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Dude you are taking 2 steps forward and 8 steps back
Until you start to follow the advice here word for word
You will always be in pain and messt up. Trust me.
Being dumped breaking up
Is never easy
There is always a.. Oh but this and that.
Your job is to go no contact the best you can
How about speaking up for yourself, and doing what you need to do for yourself. Why are you letting her control the whole show, and you follow?
Your confusion has made you an easy target, that she pulls you along at will, so either stand up for yourself, and say what you mean, and mean what you say, or do as your told.
Tal, my thoughts exactly. He is letting this girl control him.
Husky, you got to be strong and drop this girl. Seeing and talking to her is just preventing you from moving on. You're confused because you are still allowing her to control your life and emotions when you are NO WHERE NEAR the point of being over her. You have to proceed forward with the thought that she IS NOT coming back. She is done with you and you should work on being done with her.
Try to go hang out with people who don't hang out with her!
This is time to pick up a hobby and to find something else to do that monopolizes your time. Have you thought about joining a gym? What about some sort of sports or social club? You need to do something to expand your circle of friends to get yourself away from her and people who know her.
She is to wrapped up in your life, and your challenge is to unwrap her from it.
Going back to no contact today, its not difficult at all. I talked to her last night and told her I can't be friends with her because I'm trying to move on and maybe we can be friends in the future. She got mad and told me we can never be friends again and this is my decision and I can't take it back. I have done that before but I am committed to sticking to nc so I can get over this self centered bi***. To answer your question, I am on the basketball team, but as you all know I'm in high school, and all the people I hang out with hang out with the same group of girls she is with. NC is the best thing for me and if she doesn't want to be friends when I'm completely over her then she isn't worth it anyway.
Yea, she doesn't sound like a very nice girl. You can do way better.
Now your getting it, stay mad.
As I sit here in confusion, the ex is out with all of my bestfriends, I made a big mistake today. And I know all of you are going to get mad at me for doing this, but she texted me and asked if we were friends.. I said yes and she told me we could possibly date in the future if her and the guy she is with right now doesn't work out. I told her I just don't know if I can do that because I hate hearing you talk about her and her relationship. So she goes on and says she thinks its stupid that we can't be friends just because you can't handle it. I said right now I can't your right. We are friends and we have been texting back and forth all day.
I don't know how to tell her I can't be friends with her yet. And when I am completely over her should I be friends with her? We were pretty good friends before the relationship happened, but there was always something there if you know what I mean. I just don't want to go back and forth I want to be friends or go no contact again.
She obviously doesn't care, and didn't care about how you felt. Another thing is she wasn't as into you, as you were her, so you must realize the only one looking out for you is, YOU. Stop the contact, and leave her alone, and after you heal, you can get better friends than her.
That I would take as an insult. You better start telling her the truth, and stop letting her lead you by the nose hairs.Quote:
She told me we could possibly date in the future if her and the guy she is with right now doesn't work out.
It is for sure done now, you guys have helped a lot.. the ex got drunk at my friends house the other night and had sex with my friends older brother, they took a shower and everything.. she called me the next day crying saying she got raped.. of course I made the mistake and felt bad for her and we started to talk again. I then asked some of my buddies who were there what happened. They told me she was all over him and so drunk she couldn't stand up.. I got really mad over this and texted her saying you fing slut your such an fing liar. She said she told me everything she remembered.
Eventually, we stopped talking and tonight she called me and basically told me I'm the worst guy to ever live and I was an for saying everything I did last night, and told me everything that was wrong with me. Guys this lowered myself esteem so much I don't even know what to do with myself. She said she hates me more then anyone and she lost all trust and respect she had for me, I apologized multiple times but she didn't care. She said to never talk to her or look at her again or she will just "shut me down." did I blow any chance I had with her or did she?
Stop asking questions like that. Close the book, move on. Anything else is you two just adding misery to each other, totally unnecessary. Let it go. Move along.
