This may offend some, but I am dubious about this story. The OP previously identified self as married (in September 2008).

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Originally Posted by 411Help

The "clingyness" I've experienced is that I've had trouble gaping the space in between me and my spouse.

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https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...gy-260891.html

It seems that the spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend was clingy then, but then became distant in a later version of the story.

And 411Help also posted a long diatribe against an ex, which makes no mention of the pregnancy and abortion that have scarred him for life.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-296728.html

This all just seems odd to me.

The reason I looked at past posts was the story had the aura of an adult telling a story intended to be morally instructive, which it certainly is.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

You are not stating your opinion, you are stating incorrect information, information that can be harmful to others.

If you want to live you life with you head the sand, fine, I won't stop you, but stop trying to get others to join you in your ignorance.

You said that there is only a chance in a zillion, I can quote you, so don't deny it. That's not true.

Simply put, this is not the place to fight. This thread is about giving teens correct information, not for stating unfounded opinions.

If you have something valid to contribute then we're all ears, if not, then please refrain from posting.

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And given, the 'correct'information is that in 411's case, there was a accident. But that doesn't mean that it will happen to everyone as you seem to think. Given it did in this case, and I am also adding info by saying that yes, mistakes do happen, but they are VERY unlikely if you are safe and resposible.

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Originally Posted by secret_123

and given, the 'correct'information is that in 411's case, there was a accident. but that doesnt mean that it will happen to everyone as you seem to think. given it did in this case, and i am also adding info by saying that yes, mistakes do happen, but they are VERY unlikely if you are safe and resposible.

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I never said it would happen to everyone, but the chance is always there, no matter how safe and responsible you are.

Think of it this way. If someone handed you a six shooter with one bullet in it and said, you only have a 1 in 6 chance of getting shot, would you put it to your head and pull the trigger? Are those odds good enough for you?

Every time you have sex, even with protection, there is a chance of pregnancy, there's a chance of getting shot. If you want to take that risk that's your business, but, don't tell other people that it's safe, because it really isn't.

I guarantee that if you pole 10 sexually active teens that are all using protection, at least one of them will end up pregnant. Contraception fails, people forget to use it or don't use it correctly, and even if they do use it correctly it's not 100% effective. The chance is always there, always. So, if you're having sex then you should be prepared to have a child, because it could happen.

Well I'm also sixteen. I had sex about 12 times with my ex-girlfriend back when I was 15.. like in April last year.

What a stupid childish moron I was. She never got pregnant thankfully, but she was a b*tch. And looking back on our relationship makes me regret I lost my virginity to that manipulative... thing.


I wish I hadn't had sex with her.. but at least I learned a valuable lesson from being treated like crap by a hot girl = Looks CAN be deceiving.


Having pre-mature sex is so not worth it...

But kids my age.. haha you can't tell 'em anything. We think we know it all, don't we.

XM8, we knew it all when we were teens too, and then we got older and realized we didn't know anything.

It wasn't that long ago that I was a teen, doing what I wanted to do, unconcerned about the risks because those kinds of things only happen to other people. I got lucky, I dodged a lot of bullets, some of my friends weren't so lucky.

Now I'm an adult, with kids of my own, and I still don't know everything, the big difference is that I know that I still have a lot to learn.

Being a teen is hard, why make it harder by doing adult things that you know you won't be able to handle. Sex is a big responsibility, because once a baby comes along, you no longer have the luxury of making mistakes and being a kid.

So, if we as adults can get through to just one teen, well, that's pretty darn good. Some kids are just intent on learning things the hard way, I wish it wasn't so, but wishes don't come true.

Altenweg (that means old way right?)

You're so right.. I'm lucky I'm still a teen, and have already dodged bullets myself.

It's a petty I can't find much people on the same level as me. They all think sex is so.. fun, and drugs are cool, etc.

Sure sex is fun, but when you're a teen it's just wrong... Everything has it's proper moment.

Ah, a german among us. Yes, Altenweg means old way or old path.

Yes, sex is fun, but, when you're ready for it, financially and physically prepared to accept the possible outcome (a baby) then it's so much better. When you're constantly worried about what could happen, well, that takes the fun out of it.

What truly amazes me is the amount of teens that are actually trying to get pregnant. It's not easy being a parent, even if the father is around to physically help. It's expensive, exhausting, frustrating and all consuming. Being a parent is a 24/7 job, no coffee breaks, no lunch breaks, no sick days, it's always and forever. Why do so many teens want to throw away their childhoods to be parents? What's the rush? I won't ever understand that.

