Ask Me Help Desk - Can somebody give me a honest opinion?

I'll never get tired of answering, that's why I'm here, so as long as you want to talk about it, I'll be here to listen and respond. :)

He's 16 right? That's so young to be into drugs and alcohol. You're right, he can't do it for you, he can only do it for himself. Sadly, most people have to hit rock bottom before they're willing to do it. He's not there yet.

If you two do break up and he starts using again or drinking, you know that's not your fault. If you don't know it, I'm telling you, it's not your fault! ;)

Substance abuse is often a way to deal with other problems. Sadly it's just heaping more problems onto the existing problems and before you know it, all you have is problems.

He really would benefit from coming here to talk to us.

I've been through a lot of the stuff you're going through, a long, long, long, long (ya, I'm not that young anymore) time ago.

Also, I did a lot of the stuff your boyfriend is doing when I was younger too. It wasn't until I realized that I was digging a hole for myself that I was able to stop. It's not easy, especially when you have other crap going on to boot.

I don't know if I can get him to listen, but I can try.

I've got to run for a bit, time to get my kids to bed, read them a book, you know, mom stuff. I'll be back in around 1 or 2 hours.

I'm so sorry that you feel like you're carrying this burden, it's not fair, and you shouldn't have to go through it. You'll be okay though, really you will. :)

Thank you... somebody who understands what I am having to go through:)

Well... its always good to try...

But I am totally against that crap 100% because I know what it does to youy and I actually let that sink in my head so yeah... that's why I don't like him doing it... (and have you kissed smoker? I have, and its gross... :P)

So do you know what I should probably do?

I'm coming into this late - if his father hits him, he IS being abused.

My thought is that you can't save someone else. I hope that is not part of whatever you decide. My concern is that he drags you down whatever path he choses right along with him.

I'm an adult and I married my husband not because I couldn't live without him but because I wanted to be with him. There's a difference. There's also a difference between being crazy about someone and loving someone.

I do want to say that you have your head on straight - and listen to Alty.

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and listen to Alty.

If I had room in my sig line this would be going in Judy! ;)

Sorry that I haven't been back for a while, lots of other stuff going on, it's never a dull moment.

Sweetie, what you should do is walk away. I know it's hard, yes it will hurt, but right now you need to take care of yourself, look out for your own future, not his.

He does drugs, he's thinking of running away, and he's dragging you into it. That's not love, and I think you know it.

It's going to be hard because you do care for him, but he has to find a way to get his life back on track, you can't do it for him.

Maybe one day, when he's figured it all out you two can be together again, but right now it's not in your best interest, nor is it in his.

Will he come and talk to us? If so I'm more then willing to talk to him, but whether he listens or not, that's a different story.

Big hugs sweetie, you've got a great head on your shoulders, you will go far in this world, that's a pretty easy thing to predict. :)

First of all it's important to understand that adults give opinions based upon their experiences in life and have drawn certain facts from them. So it is important to take the advice of your parents so you don't make mistakes that will have a very negative impact to your life. They are not telling you these things because they don't care or ever want you to have a boyfriend, they are telling you these things because they want what's best for you and for you to be with someone that is good for you. Being in love with someone can make you blind to certain things about them, especially at an early age. Your parents have had "practice" at getting to know what characteristics someone either has or do not have to be a good choice in a relationship. And most of these characteristics take time to develop. People are always learning these things throughout their lives. As we get older and go through more of these experiences with love and relationships, we learn to make fewer mistakes.
You and your boyfriend are still very young, running away would not be a good decision to make. And if your boyfriend would want what's best for you, he would not want you to run away with him. Wanting what's best for the one's we love without being selfish is the most important characteristic for any boyfriend or girlfriend to have.
Please take the time to consider what's best for you and give what your parents say some consideration as well.

Well I am taking all this in at one at a time but everbody please understand that if I take one opinion to mind and not the other its just because my head is like overly full like an over filled cup of water or something... but I do like to recognize the people I am willing to listen to...

Okay... JudyKayTee- I say that I have thought about that abuse think ijust don't know I'm still young.. though that's not an excuse... but it IS a reason, I really don't know the entire difference(maybe some difference but not all) of the difference between abuse and something else along those lines. But yes I do agree with you, I just don't quite know how easy its going to be to accept what your saying to myself in my head. Its very very hard to convince something you just don't want to believe to yourself, though it's the truth and probably must be done, sorry for that. And thank you very much for the compliment.. I think.

