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I know what your saying and I will try to do that. Now I do wish I would have just left her alone but I didn't and that's my own fault.
I'm willing to correct my actions and go back to no contact, I felt a lot better during those 4 days, I just need to do that for a lot longer. She is not meant for me and she just isn't in the same mindset as I am. She wants to have fun and be with 10 guys at a time,and I want a relationship. She's not worth it at all and I need to realize that. :/
Often all we can do is recognize the qualities we did like in somebody and move on to find them in somebody more suitable.
Guys I'm not looking forward to getting yelled and screamed at tomorrow, she just called and told me she's coming at 4:30 tomorrow. I really don't want her to come and she was being a bit**already on the phone. I don't know how to tell her I don't want her to come. She said it might make it better but why do I need to make it better if she hates me? I need to know what to tell her, do I call and say hey I don't want you to come tomorrow or should I be mean about it?
Don't be mean. If you don't want her to come over... tell her. Stand up for yourself and quit being her punching bag.
Be firm without being mean. Explain to her you don't see a reason to talk about things. You guys are broken up and that's that. This will probably set you back buddy. If you already know she's going to be mean then why take her sh*t ?
Thank you guys, I took your advice and told her what expat said and she took it pretty bad. She said I can't handle it and I'm immature. I don't know how this makes me immature but right now I'm just laughing about it, she's nothing and obviously doesn't know what she's talking about.
Good one buddy, who is the immature one here? You are the one trying to move on with your life while she still won't let you. She is the one slutting around right after you split not you. I think you handled things very well.. there is no reason for you take any more pain just so that she can have you as a plan B. Even less from a girl you know isn't even worth it.
This is all about you now, who cares how SHE handled it? It only matters how YOU will handle it from now on. And by the looks of it, you already know what do so you can start healing and moving on to better things.
All the best and good luck,
Expat
Stay out of conversations with her. Let your voice mail take the calls, delete text messages without reading them.
If you stumble into a conversation, agree politely (bordering on sarcastic, but not quite... ) with everything she says, "Yes, I know, I'm very immature...good thing you got away from me. Bye."
If she won't leave you alone, a "little" rude goes a long way. If necessary, use it, but only if necessary. "Stop calling me, you're being rude pushing and pushing when I've asked you politely to stop. Now stop, and stay stopped. Find someone else to jerk around."
Hi guys, I'm having some problems again, and I'm afraid I made a HUGE mistake. The ex ended up coming over the other day when I told her she couldn't. She said we needed to talk about things..
We talked for about 45 minutes and she basically was nice but told me how bad of a person I am. Then she started crying? And I made my first mistake.. I hugged her. Then we sat there for a bit talking some more and then she says "friendly hookup?" then I make my second mistake. We kissed for a while.. I feel so stupid for that now. I thought it didn't set me back at first, but it did.
We started talking again and she says we are friends now. I know I'm probably back to square one. She says she doesn't want to any kind of relationship and said we could maybe hook up every now and then. I would like that but it wouldn't help my healing process I can't do that! She said it wasn't the same when we kissed which I didn't want to hear. She's going to hang out with another guy Wednesday since she is done with her other relationship. I made so many mistakes and if I could I would go back and correct them. But I can't and now I don't know what to do! I messed up.. BAD
Not only won't it help your healing process but she will have you twisted around her pinkie at HER convenience. If you are a bad person why does she want to bother with you?
Yeah I don't want that at all. I just wish I wouldn't have done that. I don't know what to tell her because she asked if it was leading me on and of course I said no. but now I don't know wheather I should try to go back to no contact or just stay friends with her and tell her we can't hook up anymore..
Enough talk, that's what keeps you under her thumb. Go no contact, and ignore all her attempts at contacting you. That will keep you from being played like her fool for a while. Actions not words, tell her nothing. Just do it.
What is so hard about understanding you CANNOT be friends with her right now? It isn't possible... really! Take your life back, and step 1 in that process is eliminating her from your life. No talking, texting, emailing, looking at pics, NO FACEBOOK/MySpace, nothing! She doesn't exist anymore, period! You either take back your life, or continue to live in pain. Your call.
