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Horribly to tell the truth. But there isn't anything I can do about it, so I am trying to keep myself busy. Trying to get in touch with friends again. It's really hard for me right now. But it has really only been 3 days. I think if I keep giving myself positive advice that I will get better eventually. But at the moment its very hard.
It s tough-keep busy and hang in there-and keep posting. Cyberhugs to you.
Yap, he doesn't want to hurt your feeling. It maybe hard to accept at first, but give it time and your heart will heal. Remember, there's always fish in the ocean.
Entire story merged. Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.
Just keep it up! Stay busy and you'll be fine.
Sorry to hear how things ended.
Your hurting now but it will get better...
Keep busy,start running,or some sort of exercise,it will help you sleep as well.
Also.keep posting,it really will help to get all the emotions out.
I had a EX tell me once "I love you AS a person" now that might sound stupid to some or make no sense but at the time it made perfect sense to me,I was comforted and moved on.Hes not saying he never was in love,he's saying his feeling have changed,you need to accept that for what it is stop trying to read anything else in it and move on.Quote:
Originally Posted by britEl
So me and my boyfriend broke up and it was just a really bad and messy breakup (he broke up with me) I can't STAND seeing the stuff he gave me around my house anymore, and I need a very clever way to give it back like maybe as a xmas gift or something so he's like all excited then sees it and is like oh.. I know some might say no keep the stuff around, but I can't have it anymore
Any ideas?
You are just going to start an argument that way. Just throw ithem out if they were gifts to you. If they are his property leave them out his house. Be the bigger person in this!
Why does it have to be so dramatic and childish? Simply throw them out, with out the drama, if you don't want them around. They are YOUR gifts, not his any more.
Yes throw them out or give them to a charity shop.
Yeah I agree with the others. There's no reason to start a fight over it or something. It's your stuff, do what you want with it, but don't instigate a fight, because that's what you'd be doing. That's what I've done with gifts from my exes. The ones I still have are very few and they hold no sentimental value to it, I just still have them. This includes clothes or perfumes, I've kept a perfume and I believe a shirt and a stuffed monkey, anything else I've gotten rid of one way or another.
Ok so me and this guy dated for about nine months. In November he told me he wanted to go on a break because he was confused and stressed. Even though I didn't want to he told me to move on. So just as I was about to completely BE over him, he asked me to take him back, which was around the end of December. Before the break me and him NEVER fought. After we got back together it was constant bickering so a month later (a couple days ago) he tells me he is sick of all the fighting and I tell him well we can work on it. But he says "no I think we should just be friends [I]for right now[I]" (and the for right now part makes me think WOW is he going to want me back AGAIN) He also said towards the we can work on our fighting thing "I don't care enough to work on things" So I'm pretty hurt but not as bad as before. And I asked him should I keep hoping for him to get back with me or should I move on and he tells me that I should just move on because he doesn't know how things will be in a month.
So my question is this time around, should I move on! I feel like if I do move on and he wants me back suddenly, I'm going to regret some things that I do.
Also should I take him back if he does want me back! Like I love him to death but we do have our issues.
Oh yeah and can fighting be worked out and solved, I do understand sometimes fighting just happens but there must be a way where we can work it out! Any Suggestions?
Ok do you not see a cycle here????
He will stay in the relationship until either he gets bored (re: first break up) or it gets too hard (re: second break up).
Lets think what will be the reason for the third break up?
Boredom, Laziness, Cheating, Lying... maybe you should pick this time? Since he has chosen for you the other times.
So you know what I think you should do?
You should wait around until he's had his fill/sowed his wild oats/found himself... whatever it is that brings on these breaks, and then take him back because really, when you are being treated so well, how can you let that go?
You asked can fighting be worked out and solved? Jesus I hope so or the whole world is @!*ked! That is how political, religious and social issues get dealt with... BUT both sides need to want in! If he doesn't, you can't make him, it takes trust, thought, love and communication to make a relationship work.
Every fling can make it through the good times, it's when the s... hits the fan that it becomes a relationship. And really I don't think that is what is going on here.
So should you move on? YES.
Should you get back with him if he wants again? NO.
Thank you for being brutally honest lol!
It wasn't trying to be brutal in any way.
But it didn't seem you could see the wood from the trees if you like, hopefully this dimmed the rose tinted glasses, eh?
Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should hurt yourself to be with them. Love, all too often, is the fail safe for many to excuse what they, or others have done.
It is not an excuse. Love goes both ways, and this, my friend, is not the actions of someone that loves you.
Brit,breakup-make up-breakup is not a good sign.
If the two of you can't work out whatever issues you have,you are just going to end up going down the same road again.
I'd say time to bite the bullet and let this go.
Because the relationship was only about a year all told, and he has told you to move on twice now, it is probably a good idea that you make the choice not to return to him again.