Dude, just drop it. LEAVE HER ALONE. Work on YOURSELF. Go out and stay distracted, that's the only way to move one from this.
How can you even think about giving a second chance when she has no regards for your feelings anymore. She wants to see other people.
There is NOT a second chance with her...there never was.
Just live with the fact that the past is the past, you had fun while you were with her, AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. DO NOT WASTE ANYMORE TIME ON HER.
It's time to move forward, not to dwell. You will find a girl that you will like that is better for you.
Sorry for being harsh, but you sounded like you needed a slap back to reality with this girl.
Listen, mate I know exactly what you feel... I`ve been there. Don`t try to forget her that will hurt you. She just wants some time I guess. If that girl is like mine then you should do everything to get her back. I don`t know her so I don`t know what she likes, But do those things and I bet that you two will be happy ;)
Doesn't sound like she was genuine about who she was but rather sounds like you love things about her that she created to make you love her. You need to take the things you loved about her and find them in somebody that is for real.
Kert, I have to disagree. Why fight for someone who totally disregards your feelings and wants to move on and do their own thing, like Husky's ex?
I think that the risk/reward for him fighting for her is WAY out of his favor. He should really work on making a life for himself and let the future take care of what happens later. If he fights, he will mostly likely prolong and intensify his pain, and waste precious time he could be using to move on with his life.
The "fighting" issue comes into hand when you over glorify every single facet of your ex, as if she is the greatest thing out there. If you are good enough to get her, why can you not think you are good enough without her? Way too often do we put our ex on a pedestal and act like we were the lucky ones, but that is not reality. There are always bad times in a relationship, and there are always flaws in another person, so don't let your heart or emotions blind you to that fact.
If you insist on being involved with someone who dumped you, and is doing her thing then expect it to hurt.
Now grow up, and cope with the loss of this drunk, lying, floozy in a more mature way, and keep what's left of your dignity and self respect, by getting out of her business, and get some yourself.
Why are you letting this monkey stop your show? Its only been a month or so, but your sure dragging your self thru a lot of pain for nothing.
Everything said here is good advice, I just feel like I'm attatched and it sucks. I just feel like when people say I will find a better girl, that I won't. I want to find a better girl right now, but it doesn't seem possible. She always finds a way to turn it around on me. To blame everything on me. Last night when we talked, she made it seem like I blew any chance of getting her back, but she was the one to go get drunk and have sex with another guy. She told me she hates me more then anyone now..
You have to stop talking to her. It's her that is holding YOU back. Stop all communication. She is poisoning you emotionally, making it harder for you to see the situation for what it really is.
Don't worry about finding a better girl right now. You have to get over this one first before you even start looking.
I feel the same way you do bro about finding someone better. My ex was everything that I wanted (or thought I wanted), beauty (10 out of 10) and brains (Straight A's through college). However, right now I am to jaded to accurately see who is really beautiful right now that would be better than her. So I am just trying my best to stay occupied with friends and attempting the enjoy my singledom for now. I just keep hoping that someday soon another girl will knock my socks off in both intelligence and beauty as she did. You should do the same.
Take sometime, and be single. Let all your emotions balance back out and just live. Don't look for love, or look for women. They will always be around and before you know it, one will be with you again and really respect and love you. She will be better than any other women you have had in the past. Why? You will know what you want, and know how to deal with any of the twists that may come your way.
Hey just so you know... my ex is up in Boston "celebrating" New Years with the guy she left me for RIGHT NOW! She left right after Xmas to see him. So, I know your pain. It's very hard to deal with. You have to give it time and let time work before you can finally free yourself.
Thank you, I will stop all communication with her, it just sucks knowing that we might have been able to try it again, and now knowing she actually hates me. I just have a question.. why do I still want her! She put me through all of this and I still want to talk to her and see her! I don't get it at all
You can't instantly turn off your love an caring for someone. I don't think you ever truly stop loving a person, you just love someone else more. I still love my ex even though she has been doing all of these hurtful things and most likely always will. Its not something that goes away overnight. I know that when the right person comes along, I will love her more.
