She now tells me part of the reason they broke up was cause of me
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She now tells me part of the reason they broke up was cause of me
And that means what exactly to you??
That I'm not a rebound
You're not a boyfriend either, you're a make out buddy, and occasional date.
What's plaintiff?
You are right. How do I make her want to be boyfriend/girlfriend?
Cause right now I feel like I'm doing a lot of the chasing. How do I play hard to get? Any rules?
She has controlled this whole thing from the get go, and you should have stop chasing a long time ago. Now she has what she wants her freedom, and you to fool around with whenever she wants which is better than the long distance stuff she had before.
Even the guilt trip of "she broke up because of you" that she laid on you was nothing but making sure you would keep coming back to chase her some more.
And yes you would be a rebound and NO, you stop chasing she gets mad, and replaces you. She is single and free. How do I know this? Simply because if she broke up because of you then she would be with you, she isn't. She also told you she would not get in another relationship until AFTER senior year, and your juniors.
Do the math, that means never for you dude. Now you want to change her mind from her grand plan, and run your own. Frankly, its to late. No there are no rules to manipulate someone's thinking and live happily ever after, or even to have a title to go with the kissy face stuff you get from time to time.
Now that's the truth as I know it, and can predict any strategy you come up with will drive her away to someone who does it her way, and I doubt its you.
I doubt you can leave her alone now ant ways because you have chased this far when you should have quit long ago, but you can be honest and tell her what YOU want and see what she says but be prepared for a lot of anger and emotion, but at least you will be dealing with reality, and not the false hope that you have now.
You may get lucky, or you may get replaced, since she really can't dump you, just reject your idea of what will happen next.
You want a rule? Here are a few!
Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner
Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.
Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.
Talaniman Rule #1- Never ever get involved with a committed person, ever never!!!!!!
Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.
Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.
Talaniman Rule- leave girls with boyfriends alone, and don't hold your breathe waiting for them to fail.
Talaniman Rule- If one female isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.
Talaniman Rule- Get your own girlfriend and leave the other guys alone.
Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, thats just plain crazy.
Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.
As you can see you have already broken a lot of rules, and it doesn't look good, so try some straight honesty, or keep playing kissy face, as long as she lets you. Actually I think she is using you not for a rebound, but as an emotional tampon to get over the ex.
If this isn't a sticky then it should be. Its great advice for anyone seeking to start or even end a relationship. It shows what to expect from both sides of the mirror.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
She wanted to study yesterday,
We did, we made out once again for 2-3 hours, and we touched each other, a lot, I fondled her breasts
Anyway. After, she said we should study today too
And I was like OK sure
Then today, she said oh maybe we shouldn't study with each other, we need to concentrate, I guess I kind of got mad. She was acting kind of different, and I asked her if she was OK, she said she was fine, and I said if she was sure, and this bothered her, she said That she hates having to explain her self to someone, and she's feeling like she needs to explain herself to me, I said she doesn't have to and she said "if I say im ok, Im fine". I said OK sorry I kept asking, and she said OK ill ttyl
I was totally kept in check. I need the power back. And I know she likes me a lot, I;ve just been to available to her. If I started backing off, she'd try hard to get me back. But at the moment, what should I do?
I am going to be burnt by the next posts, I can feel it
She is totally setting you up to be a toy that she will play with when she wants and under her terms and you are foolishly playing right into her hands. She likes you, she only likes you, you are a toy a distraction and you can be ruled.
Grow a pair dude. She is not the only girl in the world and you definitely are not the only boy for her.
She got rid of that long time boy friend (after she cheated) so she can play and she is playing with you.
She does not want you as a boy friend. She only wants to play.Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthis3
You are not going to get what you want with her. Wake up and pay attention dude!
So how do I make her want me as a boyfriend? Like
You need to think about it.
She won't get into one anytime soon, since she doesn't want to seem like a girl whod get over someone in amonth and date someone else again
What can I change?
I have to ask; What is so special about this girl that you can't even see straight?
