Let us know how it goes?
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Let us know how it goes?
Also, contact the Pregnancy Resource Center, it is right in your town. Your school counselor should be able to help you with making a connection. You can also find out about alternative schooling as a possibility during your pregnancy.
I hate to sound like a broken record, but this is more evidence of how unprepared, naïve and clueless you are. I'm not trying to put you down, but get you to face the realities of your situation. At 13, it would not be expected that you would be capable of caring for a baby full time. As noted Down's Syndrome is a birth defect that is more common when the mother doesn't get proper care during pregnancy. I'm sure you have seem children with Down's Syndrome on TV. Did you ever watch Glee? The girl who plays Coach Sue's assistant has Down's Syndrome.Quote:
I'm sorry what down syndrome. And why did say if he stays during the pregnancy I'm lucky
And really your boyfriend clearly wants to have fun, which is why he pressured you for sex. Do you really think he's ready to be a father? If he did stick by you, it would be most unusual.
While you can and should go after him for child support, until he has a job, how is he going to pay any? His parents might be forced to pay, but that's not for sure. He's looking at at least 4 years more like 8-10 before he can start giving meaningful contributions to raising your child. And what do you think you are going to do for money until then? Do you have any clue what it costs to raise a child? I can cost $10-$15K just for the costs of pre-natal care and childbirth. Then it will cost $15-$20K a year for food, clothing, medical care, etc. Where do you think this money will come from? Even if you do want to keep the child, there is a possibility Social Services will take the child anyway because you really are not fit to raise the child yourself. Better to try and make a favorable adoption.
I know trying to be helpful but you make feel like an idiot I understand all of this my mom was a single teen mom I understand all of it!
You're 13. When it comes to being a parent, sorry, but you are an idiot. All kids are, and that's what you are, a kid!
So you want to keep this baby, and the 14 year old boy that got you pregnant is going to help. Great. How? No place will hire either of you, you're both too young to work. So, how are you going to care for this baby? How are you going to pay rent, pay for diapers, formula, doctors visits, crib, stroller, car seat, clothes, and the list goes on and on.
It takes more than wanting to play mommy to take care of a baby. It takes money! So show me the money! Where's it coming from?
You aren't an idiot. What you are is young, inexperienced and you think you know a lot more than you actually do. Think about it! Your mom was a teen mom, Do you think she planned for you. It sounds like your mom resents you and what you did to her life. And you don't think you aren't going to feel the same way towards your child? You really need to think this through a lot more.Quote:
I know trying to be helpful but you make feel like an idiot I understand all of this my mom was a single teen mom I understand all of it!
Okay, I'm going to be brutally honest here, no hold barred, no sugar coating, no trying to get you to see the light by hinting at things.
Bottom line, you're 13. You may be a great babysitter, but you're not cut out to be a mom, no matter how smart you are, how kind you are, how much you want to take care of a living doll. You're just not ready. No 13 year old is.
Having said that, you're like every other 13 year old I know, and trust me, I know, I have a 12 year old and a 16 year old and once, a long time ago, I was 13. I knew everything when I was 13, until I actually grew up and realized I didn't know squat!
So, for just a second stop thinking about how you feel, and start thinking about this baby. You don't want to give it up because you want it to be loved, and cared for. Um... sorry, but love doesn't fill your belly, love doesn't put a roof over your head, love doesn't change your diapers, love doesn't pay doctor bills. Love is great, I love it. But love doesn't solve everything.
This baby doesn't know you, not yet. You don't even know enough to know you need to see a doctor for testing, and prenatal care. Love doesn't fix downs, it doesn't fix a cleft lip, it doesn't fix spina bifida (which is easily prevented with prenatal care).
It's not your fault that you don't know these things. You're 13, you're not old enough to know how to be a mom, and how to take care of a fetus growing inside of you.
You say you won't give the baby up for adoption because you know how it feels to be unloved etc. So you want a baby to suffer the same way you did? That's what this amounts to. You can't give this baby the life it deserves because of your age. You just can't. It's not possible. You're not thinking about the baby, you're thinking like a 13 year old child that wants to play with her dolly. Being a parent isn't easy, not even for adult. You're dooming yourself and worst of all, you're dooming this baby, and this baby didn't choose any of this.
Talk to a counselor about adoption. It's too late for an abortion if you're 3 months along. But keeping this baby. Sorry, but in my opinion, that's very selfish of you. Then again, I expect nothing less of a child.
To clear something up, Down's Syndrome has nothing to do with lack of prenatal care. It is a chromosomal disorder of the 21st chromosome otherwise known as Trisomy 21. Very young mothers, as well as those of advanced maternal age, risk passing this disorder on to their unborn babies. Mental retardation is associated with Down's Syndrome.
it's either going to happen or it's not. The best prenatal care can't prevent it.
