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To me, this is the best thing you have said all day...it shows me that you seem to be getting it...Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
You know what? It's ok if you break down when talking...it really is. You're human. Talk to her and see how things go. I think you can do it.
Now why would you be mad at yourself? I bet your mom is scared out of her wits her daughter is so unhappy and angry, but she is helpless to help. We often don't see the effects we have on others and maybe you are scaring your mom because she has no clue what's on your mind.
Where is your dad?
I'm mad at myself for thinking that if I didn't talk then mum would never know that everything would be OK I'm mad for not being strong enough to be normal for not being able to talk and push things aside and be strong enough to not let her see.if I start talking maybe I can be strong enough to not let her see to be normal to apologise lie say I was just being stupid to hurt her. My dad does not live with us they are divorced he lives in a different state with his new wife and my new little sisterQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
You know if that going to be the hardest thing you will have to do... you will have actually lived a charmed life. The more you sit and think about it... the easier it is to convince yourself its going to be hard to do. Sometimes a person can be their own wost enemy. This is one of those times. Talk to your mom... and if you break down, then you do... its not a huge deal... like I said.. if you think this is hard... Try losing a parent or sibling Nothing is harder than that except losing your own child. Perspective... like I said. Compared to that... this will be easy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
When you put it like that I can't imagine how I would feel if I lost my mum or sister. But I just don't know if I have the courage to tell her the truth I don't think I ready to. I will try to speak with her later I have to go to school soon, I know I don't want to hurt her any more I realise that now but how do you tell someone something so bad that it disgusts you to even think about it and you know that person will be so mad and hurt, I don't know thanks for the advise helped a lot maybe I can get some sleep tonight when I get home from school fingers crossedQuote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
Be less stress if you were NOT afraid to talk to your mom, and less anger too. A little COURAGE will go a lot further than fear.
I can't do it, I can't speak to her I came home early cause I had a study block. I gave mum a hug and she started crying I couldn't even look at her I had to walk away if she cries when I hug her it's only going to get worse if I talk to her. I don't want to do this to her, I'm so confused think I need sleep but I know that's not going to happen. I'd rather her just think I'm being a brat why can't she just be mad at me and ignore me instead of wanting to talk. I know you said it's because she cares but she shouldn'tshouldn't
So? Grow a spine and do it. Part of growing up is doing things you don't WANT to do... but HAVE to do. Consider it one step in many of growing up. You aren't a child any more...but you aren't an adult yet either. Look forward...not backward.
Did something happen to you that you are afraid to tell her about?
This will only get worse if you don't open up and tell her about it. As hard as it is to talk about, it will be a relief when it is finally off your chest
Perhaps she was crying because she was happy. You think her crying right now is bad? It will be worse if you hugged her, she cried, you walked away, and then continued doing what you were doing before. Move forward. Grow some balls and do it. It will be hard to do but it will get better.
This is EXACTLY what both of you need. I'm a mom and am guessing she is so happily surprised with the hug you gave her. Her tears (and yours too) will be tears of relief, not of upset.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
I don't even know if I can talk my voice sound all funny and my throat is all scratchy and he's here now so I think I'll leave it for today.grow some balls if only it was as easy not that I imagine that would be easy. I know I just have to talk to her say sorry and move on right shouldn't be to hard god I need sleep my head feels scrambled.
Talk to your mom and get it over with. At least it will be off your chest and it may not be as bad as you think.
Seriously there must be something wrong with me it's easy to sit here and type and listen to what strangers have to say but I can't walk down stairs and talk to my mum I'm not scared of talking to her it's just that I don't trust myself to only say what she needs to hear. It's times like this I wished I smoked or something just to make it all go away.
Say what needs to be say. Don't over think or analyze it, just say it.
I don't need to say anything I'm quiet happy to be silent for the rest of my life I actually like the quiet. I don't speak because I don't want her to know certain things she can't know it would hurt her. But I don't want to hurt her by not speaking and obviously from what you have all said it I am, so if I talk to her I just don't know how to do I just say hi mum how's it going I know she's going to want to ask me things and I don't like lying to her that's why it's easier not to speak. How do you start a conversation after not speaking to anyone for months confused
Who?Quote:
he's here now
That's not the point of heartfelt HONESTY, that deceptive.Quote:
I'm not scared of talking to her it's just that I don't trust myself to only say what she needs to hear.
You already are making an excuse to avoid doing the hard things you don't want to but should, and looking for the easy way out that will solve nothing. That's not the kind of thinking you need. Everybody I think looks for an easier way to do a difficult tasks but those kinds of tactics are but avoidance and never resolve anything except to delay doing the right thing.Quote:
It's times like this I wished I smoked or something just to make it all go away.
Its like killing the pain, and hoping it doesn't come back. You know it will.
Don't be angry with your mom, she is probably trying to help you, like most moms do.
She prob. Went through the same as you, that is why she wants to help you out... her mom prob. Did the same thing.
Just relax, take deep breaths, love your mom... and...
You will enjoy life more...
:)
Maybe, praying to God might help! :)
If you do what you are meant to do, stay out of everyone else business and talk to your parents and friends about everything and they will be able to help you out.
