Ask Me Help Desk - My mom is invading my privacy

I'm going to ring in here. I agree with you, at your age, you deserve some privacy, consideration and respect. Your mom should be giving that to you by knocking on the door before entering and waiting for permission to enter.

Having said that, other responders have also made several valid points. I agree that this is a) not a big deal, b) this is her house not yours so you have no real rights, c) she is unlikely to change at this point so you just need to live with it.

What I would try is to sit down and talk with her, maybe with a third party she respects, like a grandmother, aunt, etc. Explain to her that you feel you are entitled to some privacy and ask that she knock and wait for permission to enter. If she won't concede then you have to live with this until you can move out.

One thing you might consider is getting a screen for your room. Do your changing behind that screen.

I would have to say, your mother should be setting a good example here. She should at least be announcing herself when entering your bedroom. I afforded my son privacy when he was living at home and he respected me for that. So what do you all think this is teaching a young person ?

If her father were walking in her room when she was changing, or going into the bathroom when she were using it, I would have a different take on this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

If her father were walking in her room when she was changing, or going into the bathroom when she were using it, I would have a different take on this.

Okay, so I am posting about teaching a young person respect, and it has to start at home. So, my question was, what is the mother's behavior teaching her daughter ? Are our values and respect issues so different from country to country in a family environment ? I hope not.

Quote:

How can I get my mom to respect my privacy and not come in while I'm changing or using the bathroom?

Answer to your question, Talk to her freely about how you feel, I know it may feel awkward but what can we do, that's the only way you can help yourself in this situation. Communicate it with your mom.
Don't tell her, your are invading my privacy. But instead, tell her that you don't feel comfortable now like before. And, you are just asking for a knock in the door or knock in the bathroom door. If she still insist, the tell her how you feel when your are sitting in the toilet seat to do your business and she comes in. And also if she agrees, then make sure you don't take advantage of that privacy, freedom and trust.
Let us know what she says.

I think the mother could at least knock before entering. That is just common courtesy. Same with the bathroom. A person should be able to pee in private. Even though you are mom, your kids need to learn to respect your privacy. How else are they going to respect the privacy of others. Ask your mom to knock on the door. That in my opinion is just common courtesy.

The bathroom thing happened twice and hasn't happened for 2 years. The moms clothes are in the OP's room because the mom and dad don't share a room and the mom has nowhere else to put her things.

This is a mom and dad issue. Sadly the 16 year old kid is in the middle of it.

The parents need to separate, move into different homes. It's very sad that the teen is stuck in the middle.

Having said that, it's their home, not the kids home. Until they pay part of the mortgage, or rent, they have a room because their parents give them a room . It is common courtesy to knock when entering a room, but as a teen living for free in a home, privacy isn't a right. Her mom has a right to use any room in her home as she wants. Her clothes are in the room she allows her daughter to have, and she should be allowed to access those clothes.

But yes, a knock would be nice. But it's not something that's expected. It is common courtesy, but common courtesy is not the norm for most people. Bottom line, mom's house, mom's rooms, no need to knock on the rooms in the home you pay for.

I think we have to get over the privacy issue and delve into the bigger issue going on here. Mom and dad have separate rooms. Why? Why are moms clothes in her daughter's room?

This is a mom and dad issue, and they're not dealing with it properly. But even with all that, the OP (original poster), is a kid, doesn't pay rent, and has no rights in her home. She doesn't own the room she lives in, because he doesn't pay to live there. The home, and all the rooms, belong to the people that pay for it.

You have no RIGHT, to anything but food, and a roof over your head as a minor, At 18 you can move out and support yiurself then you can have all the privacy you can afford. Rthatsnbecausebyou will likely have roomates for a while.

As long as you are in someone else's house, and this IS their house, you have no RIGHT to privacy, it however will usually be given after it is earned and you have shown responsibility. I think, like many teenagers, you are up to something younshould not be, and your mother is being a good parent trying to keep you from being a tenage single parent and high school dropout with little future.

I SERIOUSLY believe you aren't giving us the whole story.

Why do we all have to think there is an underlying cause for this behavior. I have my thoughts too but some of you are taking this a little too far.

The story is too one sided. Plus I am still young enouh to remember how teenagers think and act.

That is why I said what I did.

Example is nothing was said about why the mother goes through the phone she is allowed to use. At least in the USA, phones require a contract. Even a no contract service still has a contract per say. In fact I am on one of those right now in Europe. And a 16 year old can't sign any legal document. And why she can't be trusted behind locked doors? More to this than were were told. Facts cherry picked, all negative things ommitted as a teen wanting to hide something would do.

Like I said, where there is smoke there is usually fire.