If aa teenager feels that they can find another way to go about doing something that they should not be doing just to spite their mother or just because they want to and feel that rules are not meant to be followed by them personaly, then that teenager has bigger issues than just having sex. That teenager needs a serious wake up call about how the real world works. I would start by stripping her of all useless and unneeded possessions, and then if that would not work, she would be sent of for additional disciplinary actions, because it would mean that somewhere the parenting failed. The problem with teenagers today is that they are so spoiled and sheltered, that they actually think they are untouchable... when in fact they are the most susceptible to danger.

I don't have a problem with people having sex before marriage, but 14 is far too young. At 18 when she is an adult, she can do as she pleases, but until then, its my way or no way.

Im not saying 14 isn't too young... im saying that I've been on the receiving end of that conversation... my mom was understanding about it and didn't freak out and I'm thankful that she didn't... but had she freaked out on me that is what I would've done... not saying that its right... I did need a wake up call, it was called my mothers disapointment. That was enough for me, but if my mom had gotten angry and completely shut me off then I wouldn't have cared, I would've wanted to prove something... im not exactly sure but something... Being spoiled and sheltered isn't the only reason that a teen would act like that... it also comes from having all of your freedom stripped and not quite getting why... if they don't see what's wrong with what they've done then its not I'm being punished for making bad choices... im being punished because my moms unfair... or because my mom doesn't get it... a kid (which is what she is) NEEDS to FULLY understand what's so wrong about having sex at 14...

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Originally Posted by Stare At The Sun

I have a friend whose mother found out she was having sex and she is 14. Her mum made her get an implanon so she doesn't get pregnant, she also buys her condoms. There's also another girl in my year level whose pregnant and the babies due in January.

I don't think you should punish her. Talk to her about how you feel and listen to how she feels about it. If you punish her and tell her not to have sex she'll find some way of doing it behind your back. The most you can do is make sure she's using protection so she won't get pregnant or get Stds

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If I don't like or want my 14 year old to have sex, I'm certainly not going to enable her to do it. It is not just pregnancy and STD. There is the emotional issues of sex 14 year olds are not equipped for. She would not be given the freedom to do what she has no business doing. It is reneging on your parental obligation to just say well "I'll just make sure she does not get pregnant." No, you do your best to prevent them from engaging in harmful behavior.

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Originally Posted by Baby-_-Girl-_-19

Im not saying 14 isnt too young...im saying that i've been on the recieving end of that conversation...my mom was understanding about it and didnt freak out and im thankful that she didnt...but had she freaked out on me that is what i would've done...not saying that its right...i did need a wake up call, it was called my mothers disapointment. That was enough for me, but if my mom had gotten angry and completly shut me off then i wouldn't have cared, i would've wanted to prove something....im not exactly sure but something...Being spoiled and sheltered isnt the the only reason that a teen would act like that...it also comes from having all of your freedom stripped and not quite getting why...if they dont see whats wrong with what they've done then its not im being punished for making bad choices...im being punished because my moms unfair....or because my mom doesnt get it...a kid (which is what she is) NEEDS to FULLY understand whats so wrong about having sex at 14...

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Im not saying that you don't sit down and discuss either Im all for discussion and making it clear that she was wrong, but a slap on the hand will not work here, teen who disrespects me by lying to my face and doing what I asked her not to do will lose any and all privileges. I don't care if she doesn't like it, she made her choice and must suffer the consequences.. You are forgetting that this girl has virrtually slapped her mother in the face by her lies. It is not a time to be your daughters friends, it is the time to be her mother. And a teen that throws a tantrum by "acting out" because she was stripped of her privileges is a spoiled child... no matter how you look at it. A teen is a teen... When she can pay her way through life on her own, then she can decide what is best for herself and until a person is 18, at least in the US, that is practically impossible. until then, I am obligated as a mother to ensure her safety until she is an adult. Teenagers forget that their parents are punished now a days for their reckless behavior. I will be damned if my child think they can be so disrespectful of elders.

