Ask Me Help Desk - How do you get in a relationship

I'm 17 and have the same problem. I just put my focus on my friends. I started liking this guy and then when he found out, he told me he liked me too. And then for some reason I stopped likeing him. Don't know why my feelings just stopped. And I felt horrible. So now I'm getting a puppy.

Aila ayisa kya everyone needs a girlfriend nothing new in that

I am going to rock you youngsters with some truth. NO ONE needs a girlfriend. Sure, it is nice to have someone there, the companionship, whatever... fact of the matter is, being single is the most awesome feeling ever, as you have no rules, accept to do what makes you happy. Get a girlfriend, keep her for awhile, and then complain about the bag of worms that opens up from all the complications you two have. NEVER be in a rush to have a girlfriend... enjoy the now and let things happen as they may.

I know, but like its weird when ever I like a girl I normoaly alony just like that one person and no one else and like she is the only one that I like but I'm just going to wait it off to the day if she becomes single. But like during that time I'm proably still only going to like her

If you tell her while she is with her boyfriend you will be pushing her away.

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Originally Posted by mikeyonrollersk

if you tell her while she is with her boyfriend you will be pushing her away.

OK thts good adivice because yea I don't want here to be out of my life right now

I THINK U SHOULD TELL HER OR ELSE IF U Don't
1) she won't know how you feel
2)if she breaks up with the guy ull be coming quickly to tell her you like her and she probably won't be feeling it since she just loss her boyfriend ud have to be supportive not intimate
3) also `u need to understand or at least explain to her that just because you like her doesn't mean she should think about breaking up with her boyfriend let her know its OK by you if she stills just wants to be friends
4) finally The amazing thing is that you cans still like her and get another girlfriend to chill with she has a boyfriend chances are ull feel lonely or hurt when they go out so find a find you can latch on to maybe you might start liking her instead or your friend will get a little jealous and express her feelings towards u

ABOVE ALL JUST DO THE RIGHT THING and be very careful if she can leave one guy for you she can you leave you for another guy its cruel but true and dammit focus on school lol

If you like someone who has a boy friend, that's your problem. There is no need to make it hers by telling her. What is she supposed to say once you tell her? It would be a very selfish thing for you to do.
Keep it to yourself. You don't have to verbalize everything you feel or have everything you want.

Would it be wrong then to ask her to hang out sometime or would that make her fell awkward

How would you feel if another guy was asking your g/f to hang out?

Get your own girl to hang out with, and end this false hope you have of taking her away from her boyfriend. Good grief your already in to deep, why get even deeper?

Don't do it! You would think you would be over this girl by now. ::sign:: Stop focusing on this girl and go find a single one for yourself.

Dude I know you think I'm nuts but your 16. You have so many other girls to meet and forget ahead of you. Let this be one of them. You have nothing to gain from her.

I think you're trying too hard, man. At sixteen, you should be more worried about having good times with your friends and keeping up with your schooling. And I can almost guarantee that someone likes you, they are just too shy or you are just blind to their signals.

High school hormones fly around way too fast to even try to keep track of them all. I think if you stop worrying about when or if anything will happen, it just might actually happen ;)

~ Tee

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Originally Posted by toddman

on the other side no girl has like ever liked me :(

You don't know that. Have you ever thought that there are girls at your age, who are just like you in that they don't know yet how to approach a guy or to express to him they like him. Furthermore, you are in school and school is harder to meet girls because I can go into a bar and hit on a girl and she can turn me down (as if) and I'll never see her again. So I don't really care. I have no real commitment and I really have nothing to lose. A girl has a lot to lose by admiting to you she likes you, if you turn her down. Unlike me, she can't go home and forget about it because she's got to see you again.

High school, as you may have already guessed is not real. Everything about it is fake. Nothing that you do in high school will mean a thing in the real world. The most popular guy will not get the girl in real life. The prom queen will be pregnant and on welfare in real life. The guy you called a nerd will be your boss. High school is a fantasy land. It's not real life.

So a girl or girls may have liked you but they haven't either learned how to get to you, or they don't want to invest the social stigma of being turned down.

