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I am not trying to start any battles, just gain knowledge. Carnegie said 'you can never win an arguement'
I don't think that the perfectly natural plesures of sex should be restricted to those with enough MONEY to raise a child with two cars and cable, sex (for fun) should be confined to those mature enough to practice safe sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by raggablue
Not here... they have just upped the dial up to 24.95 a month... you can still find a select few for $10-15 per month. DSL is roughly $38 per month. It depends on how far in the country or where in the city you live. (Just so you aren't in the dark here) That is why it is such a big deal with welfare. You can have things that aren't needed, but you can't pay for your own mistakes/mishaps/children (whatever the case may be). I can do some major grocery shopping with 40 bucks.
EDIT: The problem is... she didn't protect herself... so there should be a limit on age of responsibility.
EDIT AGAIN::::: Someone should really balance Synnen out... reddies should not have been given because you disagree... read the rules please (Synn... I would, but I love you too much it says, lol)
There is a legal age of concent
Legal age of consent has nothing to do with this. That means she is of age to know the difference in yes and no, but whether she listens to her parents advise as far as right and wrong... that is another story. Please tell me you don't really think 15 or 17 is okay to be popping out babies. Please! That is just setting both kids up for future disappointments (baby and mother are the kids). What raise each other?
I'm not saying its ideal but these people are not copletely useless, kids as young as 12 have had plain bad luck an ended up running a family of 4, extreme case I know but it puts thing in perspective. Kids that have been pulled through the system, jumping from one insecure foster home to the next have managed to raise children in a stable to become the perfect statistic. Its hard but it can be done
I appoligize to synne for doing that twice. I didn't realize that I had disagreed with her earlier. There are so many posts I didn't go back to check. I try not to do that twice to someone.
Anyway. Welfare and medicaid are different. Me and my boyfriend pay $1200 plus a month in rent and other things. And I did try to protect myself. I am having a birth control baby. My doc found the problem with my because and it has been noted for future references so it will work next time. And no I don't feel guilty for being on medicaid. Oh and synn or whoever it was talking about government money for a house at 30 yea they do that too. If you find the right web site you can find grants for first time home buyers and education and just paying bills and you don't have to be broke to get them you have to have never used any other government programs in the US. So yes if you do your homework you can go to college for free or get a down payment on your home and many other things like that!
And I could cover my medical expenses but it is there and if I don't use it someone else will so why not me. And yes my boyfriend does pay 600 every paycheck. He makes $24 an hour and works at least 48 hours a week. He makes time and a half for all overtime and that gets taxed extra. We live together and plan on getting married but my parents won't sign for it and I don't feel like going through the hassel of getting emancipation papers filed even though I am emancipated I have yet to get the paper work done. (in my state emancipation is automatic when a student graduates) and I haven't finished school I still have two years left to get my bachelors.
I know I am not the average but I don't feel it is right to judge everyone by the statistics. Each person is different and as I said if there is a will there is a way. It is not fair to any teenager that has good intentions to be told by everyone that she is a burdon on society because it is not always the case and I agree it should put out there as a possible outcome but the other options need to be put out there also so that a young girl doesn't feel trapped. There are many many options just in the venue of adoption and many more ranging from abortion to keeping it and raising it herself. But if all that is presented to her is adoption and the fear of being put in jail a teen especially a pregnant one could end up killing herself or the baby. To avoid getting into trouble. None of us know this girl personally so no one can say she would or wouldn't. The decision is hers to make and all we can do is give advice we need not attack her for any reason I'm sure her mother has done this already. I'm sure the mother has told her how irresponsible and immature or w.e other words anyone could or want to use to explain her actions. No matter how bad her decisions were she needs advice and comfort not to be chastized for something that she cannot take back.
I never said I couldn't afford my doctor bills for the baby and even if I couldn't I have some pretty good reasons for not being able to that have nothing to do with my age or income. But that has nothing to do with this so I will open another thread if you wish to explore that with me. Maybe some people will have the alknowing answers to that delima.
But that is the point that is trying to be made... if you can afford, why not leave that money to pay for someone else's education (government money). If your boyfriend makes that much... you should easily be able to make payments and pay on your own (just my opinion here).
There is a big difference in being 15 with no education (obvious from posts) and being a little ahead of the game (as you are). Not saying that you shouldn't have waited, because I believe you should have (mistakes happen... mine did at almost 30, although the best mistake of my life... I wouldn't have made it as far as I have with a baby on my hip at 15). My point in all of this, at that age you haven't fully grown and experienced life yourself... why would you want to give that up to raise a child or have sex period? (When I use the word you... I don't necessarily mean YOU... I mean any girl under-aged.)
