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Exactly. So what I need is advice on how not to be thinking about him all the time. How to not feel guilty when I go out with other guys or chat up other guys. I've even found myself hiding behind having this guy so I don't have to reach out to others, and I don't like that its not healthy. Instead of criticizing the fact that I'm feeling feelings for this guy, I need advice on how to suppress those feelings.. if that makes sense... that's whwat I've been trying to ask
I don't think we have criticzied that you have feelings for him, after all it is natural to have feelings for someone you like and enjoy talking to. The point is just to be careful not to make more of this than there might be; not to exclude the possibility of meeting someone else since the relationship you do have it not exclusive.Quote:
Originally Posted by redhead1992
No one can tell you how to stop thinking about him... and you don't have to; there is nothing wrong with that. Hey, this very well could be the one for you, who knows... I met my husband online just from a funny comment on a post he made.
If you don't want to go out with other guys, or if it causes you to feel guilty, then don't do it... simple as that.
I think you really need to talk to him and find out what his thoughts are about you and what his interest is. Let him know what you are struggling with. Lay the cards out on the table and find out whether this is moving towards being mutually exclusive or not. If you find out that he wants to move more slowly and still date others, then that can hopefully help you to not feel guilty if you find you do want to go out with someone or with several people. You may find those feelings become less intense as you are spending time with other guys and having some fun getting to know them too.
Just because you really like someone doesn't mean you have to stop getting to know others... you may find someone you like even more. It only becomes an issue when both people agree to have it be exclusive, and you don't know if that is the case or not.
Talk to him and find out, you can save yourself a lot of grief by knowing and not assuming how he may or may not feel.
You do need to talk to him I think.Quote:
Originally Posted by redhead1992
Tell him how you honestly feel. You're not sure, but it seems good as far as it has gone, but you will not be exclusive.
Maybe if it works out , exclusive may be in the future.
If he is hurt it is his own doing as long as you remain honest.
Start all relationships with Honest Communication It is the only was to build a good relationship.
No one can help you suppress your feelings for him, but I suggest you do go out with(I don't mean you have to date them) other people, do other things otherwise you sit around thinking about him and waiting for a phone call.
You have not known him for that long and you two have never met. Asking him about being exclusive may freak him out, but maybe it will help you, to make it clear that you like him, enjoy talking to him and hope to one day meet him, but understand that you both are free to date other people in the meantime.
I was not criticizing you, I'm just not understanding why you are feeling so attached to someone you hardly know and why it's keeping you from seeing other people. Of course you don't have to date anyone unless you want to.
Homegirl, you are completely right. And we have both decided not to make any type of commitment, because we know the risks. I hang out with other guys, have plenty of guys hit on me, but I just don't find myself interested in any of them.
The reason I'm feeling attached might have something to do with being reassured that someone likes me. I have self esteem issues. But nevertheless, you are right.
You seem to be a likeable person, you also seem to pick people from a distance. People who are not close, you deal with them from a distance.
At any rate, enjoy your first year of college. The dating thing will work it's way out.
I wish you well.
Here is the other half of the "I've changed" story - and it explains this (and other threads): https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/addict...ic-509188.html
Yeah, a lot of confusion here.
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