So what do you want me to do? Break up with him? Knowing he's going to throw his life away in the military?
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So what do you want me to do? Break up with him? Knowing he's going to throw his life away in the military?
Does you father have reason to suspect you are having sex with other boys? Has this happened before?
I don't think he would mind if you had girl friends.
Your relationship with this boy is too intense and he is not stable.
I agree with everyone else this is a very messed up situation.
At your age you shouldn't NEED a boyfriend. And you don't. Having a relationship at this age is disastrous. You are at an age where your emotions are running wild. You don't know who YOU are yet.
The fact that you two are even thinking about Suicide if you have to break up and not talk to each other screams that loudly. You will have relationships that come and go as you grow up but if suicide is your answer to when they go, You're not ready to be pursuing any.
There is much more you need to learn and see, and there will never be anyone that is worth taking your life over.
I agree with your Dad on this one and he knows you better than we do. Thing is he's been your age before he knows what guys that age are like and is protecting you whether you can see that or not. He is trying to keep you from getting hurt and making mistakes in your life that you cannot get a do-over on.
If he is abusing you then report it. The reason you gave for not reporting it is very disturbing to me. You'd rather be abused than for your boyfriend to get in trouble? You need to put yourself first.
Breaking up with this guy isn't the end of the world. You'll meet a lot of boys in your life that's the whole point of growing up.
Going in to the military is not throwing his life away. He will grow up, he will get mental help if he needs it (which it sounds like he does) He could build a career, do something with his life. He'll have opportunities he probably would not have otherwise. The military has been a life saver for many a young man and woman.Quote:
Originally Posted by bijiou36
You are not responsible for this boy, you are a child yourself and have enough problems to deal with.
This is a burden you do not need, and I think you know that.
Yes he will throw his life away in the militarty he told me he only wants to go so he can get shot and die if we break up & My dad is the one hurting me so no I don't think he's trying to prevent me from getting hurt. And no he just thinks that if I talk to a guy we'll start having sex like I'm a slut or something. & I've only had sex like 3 times with the same person.
If you continue what you are doing you will both be throwing your lives away.Quote:
Originally Posted by bijiou36
Is that a good option?
The military sounds like the ideal solution here, it gets him far enough away that you won't wind up pregnant and battered.
It will put him in a situation that forces you to become mature and gives you a taste of reality that could turn him into a man instead of a selfish manipulating bully.
Then you can patiently wait at home and I'll bet dad will let you talk to him until your lips fall off.
And I am forced to say this because you are so wrong.
You are both too young to know what real love is and are too young to be engaging in sex because you don't understand that either.
Print this out and save it. Read it in 5 years and see how foolish and stubborn you are being.
I wish you well.
You two really have no clue.Quote:
Originally Posted by bijiou36
By the time this kid would even be ready to go in to a combat situation he would be older and a lot more mature in his thinking.
If your dad is abusing you need to talk to someone about it. This boy's behavior is abusive for sure. He is very manipulative.
Tell your dad or a counselor at school that you need to talk to someone.
You and this young man really need to be away from each other. This relationship is not healthy.
First off, even if your "boyfriend" does go into the military they don't play games there. If he is that mentally unstable as you're making him out to be the military will see that. Joining the military isn't as even as just signing a few forms and you're in. There are a lot of steps to make sure the person joining is doing it for the right reasons and not going to put their other soldiers in any danger.Quote:
Originally Posted by bijiou36
At his age he is too young to join on his own without his parents. Hopefully, the are a lot wiser than the two of you are with this situation.
Your Dad is being protective of you. You can't see that because you're young and unexperienced. As stated previously, your Dad doesn't want to be a grandfather right now and more importantly he doesn't want you to be a parent right now and having to make the most difficult choice of what you do with the child if you would be pregnant. You're not ready for a relationship let alone the consequences of what could happen!
Saying you had sex only 3 times is HUGE at your age. You're not emotionally or mentally mature enough for the relationship. You think you cannot live without this guy when you can and you will. And you are certainly not emotionally ready enough for what sex brings.
You want to keep saying that your Dad is abusive then make the mature move and report him. Do something about it. Don't let people walk all over you, stand up for yourself.
But when your Dad is saying that you cannot be in this relationship it's not abuse. It's being protective.
