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The key part in the first paragraph, "Usually". Not always, in my experience, no one really knows what they are doing. We all just try to do our best at living life.Quote:
Originally Posted by mudweiser
The second part is rather insightful. If he wants to talk then he will. But Panda, you can't force him to talk. Offer, and if he says no, then it's up to you to wait for him to come around and talk, or choose to do other things.
Peace and kindness
When someone says they need space what they are trying not to say ,so as to not hurt you is.
* I am asking for space because I don't want to be in this relationship anymore,I am using the *space thing as an excuse so that you are not hurt,please leave me alone*.
No one is trying to judge you dear,it is important to know some details to give a more accurate answer.
I am sorry but it seems like your BF has broken up with you.
Space means no calling,no texting,no emails no chatting.It means he wants you to leave him alone.
You say you want to help him with his stress, then you have to wait until he talks, and you listen, and give support.
If your more mature than most 13 year olds, then consider, for all that maturity, you don't really know how your b/f really feels, because he isn't talking, or how to deal with it.
Just because he was okay with your being clingy in the beginning, doesn't mean it won't get old. That's why he needed space in the first place.
I really think doing something without him will make it better when you do see each other, because 16 year old guys like to do a lot of other things besides being with his female. Talk to each other. And listen.
Your right- not all 16 y/o boys are like that, however most of them are. Most teens are at that selfish stage in their life.
However this relationship functioned he clearly was bothered by it, and asked for space meaning he wants out [I agree with Art on this].
Tal, great insight- I didn't see it that way.
MRS.S
Fair enough. But we still know nothing of this boy. We are only making guesses in the dark, and calling them solid gold.Quote:
Originally Posted by mudweiser
To make a side note, kind of off topic but, I can't say I've ever met any one nor have I ever heard of anyone who is not selfish. I s'pose that is only dependent upon the way some one defines such things.
I've known many couples to have decided to give one aonther "space", and they got together again. Most to get married, no that it always happens, I mean look at my relationship. She left me for some one else and I stayed supportive even though she was dating him while I sat and waited. That's just the risk we take with giving space. My ex and I saw each other just about every second or third day while she was on her "space" break, but in the end it's not a relationship when there is only one in it.
Yes, Tal has great insight, much wisedom, and an open view. Keep the possibilites open but remember that you have to live your life for you.
Pandabear13, hear me out here. I've bin trying to defend the idea that you are not some foolish little girl, but a maturing younger women.
You are a strong, independent, smart, and brave young women. We do not know anything about your male friend but what you tell us, which isn't much to go by. But, we know lots about you, and can productively ask questions, that you can answer giving every one a clearer picture.
I've come to learn in some very painful ways that Love isn't always about, Feeling passionate, fiery, connection, and happily ever after. I've realised it's actaully about, working together, growing together, getting through the tough times, self control to a point, and even about letting go of the one you love the most and still being strong enough to live your own separate life. Some may call it sacrifice, but I call it responsibility, and self respect, as well as honor.
Pandabear13, I'm curious about your fears... Do you love yourself, respect yourself, know yourself, understand yourself, appreciate yourself? Why are you so stressed about your BF wanting space? Yes, yes we can assume all we want, but until you tell us specifically we can only really guess.
Well, there you have it. For now at lease. ;)
Peace be with you.