He is not being completely honest with you. He sounds like a man that is hiding something. I say that because the fighting is only the result of something, not the cause.
Him not wanting to work on the relationship issues is also caused by something. Whatever it is he doesn't want to face or work on, leaves little for you to have hope things would ever improve.
Lack of communication, no matter what has been on the agenda, will kill any relationship, and in your case, even really before it got off the ground. Not a good way to start.
Stop the cycle of break up, make up, bored, break up and then when nothing comes along, he comes back
I think you should move on, and be single, so you can work on your insecurities, and controlling ways.
When I merged your posts, and reread it again, one thing stands out, when he did try to communicate, you let your personal feelings of being dumped, get in the way of you understanding his stresses, and instead of patient support, you press forward with your own need for insecure control with texts up the wazoo!
Not trying to be harsh, but you have pretty much smothered the flames of communications by your need to be reassured constantly when he has things to deal with, for a good example as his g/f, why didn't you know about his family problems?
Again, not trying to be harsh, just straight, that's a lot of drama in a very short time, and any guy would be overwhelmed.
True its not ALL your fault, as he could have done a better job of communicating, but still it never works unless both partners can talk, listen, and work together.
You cannot, so best move on, and work on yourself.
Bottom line: If he doesn't want to work on the hard stuff, he doesn't care about you. My Boyfriend and I have been through SO much stuff, and were still together because we put in the work. We work as a team, not always two separate entities. Part of being in a relationship Is being on the same side as your partner, working toward a mutual goal. That's what a relationship is.
Thank you all for posting, and id like to let you all know that I AM going to bite the bullet and not go back to him like a fool. Our relationship was unhealthy and yah I do have to work on myself. I am slowly trying to not talk to him (he keeps texting me) but soon I'm just going to stop all contact. (facebook, txting, etc.) I am still dreading the night where I may get a phonecall with him bawling asking me back but IF that happens I've already made my decision. There's no way I can go back to him and be the same person.
It has been roughly around two weeks since the break up and right now.. I just feel NOTHING for him, it is a strange feeling but yah I feel absolutely nothing when I think of him so I am HOPING that's good? Also I have been going out more and meeting new people. I've just recently met this very nice guy named quinn and have been getting to know him better. I know I am on the rebound but if I feel nothing for my ex(not even love) then would that mean at least I am over him? And if so would it still be too early to further my relationship with quinn?
I'd say take your time getting to know people.
You're probably not quite over the ex yet-so anyone you start dating now would be a rebound.
OK so I have been seeing this guy named jordan for about 3 weeks. He is head over heels for me. But right now I am just not ready for a serious relationship. So the other night we are hanging out and he tells me that he can see us being together for a very long time and that he's falling for me, and honestly it's scared me off. I had told him I don't want to jump into a relationship and its like he's trying to push things to go faster, when I just don't want that! So now I have completely lost interest in him and need a way to tell him that I don't want to continue seeing him. My only problem is that he is the nicest sweetest guy out there and I really don't want to hurt him to bad, I just feel really bad about it :( any ideas?
Just tell him what you think. Whatever you say will break his heart anyway, so try to find the nicest way and tell him (I would avoid the "I'm scared and I lost interest" part)
After all, it's been 3 weeks, he will get over it.
Hope it helps.
You will hurt him by stringing him along or not telling him your feelings.
Simply be honest and tell him what you said here, then give him some space and maybe consider hanging out again in a week or two.
Just give him some space(am having exactly the same situation,just that am playing nice,sweet friend's role.)
I forgot to add this. Dnt hang out with him anymore,because it will hurt him the more,cut d calling part @ 1s.
Breakups are always tough, but you got to do if you value your own happiness. Just keep the break up easy to understand and speak calmly and everything will be fine.
If possible, tell him in person - It'll be easier on the both of you.
Keep it very short and simple. Calmly tell him that you don’t want a relationship with him.
Remember - the faster you get it over with the better!
Leave no "maybes." Don't let him think there's any possibility of getting back together or else he may never leave you alone and he’ll just get even more the jealous when you meet someone new.
Good luck!
Geez brite, you just dumped a guy a month ago, and went with Quinn, and now your dumping Jordan. You have to be good at this because, 3 guys in a little over a month, is enough to make you an EXPERT dumper.
Lol an expert dumper :( no I shouldn't have gotten into any relationships to begin with.. Im still on the rebound and I feel really horrible about this whole situation I got myself into. And jordans only my second talaniman! But I think I'm going to stay far far FAR away from men for a long while lol!
Questions like this drive both boys and grown men nuts. If he wants to spend time with you and you still enjoy it, be satisfied with that. Consider the point of life you are at before you push for some big serious smothering all encompassing commitment. If you're wanting to be his life 24/7 and he is still in school, you're going to drive him away.
I've never known a guy who felt anything but loathing for the habit of women asking if they look fat, if the guy still loves them, etc. etc. They almost universally say, "we're together - get a grip. If I'm not feeling it, I'll let you know."
