like a birthday party or Christmas Eve. If you felt worse fairly quickly, that means good and productive things were happening already. You felt bad here at first, didn't you, and then remember what happened! Please go back to counseling with an open heart.

It probably should have been mentioned that the first few visits to a counselor are uncomfortable and awkward .

You need to get to know each other a bit , so they pound you to talk a lot right at first.

The results are good but getting there can be trying and emotionally draining when you are already in that state when you start.

But the benefit will outweigh the hardship.

It would be helpful if your mum took more notice of how well you are doing , eventually she will.
But you will be the one who really benefits.

I have seen so many go on that downward spiral you were on , and when they hit bottom there were very very few that escaped from the depths it takes you.

Stay strong and focused on the progress you are making.

What you are doing is inspiring ,

I agree, keep going with our mother, you will learn so much about each other, both your deep feelings and eventually you will have a new found respect for each other. Have you ever had someone from school bully you or someone just being mean to you for no apparent reason, and then find out this person has a deep secret like problems at home or what not? You start to understand why they were mean to you don't you? And then you don't feel so bad because you know it wasn't so personal. Well your mother has obviously got some underlining emotional problems, most likely from losing your father, and I'm sure you do too. When you do find these feelings out about each other I can guarantee your relationship will improve because you will discover that most of your hurt is very similar, it's a slow process but extremely worth while..

Hang in there, every thing will not always go as you wish, or have the outcomes you want. Don't quit on yourself, because you can do this. It does get better, but you have to finish what you started. What you thought it would be an instant success? No such thing. You have some hard work ahead, and its for you. This issue cannot be resolved through one visit, so stick to it, and see it through.

Counseling sucks, at first. How dare they dig in to your life and want you to talk and sit there and feel embarrassed and ashamed. All the nerve of them!

I have spent hours in counseling visits. If you hated it then the counselor your seeing isn't right for you. Find another one. Once you get over the first couple times its rewarding it really is. I have sat there, I have shed tears and I have told my deepest thoughts. When it's the right one you will leave and feel better. You will leave thinking about things. You will see why and how you could react to things. Please listen to us and go back. If this one isn't right there are more out there.

Also don't hold this against your mother. This was your first visit. Don't be bitter towards her. If your in the office alone talking I am sure the topic of your mom will come up, as will your father. Let it all out. You might be surprised to hear the counselor wants to meet with your mom also 1 on 1. Don't give up and don't point fingers. It takes many factors to build a problem and many solutions to end it. You have had a lot of stress and turmoil in your life to cause this situation. Now your taking steps to find the solutions.

Keep your head high and focus on a goal. You are so smart. We all see it. You have so much to offer already. Give it another chance. Or even a few more times.

Those first visits are hard. You are forced to think and talk about things, face things you'd rather not do. Keep it up you will be glad you did.
There are so many people who would benefit from counseling and they are unable or their parents don't care enough to see that they do.
I know you are hurting but you are fortunate. Your mother cares and she is hurting too. Continue this for the both of you.

Agreed, you need to have a kind of connection with a counsellor, I have had many and have eventually found some really amazing ones that I could share anything with

Wow :/ this is ermm... rather bad :/ I'm 16 too and have had interourse maaan you should have have just told your mum instead of her finding out the horrible hard way x

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Originally Posted by mixedupgirly

wow :/ this is ermm... rather bad :/ im 16 too and have had interourse maaan you shoulda have just told your mum instead of her finding out the horrible hard way x

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Its more then just that. Read the entire thread. A variety of things have evolved to get this thread where it is.

Im sorry I shouldn't of complained it wasn't that bad I was just feeling very frustrated about being asked so many personal questions. I will keep going back and I know I should have went of about my mum that wasn't fair like I said I was just frustrated and needed to vent. Thank you for the great advice and support you all have given me and I'm sorry if at times I have acted like a spoilt brat. This hasn't been easy for me but I know things will get better I just have to try harder.

Vent. We will listen and we will bring you back down to Earth. :)

Hold on to the thought that hopefully someday soon you will feel like you can rant to your counselor and get immediate feedback instead of waiting for us.

Hey keep us all posted, we're all here to help and to listen to the good outcome this will have. You're a good girl, you just swerved a little in the wrong direction :)

My mum annoys me sometimes she was suppose to pick me up from work last night, I usually get a lift with my friend but I'm not allowed to anymore mum wants to pick me up, she didn't come I stood there for a hour waiting I tried ringing her and she didn't answer. I ended up walking home talk about scary I hate walking in the dark. I shouldn't complain though when I got home she was asleep she must have been tired. My second day at school and I have so much homework to do I forgot how much you get. I can't wait until my hours get cut have to wait until they find someone and then I have to train them. Hope it happens soon I'm so tired and my homework keeps on getting more and more talk about stress I wish I was still on school holidays

I am so sorry to hear this.

Did your mom say anything about not picking you up? Was it an honest mistake? Things like that happen. It could have been an honest mistake.

In your counseling they will ask a pile of questions. This is how they get to know you. Your expressions, your actions. How your answering and your answers is everything they use to help you. I mean really if they don't ask you questions how are they supposed to know? How can they dig and find the root of the problem? Be patient. Be strong and go forward. I suggest your mother also be part of this.

