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-   -   I'm 18 and I want to leave home but parents won't let me. What to do? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=631057)

  • Jan 29, 2012, 08:50 AM
    JudyKayTee
    It would appear to be because "most" of her "stuff" has already been moved and her father never noticed (according to OP) that she could move the rest of the "stuff" in the same fashion she moved the first "half." I agree with Scott - I don't think the whole story is posted here.

    BUT I will add a caution to the "move out" advice - she may not be able to attend the same school if she moves out of the District. Don't know if she intends to. If she takes ANYTHING that is owned by the father and the "facts" are as posted I would expect HER to be arrested.

    And as far as making mistakes in order to learn - I don't think that is necessary. If you're smart you'll learn from other people's mistakes.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 09:15 AM
    smoothy
    Particularly the one of burning bridges. that's one that can follow you for the rest of your life.

    I'm still paying for the one time I did that in the late 1980's. And wish someone had been as forceful with me to NOT do it at the time.

    At least in my case it didn't involve family.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 09:19 AM
    ScottGem
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    BUT I will add a caution to the "move out" advice - she may not be able to attend the same school if she moves out of the District.

    Good point! If the OP changes her legal address, she may have to change schools.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 09:37 AM
    Wondergirl
    "Her stuff" may includes stuff her dad bought for her, such as a cell phone, computer, TV, laptop, iPod, clothes, furniture... and he may try to reclaim them, as Fr_Chuck mentioned.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 09:40 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    "Her stuff" may includes stuff her dad bought for her, such as a cell phone, computer, TV, laptop, iPod, clothes, furniture....and he may try to reclaim them, as Fr_Chuck mentioned.


    - And that would involve having her arrested for theft.

    I still want to know more about the million dollar motorcycle racer who is going into the Military to avoid a debt - or something.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 10:16 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    - And that would involve having her arrested for theft.

    I still want to know more about the million dollar motorcycle racer who is going into the Military to avoid a debt - or something.

    It was because she asked him to stop racing and he had contracts to race.

    But yes, first few racers even make into the 100's of thousand dollars, and those that do, would never stop for a girl. And if they did, they would go to management or advertising or something.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 10:22 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    It was because she asked him to stop racing and he had contracts to race.

    But yes, first few racers even make into the 100's of thousand dollars, and those that do, would never stop for a girl. And if they did, they would go to management or advertising or something.


    I KNOW motorcycle racing. I'd like to know about the person who is making millions and can't be travelling to do so (although I would question that) and also cares for his father.

    You don't get your bike out once a week, run around the track, pack up and go home.

    So - unless her boyfriend is married to Pink, I don't think so.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 10:33 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    I know ESPN listed only 15 motorcycle racers who earn over 1 million.

    All will live on the road and only be home a few weeks a year.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 11:48 AM
    ttaayylloorr18
    He did motorcycle racing, offroad racing, cycling, stock car racing, raced in the laguna seca, and so on. He traveled to many different countries, and was almost never home when he did that. Don't tell me that I'm not giving you the full story. I intend to leave my phone and my computer and everything like that. My clothes, if he wants them back I will give them back and buy new clothes. Whatever. But the problem is that my mom and I are extremely close and I want to be able to say goodbye to her. So I don't know if I should calmly explain the situation to my dad and if he screams just leave immediately with my boyfriend and police outside waiting. Or if I should write a letter and leave while they're gone.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 11:51 AM
    ttaayylloorr18
    And he got offers for management and advertising, but he declined because he wanted that phase of his life to be over with.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 11:57 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    he did motorcycle racing, offroad racing, cycling, stock car racing, raced in the laguna seca, and so on. he traveled to many different countries, and was almost never home when he did that. Dont tell me that im not giving you the full story. I intend to leave my phone and my computer and everything like that. My clothes, if he wants them back i will give them back and buy new clothes. whatever. But the problem is that my mom and i are extremely close and i want to be able to say goodbye to her. so i dont know if i should calmly explain the situation to my dad and if he screams just leave immediately with my boyfriend and police outside waiting. Or if i should write a letter and leave while they're gone.


