Ask Me Help Desk - Is it wrong for a 19 year old to like a 14 year old?

Okay, here we go. This is my first post on this website, but please don't think that will reflect on the quality of the advice I am about to give.

Can a 19 year old be friends with a 14 year old? I think so, especially if the 14 year old is more mature than is usual at that age, or the 19 year old is less mature than usual. That said, pursuing a relationship with this person would probably be unwise. I know you've said that you don't want to, but I figured I'd make my opinion clear on that matter.

How, you ask, do I know that a bond can be forged between people of different ages. I am 19 years old myself, and I have a girlfriend that is 16. The age gap in this case is only 3 years, but I am sure there are people on this site that would find that inappropriate, especially since I am an adult and she is not.

In regards to sexual relations, the age of consent where we live is 16, so it wouldn't be illegal, but that is neither here nor there.

Now, this girl and I got together one and a half years ago (when I was 17 and she was 15). Her parents know me, and are just fine with me. They've even gone so far as to say that I am good for their daughter.

As for which of us is the mature/immature one... She's been through a lot of terrible things in her life. The kind of stuff that makes you grow up too fast. She's WAY more mature than the average 16 year old.

Now, why was that story relevant? The crucial difference between you and me is this: My girlfriend and I were both minors when we met. Our relationship wasn't against the law, and still isn't now. Even if it were, her parents approve of me.

My advice to you, if you are interested in him, would be to remain friends with him. In two years, he is 16, and that is the age of consent in the UK. If you really insist upon a relationship, you can try to pursue then, but his parents might forbid it, in which case you might have to wait until he is 18.

That's my opinion anyway, and I know some may not agree, but you won't be breaking any laws by following my advice, which is more than you can say if you pursue the relationship now.

I find it beyond my ability to comprehend how adults can be attracted to 12 13 14 year olds in any manner that even resembles a relationship.
A mentor , or big brother or sister I can understand. And kids that age are fun to be around and interact with but on a totally different level.

I think it may be a conscious or unconscious effort to have the chance to raise your spouse as you see fit. It could mean groundbreaking learning methods like "time out" for not bringing me to orgasm.
The wives could have a Barbie dress up while the husbands drink beer and watch football.

Or the wives could drink wine while the boys play X box.

This is so wrong on so many levels how can anyone participate or defend these actions .

I am considering classes in Abnormal psychology... advanced. Then I might understand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathlywhiterose

I am 19 years old myself, and I have a girlfriend that is 16. The age gap in this case is only 3 years, but I am sure there are people on this site that would find that inappropriate, especially since I am an adult and she is not.

Now, this girl and I got together one and a half years ago (when I was 17 and she was 15). Her parents know me, and are just fine with me. They've even gone so far as to say that I am good for their daughter.

Your situation is very different than the OP's. So different it doesn't begin to relate. I see nothing wrong with your relationship. The gap is, apparently less than 3 years since you started dating at 17 & 15. You have been together for over 2 years and her parents are aware and approve.

The only problem I see is that you hint that your relationship may have progressed to physical. At your ages, this can be dangerous because a pregnancy can be life changing.

To the OP
We're talking breaking the law here.

This boy is fourteen! If you didn't think there were something odd about this relationship, why even ask?

I think the relationship is wrong.
If you're"only friends" at this point, it will change and it will be you that pursues it.

I hope I'm wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinizing2

I find it beyond my ability to comprehend how adults can be attracted to 12 13 14 year olds in any manner that even resembles a relationship.
A mentor , or big brother or sister I can understand. And kids that age are fun to be around and interact with but on a totally different level.

I think it may be a conscious or unconscious effort to have the chance to raise your spouse as you see fit. It could mean groundbreaking learning methods like "time out" for not bringing me to orgasm.
The wives could have a Barbie dress up while the husbands drink beer and watch football.

Or the wives could drink wine while the boys play X box.

This is so wrong on so many levels how can anyone participate or defend these actions .

I am considering classes in Abnormal psychology ....advanced. Then I might understand.

Have to spread the rep but you are so right!

Yeah I'm 19 and I wouldn't go with a 14 year old...

I think at this age especially, is the whole expirence thing.. I mean, at 19 your much more matured with more life expirience then a 14 year old... so it may not affect you but it may affect them

I have noticed that the "older" people dating the "younger" people usually use the line "he/she is very mature ..." as opposed to "I am very immature."

My experience was when I was in my early 20's I dated a man older than my father (to my father's dismay but I was a self-supporting adult). It was a wonderful experience, he was a terrific guy, it ended because I wanted children and a picket fence and he already had done that, been there BUT when it was over I was sort of out of the loop when it came to people my own age.

I think that's another issue with younger/older - when the 19 year old and the 14 year old break up where does the 14 year old fit in?

To add to what JudyKayTee said, after the 14 year persons innocence is gone, how does she relate to kids her age.
You can't go back to being a little girl or a young teen.
I guess that's one reason it's called cradle robbing.

Cradle robbing or worse.