There are no all-knowing people here on earth... but we do the best we can... maybe we will just come and check it out... as you see you'll get our opinions :)
Damn ill learn one day to only quote a small part rather than the whole thing. Anyway I tottally agree with you about a baby holding you back if you have one too early career wise but you will advance emotionaly but... if you wait too long you run the risk of ruining your child's life by not being sharp enough not being apt for its requirementsQuote:
Originally Posted by rpg219
I didn't intentionally get pregnant but I was on because so I did the best I could.I don't have a problem with anyone's opinion I just get frustrated with people "attacking" others opinion. Attacking is not the word but it is 7 am here and I haven't been to bed <see my post days and night smixed up> and I cnat think of a proper word. I would have waited if it were up to me but I don't regret it because I think it will be the best thing that has happened to me. I owe my hospital 70,000 for surgeries from a drink driving accident. I was a victim not the drunk one. That is why we chose to get on medicaid. I could do it all but it would be overwhelming and the system is abused so much that at least I am not using the medicaid to abort like so many girls at least around here do.
I understand that having an education is different and people tend to think I'm an idiot because I have had very different experiences than the normal so I know with determination things are always possible so I give people the benefit of the doubt because without support no one has the confidence to try.
It is my understanding that so much money is set aside for each program so if it doesn't get used in one department it doesn't transfer to the others it is just left there for the next year but I am not a government accountant so I can't be sure. It is my experience from accounting classes that excess money doesn't typically change expense accounts? Like I said I'm not sure government may be different.
I am not sure where to start a thread on that though. I have a lot of ?'s with it but they are all over and I need a lawyer to answer them. I will come back and tell you.
So the optimum time to have a baby, you need to be strong enough both emotionly and financially say above 20
And you need to be young enough so you don't slow down right when your child speeds up
The needs and requirements of children change every generation so you shouldn't be old enough to be their grandparent.
Which makes the best time to become a parent beetween 20 and 30, oh what a surprise, slap bang in the middle of you vocational prime.
Conclusion; it is always a bad time to give birth
Not here 2 pass judgement however getting pregnant intentionally was a dumb move. I can understand how your mom feels as parents we want the best for our kids maybe she viewed you as finishing college living a good life not pregnant at 15. I don't know what the laws are in your state but you have to understand your still a minor and mom is responsible for you. If you insist on keeping your baby then you need to maybe look into programs for teen mothers some program offer housing and allow you to finish school. I had my 1st daughter at 16 but I lived in a rented room and got up every morning at 6am to pack up my baby and go to school. It's a rough road ahead and you better be ready cause no one is going have pity on you. Now you have to find a way to support your baby and still make something of yourself. Dad is only 13 is sad. Think about it. Adoption will give you your childhood back and give your baby a better life. I know 20 years from now your baby would understand why you did it. 15 and 13 years old is not parents you guys are babies yourself. If you still decide to keep baby. Then be ready to face the music and become an adult. Get your g.e.d. At least and take some kind of trade school and find a job. Forget parties and mall trips with the girls. For the next 18 years your going to have to deal with diapers earaches, runny noses and trips back and forth 2 babysitters while you work. I did it and it was hell but thank god my daughter is now 17 and is starting college in June. She is a very grounded and mature young lady. She doesn't even date she is into her friends shopping and work. So for a teen mom I think I did a good job but it doesn't always turn out that way. I have a lot of friends who lost there kids 2 da state. Anyway just do the right thing and it will work out.
Not many 17-18 year olds wear diapers
Yari said "for the next 18 years your gonna have to deal with diapers"
What kind of silly word is diapers anway
As a nurse intern in Labor & Delivery, I have to disagree with this. Complications are very serious with teens. PIH (Pregnancy Induced Hypertension) happens at any age, more common in the teen and older women, however, Pre-eclampsia and Eclampsia are much higher in the teen population. CPD (Cephalopelvic disproportion) is most often associated with teen pregnancies, and if not caught early, can have devastating effects on the baby if a C-Section is not done promptly.Quote:
brown_eyes_3546 agrees: but the coomplications you mentioned are more common in older women than teens. The girl is in more danger than the baby due to underdeveloped body as long as she eats properly.
I see these syndromes more with the teen population than I do the older women. The teenage body is just not prepared to cope with the strenuous task of pregnancy, labor and delivery.
First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:Quote:
Originally Posted by brown_eyes_3546
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html
In one response you called Synnen out for using generalties that were untrue. But they weren't. Yes, children have begat children and made a success out of it. But there are many more examples of teen pregnancies that resulted in hardship and tragedy. Even those that made a success out of it had to struggle to do so. So when a 15 yr old tells us she DELIBERATELY got pregnant, I think a moral outrage is more than justified.
