Ask Me Help Desk - What to do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

For the love of all things holy! You take whatever punishment your father gives you and you do it graciously.

This is harsh, but after reading all of your threads and all of your problems, you are a parent's nightmare!

You go to those cresses, you listen, you learn. Stop complaining about everything! This is the consequence to your action. Accept it!

Sorry just asking I haven't complained about any of my punishments that he's given me just thought anger management was a bit extreme I've never been a violent person first time I've ever been in a fight. Thought that maybe I could talk to him but anyway. Suppose it can't hurt. Didn't think I was a parents nightmare really thought I was doing all right doing everything they want me to at home getting me grades up. I know I messed up taking drugs again but they don't even know about that. I just don't get it what more am I suppose to do,

You have complained about every single punishment you have received. And you've received many.

We may or may not agree with this particular punishment, but that is not up to us to decide. This is what your father gave you, this is what you deal with.

We here are adults and parents. We are not going to help you get out of this whether we agree with it our not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

You have complained about every single punishment you have received. And you've received many.

We may or may not agree with this particular punishment, but that is not up to us to decide. This is what your father gave you, this is what you deal with.

We here are adults and parents. We are not going to help you get out of this whether we agree with it our not.

I didn't ask for help to get out of me punishment, this was just one of them and I thought it was a bit extreme. I only asked if I should speak with me dad about it or if I should just do the classes with out saying anything. I don't mean to complain so much. I just find it hard to except punishments that don't seem fair and I know now that I deserve everything I get.

I don't want to be a pain for me da I want him to be happy with me not stressed and I honestly thought I was behaving me self. I haven't been in trouble for ages and I've been doing everything they ask of me with out complaining I didn't argue when they wouldn't let me play sports or go to the school ball I just excepted it and stayed home to babysit for them. And I know I got rewarded I suppose for doing that they let me go out with me boyfriend on weekends. It just sux that I've been trying to behave and then this fight happens and I'm in trouble again, I know I shouldn't have hit the girl back and I shouldn't have argued with me dad and jumped out of the car. It just makes me angry what if I go to school and she tries it again am I suppose to let her beat on me? Cause if I hit her back that's wrong. Anyway I'll take me punishment start over again don't have much choice I know I just made everything worse than it had to be

Punishments often build. So can it be extreme if this was the only incident, of course, but the result is, this is one in a long list of problems, so as the list builds, the punishments often do too.

A man could get life in prison for stealing a bag of food, if he was already convicted of two prior felonies and on probation and did a new small felony.

The punishment may or may not be extreme. That's not up to us to judge. That is strictly up to your parents.

You ou take your punishment and take it willingly with no complaining.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

I didn't ask for help to get out of me punishment, this was just one of them and I thought it was a bit extreme. I only asked if I should speak with me dad about it or if I should just do the classes with out saying anything. I don't mean to complain so much. I just find it hard to except punishments that don't seem fair and I know now that I deserve everything I get.

I don't want to be a pain for me da I want him to be happy with me not stressed and I honestly thought I was behaving me self. I haven't been in trouble for ages and I've been doing everything they ask of me with out complaining I didn't argue when they wouldn't let me play sports or go to the school ball I just excepted it and stayed home to babysit for them. And I know I got rewarded I suppose for doing that they let me go out with me boyfriend on weekends. It just sux that I've been trying to behave and then this fight happens and I'm in trouble again, I know I shouldn't have hit the girl back and I shouldn't have argued with me dad and jumped out of the car. It just makes me angry what if I go to school and she tries it again am I suppose to let her beat on me? Cause if I hit her back that's wrong. Anyway I'll take me punishment start over again don't have much choice I know I just made everything worse than it had to be

Sorry... but only you thought you were behaving. If you had thought it out BEFORE you acted... you would have thought otherwise. What you were doing is what you wanted to do... not what you should do. You can't possibly have thought your father would have been happy with you doing ANY of this. S0 how could you think you were doing the right thing?

And on the other end... she did not just walk up and start beating on you with no provocation while you were playing miss innocent... she said something... you had to open your mouth and say something worse to one-up her and before the first punch was thrown... YOU were a willing participant. Sorry with your behavioral patters and history... I do not buy the innocent victim argument. I've Been there, dealt with it longer than you have, And you aren't in Kindergarten... the "but she said something mean first" argument isn't justification.

What we see you don't... is a 15 year old with a chip on her shoulder (and borderline being passive-aggressive), that thinks she can do anything she wants... and only thinks about it after she has been caught. Then thinks she can calk her way out of it... (that's what your obsessive need to "explain" yourself actually is).