Thank you I think I needed that kc, haha. I'm once again back on the nc wagon AGAIN. This time of the night around 9 is always the hardest for me.
Eveyone is right I have to get my life back and I can't be wrapped around her finger like I was. I will continue to update my progress as I NEED to stick to nc this time or ill just keep hurting.
It helps a lot coming on here reading how everyone else made it so there's no reason why I cant. I'm still young and there are so many better girls out there! Ill just have to come on here and post when I'm struggling and continue to update. It helps a lot hearing everyone else`s feedback knowing your still supportive after everything.
Everyone goes through slips and falls. It's a part of life.
It's how you recover from these slips and falls that really define how successful you will be in the future. If you learn from your mistakes and make an effort to not repeat them, you will learn a lot and be very successful.
Just remember with mistakes come consequences. Your consequences will be prolonged pain and emotional suffering the more you entertain this girl and play her game.
She hates you more than the guy that she said raped her?? All because you were being honest and trying to cut out the poisoning, toxic, twisted thing that was your relationship?Quote:
Originally Posted by husky04
She hates you because you love her despite her disgusting habits and lying, cheating heart?
She hates you?
Hon, this girl is not worth it.
She is hurting you and you're letting her. You have all the cards in your hands... don't let her take them from you. Its YOUR life, not hers. Don't give her the right to slowly rot your heart from the inside out.
Thank you for the advice, second day of my third try at no contact. I have a few questions on how I should react in certain situations.
I think I'm doing this right, in school when I see her I completely ignore her, she said hi once, I said hi in a very blunt way and kept walking. She gives me the occasional text and I don't answer.
She sent me another one and said "whats your deal?" I answered back and said nothing at all. Is this the best way to go about things? I see her every day so I'm still wondering.
No contact means you DON'T answer texts, even rude ones, with texts of your own, even rude ones.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. If you go from loving behavior to hateful behavior, you haven't gone far enough. You need to go all the way to "I don't care, I don't need to care any longer...do what you want, I don't care."
No contact means "don't spend any time on her at all."
Because she doesn't know what your doing, why should you care? You owe her nothing, as your busy and unavailable as you mind your own business, and don't have time for her BS. Be polite, but busy, and keep doing what your doing.Quote:
No contact means "don't spend any time on her at all."
Thats the beauty of NC, you don't have to care.
Update- I have been doing pretty good going no contact, tonight I went to a girls house and drank a bit.. of course there is more.. she found out I was there which wasn't good news to her...
She calls me and tells me she hates me and says she was starting to get feelings for me again but I blew it. Is she saying this just to make me feel bad? I am immedietly going back to no contact. Why does she have to tell me she had feelings for me after this happened? Ahhhh!
I presume you have Caller ID. No contact means you don't take her calls, you leave the room while your voice mail takes the message, then you delete the message without listening to it.
She can say what she wants, ANYTHING SHE WANTs, and it must be irrelevant to you. You have no need to debate her points or words, and recognize nothing good comes from entertaining her thoughts in your mind. So you don't do it.
No contact means you don't spend any time on her at all. You really need to try this correctly, you're not committed to it at all so far.
She is part of your history, so your habit of answering her and considering what she says is HABIT. It's a habit you have to break.
Yeah yeah I know what you mean. I did the first thing correctly, I simply did not answer. She left the voicemail and that's where she said everything from hating me to she did have feelings for me to saying my d*ck was small. It had to be THE harshest message I have ever heard.
Believe me that wasn't all that was on the message either. JB is right there is no need to analyze everything she says because she is irrelevant. Now that I see that you say to just delete the voicemail, I wish I would have done that last night instead of listening to it.
You live and you learn man. What did you learn here? Don't listen to her voicemail. Her opinion and back lashing are about as important as the toilet paper you most recently used.Quote:
Originally Posted by husky04
Let her get mad and spew hatred out, that is her problem. As for you, you are still alive and well, and need not worry about anything related to her. It is YOUR time now. Change your phone number if you want.
I am just wondering why she would tell me she was beginning to have feeling for me again. Did she say it to just make me feel bad about myself? Or did I actually maybe have another chance?