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Originally Posted by toddman

i know people tell me all the time she will come when the time is right.

I'm going to surprise you a little. They are wrong. Not completely, in that your time may not be right now, but you haven't really learned how to deal with women yet. Rule one is how to deal with yourself. If you want a woman, you have to understand them. They want to feel safe, but they also want adventure. They want to be secure but have freedom. They want to be entertained but need a man to be serious if the time calls for it. They want a man who is sure of himself, so he can be sure of her. You have to give yourself those qualities. Because a woman seeks those qualities will judge you by your actions in various situations and grade you on them. They will even create situations and grade you on them in their mind but never tell you.

You have to create those traits with in you. Then you have to be playful, and tease them. Instead of telling her how hot she is ask her if she's going to wear that shirt in public. Never be serious with a woman, unless she starts it. If she disrespects you then you have to put your foot down, calmly. Always take the lead, never let her take the lead. Always keep your power and control. Never give that to her.

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Originally Posted by toddman

one final thing is is pathetic that i havent had one gf and i never kissed anyone and im almost 17 years old

I was 17 when I had my first kiss and sexual experience. Both by the same girl, who literally threw herself at me, and believe it or not I was fighting it every step of the way because I was trying to be a gentleman. Just typing that out made me laugh. Most guys would kill for such and easy lay and I was a fighting it. The point is you never know when that is going to happen so don't wait for it, because you'll always be focusing on what you don't have instead of what you have to offer.

Also, what you think this moment is going to be like in your mind is probably not what your going to think about it after it happens. I made such a big deal about it before hand and how it was going to be perfect blah blah blah. Then one night, I'm sitting in my car and the girl I mentioned before sticks her tongue down my throat without warning. While I was a natural as you'd expect (see that confident funny line there, talk like that chicks they love that stuff, not arrogant but funny) it was not in any way the moment I had dreamt up in my head for years prior. Neither will yours be and that's okay. We make so much of this moment and it's really not after the fact.

The reason you choose girls with boyfriends is because they are off limits. It's safe for you. You can like someone, dream up a fantasy, but never have to face the fear of rejection. It's a safe infatuation.

Speaking of rejection, I'm going to tell you something most wouldn't. Get rejected. Get rejected by lots of chicks. The more you get rejected the better you'll be able to find what works and what doesn't. Men tend to take being rejected personally. Don't. You don't know what's going on her life that causes that rejection. Maybe she's been abused and incapable of love. Maybe she has a fear of commitment. Maybe she's got a boyfriend. Maybe at your age she has a no dating policy in place from the parents. Most of the time when a woman rejects you, there is something wrong with them, not you.

You are asking a lot of good questions that I wish I had access to at 16. Once you get comfortable with yourself they will start coming to you.

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By chuff,
So a girl or girls may have liked you but they haven't either learned how to get to you, or they don't want to invest the social stigma of being turned down.
The reason you choose girls with boyfriends is because they are off limits. It's safe for you. You can like someone, dream up a fantasy, but never have to face the fear of rejection. It's a safe infatuation.

Thank you man for all of that good advice and things, it helped.
But the only reason why like I would want a girl is to have some relationship eperience beofre I get older so like if I was older and in a relationshop then I would want to know how to be in one and what to do

It sucks, but sometimes it happens that way.

You should relax. A girl will come to you in time and she will be free to date you. Right now you should be focused on YOU. And building yourself up to be ready for a relationship and all that comes with it (family, love, sex, ect)

Good luck hon. I'm sorry your so frustrated.

Quote:

Originally Posted by toddman

thank you man for all of that good advice and things, it helped.
but the only reason why like i would want a girl is to have some relationship eperience beofre i get older so like if i was older and in a relationshop then i would want to know how to be in one and what to do

There's nothing wrong with that. You just need to give yourself permission to go for women who are single. And you need to give yourself persmission to be rejected. It's not the end of the world. In fact I think you can learn a lot from those who do reject you and those who are interested in you but later reject you. Don't try to date the woman but use the woman to date. What I mean by that is try different approaches and see what works and what doesn't. The women come and go, you are the one you'll be with for life.