Yes, I dodged a lot of bullets, thank God. I never wanted to be a teen mom, that was unthinkable, I know I wouldn't be able to handle it, heck, there are days when I'm amazed that I handle it now. ;)

Maybe we should start a program for all teens. One where they are required to take care of a real baby for a week, all by themselves. I'm sure other teen moms would volunteer their baby's for this program, and I guarantee, after one week with a baby, most of those teens wouldn't want a child until they're older.

Full responsibility for a baby is the best birth control we can probably give teens today.

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Sure sex is fun, but when you're a teen it's just wrong... Everything has it's proper moment.

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So very true. Heck, I'm not even saying to wait until marriage, just wait until you're old enough to deal with the consequences.

Hehe I'm english believe it or not - I've been living in austria for the past 10 years that's all =)

I'm no parent but I can imagine that being an adult mother is en exhausting job - never mind trying to raise a child being a teen.

The whole concept is ridiculous.. how can an unraised child want to have children, that themselves wouldn't be properly raised?

It seems that this world is really coming to it's end. So many outrageous things are going on it's just unheard of compared to past centuries.

Your idea of a birth control program to give teens full responsibility of a baby for a week just seems like such a good idea - but knowing governments, they wouldn't lift a finger to even bother starting such a program.

I'm personally against the idea of abortion - but I prefer to avoid even debating that subject by just saying that pre-mature sex is wrong. In austria one can have sex at 14, and get an abortion without their parents knowledge. That seems pretty crazy if you ask me...

I sometimes wonder if my ex-girlfriend even got pregnant at all. Knowing her she could have done a variety of things.. probably kept the baby, or having aborted without telling anyone...

I don't know it just seems unlikely anyway. Even after a crappy relationship (which was mainly her fault) if she had gotten pregnant, I doubt she would have stooped so low to sue me for it.

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I'm not even saying to wait until marriage, just wait until you're old enough to deal with the consequences.

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I'll go along with that any day :-)

-Xm8

I'm 18 and when I lost my virginity I had my head in the clouds I thought I was in love and that everyone was wrong. I should have listened to my older sister she said its not all that, she she was correct. I'm sorry to 411 for what you had to go through. I didn't even go through that and I was put off. Sex is not what its all been made out to be, I was 16 and I thought I was ready I thought I was mature enough and people who were saying otherwise were wrong. But they were right. I am now in a relationship and I think back to when I was younger and I really no I wasn't in love, I'm not saying you can't be. But you will always have strong feelings for a boyfriend and think your ready but doesn't actually mean you are. I wish I waited but I thought different.
If I could go back to when I was 16 I would have waited. X

Wow that's funny man I'm talking to this girl on the phne who I want to have sex with right now

Well you'll look pretty darn stupid if you actually have sex with her after reading this thread. That's assuming that you're not exactly prepared to have a baby.

I am ready to have a kid with her I love her more then anyone ever

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Originally Posted by bemus900523

i am ready to have a kid with her i love her more then anyone ever

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Well, love is all you need (sarcasm) that and around $1000-$1500 a month for expenses, a roof over your head, a car, insurance, food, the fact that the girl is probably young and young people don't do too well with pregnancy, their bodies aren't ready.

Are you ready to spend every night at home, stop being a kid because you'll have one? Drop out of school, get the best job you can so you can support her and the kid?

If so, go for it, who cares right? :rolleyes:

Thank-you for sharing your experience with us 411. I think coming from another teen will mean more to many teens.

Clearly,you are very mature and I am sure this experience has forced you to grow up faster than you would have liked.
Maybe your difficult experience can spare someone else!
If they listen!

Yes I am I love her that much

Bemus, how old are you? Love doesn't conquer all, trust me. A baby can rip the love you have apart so fast your head will spin.

Why are you so eager to have sex? Are you planning on using any protection? Are you planning anything at all or just flying by the seat of your pants and libido?

If you read this thread and got nothing out of it, then you're either not listening, not reading, or not that bright.

I'm not bright I'm 14 and I'm going to use protection

14 and you think you're in love. I hate to be mean, and it's possible (not probable) that you two will be together forever, but stats say no. Love at 14 rarely lasts, so be careful before you saddle yourself down with a child that you will be repsonsible for forever!

If I had a dime for every boy I was in love with from 14-17 I'd be a very rich woman.

Just don't do something you will regret, talk to your parents about it, or another adult. Don't rush into things, you're still so young.

Um OK

Lol 14 ? That's not "love". Trust me, I'm 16, I was also 14 two years ago, you think I can't tell the difference?

Forget it dude, it's the stupidest thing ever. You will look like a giant pen!s when you think back to what we said in a few months or a year.