Because you miss her, and can't think of how dumb she made you feel. Or the false hope she still fills you with which should be gone, all gone now. Just in time for the New Year, so go kiss somebody.
Quote:
Originally Posted by husky04
I hear you brother. I've gone through the same thing, a little different though. I was 23 and lived with my girl for 3 years, and dated out of high school for 4 years. She told me one day, I'm going to my sisters for a while. Then she told me she was going to date another guy. But they were just friends. Three really pain full weeks of her coming home and cuddling me when she felt like it, then leaving with him to do what ever they did, tore me apart. She was the only girl I've ever dated, and the one I thought would have my kids and all kinds of stuff. We talked about our future and stuff, but she decided one day that I wasn't for her. Though she was unsure, so she kind of didn't "leave" me but she had. It's bin 2 years I'm still torn in side, and I know it's not going to go away, but I still love her, even after she did what she did. The only way to get over things like that, is get up, go out, NO DO NOT GET DRUNK but have a fun night with friends. Keep as busy as you can, but allow time for you to let go too. If she wants back you have to decide is she worth it? There are tons of wonderful girls out there, you just have to give yourself and them a chance to meet. SO keep active and meet people, be friendly. Also remember you know what it'll be like with her, but who knows what waits for you in the future? That's what keeps me going, the fact that there are so manny possibilities, and I can't even imagine them all.
Bottom line, I gave my life to please my ex, and I still love her. Though all I wanted was to have kids and settle down, she siad she wasn't ready, then got with a guy who has kids. But would I take her back, no. I've met a few women who are great friends, funnier, funner, more interesting, nicer, and yeah they tought me a lot about how great sex can be when you really do love some one. I'm not with those girls any more but I learned that I want a little of all of them. So I've decided to wait till I meet a girl who I feel meets what I want, and who wants me not because we make each other happy, but because together or apart we are happy, and still want to betogether.
Any who, good luck, try to keep buisy, and try to forget what you don't have.
The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. ;)
When I was "in love" many times I looked past the bad things. But when it was over I kept recalling the good times and each time I was haunted by these memories I would recall the bad time that went with it, cause it seemed like it would go good bad good bad back and forth.Realizing that I felt a little better recognizing that my heart had felt bad at times I exorcised the haunting and found that all my heart wanted was to be heard. The heart does know what's right and wrong. Take time for yourself to know truly what you felt so that you will know what to look for and you you won't hurt your heart again. Being "in love" and being loved and loving someone are two different things. You just let one part of your heart run away with you. True love is not unkind, jealous, hurtful. I know because it happened for me.
Ahhhh I just hate knowing she's moved on and she hates me. I love her so much and would still do anything for her. I don't think she ever felt the same for me which sucks. Now I see all of her pictures with other guys arms around her and stuff on Facebook. It just sucks
There is a simple solution to that... GET RID OF FACEBOOK!! We have all posted on here hundreds of times about how EVIL those social networking sites are. You have the power to stop looking at pics of her, and to stop causing yourself pain, so do it! First and foremost, for your own mental health, get rid of Facebook now, believe me, it will not do any good for you to have it.
If one of things you would do for love is set aside your need to be with someone who actually longed after you the way you're longing for her... then you have some serious stuff to work out.
Feelings are fine, but you don't make life-changing choices over them, regardless off what Hollywood or Barnes&Noble say to the contrary.
Let's put this another way - the kind of love that matters most is not the kind that wants and craves to have, it's the kind that respects and craves to give.
You'll know you have discovered the love I'm talking about when you are willing to sacrifice and give out of your life for the well-being and happiness of the one you love. That includes being WILLING and able to walk away let your loved one be free if that's what would make them happy. You WANT that for them.
Most people get stuck just prior to that kind of love, at the kind of love that centers around "my needs" and "my wants" and what it means in my heart to have that person gone. It's a more selfish (and more common) kind of love, and it's the root of so much pain being stuck there for so long.