Very true J9, and if I made it sound like Down's happened because of lack of prenatal care, that wasn't intentional.
But prenatal care is very important in preventing other issues that can be avoided with proper prenatal care. The fact that this OP doesn't understand that, but thinks she can be a mother to this child, is scary. Then again, she's only 13, so it's not at all alarming that she has no idea how to properly care for this baby, not while she's carrying it, and not after it's born. It's just not something a 13 year old child can handle.
No child is ready or able to properly care for a child. That's just the way it is, and I have yet to see a teen parent that breaks the mold and actually gives a child a good life once she decides to keep it.
Also want to point out, you'll be raising this baby on your own. No 14 year old boy is going to stick around and help care for a baby. There's no way he can do it any more than you can. It just won't happen. He's 14. Whatever feelings he may think he has for you, are the feelings of a child. Infatuation at best. That fades, and quickly. Once there's a screaming baby in the mix it will be even harder. So plan on raising this baby alone, and don't expect support in the way of money, at least not for many many years. He can't even get a job at his age, so there's no money for him to give you to help with the baby.
You can't sign a lease so you can't move out on your own even if you had the money to do it. You can't work because you're not legally allowed to. So how are you going to raise this child? Mommy kicked you out. So what now?
Alty, it was actually something Scott said in post #43..
Quote:
As noted Down's Syndrome is a birth defect that is more common when the mother doesn't get proper care during pregnancy.
I'm willing to play good cop here. Someone has to, so as to not scare you into leaving the site.
Let's just get you to the school nurse today (it's 4 am your time and mine - I get up early in my old age). Then please let us know how it went.
I was thinking about you last night while watching TV. 3 daughters of horribly dysfunctional parents were talking. One was 11, and to me she looked 16 and sounded wiser than both her parents put together. (Not really comparing you to them, just somehow made me think of you.) You do sound very naive, but that's to be expected, and there's no blame, no shame.
Do you have any other adult family members that you could confide in as well? It's quite possible that your mom will become supportive once she has had time for the initial shock and disappointment to wear off, but if not, you will need a trusted adult to help you through all of this.
You will have many decisions to make along the way that you'll want to be able to discuss with someone that you trust to help you understand what your options might be.
As was said, first step is contact someone at school, nurse or school counselor, to help you get set up with the resource center. You will have the pregnancy confirmed there and if it is confirmed that you are indeed pregnant , they can help you get many things sorted from that point.
Please keep us posted on how things go.
I want to be VERY clear on something: Choosing adoption is the highest form of love there is for a baby sometimes. It's hard to be a mom at your age. It's even harder to let go of a child that you will grow to love as he/she grows inside of you. You have to be really strong, and really loving, to even consider adoption.
There are many kinds of adoption--the most common right now is an open adoption, where you get to have contact with your child and his/her parents as he/she grows up. That doesn't mean you become a member of their family, but it does mean that you have at least some access to your child and you can make sure that the child is okay---and you can make sure the child knows you made you choice out of LOVE, and not abandonment.
I chose adoption 22 years ago, when I was a scared, pregnant teenager. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my entire life. The absolute hardest. And it was the best thing for both the baby and for me, because she got love and care that I couldn't give her when I was too young to even really take care of myself.
Talk to your school counselor. Tell them exactly what's going on, and ask for a referral to someplace that can help you decide --by yourself--what is best for you and what is best for your baby.
It's so hard to make any steps right now--I know that. Talking to someone about it is going to make it really REAL, and that's so scary, and so hard, and honestly--I know that what you really want is for all of this to just go away. It's not going to, and you need some counseling, and you need medical attention. Your mom is not responsible for taking care of your child, but she IS responsible for taking care of you. If she can't do that, then your school counselor or school nurse can help you find someone who CAN take care of you.
Deep breaths. You can do this.
Just a few questions for you:
1) When you took the pregnancy tests, did you follow the directions carefully?
2) How long did it take for a positive to show up?
3) How are you feeling... anything going on other than a lack of periods?
To Alty: I went to the office to see the nurse but she wasn't there. Our nurse works at the elementary and middle school so she switch's from school to school each day ill ask tomorrow
No. Most of my family is in south Carolina or Delaware
Ok, real life.
You are 13, you can not legally just move out, and mom is liable for your medical bills. So, if she is kicking you out, you call Children services ( who will be involved at some point anyway) and get into a group home or a foster care.
Just living with a friend is not a real option.
A 14 year old boy can not help and even thinking that, is useless.
While not a fan of abortion, at 13, it should be considered seriously, since health issues for you, is possible,
Chuck, while I do agree, if the OP's post is correct and she just found out that she's 3 months pregnant a few weeks ago, that would put her at closer to 4 months gestation. That's way past the legal 12 week limit for an abortion.Quote:
While not a fan of abortion, at 13, it should be considered seriously, since health issues for you, is possible,
Musiclover... do have the pregnancy confirmed as, depending on the circumstances of your testing, you may be worrying unnecessarily. At 13, confirmation of a suspected pregnancy would be the first step.
