Heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, and prescription painkillers are all a recipe for disaster for him and for you. It is only a matter of time before he introduces you to his "friends" (not really friends.. they're drug buddies) and gets you involved. I can't tell you how many people I know that have fought drug addiction and lost by either relapsing or dying. I also can tell you how many people I know who said "I will never do anything like that..." who then got a BF/GF, tried the drugs that they were doing and got hooked themselves.

NOTHING GOOD WILL COME FROM THIS SITUATION. Take it from someone who knows.

He is already hooked to heroin and most likely coke as well, since they go hand in hand. It's only a matter of time before he either looses his job or can't get a job because of his habit. Next thing you know, he will be borrowing money from you to support his habit. Then he will start owing dealers money. Then he will start stealing things to get money for the dope and the people he owes the money to. Then he will go to jail.

That is the usual cycle of life for people addicted to drugs. Notice how there is nothing good in the above paragraph.

You never get over a heroin addiction.

Look, you're 16 years old. You really shouldn't be hanging out with people who are doing drugs. Let me tell you, from personal experience, they will drag you down with them... slowly.

I got lucky because I some how managed to wake up and see what was going on around me and get out. My other friends were not as lucky. I lost one of my best friends to a drug overdose. All of my friends have been to jail, some of them multiple times. I don't talk to any of them anymore and my life is so much more interesting and meaningful.

The sad part is.. I was so messed up through high school and part of college, I can't remember much of anything. Those are supposed to be the good parts of life and I pretty much missed out on all of it because all I cared about was getting high, or drunk, or whatever. I didn't make me "cool". It made me a junkie.

Don't let that happen to you. Enjoy your life and make memories with your friends. High school is a time to have fun, not to get f-ed up.

Stay away from this dude because he will bring you nothing but trouble.

Stay away!

Believe JMW about the drugs, he's from Baltimore (doesn't matter which part, unless he lives in Fed Hill or Canton, he's seeing these drugs everyday). Also, you opened your post with saying you felt ridiculous for soliciting advice on this site. That's like a heroin addict going to NA and saying they feel like they don't belong there (see how I tied this all together... ). Everyone needs help sometimes and it doesn't matter where you get it from (unless you end up owing someone something... ).

You like to argue (not a shock coming from a 16 year old girl). You're also very prideful (embarrassed to ask for help and arguing clued me in). Is this whole situation more about you being able to change this guy, or being right about something? Are you rebelling? How about learning guitar and playing punk music instead. You can right lyrics about how your parents try to protect you from drugs and sex while you try to protect your "love interest" from... drugs... and... sex??

I'm giving you a hard time because that's what you respond to.

Hi hon.

From reading your original post, you sound like a very very smart girl, and a very sweet girl. Be proud of that first of all. And don't downplay yourself with the 'im not a genius in relationships' your 16. I'm 24 and I STILL don't have it all figured out. Your doing pretty good. Keep it up.

Now. As far as your friend... I understand its hard... I understand you like him, you may even love him (though you never said that) however, you have to ask yourself, how much can he possibly love you when he is sky high in heroin? How can he possibly take YOUR feelings and desires and your person in to consideration, when he is so doped up, that he can't even see past his nose?

I understand that you like this guy... its hard not to. When you're a teen, that type of guy is always SOO irrisistable. I dated several of them.

The ONLY options you have, is to go with this guy, or to leave him and NEVER speak to him or see him again...

I must warn you however, my experience, and from what I have seen from others, if you date this guy... it will only be a mater of time before YOU decide to try out the drugs. It will be simple. Your hanging out, and he says 'go ahead baby, just try it once, if you don't like it, you don't have to keep doing it'

It doesn't matter how smart you are, or how much you KNOW its bad... there is ALWAYS temptation. And eventually you will fall into that temptation, and trust me, you CANNOT try it 'just once' and never again. It just doesn't work that way.

Good luck hon. And we are always here to listen and support you. And I will be hoping and praying that you make the SAFE choice for yourself.

Love Jennie

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Originally Posted by inertia

You like to argue (not a shock coming from a 16 year old girl). You're also very prideful (embarrassed to ask for help and arguing clued me in). Is this whole situation more about you being able to change this guy, or being right about something? Are you rebelling? How about learning guitar and playing punk music instead. You can right lyrics about how your parents try to protect you from drugs and sex while you try to protect your "love interest" from ...drugs... and.....sex?????