As far as the statutory rape thing. If the parents of these two children want the child put up for adoption, then pressing the statutory rape charge is a good tactic.
But we have gone far afield here. The original question of whether the child can be taken away was answered long ago. Nor have we gotten any further input from the OP. What the thread seems to have centered on is two points.
1) Should we show compassion for a teen who deliberately got herself pregnant
2) Is it OK for children to have babies.
The first point is a matter of opinion. I think I've made mine clear. On the second point, I can't imagine anyone of sound mind who would think such an idea shouldn't be put down.
j_9: I based my statement on Chapel Hills recent stats. My cousin has her masters in prenatal nursing there and also works in lobor and deliery. You both differ greatly in opinion she has pointed out to me that different areas of the country and world have different common probems for unknown reasons.deseases are the same but who and where they arecommon in differ greatly across the world. She has said that in your area it may be more common in teens but here t is more common in women 30+ having children. I do not question your expertise I rspect that you are in nursing school but as she works in my area with some of the most complicated deliveries in the state I take her advice more to heart because she knows me personally and is here. She has also said thatyounger women have much easier times in her 3 years of experience there.
Scott: I agree that wanting a babyis not a good thing at 15 but I also think her mothe has beat that into her head enough which is why she is here or help not crying in her mothers lap. That's all I had to say. More advice less critique.
Sorry all that my typing is sorry. My keys are sticking for some odd reason.
I'm just dropping by and saying- she has had a baby, been through all the pain and brought a baby into the world. She loves this baby and wants to keep it, so why not, yes she proabally won't be able to afford it but having to give up a baby could proably be one of the worst things she could give up. And as for seducing - maybe they were very close and she knew what she was doing to prove that she wanted a baby and knew about the reprocutions. And yes I am a very bad speller but the spell check isn't helping me either
Actually when she posted this she said was was pregnant meaning the baby hadn't been born yet.Quote:
Originally Posted by fiona445
The fact is she has exercised extremely poor judgement in deleiberately getting pregnant at her age. So I sincrely doubt she has considered all the repercussions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fiona445
While I admit I wouldn't force adoption on my worst enemy--I'm thinking about the baby with my recommendations.
I'm a birthmom--and it IS hard. But--I never have to wonder where my child's next meal is coming from, either. And--deliberately getting pregnant at 15 doesn't scream "World's Greatest Mom!" to me, either.
Mm see where you are coming from
I probably going to take a lot of heat for the comment but honestly an abortion is in order if it is possible. As a parent who had to almost lost a child during my wife delivery in scared to attempt to have another child.
Now she is 13 and wants to give birth to a healthy baby. Then what raise a child in a cardboard box. This is the beginning on the horrorible story.
I don't blame 13 year old I'm blaming the parents of these children. How does a 13 year even get the thought in her head that its will be OK to get pregnant.
If you want to keep the baby then keep it. It's your baby and you should do what you want. Don't let other people tell you what to do! Make your own choices, do what you think is right for you and your baby! It's your life!!
I just wanted to touch on this. I agree with Homegirl 50. My cousin gave birth to her only son at 15. She didn't do it again. But, she did allow her mother to raise her child. She finished school and even college but when she wasn't at school she'd be out dateing and playing while her mother took care of her son. She is now 35 and her son is 20. He just had his first child. She is now a grandmother at 35.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
If you talk to her she says that her and her son are best friends and buddies.
If you talk to him he says that she is like his sister and his grandmother is his mother.
The roles are too confused when this happens.
I still think if she keeps the baby and her mother does help her she should finish school and spend everyother second with her baby raising it.
I hate to say it but when you become a mother your life ends to an extent because now you have this dependent being that comes first that you have to think about. A lot of sacrifies have to be made. Good luck to you and the baby whatever choice you make will be hard.
Where I live I see this all the time. Kids want to have a real baby. They idealize what it will be like. 10 years ago there were sooo many 13 and 14 year old girls in my neighborhood getting pregnant because they wanted a baby like ALL the other teenage girls. By the time they were
16 and pregnant for the second time, 18 and pregnant for the third time guess who was raising them because the kids would rather run around with their friends and couldn't be bothered with the babies (let alone not able to afford them). THEIR mothers. So I can understand your mother wanting to give up the baby for adoption. She sees it as a irresponsible mistake you made that you will not be able to handle realistically.
She may even feel that keeping the baby is equivalent to condoning what you did.
You have to consider all aspects of things rather than decide I want... therefore I will.
Let's see... Tonvwill57 posted her question on December 7 and has not been back on the site since December 9. That's over a month now.
While we would like to have an update, experience tells me that we are going to be here debating left and right... however, we will not make a difference to this member as she will not be back to read our posts.
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