Altenweg- I know that you prbably know this by now but you are just (from what I heard) very inspirational to me. Everythime I get on I'm so excited to see what you have written me considering that you are just a big deal and you help me so much. Every time I come to check, I hope you have responded. You are amazing and I thank you so much for that. But I know everything your saying is true(again for the third time I think I have said to people overall) but like I said previosuly to JudyKayTee, though I know and it probably is true, its really hard to except that fact to not only other people but yourself, it is very hard like you have just said. It would take a while, but do you know anyhow this could be any easier or make the time go by quicker or something that wouldn't make it so hard... much would be appreciated thanks:)

And lastly sabrewolf- I do thank you for answering this post because I could use all the opinions (that I could hold without going totally insane:p) but anyhoo, much of the stuff you have said was somewhat a reapeat of what everybody else said but I would like to htank you for putting it in a different way to make it stand out, and I do understand...
I know I must listen to my parents and talk to them but its hard sometimes you know? I guess as much as I have came to realization about, I must take even more of everyhting ot mind as well, but everythings just so hard sometimes. Urg! I get so confused so easily sometimes its not even funny:(...

Now,I thought I would put in that I am glad myself that I didn't go because that meant I was able to keep my comitment to my team just last Saturday and it went so amazing. I did great on my dancing and I was one of the best dancers out there( so I've been told) and I have heard many comments saying I'm better even than most of the high school, and Im only in 8th grade. I was very shovked but very pleased I didn't go through with this, thank you all (even though we still have a problem on our hands... him.)

And plus, my parents do know what's best for me and I want to make them as proud as I can. And I think I just did Saturday. My daddy had just told me he sees his little princess growwing up and I'm such a beautiful young lady now and I am just growing up so fast. He was so proud of me along with my mom, and I don't want to risk anything to make his mind change, but its so hard with that guy you know?

I just don't know, I know I just must put an end to some things, but its so emotionally and physically hard:(

It sounds like you have two very wonderful parents that love you very much, that's a huge blessing.

Yes it's going to be hard to let him go, but it's what's best for you, maybe even for him. He has to stand on his own, you have to take care of yourself. If this is meant to be then it will be, no matter what, but right now you need to step back.

Of course I'm older then dirt (not really but I feel like I am) so I've been through the whole breakup thing, more times than I can count. I still remember the pain, the heartache, it hurt so bad. One thing that helped a lot was writing things down. You are are great at expressing yourself in your posts, so express yourself in a journal. Write it all down, the pain, the hurt, the fear, the joy. You'll be surprised one day to read back and see how far you've come.

Also, pick up a new hobby. If you like artsy things why not try scrapbooking, maybe you and your mom can do it together, make a family album.

Spend time with your friends, go out, have fun, be young (trust me, it goes by really fast, sigh).

There will be times when you cry yourself to sleep, when you'll feel like your heart is tearing apart, but you'll get through them, everyone does.

Right now it's about you, just remember that, stay strong and have fun. Before you know it you'll be, gulp, 38 like me, with two kids and you'll be here on AMHD giving advice to someone young because you lived it, you remember and you want to help. :)

Also, thanks for the kind words. It's nice to hear that I'm offering some help, it makes everything I do here worthwhile. So many times people come here and don't want to listen or don't bother to say anything. We all volunteer here, so a thank you is the most important thing to us. It means a lot to me so thank you for that. :)

I honestly think you should not go with him if he loves you he will cherish the days he has with you until you get old enough to be with him all the time... make him proof to you he is worthy cause you don't want to risk everythink for a boy its really not worth it I'm going through the same thing with a guy but I know that I shouldn't leave everything for him...

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Originally Posted by theperfectmatch

i honestly think you should not go with him if he loves you he will cherish the days he has with you til you get old enough to be with him all the time... make him proof to you he is worthy cause you dont want to risk everythink for a boy its really not worth it im going through the same thing with a guy but i know that i shouldn't leave everything for him...

Please read all the posts before responding. She isn't going with him, that issue has already been resolved.