Musiclover - you're a good kid.
You'd be amazed at how many 13 year olds come here with questions and just get all defensive and nasty, and have an excuse for not doing anything that's suggested.
And we are putting a LOT of weight on you.
I think I speak for a lot if not all of us that we really want the best for you and hope that this all turns out OK.
Joy, is correct. If we didn't care about you and hope for the best, we wouldn't have come down as hard. It is important that this turns out well for you.Quote:
I think I speak for a lot if not all of us that we really want the best for you and hope that this all turns out OK.
To scottgem and joypulv: I went to the school counselor today
How did it go??????? Is she nice? What did she say??????
It went fine. Yes she's nice. She talked to both me and my mom (mostly my mom) she mainly said the same thing you've been telling me. She told my mom how important it is that I have her support right now
Have you made a doctor's appointment yet?
Now you need to make an appointment to see a doctor.
Yes. We made an appointment
Good!
Is your mother calming down and accepting this to the extent that she realizes that she has to help you get the support you need, even if not from her?
My mom is still upset with me, I can't blame her. She hasn't mentioned if she's going to help me or not
But she's dropped the 'get out' I assume.
That's the problem I don't really know when I try to talk to her she doesn't answer
It's great that you're talking to someone that can help, and going to see a doctor.
As a mom myself, to a daughter that's not munch younger than you, I know I'd be upset too. Not upset at her, but upset because I'm an adult, I know what it takes to raise a child, and I know that at her age, or your age, you just can't handle it. It would break my heart because no matter what, any decision she made would be difficult, would affect her for the rest of her life. I want to spare her pain, especially at her age, and I'd want to spare the unborn child pain as well.
Abortion would be my first suggestion if you were my daughter, but like I said in another post, if you're past 3 months gestation, it's too late for that. Adoption would be my second suggestion. Keeping it would not be a suggestion at all, unless I adopted the child and raised it as my own. It just wouldn't even be an option at your age.
Sorry, but I'm being honest, and I'm sorry if I came off as harsh before. I don't sugar coat things, but I didn't really stop to think that if you're telling the truth about all of this, you're just a child, and you're dealing with a whole lot right now. I'm sorry for that.
Please continue counseling, talk to a counselor about your options. Like Synnen said, if you choose adoption, that's the ultimate sign of love. It means you love your child enough to let it have a good life, a life you can't, at 13, give it, no matter how much you want to.
Why would I lie about something like this
You may have missed the questions that I had asked of you on an earlier post:
1) When you took the pregnancy tests... how long did it take before you saw a positive result?
2) How have you been feeling, and have you missed your periods or have they just been a bit irregular?
3) What pregnancy test did you use?
"Why would I lie about something like this" This is what you took from Alty's post?
Are you sure you're pregnant?
Yes I'm sure. To doulaLC: it take 3 minutes. I missed my period 3 or 4 months. I used first response
How far along you are will be confirmed soon enough.
I want to talk about your mother. She had you when she was too young. Motherhood robbed her of her fun and friends and learning and getting out in the world. She loved you, but she too believed it was all about an adorable loving little bundle of joy, not the reality of years and years of being tied to care of a baby, a toddler, a child, a teen, is a cold hard reality for a single young mother. She couldn't even meet nice men very easily - most of them run when they hear a woman has a child already. She loves you but resents you because of what SHE did, not because you are a horrible kid. She wanted you to not have to go through what she went through! She's all torn up inside.
Maybe if you talk to her about adoption she will melt a little.
I'll try. Thank you joypulv
Honey--Please don't let anyone PUSH you into adoption.
I know it's hard to raise a kid, and virtually impossible at your age--but God as my witness, you need seriously counseling before you make ANY choices. I went into adoption with eyes wide open, and it was still SO HARD. As hard, in its own way, as being a parent. So--take your time with a decision.
Do I think adoption is a good option for you? Absolutely. Do I think I (or anyone else) can tell you what the BEST thing for you is? Nope. Only YOU will know that.
People keep throwing adoption at you, but don't let them push you into it. Do some research. Talk to a counselor. Figure out what YOU want.
No matter what you do, it will be hard. There is no easy choice, and no choice--regardless your age--is any easier than another choice. They are ALL hard things to live with.
Talk to your doctor, talk to your counselor, tell your mother you love her and respect her for HER choices, and hopefully she'll come around to support YOU.
We're here to talk to. We don't want to judge you, and we don't want to tell you what to do (RIGHT, guys?). We just want you to have a safe place to talk and get help. We want you to do what's best for you--we CARE about you, even though we don't know you in person. Just take care of yourself, okay?
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