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Originally Posted by wrongful hurtings

that was the most interesting and straight forward thing I have ever read and well how very well written

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Thanks - I am glad I was able to help. I am a very blunt and down to earth girl. I always tell things like it is. That's why my friends respect me so much and always come to me when they want an honest perspective or namely the truth.

If my friends look awful in somethig, I won't sit there and be polite and say "Yeah y look great mate" - I will be blunt and honest "You look terrible, seriously mate need to change that top".

That's just me, straight to the point and honest! I could never let my friends make a fool of themselves and they would not respect me for letting them either.

*this is more angled at an earlier post than it is at you, wrongful*

The only issue I have, and I guess its just my opinion, is the early posts that said you did nothing wrong, you're single and can sleep with whomever you want.

If you are willing to say that as long as you are not in a committed relationship you should be able to have sex with whomever you want, married, engaged, bf/gf... then that shows a lack of respect for the trust and honesty that comes with committment.

I know. It's the other person who made the commitment. You are aiding and abeting in a moral downfall. Unless they lied to you and deceived you, you are taking part in an act that is generally looked down upon. When people have a relationship like this for a long period is called being a mistress (sorry, don't know the guy term... maybe that's the key... the guy gets off easy? )

Look, I'm so not generally an uptight person when it comes to intimate relations. You have the freedom to do with your body as you wish... but don't act like a meaningful relationship is only to be respected and honored when it is yours. Just because someone else decides to do something that is morally corupt (cheat and lie to her fiancée by lack of admission) does not give anyone else a "free pass".

Do these actions hurt someone? Yes. They hurt the fiancée. it is a lie. Maybe the fiancée will never know. Then that means lies don't count if they're kept secret? Maybe the relationship is going to end anyway? OK... perfect. You still are treating another human being with disrespect and helping perpetuate a lie. So how long is it acceptable to perpetuate this lie? One day, a week, a year? When exactly does it become a bad way to live your life?

I'm not saying you're a morally bankrupt person, but please don't walk away from this thinking its just fine and good to go get a piece, regardless of the price some other person has to pay. Not a proud nor honorable way to be.

If this is what it took for her to not marry a guy she shouldn't... well, that's a silver lining... but it doesn't remove us from the responsibility of being decent people who should at least try not to do such things.

Your original post shows you're struggling a little.. and also in later posts its clear you're not comfortable with this being a mode of thinking... I think that's good. I just took exception to the "you did nothing wrong" statements early on...

Well this weekend I hung out with her just as friends we didn't do anything but the funny thing is when I was out with my other friends it seemed like she wanted me to be with her I think she misses me as weird as that sounds and well right now I have no idea what's going to happen but I will have an idea next weekend as she is going to tell her fianece so until then Im just going to stay on hold unless something's happens I think I'll just let life happen but when I know for sure then I might start searching again until then life will just run its course

If she is going to be honest with her fiancée and has said she wants to work things out with him, then I would not hold your breath. She has made her decision and even if her fiancée cannot handle what's she's done and decides to break things off thast does not mean she will fall into your arms and even if she does it will be for all the wrong reasons and more a rebound thing. You have to remember it does not matter who breaks off a relationship - the two people involved still have to adjust to not being together and adapt their lives.

I would not waste any time on this girl. Let her sort her life out and just get on with living your own. Life is too short to be dangling on a thread and to not where you stand. Just take control and move on!!

No u"re not a bad person, since she's engaged I think she should know better, so its not your fault, all I'll say is you should try to avoid this kind of thing next time. Have fun o.k

So a week ago I posted a post asking If I was a bad person, because I slept with someone else's fianece. She made the starting move and I declined but she kept trying and well I gave. Anyway the new, news is that we have still been hanging out and well the other day she said I LOVE YOU. She also said that she wasn't suppose to fall in love with me but she did and well she's telling her fiancé tomorrow as seeing as he's coming down to visit her. Now as for what's going to happen I have not a clue but I'm supprised she said I love you I thought I would crack first but I didn't and don't want to tell her I love you back until I know what exactly how I feel. I think its love but not 100% sure. All I know is it's a feeling I have never had before in my life. I would also like to note that seeing as I knew and know her for awhile or know her friends I know that this is not something she normally does nor has ever done in her life. What do you all think?

If you want to explore this relationship do so with open eyes.She cheated on a fiancée with you so I wouldn't rush headlong into anything on just a gut feeling (LUST). I personaly wouldn't believe a thing she says but I can tell you won't listen to that advice! So go slow and protect your heart and don't just give it away to be stomped on. YOUR choice.:cool: :eek:

Once a cheat always a cheat - just remember that. She cheated on her fiancé with you. She probably told her fiancé she loved him too (once upon a time) and still slept with you!!