Thank you and welcome to AMHD. :)

well, the thank you everyone gives me wants me to say than k you back because just that they realize my kiund words and taking note of it makes me feel good as well and then its just this repeated cycle of thank you's from the same peopel(haha:p)

anyway... it wouldn't be so hard to let go of him, if my friends weren't involved. Um, it would be easier to just let go of him, do what you said, journal, scrap book, something fun, except for the fact I will have at least two or three people reminding me about him every day. I have these three friends all a garde younger than I. (7th.) and they all three go to my school but this guy goes all the way in Aubery while we are a fair hour away in a little ole town called farmersville. I think I mentioned we had a long distance relationship. But these three people know him as well.

Girl number one: she is his just regular friend so I may not have to worry about her as much, so usually when I don't even want to hear his name, she's careful not to even think his name..,. make sense?

okay... girl number two... : we have a bit more of a pronblem here... she is BEST FRIENDS with him so I go to school and she is so eager to tell me something funny or hysterical or bla bla whatever about what she and him were talking about on the phone last night. She will always talk about her best friend. I had to get used to the fact of my best friend being best friends as well with my boyfriend... but if I'm trying to forget about him... she is just going to remind me of how much I miss him because hse can't help but talk about her best friend.

and girl number three... : OH MY GOD WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN. So many times I have wanted to smack her upside her head; just give her wall to wall counseling sometimes you know? She just irks me to my last nerve and rolis me till my head hjsut spins. This might be kind of long... please bare with me:) She "claims" to be gay. Bisexual actually and I don't think she even knows the diference so whatever. But she think s of me as her blood sister, but then again she has this little crsuh on me. Well, I wouldn't say little... everybody always comes up to me and says "She is like in love with you!" she is like stalkish its not even funny. I just think the opposite sex dating is wrong. I have a strong belief in my god, but I think with some people I can just make a difference you know, and she was my next task. Now I know that I can't change her but she is an OK friend of mine. In fact, I wouldn't even call her a friend, more of an aquantince. But one minute she is telling me your like my sister, and then she even admits to my face like O Im in love with you or bla bla bla something like that. Well, I gave her my guys phone number once (big mistake). She is the biggest flirt you would ever meet and eventually she is starting to lie him, when I'm dating him myself. Then fast forwarding to now, she says she is just in love with him. Now she is smart enough not to tell me, she runs off and tells my best frined, and you know she is going to run and tell me. Now, she says she is in love with me, him, and worst of all HER FREAKING CURRENT BOYFRIEND AS WELL. I don't like calling names, Im bigger than that, but I'm just putting in that other people in my opinion would think of that as a little bit of a name starting with a w(if you know what I'm talking about.) Many times I have wanted to rip her head off or yell at her, but never have I. I was always the bigger person, the more mature. I have told her how I felt before, but in a mature way though. I mean of course I said it in a slam in your face kind of way, but to where it didn't make me sound like a total jerk. She tires to talk to him every day when he doesn't even like her all too much. She has lied to me before regarding things he has never said and she has lied to him. So usually when me and him get in fights, she is to blame for telling lies to one the other. It just irritates me and she knows and knew then too how much I felt for him but hse just keeps going and flriting and maybe even trying to win him back so every time I go to school, even if me and him are in a fight or broken up and she would even know too, its just his name here his name there oh he siad this he said that. And she lied just last month saying o are you still dating and of course I reploied yes and she was acting funny on purpose trying to get me to beg out of her what she wasw hididng. And when I didn't even bother noticing her childish, funny acting behavior, she just was like, "Oh i jsut got somethin out of him last night," and I just bothered to ask what, but very tepidly. Then she just innocently smiled like she hadn't said anything and said "Oh you heard that? I was talking to myself," but that was the exact tone and facial expression she used on people for attention, she is that type of girl. Attention here and attention there. But when I didn't bother answering she started "Talking to herself aloud" again and finally I just told her quite babblinh aloud on purpose and tell me what your wanting to tell me already please. So she was all like o he told me he likes me again, but don't tell him I told you, he told me not to tell you. And I mean come on I knew it was a lie and everybody I questioned told me so too so I went back up to her to tell her that nad she always in those kidn of situations tries to act so inncoent so its just hard. Every other name that comes out of her mouth is his, every other thought, is of him that I can see. Its really hard to let him go and forget about him when I have three people around me bringing back up the memory of him and remidning me of how much I cared for him:'(