Focus on your school life, focus on having friends and having fun. You have all the time in the world to explore other areas of life when you're ready to and can handle the consequences of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bijiou36
This is the same guy you were concerned about watching porn and not treating you well before? Why would you even want to have him as a boyfriend? I thought you wanted someone who would treat you well, respect you, and make you feel good about yourself? Don't you think you deserve that? I think you have clung onto this guy because you are unhappy at home and he has shown you some attention.
He is conning you about going into the military and hoping to get shot if you break up with him. Don't fall for his manipulative behavior. I'd be surprised if he even went into the military, but if he did, as was said, it would be the best thing that could happen to him to help him get his life straightened out.
You very well may love him, but that doesn't mean he is good for you. A loving, mature relationship is built on mutual respect. Wanting to help the other person be the best they can be. Supporting them in their dreams and goals, not causing you to feel poorly about yourself, or that you are being compared to the porn he watches. Not being made to feel that you would be responsible if he got hurt or killed because you didn't do what HE wanted you to do. He is selfish and manipulative. He doesn't care about you, he cares about himself and what he wants.
Since you feel he truly loves you, I assume he is doing all that he can to help your life be less complicated? That he is doing all that he can to help you avoid getting into trouble with your father? That he is encouraging you to focus on school, so that you can reach your dreams and your goals to be happy in your life? That he is putting your needs and wants ahead of his own? If not, wake up, he does not truly love you... plain and simple.
Treat yourself better than that. Especially if those around you aren't treating you as they should, all the more reason you have to look out for yourself. Do not run from one abusive relationship into another. Find the strength within yourself to break out of this. Think hard about how you want to be treated in a relationship. How do you want a guy to speak to you? To show you respect? To care about your feelings?
You have already found, as is obvious from this thread and the porn thread, that this guy doesn't do those things. Do not settle for less than you want. The guy who will be that way for you is out there and when you respect yourself, you will find him.
I'm going to jump in here.
1) If you father is taking his anger out on you in terms of physical abuse, you NEED to report it to someone. A school counselor, clergyman, family services, your mother! This man should not have unsupervised custody over you.
2) The fact that you claim to be in love with a boy who has taken advantage of you by having sex with you, that has tried to control you, that watches porn at 16 shows that you are more in love with the idea of being in love then with this boy.
3) You are below the age of consent so this boy committed statutory rape.
4) If this boy is as unstable as you say, the military will catch it and he will never get as far as combat.
5) you need to grow up, end this relationship and find a more stable situation that will teach you what love REALLY is (you haven't a clue) and why you have such low self esteem.
Umm the only "not right" answer I've seen is yours. The OP SAYS she's in love. Notice the emphasis on says. She started a relationship with this boy when she was 14. Do you really believe she knows what love is? I certainly don't. If they really loved each other, the could set the relationship aside until they were older and could resume it without having to worry about parental interference.Quote:
Originally Posted by natty_jokes
You are, according to your other questions that you have posted, frustrated that your boyfriend doesn't want to have MORE sex. You are the sexually aggressive one, pressuring him for sex.
You think there is something wrong with him not wanting more sex with you, because he uses porn, and you are jealous of that from what you said in your own words.
You are underage anyway.
I don't believe for one minute that you aren't a handful for both your parents, and I don't believe for one second that if your father cares enough about you to try to keep you safe, you are vindictive and arrogant enough to turn around and cause big trouble for him by saying he abuses you.
I guess that threat, or using that threat is always in the back of your mind. That you have not reported the abuse to any person in authority- family Doctor, school counsellor, pastor, relative, a friends parents, etc. indicates to me, that you are full of baloney. I don't buy it for a second.
You only brought up the 'abuse' to bolster your argument of needing this boy in your life- implicating somehow that he is some sort of saviour? You need him, not the other way around, from what I've read.
You probably use the sex, to keep him. You know that if you denied him sex, and put some limits on your relationship with him, he'd send you packing.
If you were to come clean about the abuse, and put the cards on the table, you know there would be very little to substantiate it, and it would also put you under the microscope as well, and you don't want that now do you. It's called accountability. Part of growing up, and maturing. If you were to walk into any emergency department with bruises that resulted from your father punching you, you know damn well what would happen. You choose not to back up what you say.
That you don't step up, means you do not have any credibility in my eyes. You are a coward, and a selfish person. You put your needs above everybody else's, and refuse to follow any rules. I suspect your father is barely hanging on keeping you under control.
It is a shame that you are so sneaky and underhanded, to keep this relationship with the boyfriend going, when clearly you are making very bad choices.