I shouldn't be doing this.. I shouldn't be analyzing her every thought, but I am and I can't help it. She is making me feel like I blew a chance at her again. All I was trying to do was have a little fun with OTHER girls besides her.
She said she thought our friendship was more important then going out and drinking. I know I will be fine. I just hate it how girls find a way to get you to start thinking again, wow maybe I had a chance with her. I also looked on her myspace.. I did delete mine but I'm stupid and went on hers and saw messages from her and her "rebound" after me.
She was pretty much begging for another chance from him and saying the same stuff I said to her when I was begging for her to come back! She said he is the best guy she has ever met! He said the same thing to her but they just can't be together. She said "you gotta admit it was alot of fun last time we hung out ;)" I promised myself to not go on her myspace again. I will just move on and try not to think about it.
If you weren't so blinded by your feelings, you would see and obvious pattern here.
I would like to see the pattern, but I don't. Could you let me know what this pattern is?
The pattern is she talks, you listen, you get confused and your life doesn't heal.
THAT IS THE PATTERN. Some will suggest the pattern is "she realizes you're moving on and subconsciously doesn't want that to happen, so she tosses emotional hand grenades at you to make sure you can't get over her too quickly."
Um... OK. But saying that breaks the first rule of No Contact... which is "spend no time on her at all." That means if you're looking for patterns you look for them in YOUR life, not hers. In YOUR head, not hers.
Stop "wondering" why she does anything. Healing comes from "not spending any time on her at all."
I detect a pattern, you keep thinking/talking to her and wondering stuff then come back here to ask versions of the same question... cut it out, man.
We want YOU to start the healing process, so we'll keep hitting you over the head with the same shovel if we have to, but you HAVE to stop jumping back into the hole at some point.
The pattern is every time you break NO CONTACT you get confused and feel bad trying to figure her out.Quote:
I shouldn't be doing this.. I shouldn't be analyzing her every thought, but I am and I can't help it. She is making me feel like I blew a chance at her again. All I was trying to do was have a little fun with OTHER girls besides her.
This isn't her doing it to you, but you letting her do it to you.
Go NC for real, and have some fun with the new female.
LOL!! She was just starting to have feelings for you again!!
That's the biggest load of BS I've read in a while. Here she is cussing you up and down, making fun of you, hating on you, sleeping with other people, and being a complete biatch. Then she has the nerve to try and tell you she was starting to have feelings for you again??
LOL!!
Hey, actions speak LOUDER than words. Don't listen to her lies. She is living in some complete fantasy land and trying to bring you back into it. I don't know why you would even want to go back after all of this.
Now she knows the heartbreak you went through when this other guy dumped. She got a taste of her own medicine.
Now you need to stay on track and stay 105% NC. Run as far away as you can, because she is no good for you.
Trust me, another girl is out there who is much, much, much better for you that this confused girl.
Definitely hang out with this new girl and see where this goes and ignore the ex... she is bad news.
Hahahaha.. that's such a good way to look at it. I love this website because it helps me look at things from a totally different point of view from my own.
It`s her birthday today, and of course I said nothing to her, the voicemail she sent me that night said I can't look at her! So I took what she said and didn't look at her at all at school. (her locker is close to mine)
Now I know this is probably not a big deal to you all but I'm very proud of myself, she sent me a text last night saying "i know we aren`t friends but im still going to be nice to you".. gave that one no reply. Today she sent me another text saying "stop drinking and grow up".. no answer! I'm really proud of myself and I'm not even going to look at the messages she sends now.
I know she's not meant for me, and I'm going to go 105 % NC and if I ever get close to sending that text I'm going to take someone's advice that was on here and do 50 push ups, or something to make me not do it again.
Healing and the process of breaking up is a marathon, and not a sprint. It is key to pick up bits of self confidence and power along the way, which is what you are doing. Good for you! Now, keep it up.
I`m feeling a little weak today. And I need to vent. I almost broke my no contact last night, she texted me, I deleted the text without reading it, unfortuately I forgot to delete her off aim, so she got me on there and told me I was "falling off" and said I have changed a lot. I really really wanted to reply, but I didn't. I blocked her and deleted her so no worries anymore.
