Ask Me Help Desk - How do I let go of the past?

Maybe this is a good thing, so you can learn from this experience, and not be distracted from what you need to do for yourself.

I really don't know many 14 year olds who stay with the same guy forever, and plus the fact you may have put too much on being with this guy.

Break ups are hard though, for all of us, not just you but we all had to learn to cope with our hurt feelings and get on with our lives.

It will get better later, no matter how it seems now to you.

But I can't cope with my 'emoticons' as well as other people :/

Very few people start being able to cope with their emotions. That's something we learn as we go. Experiences make us learn, and that's where you are, in the position of learning how to cope with yourself.

I'm 55, and still learning things. Learning is a lifetime thing, as no one will ever know it all, but we can use what we learn to make things a lot better for ourselves.

What? You thought this was as easy as I make it look?? I already know its easier said than done, but the key is to learn to cope, no matter how hard it may seem now.

We learn and grow for our experiences. You're 14 years old and your heart has been broken. Trust me... this might be the first time but odds are it won't be the last.

Hun... get tough and suck it up. Be strong and resolved. You will move on, you will find another mate, you will love again.

I've finished him, what do I do now? :(

Stick to it. Don't call him, text him, email him, anything at all anymore. Focus on you. Take a break from dating for awhile.

What if he says he wants to be friends? But he won't tell me what he's up to or whose he going out with?

Don't be his friend. Don't talk to him. Just walk your own path.

Remember... this isn't about what you lost, you're the prize. It's what he has lost and that's you.

I think what you do is to completely leave him alone, until your completely over him, and the hurt, and shock of the break up (that we all feel, and must go thru). For a while, you must ignore him, so you can stay out of his business, and he out of yours, so don't worry about being friends now.

If you don't, you will always be looking to get back with him, and be distressed when that doesn't happen.

Read the stickies, they explain a lot about NC- No Contact, and there is a link in my signature.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annonimus

what if he says he wants to be friends? but he wont tell me what hes up to or whose he going out with?

This isn't about him. It's about you. You need to recover from this experience first. Until you've recovered, he's going to have to be left out of your life. It doesn't matter what he's doing anymore, because you have more important things to worry about, like yourself. You need to put yourself first and stop worrying about his life. Otherwise, it's only going to prolong your pain and suffering.

You need to completely ignore him and pretend he doesn't even exist. Every time you talk to him, it's just going to cause more confusion and take longer to recover.

Follow the no contact rules:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Fight the urges to break the rules:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

I went on his Facebook and found out he's been telling this lad he likes this girl.
So I went sick and I've changed his msn password and changed his fb password.
I also deleted all his friends on it

Really? Now think about that. What have you accomplished? You've probably irritated him. And you've made yourself look incredibly selfish. So, how about this, set his passwords back. Hopefully he'll change them himself so you can't even be tempted to pull the same stunt a second time. And then go block him on all of your things so you don't even have to be tempted to talk to him when he is on because you won't even know. And you won't see anything he posts. And vice versa. No more unnecessary drama. You can do better than that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annonimus

Right before i tell you whats wrong i want to say please don't just come out with 'finish the lad' because that doesn't help me at all. I can't finish him.