Want to know what might help?

She's grounded, but not to her room, or the house, or from her friends, or whatever.

First of all--no more seeing whatever boy it was. Or, if she CAN see him, it's only with you in the same room. Monitor her computer and phone use, too... IMs, emails, and texts can get pretty naughty.

Second--the grounding will consist of every Saturday for the next 9 months (the length of a pregnancy), and she should spend it volunteering at different agencies that deal with teen pregnancy. She should have to witness a birthparent signing away their rights in court, and then the parting of the birthparent from their child forever.

She should have to spend time with someone who has AIDS.

She should have to help out in a daycare for teen moms.

She should have to stay home with her "baby" for at least 1 important event during her school year (something like Prom).

She should have to speak with someone who has had an abortion.

She should have to talk with someone who is now sterile due to an STD.

If she has a young cousin who is old enough to spend the night at your house, she should have complete responsibility for the child for 24 hours (with you in the house, of course, but she should have to take care of EVERYTHING, from diapers, to bottles/food, dishes, bath, bedtime, getting up in the night, etc).

YOU should be involved too--ask her about what she's learning, or go with her so that you can discuss it with her.

One day a week, for 9 months, especially a "free" day sounds like a pretty horrible punishment. But--compared to a pregnancy, she's getting off pretty light.

What if you never explained the consquences of diseases and pregnatcies

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Want to know what might help?

She's grounded, but not to her room, or the house, or from her friends, or whatever.

First of all--no more seeing whatever boy it was. Or, if she CAN see him, it's only with you in the same room. Monitor her computer and phone use, too...IMs, emails, and texts can get pretty naughty.

Second--the grounding will consist of every Saturday for the next 9 months (the length of a pregnancy), and she should spend it volunteering at different agencies that deal with teen pregnancy. She should have to witness a birthparent signing away their rights in court, and then the parting of the birthparent from their child forever.

She should have to spend time with someone who has AIDS.

She should have to help out in a daycare for teen moms.

She should have to stay home with her "baby" for at least 1 important event during her school year (something like Prom).

She should have to speak with someone who has had an abortion.

She should have to talk with someone who is now sterile due to an STD.

If she has a young cousin who is old enough to spend the night at your house, she should have complete responsibility for the child for 24 hours (with you in the house, of course, but she should have to take care of EVERYTHING, from diapers, to bottles/food, dishes, bath, bedtime, getting up in the night, etc).

YOU should be involved too--ask her about what she's learning, or go with her so that you can discuss it with her.

One day a week, for 9 months, especially a "free" day sounds like a pretty horrible punishment. But--compared to a pregnancy, she's getting off pretty light.

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I agree

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Want to know what might help?

She's grounded, but not to her room, or the house, or from her friends, or whatever.

First of all--no more seeing whatever boy it was. Or, if she CAN see him, it's only with you in the same room. Monitor her computer and phone use, too...IMs, emails, and texts can get pretty naughty.

Second--the grounding will consist of every Saturday for the next 9 months (the length of a pregnancy), and she should spend it volunteering at different agencies that deal with teen pregnancy. She should have to witness a birthparent signing away their rights in court, and then the parting of the birthparent from their child forever.

She should have to spend time with someone who has AIDS.

She should have to help out in a daycare for teen moms.

She should have to stay home with her "baby" for at least 1 important event during her school year (something like Prom).

She should have to speak with someone who has had an abortion.

She should have to talk with someone who is now sterile due to an STD.

If she has a young cousin who is old enough to spend the night at your house, she should have complete responsibility for the child for 24 hours (with you in the house, of course, but she should have to take care of EVERYTHING, from diapers, to bottles/food, dishes, bath, bedtime, getting up in the night, etc).

YOU should be involved too--ask her about what she's learning, or go with her so that you can discuss it with her.

One day a week, for 9 months, especially a "free" day sounds like a pretty horrible punishment. But--compared to a pregnancy, she's getting off pretty light.