    I am having problems with your story. Your mother and father live together? She doesn't know some of your "stuff" is gone? She doesn't know you are lying about seeing this person? You are extremely close?


    Any reason you have to say "goodbye" as you walk out the door and not afterwards?

    I don't know where you live but I work with a LOT of Police Officers and none of them are going to stand outside with your boyfriend while you say goodbye. They are not an escort service.

    About the millions he made racing - maybe he's lying to you and you're telling us what he said.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 12:03 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    But the problem is that my mom and i are extremely close and i want to be able to say goodbye to her.

    You can't tell her goodbye privately, and she won't tell your dad? If you can't trust her not to tell, just leave. She certainly must be aware of your difficulties living there (since you two are so close) and will understand. And then, in that case, don't even bother leaving a note. That sounds like you are daring your dad to do something, a sort of "in your face" thing to him. And certainly you will see her again, can meet somewhere, like this isn't goodbye forever, is it? (I'm getting breathless with all the drama.)

    Did you ever mention how old the boyfriend is and how long you have been with him?
  • Jan 29, 2012, 12:21 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    OK, my mom and dad are married. They've been married for 21 years. She knows I'm dating him. But she won't stick up for me because if she does that will cause a fight between her and my dad. I am on the third story of my house so my parents do not come up here very often. She asked where my clothes were and I said I'm doing laundry and the rest are in the dressers. So yeah. My dad has a history of drug abuse so he's very temperamental. I tell her when I go over to his house I tell her when I see him. She works in a medical office and gets his dad quick appointments etc. My dad is the problem. He uses fear and control to run the house. She has nothing against my boyfriend, in fact she likes him. Its my dad who has an issue. So, I don't want to just leave my mom and break her heart without fully explaining to her why I'm doing what I am doing.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 01:18 PM
    ScottGem
    So take your mom out to dinner and tell her your plans. She doesn't have to tell your father and you just finish moving out when he is not around.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 03:04 PM
    JudyKayTee
    I would think the father would be DELIGHTED that his daughter is marrying a millionaire. This is the way to approach the situation with him - I would think.

    And if the father's abusive I would NOT involve the mother by telling her in advance because at some point the father is going to ask if she knew.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 03:44 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18 View Post
    ok, my mom and dad are married. they've been married for 21 years. She knows im dating him. But she wont stick up for me because if she does that will cause a fight between her and my dad. I am on the third story of my house so my parents do not come up here very often. She asked where my clothes were and i said im doing laundry and the rest are in the dressers. so yeah. My dad has a history of drug abuse so he's very temperamental. i tell her when i go over to his house i tell her when i see him. She works in a medical office and gets his dad quick appointments ect. My dad is the problem. He uses fear and control to run the house. She has nothing against my boyfriend, in fact she likes him. Its my dad who has an issue. So, i dont want to just leave my mom and break her heart without fully explaining to her why im doing what i am doing.

    I didn't ask if they are married. I wondered why you couldn't tell her privately before you leave--or would she tell your dad and not be able to say, "I have no clue"? Why would she have to "stick up for" you? You'll be gone and, as far as your dad is concerned, she doesn't know why. That could be her Academy-Award performance, putting shock and anger into her voice, raging about what an ungrateful daughter you are, pounding on the table about your ingratitude.

    Why on earth would your father want you around? It doesn't sound like he likes you very much. He will probably be glad you're gone.

    I also asked how old the boyfriend is.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 03:52 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    I said previously that he is 20 years old
  • Jan 29, 2012, 03:54 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    And I've been with him for three years
  • Jan 29, 2012, 03:59 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Well, that narrows down the list of people who race and make millions.
  • Jan 29, 2012, 04:10 PM
    ttaayylloorr18
    He started racing when he was 13 I think. But he raced in the professional races.

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