Those are some points to think about. With age and experience comes wisdom. At 15 you have none of those. That's why we see through your justifications even if you have convinced yourself otherwise (something teenagers almost ALWAYS seem to do).

I will take me punishment willingly with out complaining, even though I think it's stupid. I haven't complained to me da about any of the punishments I have received I've excepted them all. I'm am sorry to me da for causing him so much grief I really don't mean to. I know I seem to complain a lot and I am sorry but when I ask questions you all help me see it in a different way before I make things worse.

Im just going to keep on trying to do the right thing and stay out of trouble. I wasn't doing too bad before the whole suspended thing. The more I think about the fight the more I see if I had of not said anything insulting about her boyfriend after she accused me of sleeping with him she probably wouldn't have hit me. I just hope when I go back its over with cause I don't want to fight and I don't want to get beat on either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

I will take me punishment willingly with out complaining, even though I think it's stupid. I haven't complained to me da about any of the punishments I have received I've excepted them all. I'm am sorry to me da for causing him so much grief I really don't mean to. I know I seem to complain a lot and I am sorry but when I ask questions you all help me see it in a different way before I make things worse.

Im just going to keep on trying to do the right thing and stay out of trouble. I wasn't doing too bad before the whole suspended thing. The more I think about the fight the more I see if I had of not said anything insulting about her boyfriend after she accused me of sleeping with him she probably wouldn't have hit me. I just hope when I go back its over with cause I don't want to fight and I don't want to get beat on either.

See... using those words indicates you really don't understand WHY what you did was wrong. You really don't have a choice but accept punishment gracefully or not... but until you actually understand WHY everything you did is wrong... then you won't "Get it" and will continue in the same pattern until you find yourself in jail.. the Hospital or answering to a greater power in the afterlife well before your time.

I say that because I've see it happen to people I grew up with...several are dead...one is doing life in prison...and the couple others that managed to survive it have so screwed up their future they will die knowing nothing but poverty.

The anger you showed from a parent's pov --

1. Argued with and hit the other girl
2. Argued with your dad
3. Jumped out of the car
4. Ran away
5. Refused to answer your phone
6. Stayed out all night

I'm glad you'll take the anger-management class. It's more than just about anger. It will help you in the future, so pay attention! Be sure to ask what you should have done in the bathroom when the girls were on your case.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

Me da is making me do this anger management class. I know I'm suppose to take what ever punishment I'm given but I kind of think it's a bit extreme. Do you think I can talk to him about maybe not going, he's making me feel like I'm a violent person or something. I don't think it's necessary. I really don't want to make anything worse in enough trouble as it is. So thought I'd ask before I even bother talking to him.

There are lot of things you have to learn. Anger management classes! Anger is not only showed through violence but also, passive behaviors! Do u remember you ran out of the car when your dad was yelling at you?
Anger management class would be good. And even though your DAD is saying that it is a punishment for all you've done, but no its not, actually they are helping you to educate you in this area of your life, you will learn how to control your emotions etc.. and this is going to help you through out your whole life, when you will be out in the world by yourself. So, take it as an advantage, and learn, while you don't have to pay for any classes.

I do know what I did was wrong I didn't see it at the time but now I do you all helped me understand that. I just thought it was a bit extreme anger management classes but I guess it's not really I do seem to have a problem. I actually hit someone I've never done that before and I feel really bad now there was blood every where I hope she is OK. God what me da must think of me I am a parents nightmare. I don't know why I always get defensive when me da tells me off I have no right to need to stop and think more before I speak.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

I do know what I did was wrong I didn't see it at the time but now I do you all helped me understand that. I just thought it was a bit extreme anger management classes but I guess it's not really I do seem to have a problem. I actually hit someone I've never done that before and I feel really bad now there was blood every where I hope she is OK. God what me da must think of me I am a parents nightmare. I don't know why I always get defensive when me da tells me off I have no right to need to stop and think more before I speak.

You also need to stop and think before you ACT as well. Good rule of thumb to use... What is your dad going to say or think... and would you do it with HIM standing there to see it.

If you was college age.. I'd say, visualize your own daughter doing this... but that is a bit too abstract for most teenagers to really grasp yet.

Go to the class. This not near as bad as it could have been. You keep saying you want to do the right thing, not have your dad angry, then you complain about what he tells you to do as punishment.
I'm with J_9 "You go to those classes, you listen, you learn. Stop complaining about everything! This is the consequence to your action. Accept it!"