I liked Tmans last rule the best: Don't play games with your heart and don't let anybody else play games with it either...
That's exactly what's going on here. You are making yourself way too available for her!
She is calling all of the shots! You need to slow down or perhps come to a screeching halt!
I can see, well we all can, that you really like this girl. However, she cheated and just broke up with this guy. Take a step back and re-think this situation; you could be that next guy that she does that too. Does that make sense?
Unfortunately, you can't force someone to have the same feelings for you. If you have feelings for her, then let her know how you feel. If she's interested, she will let you know.
Even if she's not ready to be your girlfriend, but interested in getting to know you better, she will give you an indication.
If she doesn't show you any of these signs, then she doesn't like you more than a friend. Take silence as a rejection.
Furthermore, her friendliness can easily be mistaken for something more. So watch out for that.
Bottom line, if she had feelings for you, she would let you know.
You cannot make someone want you. She either wants you as a boyfriend or she doesn't.Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthis3
She is making out with you but she does not want to seem like a girl who'd get over someone in a month. What is she doing then? What will she do when she is over him?
This girl is free to play around and that's what she is doing with you. If she really wanted you as a boyfriend you would be her boyfriend. The fact that she is giving you the run around should tell you something. She is messing around with you but she's not serious about you. She does not like you the way you like her. It's really pretty obvious.
We are in a weird relationship. We are 17
We are talking, and like each other a lot, we just don't want to get in to a relationship due to the complications that could arise.
We make out and kiss each other too
We are not exclusive, nor have determined any kind of rules
She recently told me not to get bothered if she says someone else is cute, and that we should feel no attachment towards each other, I felt the same way.
She told me she thinks this other guy is cute, cause they've recently started talking a lot.
And it seems like she's playing hard to get with me
The thing is, how do I act so she can just go back to liking me and only me?
Like perhaps go into a exclusive relationship
What happened to her boyfriend?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...462072-10.html
She is in the process of getting over him. When he visits, she is going to end things with him completely, because she has been giving him a little false hope lately
It seems like this girl is putting you through way more trouble than she is worth... After all this you *really* still want to be with her? Come on, you deserve better than that, no one is worth this much trouble. And after all this, if she doesn't want to be exclusive, then I think she's playing you, she using you for her own gain and then just throwing you away when she doesn't need you again. But like a foolish little puppy, you keep going back to her, and she knows that. She has you in the palm of her hand and she is loving every minute of it.
Mm so I should see someone else!
Ok, so I guess we're in a non-exclusive relationship.
Like I'm starting to feel that way too, I want to meet other girls. I guess that's good right? It'd be nice to have her exclusively, but for now, I'm content with where I am. I get the physical aspects of a relationship, with no strings or other messy stuff, with the freedom to meet new girls! This is pretty good actually.
But I still do get jealous if she might like another guy.. which I guess is kind of normal, but is not good for an nonexclusive thing. But I'm starting to accept that fact more and more as time goes on, after all, I could like any girl I wanted too.
And maybe after a while, she'll want to be exclusive with me. If it all fails, okay there's more people.
I really appreciate everyone's help! I may be posting more often..
You say in one breath how you want to meet other girls, but then talk of jealousy if she does.
That should give you some insights in this nonexclusive relationship. That means protect yourself, and don't get so deep you can't get out.
Sounds like friends with a few benefits, or kissy, touchy feely, with no strings attached, make out buddies.
Its fun if you accept it and don't expect more, but things are never that simple just because I suspect she would be rather possessive of you. Doesn't mean love mind you, but jealousy can make one possessive. Same goes for you.
See, so if she does become possessive of me, she would want to be exclusive wouldn't she?
But she is starting to talk a lot with this one other guy..
No it means she does not want you to play with anyone but her. In a word, selfish.Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthis3
You are one of her toys.
If I were you, I'd leave her completely alone and date someone who does not play games.
No! She just doesn't want any one else playing with her toys, and if she is talking to another guy, haven't you seen that pattern of behavior before?? Sure you have, that other guy was YOU, not too long ago!!Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthis3
See, so if she does become possessive of me, she would want to be exclusive wouldn't she?