Learn about what works for him and the girls will appreciate you for it. If a woman rejects you, there is something wrong with her. So many times we as men take that personal but in reality it's the woman who's losing out. If she's turns you down that might mean boyfriend... as in this case, or she's afraid of commitment or she just got dumped, or she's a lesbian or she just has bad taste. Whatever her problem is, it is her problem. Don't assume it as yours.

I know in the moment rejection kind of sucks but I can tell you I've been rejected many times. I've been rejected by women I've long since forgotten about. In the moment it seemed like a big deal but over the long haul it's one woman. Honestly, if there's a guy who hasn't been rejected by a woman then I don't think he lived a very long life. I think it's obvious you've got the good heart and you if you can accept getting rejected by 9 to get the 10th one your going to be golden. Also when you look at it like that it's not even rejection. It's elimination. "I'm eliminating 9 to get to the tenth." Elimination is much easier for your brain to deal with so enjoy eliminating the ladies.

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If a woman rejects you, there is something wrong with her

Chuff, you know I adore you, but I disagree.

Just because a woman doesn't want you doesn't mean there's something wrong with her. Not all people match. Just because you want her doesn't mean she wants you.

Rejection is a part of life. Remember, girls are human beings too, not just robots that are there for your pleasure and experience.

Treat a girl nice, be yourself, don't be afraid to express yourself, don't be afraid to be turned down and most importantly don't treat her like a piece of meat.

Dating is hard. You will be turned down, you will be rejected, you will fall in love with someone that won't love you back. It's part of life, part of growing up. We've all been there, done that.

How you react, how you handle the things that will happen, that's important. Everything in life is a learning experience. Some things are harder to learn then others.

Give up on the girls that already have a guy. Put yourself out there. Make new friends. Talk to people. Gain some confidence. The rest will come naturally.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Chuff, you know I adore you, but I disagree.

I disagree with your disagreement... and I'm not even sure if you agree with yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Just because a woman doesn't want you doesn't mean there's something wrong with her. Not all people match. Just because you want her doesn't mean she wants you.

I gave reasons for why a woman could turn him down. If a woman turns a guy down he should not take it personal as though she's the only one left or make her out to be so important he shouldn't ever try again. There are a list of reasons a woman could turn a guy down that have nothing to do with him. I've had women turn me down and then months later show interest. He can't know what's going on in a woman's life at that moment and he shouldn't let her disinterest at that moment become a larger meaning of she's rejecting him.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Rejection is a part of life. Remember, girls are human beings too, not just robots that are there for your pleasure and experience.

Yes, but is afraid to get the experience because he's afraid of the rejection. And I suggest he not look to the result of rejection but what works and what doesn't. If women were robots he wouldn't have to learn from experience. If he tries something and like showing up with a limo for every date and it fails he should learn from the experience that he's trying to hard. In fact I can't think of any thing in lifem, dating or otherwise, anybody shouldn't try to learn from experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Dating is hard. You will be turned down, you will be rejected, you will fall in love with someone that won't love you back. It's part of life, part of growing up. We've all been there, done that.

I think I said exactly this. I told him to give himself permission to get rejected and that if someone hasn't been rejected they have not lived a very long life.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

How you react, how you handle the things that will happen, that's important. Everything in life is a learning experience. Some things are harder to learn then others.

This is exactly what I just said two quotes ago. You are disagreeing with yourself now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Give up on the girls that already have a guy. Put yourself out there. Make new friends. Talk to people. Gain some confidence. The rest will come naturally.

This is also what I said.

Dude, she's got a boyfriend. They've been together for a YEAR. You don't want to be the one to break them up, if she recipricates feelings. But really? If she's in love she might just find it completely awkward, and you could lose the friendship.

Ive made this mistake before. I told this guy that I've been in love with him for a year (he was with his girlfriend for 6 months)
They're still together. Luckily, we are still great friends, but it doesn't always end that way.

Just wait it out. If they break up, be there for her, but don't move too quickly. If its meant to be it will be.