I'm giving you a hard time because that's what you respond to.

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No your just REALLY WEIRD.

jenniepepsi, thank you :)

Seriously.

Please, please, listen to jennie... and run away from this guy!

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I don't know if he even really likes me or if he just wants me back for sex

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Yup, it's just for sex. You're 16, willing, able, and let's face it, he's a drug addict, a loser, and no one else will sleep with him. You're it.

When are you going to get some back bone and self respect? Before or after he ruins your life?

I'm voting for before.

Dump him, run, finish school, find someone that isn't on a path to destruction.

Been here. Done this. It didn't end well. Some mistakes don't have to be made in order to learn from them.

Good luck.

Be smart you can either
"learn from others mistakes" or
"learn from you'r own mistakes"
The later comes at a higher price

Jenni's advice is best by far and she understands you. Follow it. She is right to a very great extend. :)

Sorry, I don't understand why a heroin addict is so irresistible to anyone with a clue. I'm finding all this ego stroking pretty useless. I'm not going to get into the details of my life, but I have been close with plenty of addicts. I've seen the little teenage girls that they use. Rebelling against their parents by sleeping with a guy (bad boy, haha no) with a drug problem. As a close friend, you try to put up boundaries for the addict because you are sick of being used. You and all your friends get together to intervene and the addict runs away and starts dating some little girl who doesn't know any better and is unable to put up boundaries because of an infatuation.

I was trying to avoid victimizing you, but that's what you want to hear apparently. Addicts use everyone including family. There is no reasoning or bargaining with an addict (especially heroin). They pull on your heartstrings to get what they want. After all of your pain and suffering, when you finally call it off, they hardly bat an eye because compared to the drug, you are nothing.

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Originally Posted by foreverpeace

Hes not a total up, yet anyway.

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This is the line that sticks out to me. The best question is when he does become a F**k up (and he will if he is using heroin) do you want to be so deeply involved with him that you get sucked down to the bottom with him? The best thing is to get out now unscathed by his mistakes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by spitvenom

This is the line that sticks out to me. The best question is when he does become a F**k up (and he will if he is using heroin) do you want to be so deeply involved with him that you get sucked down to the bottom with him? The best thing is to get out now unscathed by his mistakes.

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Exactly! And does she really want to stick around to find out when he does turn into a total F**k up?

I think everyone is avoiding the issue at hand. Why even spend one second longer around this than you have to? OP has some codependency issues that need addressing. Forget about the drug addict, his heroin problem is only scratching the surface.

He's a bad habit you need to kick
Sure he may have a good head on his shoulders NOW but him being into drugs will eventually rot away his entire being of anything you do like about him. Then you are stuck with a guy that uses the last of your money for drugs instead of paying the bills. You are stuck with someone that prefers their drugs over sex with you. You are stuck with someone that has in time let the drugs take over their life.
I know a lot of drug addicts. They will steal their grandmothers heart medicine and not think twice about it. I know four who can't remember anything except their name, they live down the street and where is their next drug coming from. They were fine 10 yrs had a great life, job, wife, house, car, whatever. Now they rely on their friends letting them sleep at their house or they would be out on the street.
Oh and the one OD's at least twice every 5 yrs
2 are dead from overdoses.

Heroin addiction is a contract for life. Even reformed addicts will tell you they miss it every day.

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Originally Posted by inertia

Sorry, I don't understand why a heroin addict is so irresistible to anyone with a clue. I'm finding all this ego stroking pretty useless. I'm not going to get into the details of my life, but I have been close with plenty of addicts. I've seen the little teenage girls that they use. Rebelling against their parents by sleeping with a guy (bad boy, haha no) with a drug problem. As a close friend, you try to put up boundaries for the addict because you are sick of being used. You and all your friends get together to intervene and the addict runs away and starts dating some little girl who doesn't know any better and is unable to put up boundaries because of an infatuation.