Sometimes people have to learn things for themselves. It's just like when you tell a child not to touch the fire because you'll get burn. You can tell them that over and over but eventually they touch it anyway and then they see what you mean and won't touch it again because they remember what it felt like when they touched it.

I know at 14 and throughout my teenage years I thought knew what love was, regardless of what the older crowd told me, until I grew up and smelled the coffee.

I can't believe kids these days wanting to have kids! I'm still a teen (19) and have a five month old baby... I have been with my fiancé since freshman year (15) I do still love him and the whole time we were together not the first argument did we ever have but once a baby came into our lives along with financial problems... we had our share of arguments and still sometimes do.
What I'm trying to say is that you feel like you are in love with this person why not wait for sex. If you truly love someone why do you have to have sex to show them that? Love is a part of sex but its not everything, as a teen mom I know how it feels to stay at home and take care of the baby while he works when I could be out with friends or just be out having a good time. And another thing, all those friends you have, see how many stay around when you have a kid and they still want to go out and have fun.
Kids are the greatest gift in the world but kids shouldn't be having kids. Have fun, live life, and if you do decide to have sex after reading all of these posts, then that's you... good luck

I agree that ur exprience sucked and i feel bad for you no one should of had to go through that
I'm 16 aswell and i have never had sex becoz i know i'm not ready but i dont agree with people living in fear of sex yes their is a bad side to it you can get sexually trnsmitted dieases and you can get pregnant
but if you use protection and have a knowledge of what your doing then it can be the most natural thing in the world
BUT you would only do it when your ready not when your married becoz come on thats not realistic not when you feel like you will be a good parent or when your parents wont kill you for it
just do it when YOUR ready dont listen to what other people say to ya xx:o

Diehardrocks92, please don't post in purple, although it's a really pretty color, it makes your post really hard to read.

Thank you.

Great topic!
I myself will wait until I am married. (or at least try) I also know it is unrealistic to expect the same out of everyone, so I have no problem with others who do engage in sexual activity, though I do tell them my opinion on the matter.
I have seen this Same thing happen to my older brother, so I know it can happen.
The simple fact is: No one is as "mature enough" as they think the first time they do anything, they are inexperienced, and therefore tend to make mistakes.
I am truly sorry for your personal problems, and applaud you for trying to help others.

When I lost my virginity I thought it was awesome at the time than a week later I started wishing I hadn't she didn't have any stds or anything she wasn't pregnant I just wish I waited for someone that really kent something to me when I was older so if your a teen like me and you are thinking about it don't you will regret it!

U Poor Soul... :(

Using Protection still got in trouble...

But here is a thought... Were you taking the pills..? I guess not.. She was...
Were you using the Condom... I guess you were... and then did not see it break...

So what do you get from this..?
This is what I see...

She is a Liar... she never took the pills... because she probably knew that there are side effects...
And your condom did not break... otherwise you would have known it...

She screwed someone else... without your knowing it... and this could have been intentional or forced... but it was most probably NOT you who knocked her up...

So stop torturing yourself... you are right in thinking on the NO SEX deal... it is special... and should be done at the right time... but kiddo... you were not responsible...

People lie... that's life...

919263

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Originally Posted by 919263

U Poor Soul...:(

Using Protection still got in trouble....

But here is a thought... Were you taking the pills...??? I guess not.. She was...
Were you using the Condom.... I guess you were ... and then did not see it break....

So what do you get from this....???
This is what I see....

She is a Liar... she never took the pills... coz she probably knew that there are side effects....
And your condom did not break.... otherwise you would have known it...

She screwed someone else... without your knowing it... and this could have been intentional or forced... but it was most probably NOT you who knocked her up....

So stop torturing yourself...you are right in thinking on the NO SEX deal... it is special... and should be done at the right time... but kiddo... you were not responsible...

People lie...that's life...

919263

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Ah, another person that doesn't know that you can still get pregnant even if using every form of birth control on the market.

You do know that no form of birth control is 100% effective, right? If not, well, now you do.

In other words, if you have sex there's a possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. If you don't want a baby, don't have sex.

So you, he probably was the father.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Ah, another person that doesn't know that you can still get pregnant even if using every form of birth control on the market.

You do know that no form of birth control is 100% effective, right? If not, well, now you do.

In other words, if you have sex there's a possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. If you don't want a baby, don't have sex.

So ya, he probably was the father.

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OK, I do not know how old you are, but I am 40 yrs old, and believe me, contraception works. DO not keep saying that it does not work... :mad:

Condoms are saving millions from AIDS... so DO NOT keep saying it does not work... :mad:
YES your advice is right about the sex thingy... but do not create a monster here... sex is a very beautiful thing, it makes 2 people cross the physical boundaries and merge...