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Had to spread the love Synn - but this is a FABULOUS answer!

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Want to know what might help?

She's grounded, but not to her room, or the house, or from her friends, or whatever.

First of all--no more seeing whatever boy it was. Or, if she CAN see him, it's only with you in the same room. Monitor her computer and phone use, too...IMs, emails, and texts can get pretty naughty.

Second--the grounding will consist of every Saturday for the next 9 months (the length of a pregnancy), and she should spend it volunteering at different agencies that deal with teen pregnancy. She should have to witness a birthparent signing away their rights in court, and then the parting of the birthparent from their child forever.

She should have to spend time with someone who has AIDS.

She should have to help out in a daycare for teen moms.

She should have to stay home with her "baby" for at least 1 important event during her school year (something like Prom).

She should have to speak with someone who has had an abortion.

She should have to talk with someone who is now sterile due to an STD.

If she has a young cousin who is old enough to spend the night at your house, she should have complete responsibility for the child for 24 hours (with you in the house, of course, but she should have to take care of EVERYTHING, from diapers, to bottles/food, dishes, bath, bedtime, getting up in the night, etc).

YOU should be involved too--ask her about what she's learning, or go with her so that you can discuss it with her.

One day a week, for 9 months, especially a "free" day sounds like a pretty horrible punishment. But--compared to a pregnancy, she's getting off pretty light.

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Sounds good.

Every teen rebels in some form throughout there life.
Im not saying that no form of punishment should be issued, although think long term as well.
Harsh punishments such as synen sugested will seriously affect her in the future. She is only 14, do you think that many/any 14 y/o's could deal with that level of emotional stress?
Be reasonable I'm shure that you have done things you were not meant to when you where younger.

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Originally Posted by thereisno4evr

Every teen rebels in some form throughout there life.
Im not saying that no form of punishment should be issued, although think long term aswell.
Harsh punishments such as synen sugested will seriously affect her in the future. She is only 14, do you think that many/any 14 y/o's could deal with that level of emotional stress?
Be reasonable im shure that you have done things you were not ment to when you where younger.

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Also true

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Originally Posted by thereisno4evr

Every teen rebels in some form throughout there life.
Im not saying that no form of punishment should be issued, although think long term aswell.
Harsh punishments such as synen sugested will seriously affect her in the future. She is only 14, do you think that many/any 14 y/o's could deal with that level of emotional stress?
Be reasonable im shure that you have done things you were not ment to when you where younger.

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It is far less harsh or stressful than a REAL child, abortion or STD... the things I did at that age were far less severe than sex... come on.. this is the problem with our society today, and no one even sees it. A parent needs to be a parent. This girl will not be emotionally scarred over missing her prom or doing some volunteer work.

"not meant to"

Like, what? She tripped, her clothes got stuck on a nail, they ripped off, and she accidentally fell on his penis? Are you kidding?

The emotional consequences of being used for sex, being dumped as a teen by your "first", getting pregnant, false alarms about being pregnant, worrying about STDs, wondering if he really loves you or whether he just wants to get into your pants, wondering if the NEXT guy only wants to date you because you've already had sex with ONE guy so he thinks you'll have sex with HIM too, focusing more on dating than school, dealing with the loss of trust between you and your parents, dealing with HAVING an STD, becoming sterile from an STD because you didn't tell anyone about it because you were young and stupid and left it too long to be treated, signing away your parental rights in an adoption knowing you'll never see your child again, having an abortion because you KNOW you can't be a parent yet--don't you think any or all of these things are a little more "emotionally stressful" than having to volunteer one day a week for a school year?

Get real.

What is more emotional stressful than getting pregnant at 14 or getting an STD or having sex as casual as shaking hands that by the time you're out of HS you can't remember how many guys you've had sex with.
Showing your 14 the consequenses of casual sex and having them miss a prom is a piece of cake.