I was trying to avoid victimizing you, but that's what you want to hear apparently. Addicts use everyone including family. There is no reasoning or bargaining with an addict (especially heroin). They pull on your heartstrings to get what they want. After all of your pain and suffering, when you finally call it off, they hardly bat an eye because compared to the drug, you are nothing.

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Inertia, I'm not going to rate you a 'reddi' because your not wrong, and this is your opinion, and your more than welcome to give your opinion and I respect that. And in a way I DO agree with you.

However, what this poster needs right now is understanding advise. She is looking for support and help. And I personally don't consider it 'ego stroking' she is young and confused, not young and stupid. We can't stop her from making a mistake in her life. We can only give her the advise she is looking for.

You are right, I don't agree that drug addicts are 'irrisistable' however, teenage girls CAN (and often ARE) be attracted to those 'bad boys' into drugs and crime. Something about 'anarchy' in a teenagers life, seems to hit a spark.

*hugs* again I say, I'm not trying to be mean. Just a difference in opinion :)

I guess I should've put in that he has met my parents, they like him. They don't know he's into drugs but they do like him. My point, I'm not "rebelling against my parents" I don't have a relationship with my parents like that whatsoever. Just thought I would throw that in there. But you guys are really getting me thinking, great advice thanks.

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inertia agrees: This issue hits close to home for me, I don't mean to sound judgmental.

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I understand hon. I know you weren't being judgemental :)

Addicts are not bad boys. They are losers, sometimes tragic, but they are not some rule breaking James Dean anarchist. Read Chomsky and listen to "The Sex Pistols" if you are looking for anarchy. Drug addicts are a bottomless pit of emotion, time, energy and money. I'm not saying they are all hopeless, but it's up to them and no one else and unfortunately, I have only seen one person ever truly clean themselves up, but heroin was not their drug of choice. Addicts take the easy way out. I'd love to be so stoned that nothing ever bothered me. I've spent the last of my patience on addicts. I have zero sympathy for them and I'll take a hard line approach with anyone who does. The funniest thing about the "bad boy" image is that all of their friends think the guy is a loser.

And one more thing... he's not a "bad boy" he keeps his drug life very very personal. He just told me because he thought I should know. He got all good grades in school and its not like he's into crime or anything like that. Im just confused because I know this will just get worse and you guys are just saying "leave him" no like.. would you guys just leave someone like.. I don't know your sibling or your cousin or someone who is involved with drugs. No you wouldn't. Because you care for them. Im not just going to leave him, I can't do that... "ego stroking" no not all. All I need is some advice to get through this what I should do besides leaving.

I see what you are saying about not leaving someone you love. So have you tried to get him into a rehab?

But its not like he sits around and does nothing all day?

If this is how you feel hon, then I have some new advise for you :)


You need to talk to him. Explain how his drugs are bothering you (they are obviously bothering you) let him know how you feel and how worried you are and any other emotions you are feeling because of this.

Ask him if he is willing to see a counselor, maybe getting into drug rehab.

Do whatever you can to support him, and help him lead a healthier life.

Yeah but what you don't realize is that it is only a matter of time before he does sit around all day doing nothing but heroin.

By 'bad boy' it means that he is not the image of the boy your mother would pick for you IF she knew everything about him.

The problem is that right now he is controlling the drug but quite often the drug over takes the one doing it and begins effecting everyone around him. You may think things are great with him now but you don't know 5 to 10 yrs down the road that he isn't going to turn into somebody you wish you never met because of the drugs.
You don't want to leave... so you don't jump into anything and get in over your head. You take it slow and don't let him persuade you into anything. You give it time and develop a good friendship until you can be sure that things aren't going to go downhill.

Sit there and watch him while he is doing his heroin or crack and THEN see how you feel about being with him even though he does drugs.

I have talked to him and he quickly changes the subject. When we started talking again I asked him if he was still into drugs. He said " a little" and I told him how much I hated that and he just changed the subject.

And he changes the subject. Which means he has no intentions of stopping and doesn't care if it bothers you. And that's the truth!!

Amazon.com: The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star: Nikki Sixx: Books

This might be a good read for you

Wow, your so right. This is the worst feelingggg, Because I want to believe he cares about me. But he probably doesn't at all. Ha sweet.