Friends will help you out if you listen and talk to them... just remember... just relax, take deep breaths, love your mom and talk to her, and enjoy life :)
He is my mothers partner. The reason I don't speak is because I simply don't have to be deceptive or lie but it seems from everybody's advise that that is not the way to go either so I'll sit here and think. Maybe she won't ask me why I haven't been talking to her.Yeah right stupid me now I think about it I just created this mess all myself if I could have just acted normalQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
It's hard to try and find a way out of this, I will just talk to her but if she wants to know why I'm telling her I'm just a rude disrespectful hormonal teenager who couldn't deal with her stuff and thought I'd make everyone else's life hell and she can punish me how ever she likes then everyone will be happy.end of story once he's gone I will speak to her
What have you done that is so horrible that you're taking yourself through all these changes? You are not smarter than your mom, you can't fool her.
You may as well talk to her and get it over with.
I haven't done anything, it's just hard to explain. I don't want her to find out. I'm trying to protect her I hate that it has ended up like this it's all my fault . I've sat her all night trying to think of what to say to her without being to open. I wish she was as smart as you say then I wouldn't be here. I need to just step out of my head for a while wish I could sleep
SHe'll only be more pis sed off the longer it takes for her to find out. And she will find out.
This is one of those times sooner is better.
Find out what? Hey, we and you are anonymous here, so run it past us to find out how horrible whatever this is is. We're moms and dads, many with grown kids who've survived despite our parenting (and we have survived their teenage years). Give us a chance. We can figure out how well your mum can handle whatever it is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Run it past us. It maybe something you don't need to tell her anyway so you're stressing out for nothing. Does it have to do with her and her partner?
It's him her partner I hate him he makes me sick. My mum and sister went away for the weekend she had gymnastics comp. I wanted to stay I had a soccer game on that weekend he said he would look after me. It was Friday I'd had a few drinks with friends was a little drunk didn't think it would matter mum was away thought I could just go home sleep it of he was so mad he slapped me and yelled at me j went to my room and he came up hugged me said he was sorry for getting so mad. He kissed me I tried to stop him but I couldn't I frigging hate him. He's always watching me touching me when mums not looking I lock my room at night so nothing will ever ever happen again. But he makes her happy she was so sad when dad left and she's finally happy now I won't ruin that for her. So I don't talk I've never said anything to anyone. I don't even know why I have wrote it here but I feel a bit better at least someone else knows
Thank you. Now we understand where you are coming from and what is torturing you. There are some really terrific members on this site who will do their best to help you figure out how to deal with this and where to go from here. Some of us have been in the same or similar situations where trust has been broken and someone who should have been taking care of us or our child has broken that trust. Please stick with us! (***ADDED*** You are an amazing daughter!)Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
Was looking for some ideas to help me get some sleep. I'm lucky if I sleep for a hours a night and that's usually because I'm so tired I just pass out. Thanks
Some nights I cannot turn off my mind, my thoughts. Is that your problem too?
Yes everything just runs through my head I try really hard to read a book or listen to music but I find myself reading but not even k owing what I've read or hearing the music but not really listening. I've tried to just clear my mind and think of nothing but that never happens things are constantly popping into my headQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Your mom might suspect something already, but I can tell you she will be more upset if you do not tell her this kind of person is around her daughters and has hurt one of them.
You need to tell her.
If I don't tell her then she will never know, she is so happy you don't understand she was so sad when dad left and it just got worse when he got remarried and had a new baby. Then he came along and made her so happy she never use to smile now she does when he's around now I'm the only thing that makes her upset, and I understand why now by not talking to anyone I've made her upset. I know I need to start talking to her be a normal person I just need to figure out how to do that without messing everything up for her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Lack of sleep over a long enough period causes stress and can even make you see things that aren't there. Meaning it will eventually alter your perception of reality if it occurs long enough.
Your happiness and well being is more important to her than he is. And just think how horrible she will feel if she finds out you did not trust her enough to tell her, or he looks at your sister. This kind of thing needs to be told. She is a grown woman and will deal with it better than you think, she will surly deal better than you are.
Tell her. She needs to know. This guy is a creep and does not deserve your mother. Do this for her.
The threads are now merged.
The reasons for the inability to go to sleep or stay asleep are as important as ways to improve your sleep patterns.
I don't know it's all a bit too much for me to deal with at the moment. Thank you for all your help you have given me even more to think about I'm sure I'll figure something out has been good talking to people has been a while since I've had a conversation. I'm just not ready to make her be even more upset because of me
Give your mother some credit. A man like this is a creep. Is this what you want for your mother?
Not because of you. Isn't HE the problem? Reread what Homegirl wrote.Quote:
Originally Posted by Noone2014
I just want her to be happy, I use to hear her cry at night she wouldn't even get out of bed in the mornings for ages. Now she's not like that anymore she's happy. Which makes my sister happy and I don't want to change that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
What if this man goes to your sister? Your mother is not that happy because she knows something is going on with you. This type of man will not make your mother happy for long. Do you really want your mother to be with a man like this? Don't you think she has a right to know what kind of man he is? You have no right to make this decision for her. She needs to know.
I'm not making decisions for her god I'm just so friggin confused. I don't think any of this has helped it's only made my head full now I feel so guilty. If I don't talk she is upset with me if I talk to her I destroy her life. I don't want him to go near my sister she is only 7 I don't think he would. How would I even tell her I just can'tQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
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