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"I believe he is who he says he is, but I don't know if it's only me who's talking to him. We've seen each other on skype."
Becky, I don't mean this with any disrespect, but how does this change anything? If he talked only to you you'd consider sending him revealing photos?
Just because he isn't posing as someone who he isn't, that doesn't mean he's not a creep.
In all honesty, no 24+ year old man should take interest in a teenage girl. You may be beautiful fun and smart.. and you may feel extra special that an older man is taking interest in you.. but in reality, its just plain creepy that an older man is wanting dirty pictures of a teenage girl.
There are other guys out there that you can touch and feel.. other guys who will like you more for just a dirty picture.. Shut off your computer and go enjoy your young life!
I don't think even if I did know him id send him any kind of revealing photos because I wouldn't have the confidence to send them.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
BeckyLouise, I am growing concerned. You are saying if you were more confident you would send this stranger revealing photos? Haven't you understood anything about the folly and danger of this situation?
I am beginning to become concerned on several levels, and I am starting to think this is not a sincere question.
If I had the confidence I wouldn't send anything! And I do understand but I guess I don't want to believe it, everything that everyone has said because its me who's talking to him.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Its never easy to believe new facts when you have spent so much time thinking and believing in a certain thing. Takes time to adjust.
I understand what everyone is saying and if it wasn't me who was talking to him I'd be telling someone else what everyone is telling me to do. But it is me who is talking to him and it's easier said than done. 3years is such a long time and I can't just stop talking to him just like that.
Why can't you just stop talking to him "just like that"? That's what many physically abused women say - "I can't just leave him."
I don't understand your fixation (and I think that's what it is) with this guy.
Did you look up sexual grooming as I suggested?
Is this fantasy better than the reality of your life?
We are strangers to you. We are trying to advise you to do what we think is best, but we don't know you personally. Ask your parents. Get their advice. They know you, they presumably know something about him. What is their advice?
It's a lot easier said than done! 3 years is a hell of a long time just to stop all contact! I know what grooming is, I don't need to look it up.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
"Its a lot easier said than done! 3 years is a hell of a long time just to stop all contact! I know what grooming is, I don't need to look it up."
I work in the legal field - I have heard these words from unhappy people for years. It's easier to stay in a relationship for 4 years than suffer the loss of the relationship after 3. And, no, in the grand scheme of things I don't three years is a "hell" of a long time.
I think it's all been said. I don't know why you asked the question when your mind is made up.
You've looked at all sides of things and decided the relationship, whatever it is, is worth pursuing. You know all about grooming and do not believe this is the case.
Whatever happens - good, bad, indifferent - you are going forward with your eyes wide open, and I think that's a good thing.
Good luck.
Stopping all contact is the first step in healing, and moving on to better things by letting the past go. Yes its hard, and doing the right thing for yourself is often very hard.Quote:
Originally Posted by BECKYLOUISE
That doesn't mean you shouldn't try your best just because its hard. After all its for your best interest, dignity, and self respect, and future happiness.
It's not as hard a you think.
I can't get back into my post to edit it so...
You’ve been talking to a guy on line for 3 years, since you were 14 and he was 23; you have feelings for him and “he says he has for me and most of the time i do believe him;” “He wants me to send a 'dirty' picture and I don't know what to do?. I don't want to because I think its wrong but I want to keep him happy and not loose him. Every time I ask him to meet all he says is he does too and that's it, nothing never happens. I don't know what to do send him a picture and probably regret it fir the rest of my life and don't and possibly loose him?; “He's asked for 'dirty' picture (ive not sent any). I haven't met him. ... we've said about meeting that's all that happens;” “He has asked for pictures that aren't dirty. Ive always had something in my head saying that he might not be who he's told me he is, that's why I won't send him anything;” “He lives 110ish miles away;” “I don't know if it's only me who's talking to him;” “revealing photos because I wouldn't have the confidence to send them; “3 years is a hell of a long time just to stop all contact”
What did a 23 year old man and 14 year old girl have in common three years ago?
BeckyLouise, read what you’ve posted. You have doubts about him. No one read your mind. You posted that you have doubts. He’s 110 miles away, an adult, but he can’t manage in three years to find the time to come and visit? If you don’t send “dirty” photos you might lose him?
You question whether he “talks” to other people. Do you for one second think this 26-year old man (23 when this relationship started) spend shis nights at home, waiting for you to text/chat/skype him?
Get as angry (and hostile) with me as you wish - read your own words and tell "us" what you would tell a stranger who posted this same info, looking for advice.
You have no idea how hard it is. Don't you think I've gone through all of this in my head? Well I'll tell you I have. I know everyone is giving me advice and that is what I wanted but everything is getting to me at the minute. So yea I am getting slightly annoyedQuote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
LOL, most of us are older and have gone through this many times. Trust me we know how hard it is! :)
You should be "annoyed." You should be "annoyed" that this pervert is grooming you and that he is a pedophile. You are young and impressionable, and he KNOWS this. He KNOWS how to string you along and make you believe that he cares for you.
He is emotionally raping you. Do you get that?
We are parents, grandparents. We care for your safety and well-being. But you don't get that. You are "annoyed" at us for trying to protect you from this freak of nature.
Don't you care how many other children he is contacting? You aren't the only one. I promise you that. How will you feel if, and when, you find out that he traveled 50 or 150 miles away and raped a 12 year old child just to get his rocks off? Won't you feel guilty for not preventing this and/or turning him in?
"You have no idea how hard it is. Don't you think I've gone through all of this in my head? Well I'll tell you I have. I know everyone is giving me advice and that is what I wanted but everything is getting to me at the minute. So yea I am getting slightly annoyed"
I have no idea how hard it is? You know nothing about me, so a good starting place might be to stop making assumptions.
Everything should be getting to you - maybe, just maybe, something is getting through to you.
And you never answered an earlier question I asked - this fantasy boyfriend is that much better than your real life? When you aren't communicating with him, what do you do with your life? You are undoubtedly in school. Dating? Sports? Something else?
And in the beginning, ages 14 and 23, what was the common ground?
DO NOT SEND AN INAPPROPRIATE PICTURE!! That pervert will us it against you for as long as you live. Smart choice: block him on all social networks, and do not speak to him in any way.
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