I want to also say you are not a spoiled brat and never once came across that way. Your 15. Honey, for lack of better works growing up sucks. Every day is a new day. Every day your learning how to be an adult. You have peer pressure in school and life is pressure enough. Personally I don't know if this is right or wrong to say to you but I hated it. I hated school, I hated being a teenager and I hated growing up. I hated the pressures of being pretty or cool. If you were in sports you were a loser. Trust me. We have all been there. I still stood strong at those ages. I am who I am. I dressed how I felt pretty and still do today. I did what made me feel good. You can't always answer to what others "expect" your living life for YOU not them.

Point being your entering a tough age to have issues with work and your mother. All around its going to be stressful at times. But in the end how you live it and the choices you make is what will form your adulthood. You seem so strong. You love your mother. You want to do well and prove yourself. You can do it. You tell that counselor everything from the bottom of your heart. I don't care if it was something from 10 years ago. You get it all out there. Then you move forward on what to do to feel better about it and fix it.

I had a fight at school today well I wouldn't say it was a fight more like I got attacked my exs sister punched me and pushed me down the stairs she reackons I was a well you know for breaking up with him and that I'm seeing someone else. I told her I wasn't but she didn't care we both got taken to the principal and we got suspended for 3 days my mum went off her head at me I told her it wasn't my fault but she doesn't want to listen.I totally hate my mum at the moment she wouldn't even let me explain what happened. She rang up my uncle she said he's coming over to have words with me I told her I don't care let him have words with me and then she slapped me said I was being cheeky. Well she can go to hell hitting me she had no right to do that I know I shouldn't of talked back to her but she still had no right, I'm so friging mad with her I ran into my room and locked the door I hate being in this house with her. Im the one with a broken arm and she still always thinks the worst of me , thinking that I started the fight its so frustrating I just want to scream at her tell her to listen to me and believe me

I am so sorry you are going through all of this.
When is your next counseling session?

Broken arm?
Did I miss something?

Tazma, what happened?

When your mother calms down, you should tell her exactly what happened. She should know that your ex boyfriend is still pushing his way into your life

I broke my arm when I got pushed down the stairs.It totally sux I have a plaster on my arm I can't work and I've been grounded even though it wasn't my fault. I hate my ex and his sister I just want to ring him up and yell at him but I don't have my mobile mums still got it. I tired to tell mum it wasn't my fault but she won't listen she just thinks it was my fault for starting the fight, I didn't even hit the girl I just stood there. Its so unfair my ex thinks I'm seeing someone else just because I walked home with my next door neighbour (hes a boy). Not that its any of his business but guys are the last thing on my mine. I wish he and his sister would just leave me alone. Im dreadind this afternoon my uncle is coming over to talk to me I'm a bit worried about what he's going to say he's always so grumpy telling me that I need to straighten up my act. Im just going to have to sit there and bite my tongue so I don't get into anymore trouble. Talk about stress I wish my mum had of just sent me to boarding school would have been great to get away from all these people.

His sister pushed you down the stairs at school? Are the police involved? If not, they should be involved, this is very serious, you could have broke more than your arm, you were lucky. I don't believe people can just go pushing others down stairs and it not be taken serious, its almost like attempted murder!

No the police aren't involved but when we go back to school were suppose to have a meeting with our year co ordinator and the school based police officer to discuss what happened.It wasn't lots of stairs it was just three her and her friends said I fell down them I didn't get to say anything I was in the nurses office until mum picked me up and took me to the hospital.She better watch out the next time I see her I'm going to yell at her she is so stupid her and her brother I can't believe it. My uncle came around this afternoon and gave me a big lecture about my behaviour and causing trouble for my mum he recons that if I don't behave that I'm going to stay with him and give my mum a break.There is no way in the world I will go and stay with him I hate going to his house. I don't know what they want or exspect from me anymore I'm trying to do the best I can I don't know what more I can do. No one seems to believe that I didn't do anything I suppose it doesn't help when she had her friends there and I was by myself so everyone believes what they said even my own mum doesn't believe me I'm so angry at the moment I feel like going to his house and yell at him but mums home and I'm grounded so ill have to wait and to think I loved this guy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tazma95

but she didnt care we both got taken to the principal and we got suspended for 3 days

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by tazma95

It wasnt lots of stairs it was just three her and her friends said i fell down them i didnt get to say anything i was in the nurses office until mum picked me up and took me to the hospital..

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Tazma, when did you go to the nurse's office? When were you in the principal's office?

When is your next counseling session?

I got taken to the principals office first by the teacher on yard duty. When I got to the principals office he sent me to the nurses office because my arm was sore I couldn't move it and my nose was bleeding so I didn't get to say anything I didn't even know that I was suspended until mum told me. I go to counseling on Friday.

Do you live in the UK? Because if you do, it's illegal to have sex if you are under 16, but then again, to have sex, you need to be emotionally ready and responsible. You clearly haven' considered the effects it may have on you and on your family. As for your Mum, she has the right to look at your stuff, in case she thinks you might be hiding some items which would be deemed inappropriate or dangerous, I'm not saying you do keep dangerous items, but if you get my point. Also, if you were really responsible, you'd discuss the topic with your partner and Mum a rational manner, to reassure her that you know what you are doing, which you clearly haven't done. The reason why she checks on you and your room, is to make sure that you are not up to no good, and for yours and her sake, she only wants you to be safe and happy, because she loves you.