Ask Me Help Desk - 15 and pregnant

connie-mom:
Grown up women use spell checkers when communicating. At least that would set a good example for those kids that you have, or how do you expect to help them with their homework?

IMO, this sounds more like a pissing contest than assistance. If you are upset about what we have to say, don't use someone else's post to do so.

The main issue here is that this young lady took it upon herself to USE a boy to get pregnant for her own selfish reasons, and now she wants us to give her hints on how to continue to be selfish and have it all her way, either legally or socially. She sounds like a clever little thing to me, and I'm sure she will do just fine without you getting on a soap-box for her.

I read this post the first time she posted it.. and waited until now because my initial spontaneous answer would have been a lot worse than what Scott, mjl, and others have issued so far.

And, J_9, as a professional in this medical field has also kept her cool, and is right in telling this young lady the consequences of not just seducing a young child, but the complications of her gestation and delivery. Not to mention the financial issues coming her way.

But, as I said before, these are things she probably has thought out, or she would not have asked us for hints on how to get her mother coerced into putting up with a situation she does not agree with.

This 15 year old is not as sensitive as you claim - and getting a message through with kit-gloves to her is not going to do a darned thing. She made her plans and she is going to go through with them one way or another, with or without your help.

I wonder what you would do if this was one of your daughters... I certainly hope that you teach them more love and respect and legalities than what this young lady has learned so far.

You're right, Scottgem did say she was selfish, immature, and dumb... I agree with selfish and immature to a point, but not dumb. She is calculating and knows just exactly where she is coming from, but probably not where she is going - at least it's not where she wants to go.. because she wants her cake now! And wants to eat it too. So, do you now see where she's coming from?

IMO she wanted to get PG, and the older guys just did not want that kind of trouble, so she picked on a younger one who does not even know the extent of trouble he is going to have in the future - and she's the one that did it all to him. One minute of great sex for a 13 year old is going to cost him a lot of emotional turmoil, probably scar him to the point where he will not trust another girl easily and I am certain he feels totally used. If you want to get on a soap-box for someone - he's more deserving, in my opinion.

If she gets her way and her mom has to accept all three of them, how do you think he will feel knowing he's not really wanted there? How will he grow up knowing he's been used and rejected and forced to join a new family without really given a choice?

So, let's get real and look at the entire picture. I feel sorry for the boy and the baby and hope that her mom will not take her anger out on either one of them.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_33_9.gif By the way, have you seen a post from her since all this started?
</IMG>

I have read your comments and I see that there are a lot of you that support my mother and his mother. And some of the comments have also been encouraging. To answer some questions. First I want to say that I'm adopted. My adopted mother is my great aunt. She adopted me when I was 5 years old. My birth mom is an alcoholic. She never took care of me or my other sisters & brother. My sisters & brother lives somewhere else and my oldest sister got pregnant when she was 15 also, but she gave it up for adoption. My other sister is in a girls home and my brother was just released from a boys home. My birth mom gave them up and gave me to my adopted mom. My adopted mom does not have any other kids and she has provided very well for me. Sometimes I don't know why I don't like being here because she has done a lot, even having me in private school to get a good education.

From the time that I was about 13 my mother started talking to me about sex and boys. I feel ashamed to say this but she did teach me about this stuff. I guess I just didn't take it in very well. I don't know how I'm going to take care of my child. I just through that my mother would be there to help me out. Even though she said that she wouldn't. My mother is taking me to Alternatives. She said that we both needed counseling and that they will tell me what the impact of my decision will be if I decide to keep it or give it up for adoption. I don't have a social worker, is that something that I should have. Also I didn't know that I could get in trouble for having sex with someone so young, but at the time he told be he was 15.

I don't think she would try to make my life hell, but she is very uphappy with me. And our relationship has certainly changed. His mother is also very angry at both of us.

Through all of this you did answer my question and I'm glad to know that she can't make me give it up that I would have some say in the final decision.

After reading all your comments you gave me something to think about. Things that I didn't consider before, like medical care. I guess I assumed that my mom would take care of everything. I don't know I'm having a hard time and I guess I do have to think about the baby and not just myself.

Sorry about being so stern, but you needed a wake-up call.
It's good that you told us a little more about yourself and admitted that you did not think beyond some point. We all make mistakes in life, and they somehow straighten themselves out (I still hope, and so should you).

And, yes, now is the time for you to do some serious thinking and I hope that all works out well for you. Babies are a wonderful gift, but you have to be ready to accept a lot of responsibilities along with them.

Being PG at 15 is nothing new, we hear about it, read about it and have friends or neighbors going through it, but it is different when it happens to YOU. Each case is different.

Again, wishing you, your 'mom', and that young man all the best.

Keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
</IMG>

I'm very glad to hear that your mom is starting to look at the other options. And I'm also glad that you are starting to think this all the way threw (would have been better before but what's done is done) I do wish you all the luck with this and I hope that you end up with a much better life than is expected. And remember that school is very important. I know that you will get a little lazy and think oh well, but for your baby's future you have to be strong and stay the path, other wise it will be fastfood restaurant work or worse a department store where they treat you badly. I can't stress enough how important school is for both you and the father. Oh and definitely look into food stamps and WIC. WIC is very good for your baby's health, they will send you to all kinds of classes. You may not like the classes but you must do what is good for the baby. Your whole life now revolves around what is good for the baby. The hardest lesson in life sometimes is to remember to think of how our actions afect others. I hope that from now on you will always keep that in mind because now everything you do in your life will afect both the baby and the father and your mother.
Good Luck to all of you!
ZYI

Dear tonvwill57 I am so glad you got on here to explain ferthuer to people about your situation I knew in my heart that all was not said at first which is why I felt the need to defend you so badly... when I got pregnant with my first child I know how I felt and know what I told people to try to get them to understand my position as a young child having a baby... I am also so glad you have worked things out sort of with your foster mom as I said my mom was so mad but she did come around and now we talk everyday... I wish you all the luck and hope things go OK.