Just some food for thought.
Thanks kc, I just deleted the Facebook, it's the easiest solution, she wants to come over tomorrow to talk and I asked if its to yell at me some more and tell me what's wrong with me or is it going to make you hate me less. She said a little bit of both. I don't know if I should let her or not..
I don't quite know if it was true love since she doesn't love me anymore, she said the things I pulled made her not love me anymore. I don't even know what I did. I was doing good but now the past two days I've been struggling again.
Clearly it is time to leave her in the past, let her go, and start to rebuild your life, which includes bettering yourself as a person. You need to realize you have the power to make the pain and hurt go away, but you aren't very proactive in making this happen. I mean, why do you need to talk to her? Just erase yourself from her life, and vice versa, so you can begin the healing process. You are simply prolonging the pain and agony for yourself... why start the new year off like that?Quote:
Originally Posted by husky04
OK I know I need to move on, did any of you have trouble with just moving on? You had to its not as easy as you make it sound. After always talking to this girl for 4 years its hard to just quit now you know? Is it bad that I still wish she would just come back to me? I don't need to talk to this girl, but I just can't help it. I need to stop talking to the woman who caused all of this pain. I just wish it was as easy as it sounds
Yes it is hard to move on but you just have to keep occupying your mind and your time with hobbies and activities. Even coming here to answer questions can help get your mind off her somewhat.
Of course it is hard. I am on month four, and I am still not over it yet. No one said it would be easy, but it isn't something you have a choice about. You can either live the rest of your life in sorrow that your "true love" isn't with you anymore, or you can pick yourself up off the ground and move on. It will take time, but it is entirely possible to do, as everyone has been where you are right now. The longer you keep talking to her and letting her feed you this false sense of hope, however, the longer it will take you to move on.
I do wish my ex would come back to me, but I also wish I had a million dollars... believe me, you can wish all you want, but don't for one second think that just because you wish for it, that it makes it come true... or that it even makes it a good thing. "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need."
Carry on. Leave her alone and focus yourself towards moving on.
Its very hard to move on, and maybe it is easier said than done. But your doing it for you, and if your aren't willing to work hard for yourself, do you expect anyone to do it for you??
Wish there was a magic pill, but there isn't, so get busy. It does take time.
HINT- Time flies when your having fun.
Distractions at this time are key. Find anything to do to keep your mind off her. Even though, you can't stay distracted all the time, every little bit helps.
I know when I'm out with friends doing things, I really don't think about her. Only when I'm bored and alone do my thoughts wander and do I really think about her.
Yeah that's exactly what it is, but for me I really need to be distracted. When I'm alone and bored I really start to get sad and those thoughts come back.Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Well you got to stay as busy as you possibly can.
Find new hobbies, new friends, talk to new girls, take on more responsibility at work, join a sports team. Something to stay busy.
I am currently checking out this local sports and social club to join in the spring to find new friends and get myself outside.
The thing is I've done most of those things already, it helps but I still find myself thinking about her a lot and having that urge to send her a text message.
She is coming over tomorrow to talk and she says its really needed. But I know she's just going to be yelling at me the whole time about what I did wrong so I'm not very excited about this. I plan on going back to nc right after this.
I told her I don't know if I want to talk and she said whatever we won't you obviously can't handle it, so I said we would because I want to prove to her that I'm getting over her. How should I react when she is yelling and telling me everything that's wrong with me?
If there is any way at all to avoid this meeting, do it. Do sit there and be her punching bag. You don't deserve that. You have nothing to prove to her. People heal at their own pace. You can't force it.
Geez Husky, if you had left her alone when she dumped you, she wouldn't have to jump down your throat. Stop with the excuses, why don't you, and leave her out of your life. Its called disappear.
You have proved by your actions, that you have not.Quote:
I want to prove to her that I'm getting over her
You really need to correct yourself, as this is going down hill fast.
Prove you are getting over her by telling her there is nothing to talk over because of the fact that you are over her. Why torture yourself to prove anything to her?
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