No I agree it is less harsh. But she did not get pregnant or an std prehaps because she was smart enough to be safe in thoes areas.
I agree this girl will not be emotionally scarred over missing her prom or doing some volunteer work, but making her talk with aids victims, removing her from her social circle for a whole 9 months and some of the other ideas sugested would.

Also just because the things YOU did at that age where not as servere as sex doesn't mean that others did not do things FAR worse, I shure no that I did.

No girl should have to miss her prom

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Originally Posted by thereisno4evr

Every teen rebels in some form throughout there life.
Im not saying that no form of punishment should be issued, although think long term as well.
Harsh punishments such as synen suggested will seriously affect her in the future. She is only 14, do you think that many/any 14 y/o's could deal with that level of emotional stress?
Be reasonable im sure that you have done things you were not meant to when you where younger.

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Seriously affect her future how?
She'll be scarred for life if she has to see the effects of STDs ,how teenage pregnancy affects the life of not only her, but the child she has. She'll be scarred if she can't go to the prom? Give me a break.
She'll be seriously put out if she gets pregnant or gets Herpes or finds herself 18 years of age and having had sex with more boys than she can remember.

Sex before one is ready to care for a child is not being smart, protected or not, it can always happen.
Prom is not that big of a deal, it would not scar the girl beyond her high school years
I don't care what others are doing, she should be smart enough to know there are consequences to every choice she makes...

Obviously, if the excuse, that others are doing it is used here (which it most likely would be) then removeing her from that social group would be nothing but the best for her.

If a girl gets pregnant it is the parents fault

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Originally Posted by thereisno4evr

No i agree it is less harsh. But she did not get pregnant or an std prehaps because she was smart enough to be safe in thoes areas.
I agree this girl will not be emotionally scarred over missing her prom or doing some volunteer work, but making her talk with aids victims, removing her from her social circle for a whole 9 months and some of the other ideas sugested would.

Also just because the things YOU did at that age where not as servere as sex dosent mean that others did not do things FAR worse, i shure no that i did.

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See that is what you're no getting. If a child is allowed to continue down the wrong path, that aid victum could be her, her being rmoved from her circle of friends could be her. There are consequences for actions and it is a parent's responsibility to make sure a child knows that.
You can't just let your kids grow up doing whatever they want to do and then say "oh well, I did things to" They need to know that when they do certain things, there are consequenses and "this" is what they are. Do you want to be in this person's shoes?

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Originally Posted by younglady13

if a girl gets pregnat it is the parents fault

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You have GOT to be kidding.

If a girl gets pregnant, it's because she was having SEX--a choice her parents didn't make, SHE did.

As far as the earlier comments about removing a girl from her social circle--I never said that. I said she lost her Saturdays and the right to be alone with a boy. That's not "losing your social circle".

Missing your prom (though she's probably too young for it anyway) won't scar you past your high school years. It's a stupid dance that you pay too much for and that no one talks about for longer than a month afterward. I was BORED at prom.

Having to SEE the consequences of making the choice to have sex is a better deterent than her mom just saying "don't do that! Bad things could happen!"

Because really--what 14 year old actually believes that their parents know what they're talking about when it differs from the kid's own opinions on things?

Maybe your just a boring person and girls remember it for years after

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Originally Posted by younglady13

no girl should have to miss her prom

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An no 14 year old girl should be having sex. And no young girls should be getting pregnant or STD or Aids. But it happens. Kids should not be in jail either. But when you do things, there is a price to pay. If you don't want to pay the price, don't things you should not be doing. But if you do it anyway and get caught, it's on you. Own it.

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Originally Posted by younglady13

if a girl gets pregnat it is the parents fault

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WHAT!?

Honey, go to bed, it's past your 12 year old bedtime.

If a girl gets pregnant it is her fault, as well as the boys. Her parents did not stick the penis into her vagina, and if they did, they should be arrested.

Now, your arguing back and forth is not helping the original poster, and, it is sad, but she probably won't be back because of this.

Therefore, this post is effectively closed.