I too am glad you have returned. You show a lot more maturity then I thought you had in your response to all that has been said here. Its just too bad you didn't show that maturity before.

What bothers me most about your response is how uneducated you were. In this era of the information age where there is so much info available to you, to not understand some of the things you said you didn't know. From your background its hard to imagine how you would think having a child of your own would be a good idea.

The fact that he mother hasn't filed charges against you yet, is a good sign, but it doesn't put you out of the woods. In statutory rape cases the prosecutor can often prosecute on their own without a complainant. The hospital may be required to report to the police a teenage birth and they can investigate.

Or his mother can decide to press charges if you insist on keeping the baby. She is obviously and unsurprisingly concerned on the affect on her son's life to father a baby. If you will need public assistance to then the state WILL go after him. So, if she gets some good advice she will see the only to get the child adopted will be to press charges against you.

I really think you need to rethink giving it up for adoption. You might explore an open adoption that would allow you to be a part of the child's life but get the baby parents who can truly care for it.

I do wish you the best. I hope you and your mom can figure out what will be best for all of you. It's very mature of you to admit that you didn't think this through. That is the first step to being able to make it. Whatever you decide to do, you will have gotten information, thought things through, and made e a decision based on what is sensible and fair rather than solely on what you "want"
Again, I wish you well.

I'm glad you got back on here and reposted a response to all of us. We've had some "heated" words back and forth about your post. It sounds like you're heading in the right direction, keep going that way! I'll have to agree with ScottGem, I too think it might be better after all for all three of you, if you gave up the baby for adoption. You and that boy have your whole lives ahead of you (school-graduation) Think about giving that little baby to someone that can not have a child, and is despertly(sp) wanting a child, that can give her/him a good home, and provide well for her/him. That would be showing responsibility, cause there is really no way you or that boy can afford a baby. I realize it's easier said than done, but it's something that should be done.

Best of luck to you. I'm sure you'll make the right decision kiddo!

Well, I don't think your mom should tell you she doesn't want it in her home.. I think you were foolish for getting pregnant because you wanted one.. it isn't a puppy! This is the rest of your life honey.. did you even talk the father about this..? I think you are going to have it tough for a while. As for your mom.. she can't make you do anything.. and she can't kick you out at your age.. the father is only 13 and I think you are way too young.. I don't know what you were thinking...

Hey. My sister was 15 when she got pregnant and she had a problem similar to yours except my mother wanted her to abort the baby. But she kept it and every thing worked out fine. In my opinion, I think you should keep your baby. It would be very very very HARD for you to raise the child. But it you want your baby keep it. You will struggle but everything will be cool . I know someone who had a baby at 13 and is 19 now with her own home and kid and doing fine. Giving up the baby would be too depressing if you ask me

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lilmama23

In my opinion, I think you should keep your baby. It would be very very very HARD for you to raise the child. But it you want your baby keep it. You will struggle but everything will be cool .

You are entitled to your opinion. But you can't say everything will be cool. There are just too many roadblocks to overcome.

I'm 17 and pregnant and I work and I am trying my hardest to be able to keep my baby. I looked into a lot of things that can help me out financially. Buttruthfully you are really young and if you want to keep it don't let anyone stop you. Youhave a long life ahead of you though and you will get to miss out on doing a lot of things kids like and you will have to mature fast. But I think you need to think about what the best thing for you to do is. Don't let peoples comments bring you down you do what ever you think is best. I wish you the best of luck if you want my profile has some things you can look at that will help you financially but you can do what yopu want. Good luck god bless you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Britney241

i think you need to think about what the best thing for you to do is.

I disagree. I think she needs to think about what the best thing for the baby is. She got into this mess by thinking about what would be best for her.

I agree with ScottGem

I´m no adult, but at my school we have dissused, sex, stds, and teen age pregnancy. I can't understand, why you would have unprotected sex at your age. Remember one thing, its not about what you, but what you need.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bjorn2256

I´m no adult, but at my school we have dissused, sex, stds, and teen age pregnacy. I can't understand, why you would have unprotected sex at your age. Remember one thing, its not about what you, but what you need.

Good advice, but if you read her initial post you will see she wanted to get pregnant. Apparently had some fantasy idea about what being a mother would mean.

OK, let's cut to the chase here. No, you cannot be forced to give up your child. And also, no, your mother is not obligated to support the child either. And in most states, having a child makes you automatically emancipated, meaning that your parents have no more obligation to support you either.So you're on your own. And frankly, at age 15, I don't see how you're going to make it on your own. That's not meant to be mean or judgmental, that's just stating the facts.

No sympathy here. I need one more teen mother and her baby to support with the taxes I pay. Guess I'll have to get a second job so I can help pay your doctor bills. Teens should have their babies taken away from them and adopted out to people who want them and can afford to have a baby so people who pay taxes don't have to foot the bill for someone else's stupidity. You didn't just screw around with your own life, you screwed with a babies life, a 13 year old boys (which is kind of sick in it's self) and you screwed with your mothers life as well. I'm sure you will make mother of the year!

When did all this happen?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bjorn2256

When did all this happen?

What does it matter WHEN it happened? The fact is that it happened and she is pregnant.