It is also alarming that you are so sexually active. For some reason you think that sex is the key to keeping this boyfriend. You also think, correctly, that if your father were to be charged with assault, that he could go after your boyfriend, because you are underage. You don't want to push that envelope for obvious reasons.
So, keep your lies straight.
Try your best to realize that you are not thinking clearly, and in fact, doing yourself harm, and putting yourself at risk. Not to mention if you carry on this way, you are clearly heading down the path to being a parent to a child, when you are a child yourself.
And then what do you expect your parents to do? Support you? Babysit while you go to school? Pay for diapers and formula? Not a prospect any parent would welcome, and you know that by your reckless behaviour, you are heading down that slippery slope.
You are not an animal who cannot control yourself. You CAN control yourself. You can say no to sex, you can not pressure your boyfriend into having MORE sex, and you can avoid a lot of heartache for both your parents, by trying to be more responsible, and less demanding like some sort of princess.
Give your head a shake here. Drop the boyfriend, and hold off on sex until you have SOME idea of what a relationship is first.
If you are so out of control, that you cannot control yourself, please seek counselling to help put you out of harms' way.
Society does not need to support yet another baby, from a teenager who, for the sake of a few sane moments, could have made better choices.
I think she is a confused 15 year old who has gotten into things she does not understand.
This boy from what I read has been her only sexual partner and they have had sex three times. She wanted more, he doesn't. He watches porn and she wants to shave herself the way the porn stars do. She wants to masturbate, he tells her not to because he says it will make her loose.
These are obviously kids with no clue!
She apparently tried to break up with him once and he tried to kill himself, has threatened to go into the military if she leaves him.
These are both disturbed kids who don't need to be with each other and can use some counseling.
As far as her dad, I don't know. He is raising her alone, has been since she was two. I don't think he abuses her but then again her boyfriend does by manipulating her. This whole thing is very sad.
She needs help and so does the boyfriend.
Young teens should not be engaging in sex, they don't know what they are doing and they are manipulating each other's lives and they don't even know it.
I hope this young lady stays away from this boy and I hope she gets some counseling.
Okay So Hope You People are Happy, I Broke Up With Him.
That's good thing. Now I hope you will get yourself some help.
How is it a good thing? Now I'm sad.
All we want is what best for you. Did you not understand what we have been trying to tell you? Yes you will be sad for a bit, But this is a good thing for your future.
Soo. In You Guys Opinion The Advice MIGHT have helped to Me What it helped was, Him go to the military soon & Me be a depressed wreck. But Even Though The Advice only Got me sad, Still Thanks For All The help.
What did he say when you told him goodbye?
He said that he understands because he's older and basically almost an adult. And that he's going to the military to become more resobcible and etc,
He really said that, huh?
What's "resobcible"?
You ARE going to work on your spelling and grammar and punctuation now, aren't you? I'll help, if you want me to.
Yup but I'm still sad, & I think you know what I meant, and I was in a rush that's why I typed it wrong.
Now that you're not in a rush, can you spell it correctly?
Do you realize that you will now have free time to learn how to cook and bake, to do your homework correctly, to keep your room clean, and to help us here with other teens and their problems?? YAY!!
Responsible. & I was doing all that stuff perfectly Fine When I was Dating him. Now I'm not even in the mood really all I want to do is listen to music and draw/write.
What you're doing sounds perfectly fine and useful. Plus, school will be starting soon. Are you ready with new clothes and school supplies?
Our school has a pretty stupid dress code, we can only wear white/Blue/Kaki/ Shirts
& White/Black/Kaki/Blue Jeans and it can't have any decorations. But yea I got school supplies
That dress code sure saves money for families! (Pssst, it's khaki -- tricky little "h" in there.)
When does school start? You'll be a sophomore?
yea (: I always have troubles with that word =/
& sophomore, I got to do 10th grade Again cause I failed the finals (math)
Algebra? Geometry?Quote:
Originally Posted by bijiou36
All of it
Plenty of people here who could help you out with your math if you need it!. :)
It is sad when you breakup... give yourself some time, draw, write, listen to music. When you have had some time to think about the whole situation, and ask yourself if you were being treated how you would like to be, you will likely think "not really".
It was a learning experience... no doubt you will have some more along the way to help with finding out what you will allow and want from some one who claims to care about you. That is what dating and early relationships are all about.
As you write, make a list of what are important characteristics in a guy for you. What will be OK and what won't.
Be sure to come back and let us know how things are going for you!
