Ask Me Help Desk - I want to do more stuff with my boyfriend but I'm scared too...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imperfection

Growing up as a teenager, you want to try more things going through puberty, its common for most teens to try sexual intercourse, thats why they use protection, because they are not ready for a child. Im not saying for her to go out and do this but if she were to decide to do such a thing, to understand she could end up having a child and to at least be safe.

There's no such thing as safe when it comes to sex. There are many members on this site that got pregnant even with 3 different forms of birth control. To say that using protection will prevent pregnancy is not accurate advice. Pregnancy can and does happen even with the best contraception.

The bottom line is this, she's 15, and in most states it's illegal for a 15 year old to have sex. Her boyfriend is 17, he could be charged with statutory rape, spend the rest of his life as a sex offender.

I guess my question is this. How much does she love her boyfriend? Does she love him enough not to put his life at risk? If she does, she'll wait. If she goes ahead with this anyway, not caring about the consequences to her and to her boyfriend, than she's definitely not mature enough to be a mother which means she's not mature enough to have sex.

Murder and sex are way 2 different things, I am aware that it is underaged. Im sure she's aware of that to, given saying that, she knows the consequences that may occur. Instead of everyone telling her not to do it, have you ever thought about her not listening to you? I don't disagree with you, but at least say if she decides to or not to be careful and safe about it.

Look, I hear that you are saying not all teenagers are going to listen to advice and we need to remind of safety. But I think what Alten and Scott are asking is that you be careful how you say things on here and the message you are giving across. The OP is asking for mature opinions, not the opinions her friends would be giving her, that is why she is on here. She is asking us as a mentor. So please respond in her best interest. Yes she may not listen, but at least you are helping her. She may need 20 messages that tell her to do the right thing... so lets support healthy boundaries. And you are trying to help, but careful of the message you are sending out. It did sound unhealthy and supportive of something that can ultimately hurt her. :( Do not get defensive about our recommendations. We are all here to help each other.

And if something is said that might be hurtful to someone, then we might say something. Just be careful. Thanks!! :)

It's a given that she should be safe if she decides to. I don't disagree with that, and I'm well aware that she probably won't listen to us, most teens don't listen to adults, they're bound and determined to make mistakes that could ruin their lives because they think they're mature enough to handle it.

Murder and sex are two different things, that wasn't my point. My point is that you're encouraging illegal behavior. Both have legal consequences. I will not tell this girl it's okay to have sex at her age, because it's not. There are certain lines the majority of people on this site will not cross.

In the end she'll do what she'll do, all I can do, all any of us can do, is give her the best advice we can. I don't think the best advice is telling her to do it. In fact, it's horrible advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imperfection

but who are you to say what she can or can not do, if she feels she is ready then she may go ahead as long as she knows what might happen and stays protected, i am not saying it is right for her to do that now but its not your choice to make, its her own and all i adviced is that if she were to do it, then to make sure the mistakes that could happen if she doesnt stay protected.

Actually its NOT her choice. Until she is over the age of consent, she cannot legally make that choice. But even if it were her choice, that doesn't make it the right one. The problem is that your first post comes off condoning that she go ahead. Read my responses mmresd. I'm not saying what she can and can't do, I'm saying what she should and shouldn't do.

It is unfortunate that it is too common for teenagers to experiment with sex. That doesn't make it right! It means we should try to discourage it whenever we can. That's what you don't seem to get and what you aren't doing. The problem is not recommending using protection, the problem is condoning having sex. As I said previously, telling a teen it is the wrong choice but a even more wrong choice would be to do it without protection is the message, not the message you originally gave.

I honestly think you are too young to be having sex but if you want to that is your decision.
But
If you are uncomfortable with the way you look having sex with some one will not just boost your confidence. That should not be the reason for you to have sex. Sex is designed to reproduce not to boost your confidence in the way you look
So
Talk to him about it. Talk to your mother even. If you don't like something fix it. In a healthy way though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by VRon1

i honestly think you are too young to be having sex but if you want to that is your decision.

Sorry that's wrong. If the child is under the age of consent then they are legally incapable of making that decision.