HI,
Many say "I love you", and really don't even know the meaning of the words... it takes time to know if one really loves another. More time for some; like a couple of years. Less time for others, maybe months.
"Infatuation" seems to be the word for some, when they think it's love.
Give this some time, a few months, before you decide one way or another.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Is there more to the conversation? You said you two have been friends for a while-has it been years? Maybe she has loved you for a long time but never knew how to tell you...
Then again, some people really think they are in love with someone, and then as time goes on, they begin to realize that maybe they don't. Like the others are saying, just be careful and go slow with this one.

As I always say - once a cheater - always a cheater. I have never seen a cheater stop cheating. It's a gene built into them and they really show no remorse. I am sure she hasn't told she feels bad being with you because of her fiancée.

This is LUST AND SMITTEN... nothing more. Love takes MONTHS to grow.

You don't know this person.

I've known her since like grade 1

Yeah right. If you knew her well, you'd know not to get involved with her.

Let me guess... she's still engaged!

You're such the guy for her, that she's still engaged! The old I have to spare his feelings or I am confused or how about I don't know how tell him.

How about, maybe she used you?

She just told him tonight because he just came into town and I don't know the outcome yet I'll find out in the morning, but no matter what I don't think she used me and well if she did maybe there was a reason for it. Like a life lesson and its one I won't regret and definitely learned from, or maybe its more maybe she's breaking it off with him, maybe something might happen, maybe not you don't know and neither do I so don't assume anything. I learnt that the hard way. People change, don't assume the worst its not always like that in fact usually its no where near as bad as you think it is. And I did know her for as long as I can remember but that doesn't mean that I would stay away from her I liked her before and well maybe something told me to get involved. I believe everything happens for a reason so whatever reason this was for Im not sure but I will find out one day and until then why do you have to be so harsh. Look at it in a different light and think before you open up your moulth.

A lot of women want or need that one last fling - MEN AS WELL. Marriage is a lot bigger commitment than you think... people get scarred and run to the arms of the next person... and cheat. Seen it MANY times.

You've taken one side and keep defending this gal (a gal I wouldn't have ANYTHING to do withever) - the gal I suspect, and this why I am harsh, will break your heart. You're defend a liar and cheater - not good qualities you want in a relationship.

I suspect she gets married.

Why is it that everyone takes things the wrong way. Is it me or is it a common thing people do? And why do people do it man urg. Any answers?

And why is it girls always take there best friends side or there closer friend come on pick the side that is right or better yet stay out

I don't see the point in living however would never kill myself but really what's the point. Let me explain in my own words. Jokes, all jokes in one way or another are exactly the same. Your everday activities will never be different and in a sense may be different but the same type of things. We work to hard to make a dollar but unfortunitly the dollar doesn't go very far so we have to work harder to make two dollars. But yet again that still doesn't get you very far.

You always have to be scared of what you say because no matter how mean or nice it is to one person its trouble and well no one takes it the way it was meant or turns it into something else and makes you the worlds worst person. Really why live when its just bull **** that you have to live with. Problems everywhere, problems at the work place, with relationships, with everyday life.

However with all this said I love life and treasure it I just want to know the true meaning of it I want the perfect life and maybe Im living it who knows all I know is right now I want that perfect girl to go through all these fun, hard times with.

Like I said I do treasue life and will always but what's the true meaning behind it?

One more point or opinon I have is granted if life were perfect it would be very boring. Does that make sense?

It takes quite a bit of maturity to accept criticism graciously. It also takes a certain amount of self-esteem to be able to hear something you don't agree with and not automatically take it personally or lash out. Perhaps the people you associate with are not very mature yet (maturity comes with experience), or they have poor self-esteem.

However, it could also be something that you're doing... you might be saying things in a way that comes across as rude or insulting, and therefore people are taking it badly. Sometimes things are best left unsaid.

I would say people take their friends' sides because that is who they feel most loyal to, and they are showing or "proving" their friendship by siding with them. They may also be afraid to lose their friend if they don't defend them.

Everything I've said has been pretty general though; do you have a specific circumstance here that you're talking about? That might help you to get a better answer from people here on the forum.

We “take things the wrong way” when there is miscommunication.

Miscommunication can be caused when the sender provides incomplete, vague, or mixed messages. It also is greatly influenced by the receiver's perceptions, emotions, bias, and - as you mentioned - social pressures.

When someone takes you “the wrong way”, they are interpreting your message differently than you expected.

Words alone make up about 7% of our communication. The rest is vocal tone, body language, and other "stuff" that influences the communication. This is why e-mail and other “text only” inter-personal communication can be so frustrating - You have no idea whether the person is being playful and fun, or serious and insulting.