It`s harder then I thought, I'm starting to realize that I CAN be my normal old funny self without her, it just takes time. Right now I have the urge to text her or call. I know I can't do that, if I do it will set me back a lot. I still find myself thinking about her, only about the good times. I can never seem to bring myself around to thinking about all of the bad times we had. I think she even got her friend to get into this, she also texted me and said ben there are a lot of people who care about you you shouldn't be drinking.
Honestly, if I were worried about myself I would have done something, I did it once and I don't plan on doing it again for a long time. I really don't know what my problem is, did I really mess up because I can't stop thinking about this girl. Could she actually maybe be meant for me? After all of it I still feel like I would take her back and I know that's not good. I try to do things to get my mind off her, it works temporairily. I have to stay I do feel better everyday and I know there is "light at the end of the tunnel." It takes time, I just miss talking to her like we used to. BUT
NC is the way to go and I'm not going to fall back this time.
Yep. It's hard to forget the good times and remember the bad. Right now you have on a pedestal and think she was the best girl in the world, because you miss her.
In the next few weeks as you reflect back, you will remember the bad times and start to see everything in the light of reality instead of the light of fiction.
Stay strong. Everyone here know how hard it is. You are on the right track sticking with the NC.
Also listening to some energetic and hard music helps too.
Stay away from the alcohol for now. It will not help your mood.
Refer to my above post... this is a marathon, not a sprint. A rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings will be with you, for A LONG time. You seem to do a good job of controlling your actions, and not letting your emotions control you.
I was that girl. I had so much growing up to do. Move on and let her grow up.
If your paths cross again after she has grown up and can decide what she wants with out changing her mind, then try again. I would not try again though until after she is 20 something.
Good luck. FYI I am still friends with my ex boyfriend whom I treated this way. Still love him, but am happily married to someone who makes more sense with me. Good news he is too... to someone who treats him so much nicer than I ever did.
Updating again, Tonight the ex called me, I answered because she texted me and said I really need to know what your trying to do here. I told her I can't talk to you because I am trying to get over you and talking to you only makes me believe it can happen again which it won't.
She seemed a little bummed but said she understands and knows she didn't do anything wrong. She told me she won't contact me anymore and I said OK. I told her that I need to get over her and then maybe we could think about being friends. After everything I said all right.. see you and that was it. Only about a 5 minute talk. I just kind of liked it when she contacted me because it made me feel better, but its better that she doesn't.
Did I handle this OK?
Yes and no.
Personally, I wouldn't have picked up the phone at all. She doesn't need an explanation, as you are busy with your own life not worrying about what she does or what she thinks.
I think you handled it OK. You told her what you wanted and needed from her. In the long run, her not contacting you will make it easier for you to move on. I essentially told my ex the same thing. She hasn't contacted me since either. For me, it kind of hurt at first, but after a day or two I was feeling a lot much better.
This will give you the opportunity to really start to heal with out her messing you up.
Its been about a week since I've updated, I went 5 days no contact and it was going well. She then texted me and I talked to her for about 2 or 3 minutes. I just wanted to see how I did talking to her, and I did pretty good and it didn't set me back at all. Im getting better everyday and I sometimes go an hour or two without even thinking about her, then I catch myself and it's a pretty good feeling.
Im not going to talk to her anymore, I really don't feel the need to at all. Why talk to someone who did all of this stuff to me? Her friends are telling me her and the "other guy" she was with after the break up are getting back together again. I really Don't care. The kid is 15 years old I shouldn't be worried at all. Im starting to get over her very well. The girl I was talking to really hasn`t worked out, she still talks to her ex a lot and I just don't think it's a good idea to be with someone who still talks to their ex a lot. Of course, my ex found a way to yell at me again. We were all with each other because we all have the same friends, and she was yelling saying this girl I'm talking to is shi**y and my good family doesn't deserve someone like her. I really didn't mind it, I just walked away. Im so sick of her drama she starts.
Very good husky. Now leave her alone and the drama she starts.
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