I hate drugs too and I never did them but I have had a few bfs that did drugs. I know it is a dead end thing to be in a relationship with someone who does drugs.
Fortunately I have always been against the idea of doing drugs and never ever could see myself doing them. But I have known girls who ended up on drugs because of their boyfriend and they had sworn they never wanted to do drugs.

I had a friend; straight A student, capt of everything, president of his class etc. I'm not lying. He was incredible, funny, smart, creative etc. Comes from a great home, great parents who love him. He had a lot of friends. A ton actually. He got into heroin in college. Everyone stood by him at first. Slowly by surely, people started cutting him out. The problem never went away. It got worse and worse. He had a girlfriend who talks much the same way you do about not abandoning him etc. He finally screwed up big time. Went to Jail for a year. JAIL, for a year. His GF stood by him. He swore he was clean after that. Not even 3 months after getting out... back into heroin. He stole, lied, cheated (and a lot of other things not fit to print). He wasn't a bad boy, he was an angel that got into heroin. It's been 10 years. He is still a heroin addict. The GF stood by him for 7 years and finally left. The only friends that have stuck with him, also abuse drugs. GOOD LUCK!!

It sucks not doubt about it. But you are young and have your whole life ahead of you to have good and bad relationships that don't involve drugs. I mean do you really want to walk in his house one day and find him OD dead on the floor. Or even worse if he gets you to start using.

I'm going to assume that you are smart enough to not use, but this will damage your potential future healthy relationships. The girl I know has blown through rebound guys trying to make up for lost time and trying to prove to herself and her ex that she is over it.

Man you know a lot of people don't you

I read inertia's answer, and it's a good description, explanation and prediction of you scenario. I didn't read all the other pages of answers that have been offered, but there one thing that wasn't addressed in your question. You need to know that sex is just as addictive as any of those other examples. The ultimate personal outcome may be just as devastating. So take another look at the question you asked. When he get's together with you, it sounds like he is merely sharing one of his addictions with you. You also explained that your boundaries are weak. That's not to say that you are weak at all. You are though in a "tender and sensitive" point in your personal, intellectual, adolescent and easily persuaded development. Of course depending on the strength of his attachment to his addictions, he may break soon. But considering your interest in him, it's much more likely that you will break to his addictions first. I know you probably hear all that "tender, sensitive, intellectual" stuff all the time, but it's the truth. It sounds good that you REALLY don't like his other habits. Consider how you met up with him in the first place though. So you have to realize that he might already be using you. He might have a good head on his shoulders too. I can tell you though that that fades fast too.
I hope I've been helpful.

Yes, thanks everyone.

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Originally Posted by briancp34

I read inertia's answer, and it's a good description, explanation and prediction of you scenario. I didn't read all the other pages of answers that have been offered, but there one thing that wasn't addressed in your question. You need to know that sex is just as addictive as any of those other examples. The ultimate personal outcome may be just as devastating. So take another look at the question you asked. When he get's together with you, it sounds like he is merely sharing one of his addictions with you. You also explained that your boundaries are weak. That's not to say that you are weak at all. You are though in a "tender and sensitive" point in your personal, intellectual, adolescent and easily persuaded development. Of course depending on the strength of his attachment to his addictions, he may break soon. But considering your interest in him, it's much more likely that you will break to his addictions first. I know you probably hear all that "tender, sensitive, intellectual" stuff all the time, but it's the truth. It sounds good that you REALLY don't like his other habits. Consider how you met up with him in the first place though. So you have to realize that he might already be using you. He might have a good head on his shoulders too. I can tell you though that that fades fast too.
I hope I've been helpful.

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Good advice and I realize that you are new to AMHD but when you don't read what has gone on before you often miss additional information and repeat the same answers someone else gave.

Hmm... I have really nothing to add, except LISTEN to what EVERYONE has told you. You came here looking for help. These people told you the BEST thing you can do. LISTEN to THEM before it is too late. You KNOW that you need to, or else you wouldn't have ASKED, and you wouldn't READ it all.

Get yourself away from him, and maybe get a professional to help him, but as long as he is in that self destructive lifestyle, he will only drag you down with him.

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Originally Posted by foreverpeace

He just graduated highschool bud. He starts college this year, im 16 if i want to its not rape.

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What state do you live in? I hope it isn't California or some other states.