Angel, things always seem worse than they really are in the "teen" years. That's just the way it is. I can tell you one thing. That life does indeed go on. You'll have several boyfriends before you settle down and get married. Most of us have to have the good with the bad, the ups with the downs. That's what makes us stronger.
If your father is abusing you, then by all means, please get help. Tell someone.
And never, ever, entertain the thought of taking your own life. Suicide is for quitters.
Someone said that if you killed yourself, that this guy would have a new girlfriend at the end of the week. I agree.
You'll be fine, and so will he.
I hope that you'll be happy soon.
Okayy So Far things Are Worse. His Friend Told me That His Parents Caught I'm Trying To Overdose 3 Times Already And he Keeps Saying he Doesn't Want Another Girl Just Me, So Now What Do I Do? (Ignoring It IS NOT an option)
He's tried to overdose three times since last night?
The military definitely won't take him.
He needs to get into counseling immediately. And now I have absolutely no doubts that you should have nothing to do with him.
Are you sure your friend is not exaggerating? If he has tried three times already, I'm sure his is hospitalized now.Quote:
Originally Posted by bijiou36
If she is not, he has problems you can do nothing about. He needs professional help and you need to stay away from him. If he is a danger to himself he could also be a danger to you. This is something way beyond you.
You need to be concentrating on school not this boy. This problem is his parents to deal with.
Look into cloning?Quote:
Originally Posted by bijiou36
I apologize for that.
Bij, I think there is some exaggeration going on here.
If I caught my son trying to overdose I would not be letting him out my reach until I was satisfied he would be safe. And I'm not easily satisfied.
And if by some miracle he managed to try it again in the same night, we would be on our way to the Crisis center.
I cannot believe his parents would give him an opportunity to try it again
AND then a third time??
What we have here is a failure to communicate...
Someone is not telling you how it really is or you may be twisting the truth a little in order to get an answer you are happier with.
I hope you can find a safe and sane answer to this. I wish you well
If this is true, he would be in the hospital on the psych floor. I am sorry if this is the case, and I agree, all the more reason to cut your ties with him. However, I also don't believe this is the truth. If it's all a big story to make you feel sorry for him... he has some very real problems. Stay away!
To be honest, I'm not even sure I believe you actually broke up with him.
Get yourself sorted out... stay away from guys for awhile... focus on school... clean your act up, or you stand a very good chance of heading down a road you don't want to be on.
Whether you are serious or just fooling around here, these are some problems.
You need to get a hold of yourself. None of this, if true is anything to joke or exaggerate about.
I'm understanding why your father wants you to leave this boy alone. You did poorly in school and there is way too much drama going on here.
Please understand that no one here is taking the situation of suicide or self-harm lightly. It is just the facts do not add up.
He is being manipulative. Whether the situation is true or not he is using his attempts at self harm to control you and make you stay with him. Either way, he is very troubled and in need of help that you cannot provide for him. At this point I am not even sure if his parents can provide it for him. They need to get him to a center that is trained and educated on this subject to help him.
This just further proves that you do not belong in a relationship with him. It will only progress further down the road that any time things go wrong he will throw out "if you leave me I'll kill myself" and my fear based on the way you're reacting to everything so far is that you will buy what he says and continue in a volatile relationship.
We actually care about you, despite what you may think. If we didn't care one bit about you we'd be here telling you what you wanted to hear instead of what you NEED to hear. I think I can safely say that we all want what is best for you and hope to see you succeed. Not get stuck in a situation that will hurt you or further bring you down.
This situation is way too much for you to handle and it's one that you need to stay away from. I know you feel like you love this guy but sometimes the best thing to do for someone you love is to step away and allow themselves to get the help they need.
Not in a "Rude" Way but If You Don't Believe me About Me breaking up with him I Honestly Don't Care, Just Don't Give me Advice if Your Not Going to Believe me. & His Parents Basically think of him as a Screw up. Not in a Mean Way But his life pretty much sucks, They've Always Been Kind of Poor. So They Really Don't Care Which Is Another Reason Why I Really Wanted To Stay With Him, Everyone In His Life [Family/friends/ExGf's] Gave Up On Him & I Promised I Wouldn't so Now I Feel Like a Liar & "Female Dog" & My Grades Are All Straight A's & B's and Always Have Been Except For in Math, Even Before I Met Him I Started Messing Up In Math I Even Have Summer School/Tutors/Extra Classes I Take Notes & Pay Attention I Think I Have Short Term Memory Loss Because I Always Forget How To Do Something That Has To Do With Math.
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