Anyway.. I'm going to start from the beging. When me and this Boy started dating it was 14th July 2008. Everything was fine for the 1/2 months of dating. I trusted him and he trusted me, but then the 3rd month came.. I lost my v to him at the beging of the 3rd month, then we started arguing alot near the middle and then he cheated on me at school with another girl (he kissed her). After all that thats when the problems started to kick in.. he was telling girls there fit, putting x's to them, texting them & phoning them. I started gettind mad at him telling him i don't like it and what not.
6/7 month he told me he was ill and that he couldn't come out. I knew he wasn't ill and that he was out with about 5 girls. When he admited it the same day, we both split up. We didn't go back out with each other for 3 weeks, in that time. He got with a girl, and i got with a lad. I finish the lad the next day but this Boy was still with that girl. Then 2 weeks on i got with a another lad who was 15. But anyway threw out that the Boy got with the girls sister, and then finished the girls sister for the girl again. We met up before i got with that other lad who was 15 and i kissed the Boy and the girl's sister saw. So thereforen the Boy and that girl never got back together. I was still with this lad and when it had been a week aidan was ringing me and texting me saying he loved me so much and didn't want us to be over, he wants me back.
I finished the lad for the Boy.
Everything was alright for a couple of weeks, but then we started running away.. (he started lying again)
In between running away he started texting this girl called chloe and i didn't like it. He put x's to her and stuff. But one day i told him block her number and he did. but then it was about a week after i got his phone and looked at his texts and he'd been texting her again and one of the text's said 'if i was single and you was single i'd get with you' now till this day i still don't know what he replyed :/.
Anyway one day that aidan ran away, at night he went his ex girlfriends (the girls sister) and slept there.. couple of weeks after he admited to me that he kissed her but he said that he finished me before he did. but the girls sister say's differently to me.
After all that anyway, heres nearer to about 2 months ago. I was getting in a bad state, crying all the time and stuff. I was banned of seeing him.. He got with another girl a couple of hours later! but that week and half passed.. (we had no contact at all) we met up. And omg he took my breathe away.. Then threw that 2 weeks of being with him i went on his facebook and i saw emails.. he saw this girl on a bus and she asked him for his 'msn hotmail' and he gave it her.. and he was trying to searh her up on facebook cause she was 'gawjus' :S. Then i saw another email of the girls sister! saying that the Boy doesnt love me he loves her! but the Boy said she kept saying that to him but it's not true.

Then about a month ago, he told some girl to meet up with him alone and that.. putting x's to her when it old him not too.. but what got me was that i was on the phone to him as he was sayin all that to her saying 'i feel like were gonna break up and i don't want too' and he replyed 'no we wont i love you'. so he bascially lied?

ever since that he's done nothing.. not lied once. he said he's changed he only needs a chance to prove it.. but i can't let go of the past? i have his email passwords i'm on them 24/7 and his facebook. I check EVERYTHING. but i can't keep doing this? i don't know what to do.
he's also moved to a new schooll.. (new girls :/) hmm.. i'm not happy either way i go..
what do i do?

p.s it feels like when hes with me in person he comferts me, just so he can have a shag. then when hes on msn he's a with me.

please helpp

Do you know that life at 14 could be so much more fun than what you are doing?These are the best times of life when the foundation of your entire life is built.You are missing out on all that by brooding over somebody whom you yourself know isn't worth it?As far as I can see,he's not missing out at all(not that I call his way of life fun at all.At best,it can be called immature and MAYBE,a phase of growing up where he's probably learing something about relationships and love etc.At least I hope so).

The answer to your question "What to do?" is simply,forget about everything related to this guy,all guys,relationships etc etc for the time being and open up to this wonderful world and its wide range of experiences.Go out,make new friends,learn new stuff,enrich your mind and life by doing new things,losing yourself in nature,knowing who you are--basically,preparing yourself for an adventuruous,exciting life ahead.14 never comes back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annonimus

i went on his facebook and found out hes been telling this lad he likes this girl.
so i went sick and ive changed his msn password and changed his fb password.
i also deleted all his friends on it

Now that's a bit childish wouldn't you agree?

Just want to say that this post doesn't matter anymore, I've found out that I didn't love him. I only thought I did, I was obssesed with him.
I've got a new boyfriend now and he's got a new girlfriend.
I still don't have contact with him and he has no contact with me.
I feel 100% better.

That's good to hear. Have you learned anything from your last relationship that you can bring into this one to make it better?

I just hope you have fun, and don't grow so dependent on him to make you happy.

Happiness, and fun, are to be shared, and are not a solution, or distraction, from life, or what you do for yourself.

Yeah I've learned not to let a lad walk over me, if they lie or cheat once about a girl then its over- no chances. I'm not being played a fool anymore

Becase I choose not to listen

I merged your two threads so that we can follow your story.

I'm glad that you've learned from this experience. You've made significant progress since your first post. Just keep moving forward with your life!

Thank you :)