Guys want dating to be fun. They also want girls who have something other than the relationship to talk about and do. Focus on yourself, homework, school activities and your family. Make him part of your life but don't expect him to be your whole life or it will be far, far too much pressure for a young guy. And yeah, stop asking or one of these days he's going to say "no" because he's sick of the question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin;
So I'm assuming you didn't read the whole conversation. But anyway, yes I did learn my lesson those were stupid questions to be asking and I should have been more comfortable in the relationship. However, Hes 21 years old, not in school and living in his parents basement without having to pay rent so he doesn't have a lot on his shoulders.
I understand asking things wayyy to many times, but if the only time he told me he 'loved me' or he thought I was pretty was if I had to ASK him if he thought I was, then that's a problem. I believe that little things matter the most, and the littlest things could be calling me gorgeous, or saying I love you.
Basically the relationship was good until the 1st time he dumped me, and when we got back together things went down hill and I lost confidence. So that's where the habit of constantly asking him things came from. Things were different and I didn't know how to deal with it. Which ended up in him dumping me for the second time.
But I haven't been with him for pretty much 2 months now and I know that a lot of it was my own fault, I did push him away, and again yes I learnt my lesson. There are many things I do regret doing and now that I look back I wish I would have done things differently. But I can't go back in time, all I can do is keep going forward and continue to slowly get my confidence back.
Brite I will say you have the right attitude.
That's a great plan.Quote:
But I can't go back in time, all I can do is keep going forward and continue to slowly get my confidence back.
Okay, yes, I'm back to this horrible page.
I need advice as to how to just let go of the past and move on. I completely stopped talking to Curtis (the guy who started this whole rotten page) for about 2 months.
And yesterday it was my 19th birthday, and he said "happy birthday i love you dont forget me bla bla bla bla bla"
So I call because I'm kind of ticked off that he even dare say that he 'loves me.' we talk and he gets mad because he doesn't want to hear anything that I have to say so he hangs up on me midsentence.
SO now I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want him in my life, I don't want him near me, I honestly wish I never even MET HIM! He treats me like crap, he thinks that he completely controls my feelings and it feels like he does have control over them now! After he hung up on me I finally told him to just leave me alone and to stop hurting me. He doesn't want me happy with someone else but he doesn't want me so screw him!
But I'm STILL choked up about him, after SO LONG, I feel like I'm literally going absolutely crazy.
I know I've been a good person, I don't deserve to be treated this way any longer, and I need help to find a way to block him out of my life, and gain back confidence and move on.
Do you think I need therapy or something? Or that I just have to NEVER talk to him again? I am having a really difficult time with this, especially now because 2 days ago I thought that I was over him, and clearly after tonight I'm not.
Ughh anyone willing to give me any more advice? I know this has been long and grueling, and I just want it... no NEED IT to end.
Happy belated Birthday.
Onehundred % no contact from now on.
That will give you peace of mind to get your head back together and keep moving on with your life.
Life isn't cut and dried. Because you may think that you are over someone, does not mean that the memories, feelings and emotions are completely gone. They may never be.
Some people will leave memories of happiness, some of trauma, some people you can't think of without feeling angry for past regressions. You can't predict when or if you will see anyone from your past, but when you do, most likely what they left you with, will surface.
It is a brief relapse into the past with this boyfriend. He's got you thinking about him, and the emotions that it has brought up, particularly on your birthday, leave you feeling raw.
But, a relapse is a relapse. It doesn't mean you aren't over him, and it certainly doesn't erase all the healing you have done, and progress you have made over the past year. Don't let one bump in the road stop you from continuing on your journey.
You won't get any more answers today, than you got months ago. The relationship was what it was, and it is still over.
Try not to put too much importance on this, and just accept it as something that will happen from time to time, probably through more relationships into the future.
No, I don't think you need therapy. I just think you need to realize that he has no magic hold, control, or influence over you, and learn to direct your thoughts in a more practical way.
He is a part of your past, best to just leave him there and carry on.
It's not a bad idea to look into therapy because really what it's about is learning to manage our lives in a different way. We all have to go through a lot of loss in our lives, one way or another, and being able to cope with it and move on is an important thing to learn how to do. So, if you think it would be helpful to you, why not? I think it's particularly helpful if you find you are chosing the wrong type of men and they aren't treating you well. Many women meet such men over and over and they don't really work on learning why until late in life - you are young - why not figure it out now?
There is no easy pill or easy advice to tell you how to get this particular man out of your head but cold turkey would be my method. EAch "in" he gets with you is a chance to stir up all the garbage again, and another chance to give you hope that he is capable of being the right person, only to hurt you again with his lack of understanding. He will not change so what needs to change is his access to you. Rather than making yourself ignore his calls, how about just getting a new phone number?
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