Kiddos... Listen to everyone here... remember... everything you do has consequences. AND so does having sex... but if you really have to do it or think that it is the time for you... wait 1 week from the day you think you should have it... and if you still feel the same way... use protection... Condoms are the best... and contrary to what is being said here, just be careful...

919263

I'm 38.

I never once said that contraception shouldn't be used, yes, it should, it does lower the risks of pregnancy and STD's remarkably, but is it fool proof? No!

By telling kids that using protection guarantees no pregnancy, you are setting up false hope. The fact is, contraception isn't 100% effective. So, you are practicing safer sex, but not safe sex, there is not such thing.

Yes, sex is a wonderful thing, a way to bring two people closer together, and when you are old enough, financially secure enough, emotionally stable enough to have a child, then have sex. Until then, sex=babies, and even with protection it can still happen.

So, what are you going to say when someone comes back on here, says "919263, I used a condom and I got pregnant, you said it couldn't happen, what now?" then what will you advise?

There are member on this site that have gotten pregnant using 3 different forms of birth control. A friend of mine got pregnant while on the pill, using a condom and she only has one ovary. Explain that!

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Originally Posted by secret_123

i am not a kid, i know very well the sense of reality.for example i had y best freind fall pregant and get an abortion, and now im there with there helping her get through it. how much more real can u get? but im not going to preach about how i think nooone should ever have sex because something bad might happen. if ur going to live ue life not doing anything in case something bad happens, then i feel sorry for you

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She "fell" pregnant?

Wow u brought tears to my eyes just reading that thanks 4 sharing your story I think u touch allot of young teens harts

Bravo, bravo, I feel for you brother. God will bring you through

WOW, what insight you have for a guy your age. Makes me have hope. I'm sorry you (and she) went through this pain. You are a smart guy that learns from mistakes and I see a bright future for you. When the time is right, some girl will be very lucky to get you. I bet your parents are proud of you too. In the long run, you learned a huge lesson and that self reflection doesn't happen for everybody. I wish you the best in your future.

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Originally Posted by aspireE

I do not believe that to be true. sex is a way of expressing how much you care or love somebody. if you think the only outcome of sex is getting pregnant, you're wrong. sure sometime protection does not work, but most of the time it does. I respect that it is not for everybody, but for those who it is, leave them be, its not going to kill you, its good, enjoy it.

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I don't think you were paying attention to the op. Getting pregnant was not the ONLY outcome. The emotional side of getting in over your head before you are ready can be painful. They lost the ability to just have fun with each other doing other things because the sex became an overwhelming obsession. They were not at a place in their lives or maturity where they could maintain a healthy balance. For the op to realize this speaks volumes for his character I believe. He isn't just "playing around" with some girl's affections.

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Originally Posted by 919263

U Poor Soul...:(

Using Protection still got in trouble....

But here is a thought... Were you taking the pills...??? I guess not.. She was...
Were you using the Condom.... I guess you were ... and then did not see it break....

So what do you get from this....???
This is what I see....

She is a Liar... she never took the pills... coz she probably knew that there are side effects....
And your condom did not break.... otherwise you would have known it...

She screwed someone else... without your knowing it... and this could have been intentional or forced... but it was most probably NOT you who knocked her up....

So stop torturing yourself...you are right in thinking on the NO SEX deal... it is special... and should be done at the right time... but kiddo... you were not responsible...

People lie...that's life...

919263

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Darn it, I meant to hit DISAGREE. Some one balance that for me if you feel the same way.

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Originally Posted by cozyk

Darn it, I meant to hit DISAGREE. Some one balance that for me if you feel the same way.

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Would love to - but I responded with a disagree on the same post.

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Originally Posted by cozyk

Darn it, I meant to hit DISAGREE. Some one balance that for me if you feel the same way.

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Done. :)

BC must be taken every day at the same time to most effective and Condoms when used properly are 99% effective. It is very highly unlikely although not impossible to get pregnant while using both of these in combo. I would definitely get a paternity test because not everyone lies but not everyone tells the truth either! It would just be smart and practical.

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Originally Posted by glasscastle

BC must be taken every day at the same time to most effective and Condoms when used properly are 99% effective. It is very highly unlikely although not impossible to get pregnant while using both of these in combo. I would definately get a paternity test because not everyone lies but not everyone tells the truth either! It would just be smart and practical.

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OP said girlfriend had an abortion, did not deliver the child.

And, yes, legally - DNA answers the questions pretty much before they are asked.