Ask Me Help Desk - Should a 11 year old girl be able to date 11 yr boy ?

If you start “almost”dating early, you will probably and naturally get into romantic relationships early. That can be enormously satisfying and incredibly dangerous.

A preteen lacks emotional discipline and won’t likely consider consequences. Your heart is tender and if your boyfriend dumps you, even for a video game, it can be devastating.

I know you have heard about sex. You might be curious about it and when your own sex drive is stimulated, you might want to explore it more.

Nearly everyone has had the experience of losing all common sense when aroused. Your logical mind goes on vacation – if there is even one person who hasn’t done something really stupid when under that influence, I’d be surprised.

You don’t like to hear about being too young and you are probably not even thinking about anything close to an actual sexual experience, but once you’ve had one, it’s really hard to just say no.

I haven’t even talked about disease, reputation and pregnancy – or, for the loss of childhood – and how love and sex changes your life.

Yes, you are too young. You really don’t have the resources to handle those kinds of complications.

My advice is to ask how many people out there didn’t date or didn’t get romantically or sexually involved (not always the same thing) until they were at least 15.

How many will say they wish they had started earlier? My guess is not many. How many will say the truly and sincerely wished that they hadn’t started early. My guess is a lot.

Do as scottgem, wondergirl and others suggested, prepare yourself for the future and don’t miss out on all the things that people in your age range normally do. That’s what life should be all about for you now.

Jeret

I have a friend who lost her virginty at 11 to a 12 year old boy. 11 is way to early to date. Shoot for 15.

I say go for it I amm 11 tooo and I had a boyfriend when I was 10 but don't get too serious

When I said I had a boyfriend it wasn't serious
It was just nice he was like my best friend and we like talked a lot but I wasn't serious

Listen, if you date at 11 your going to grow up to ne a sluut, and your probubly thinking that's not true, it is. And plus, your in like the fith grade, or sixth grade, or whatever, I didn't start datin until this year, I'm a softmore in high school, and your probubly saying to yourself, I can't wait that long, you can, if I can, you can, because I started smokin when I was 11, I'm probubly going to die early because of it. What does my smokin hafta do with your wanting to date, think of it like this, I can harldly breath when I run, every one is going to want to get with you because you give hand jobs for free, because you started datin at 11, your going to get harassed, and your going to get an std, so wats worse, my future, or yours, hell at least I get to die young

I'd just like to point out that I was a 4.0 teenager once too.

I was on the Student Counsel, in the National Honor Society.

I started dating a guy, and we dated for 2.5 years. I thought I loved him.

We waited to have sex. When we did, I was on the pill, we used a condom, and had spermicide.

I got pregnant the second time I had sex.

I wasn't "stupid" either.

But god---I wish I'd focused more on school and less on dating that guy--or any guy!

Just be a kid. Have fun. Go out with friends in groups of both guys and girls. Forget having to have a "boyfriend". And regardless what anyone says, there's nothing WRONG with you if you don't have a boyfriend in your teens, anyway.

Put school first. Then put college first. Because with your degree, you can get a great job and not be dependent on anyone---and being independent will let YOU be the one to pick the guys you want to be with, not just the ones that happen to be around and available.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's how we end up with unwed mothers or girls getting abortions at age 12 and 13.

My gosh!! :mad: Wonder, you think you know everything, don't you? People at my age are not going to have sex. We are a lot more mature than you think, and don't go blabbing on about how when you were 11 you didn't pay attention to boys, because kids are different now.

If you feel like you like this boy, ask him to hang out sometimes. Just don't overdo it. Just have fun, go somewhere like the park and have a picnic. Something like that. Maybe just go for a walk around the block. Talk to him, have fun, don't get too romantic. And yes it's okay to date him as long as your parents aren't paranoid about it. Don't get too cocky, tell your parents and don't be rebellious. Just say you're hanging out with some friends (which, by the way, you might want to bring along.) and it's nothing serious.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lynn98

My gosh!!! Wonder, you think you know everything, don't you? People at my age are not going to have sex. We are a lot more mature than you think, and don't go blabbing on about how when you were 11 you didn't pay attention to boys, because kids are different now.

I am only reporting what I see all around me. Why have high schools added daycare programs for unwed mothers? Why do young teens who come to me to do court-ordered community service have to first find a sitter for their child(ren)?

When my friends and I were 11 back when rocks were still cooling, we had no clue that boys were anything other than annoying little monsters. Almost all of us didn't date until we were 16 (or older). We were very busy earning good grades in school. Yes, kids are different now. It is a whole different world. TV was just beginning to be popular with only so many shows on, mostly in the evening--variety shows for families and spy programs for dads, and then colored test patterns came on after the "Star Spangled Banner" played. Radio shows were "Big John and Sparky" and soaps and "Lem and Abner" and "Jack Benny." Rock music hadn't been invented yet. Frank Sinatra, Keeley Smith, and Louis Armstrong were big. There were only two or three magazines for kids and teens--Boys' Life and American Girl (which had nothing to do with the dolls). Birth control and sex were never discussed, especially not by parents with their kids. In fact, birth control wasn't even known about except for the rhythm method. The pill came much later for popular use. That's why we older teens didn't get pregnant, because we were abstinent and scared not to be! We weren't even sure what sex actually was. If someone got pg, she got secretly shipped off to a faraway relatives' house for so many months until the baby was born and given up for adoption. Yes, a whole different world.

Visit your public library and look at some of the timeline books on the '40s and the '50s to see if I'm right. Look at the clothes people wore. Women wouldn't dare leave the house until they had on full makeup, were wearing a dress and heels. Men wore suits everywhere unless they were common workmen. Then they wore dungarees. Jeans mostly didn't exist. We got polio and no one knew why. Nearly everyone went to church on Sunday morning. Stores were closed all day Sunday and usually closed by 5 or 6 p.m. on weekdays & Saturdays. You couldn't buy meat after a certain time even if the grocery store was still open. Children were just that, children. We girls played hopscotch, jump rope, jacks, and helped our moms set the table for supper. The boys were off on their own somewhere throwing a ball over the garage roof or goofing around in some empty lot playing softball or touch football or setting stones on railroad tracks, hoping the train would crash (it never did).

You'll be amazed at what you see and read about at the library.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lynn98

My gosh!!! :mad: Wonder, you think you know everything, don't you? People at my age are not going to have sex. We are a lot more mature than you think, and don't go blabbing on about how when you were 11 you didn't pay attention to boys, because kids are different now.

I was going to remove this post for two reasons. First, this thread has had no activity for 6 months. Generally we don't like to revive threads that old. Second, because you are violating our rules by attacking another member. But I decided to let it stay because it deserves answering.

Yes kids are different now. But that is not always a good thing. For example, kids generally were more respectful when I was that age.

But the real issue is that kids are being forced to grow up too quickly. The reason why 11 yr olds shouldn't date is because they do not have the life experience or maturity to handle the emotional issues. Whether you believe it or not that hasn't changed. By allowing kids to get into the relationship thing so young, you change the dynamics and this does promote becoming sexual active sooner. And your statement that "people at my age are not going to have sex" just shows how little you know of the world. Its happening way too often.

So, when you grow up and learn what you don't know but what older people have experienced, you WILL change your tune.