But she is starting to talk a lot with this one other guy..
But this time, she doesn't have to dump you, just be less available.
Wait me be less available, or her be less available?
You.Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthis3
You are making this way too easy for her and she is has control of this whole situation.
Keep your distance!
She is toying with you. She has no intention of dating you. She wants to play the field before she goes to college and you are one of her play things.
I don't get it.
Is she playing games with me?
I tried flirting with her, and she played hard to get or something, and my flirting didn't work, she just gave me bad responses.
And the day before that, she asked phone tonight? And I said nah I'm too tired, and she was like haha okay! And I was like k Ill see you tomorrow, and she said night :)
Like Idk. It seems like she's not getting affected by my playing games. I think I;m going to distance myself from her.. and see if she chases me. If she doesn't I know she wasn't worth it.
And yesterday, I was like lets quiz each other later, (like on the phone) and she was like haha OK but I need to really cram! Ttyl!
And she never texted me or called me. Is she playing games? If she is how do I win.
She has gotten a new toy.
Leave her alone. Don't beg for attention.
Yeah so I talked to her, told her everything about how I lied and wanted to be exclusive, I gave up kind of
And She said lets just be friends
I agreed.
But I'm planning on doing no contact. She expects us to be friends soon, since we wanted no emotional attachment just so we wouldn't lose our friendship. But I don't know, like I'd want to be friends too, but it seems like I'd just give her what she wants.
She wants friends with benefits but only on her terms.
The best thing for you to do is to leave her alone entirely.
What if she comes to me and tells me she misses me
Tell her it is nice to be missed.
Don't worry about what her next move will be, or her liking you.
We all told you before what this girl was about and you were just determined that she wanted to be with you.
She may call you if she has no one else to play with. You do what you need to do for you, don't worry about her.
Leave her alone or you are going to end up hurt.
Thanks homegirl for being with me on this whole thing, you helped me a lot.
If we ever do start talking again, I will make sure she's not set on having no relationships
You're welcomed.
I think this girl will probably tell you what she thinks you want to hear to keep you in her clutches. I think she is a waste of time!
I'm sure there are plenty of nice girls out there that don't have so much drama attached to them.
When she told me I was like asking her if we could start being friends right away, maybe even bestfriends
But I still haven't talked to her, and I plan on not doing so until it doesn't hurt when I think about her being with someone else.
But it does still, how does one get over that
There is no pat answer, it takes time.
You take one day at a time, get out and do things with your friends. You will find that you think less of her each day.
Homegirl 50, I reread all your posts.
You are a genius.
Almost every single post, especially on pages 6-8 all are and came true.
I want to give you 100 rep points.
I'm glad I could help you young man.
You are going to be just fine.
Have a great week. OK
One point will be just fine :)
It's so hard dealing with the fact that she's starting to like someone else. Already. Is he a rebound? Or does she truly like this guy?
I mean, if she just said lets just be friends, I'd be so OK right now. But the fact that she's already getting to know someone else, so quickly, really bothers me. I guess it's jealousy and frustration, but I don't really know how to deal with it. Like I talked to this guy last week, just to see what was up, and I kind of implied for him to back off, and he said he would try his best, but I don't really think he did. And it really does kind of get to me.
Would you be saying "she's starting to like someone else. Already. Is he a rebound? or does she truly like this guy?" if it was you she was seeing? Probably not.
I don't think she liked you as much as you like her from the beginning, she was flirting and playing around with you, but she was cheating on her boyfriend. Now she can flirt and mess around with anyone she wants and she does not have to worry about cheating.
She wants to play the field, or she may have been playing around with this guy while she was playing with you and she likes him.
Who knows but now you see she didn't leave him for you, she left him because she wanted her freedom.
Don't let him or her get to you. He can date her, she is a free girl and she is not worth your getting upset over.
You'll be OK. One day you will look back on this and say "man I can believe I let that girl get to me like that"
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