Nobody should have to waitQuote:
Originally Posted by Nestorian
FYI Nestorian
This website is designed to express opinions about a situation. Nobody is right or wrong. I expressed and offered my opinion on the situation. My statement about I can read everybody or most people or whatever I said is that I can tell a generalization about a person. I've never been wrong, all the while its not boasting, so nobody here is asking for your arrogance, which is all you have shown. She withheld her age and I could tell from her log in name (so Obvious). She hid the fact of their ages which makes a huge statement. She knows that the age difference between them is contreversial which is why she hid it and didn't want to tell us in the first place, otherwise she would have told us off the bat. Age is a big factor in a relationship, because of maturity levels. Sucks you had a bad 16 year old life. Most peoples worry at that age is getting their drivers license and popularity status, it's a generalization, nobody was talking about your life or mine. Yea maybe my statement about mudweiser being pretty was uncalled for ,but its relevant. Most people with looks are in control of the relationship, and my point being is that they experience with having the biggest perspective and control of the relationship because they are mostly the one in control, as I stated "she was right". Plus this isn't my question or thread, I expressed my opinion, so she wasn't here to help me. So read more between the lines before you go accusing me of that. And don't come on here challenging me about my statements or calling me out like you think your some big shot, like a douche, thinking everything you know is world rule, because everyone's opinions here are different. And if one fits the piece so be it. I never stated that everything I said was right and etched in stone. Do you really think that a 13 year old understands the true meaning of love and caring for someone? I have my doubts and I'm sure I'm not alone. At that age IN MY OPINION its mostly being with someone for the sake of not being alone and being with someone. Granted they have personal problems but I'm sure it doesn't include the same problems a financially married couple/ adult issues (like a career, school, bills, family problems, children. Etc) struggling are going through? As she stated she's just upset he's stressed about something going on, which is normal, but then again she said she doesn't need help and thinks of this as a small thing, which it is most probably is. As younger people tend to "think" that every relationship is true love and every small issue is a big problem, which is most probably nothing to begin with. Young love is said to be the feeling you experience when you are young, quit being mr professor and over analyzing everything everyone has said because if you were right you'd have a show and not Dr Phil. When you put someone else's priorities before your own and care for them and their well being, can trust and depend on someone with your life, learn with and from each other, laugh and cry together, getting through lifes obstacles, is the general definition of the love we call today. When teenagers are developing its about learning themselves first, and who they are going to be. You believe in Jedi-ism... maybe your thinking of the wrong "space". What suggestion could you possibly offer in the real world that matters to this thread other than the fantasy world you live in of mind control, forces and light sabers? Besides...
Showing that you waited for someone while she had a go at someone else?Quote:
Originally Posted by Nestorian
That's not a risk, that's idiocracy. I think you have no idea what space means if you think it means "sitting and waiting" while she dated someone else. That's just being a side dish... like a plate or dish other than the main meal. No not the flying saucer you, chewbacka, obe one and haan flew in on.
Hmmm, fair enough I s'pose.
I was very forward wasn't I? Leave it to me to be a hypocrite, good thing ever one is eh? Haha. Dude, chill, I'm some guy very far away that may never meat you, what is getting you all angery? I'm only "Sharing my opinion"... Eh?
I've actually been corrected about that, by one of the admin, they told me that this site is about FACTS, not opinion. See, it says "rate this answer." kind of misleaning I agree. Then it askes, "It is Accurate, It is not accurate." then you got room to comment. So, apparently it's about FACTS, just what they told me... The depending on weather you find their statement to be faulse (is that spelled right? Meh) or not the person gets a "greenie" a greeen square, or a "Redie" Red square. After the greenie it says, "I agree." after a redie it says, "I disagree." I know eh very missleading. (Aww, my kit-kitty just fell asleep in my lap. She is rather cute. And make it so hard to type with on arm. Haha. Luckey cat. Sorry off topic... ) So I'm still not decided on the whole opinion thing, but I know that if I can't prove it, I will not give people a Redie. If I do disagree, I put it in a message.
Moving on, Yes, nobody is right or wrong. "There is no right or wrong, there is no good or bad, there are only possibilites." - ME I like this phrase, a lot of people don't get that it's a profound paradox. I like it though. Very open, and pliable. Much the way life is.
As I expressed and offered my opinion on "this" situation. By that I mean, Pandabear13 comes on here for help. In stead she gets put down, and humilliated, belittled. Sorry, but I'm the kind of person who fights for those who seem to be picked on. I think we would show her more respect, compation, and give "helpful" ideas for her to learn to deal with her sitation, I would probably go as far as to suggest getting a counseler. They are like tools, you just need to know how to use them.
But do you see how I took your up front and shoot "pandabear13" down (you may not see it, but I can. And so did she.) way seems hot headed, rude, inconsiderate, and "generally" unhelpful?
Generallizations are very powerful, but they can be very missleading. Personally I don't like to use them in personal situations, because they are too "sterotypical" or tied with "stigmas". She is her own person, and I'm sure she'd appreicieate that we respect her individuality, as aposed to labling her, a Teenager, "13 year" old girl.
Never been wrong eh? Haha, I'd say that's debatable. Really you did say that I'm a douche, I won't lie I thought it was adorable, like cauldron bum. YouTube - Potter Puppet Pals in "Wizard Swears" (if you like harry potter, well, haha. If not. Meh.) Was that a gernalization?
Arrogance, hmm, haven't heard that one in some time now... I was quite arrogant wasn't I? Ah, the mistakes we make eh? So you don't think you were being a little bit arrogant yourself? I was trying to mirror it, I s'pose I could have just said it eh? Oh well. P.S. I was trying to open you up to how inconsiderate you were being, and how you were making Pandabear13 feel, low. Sorry, but some times it is necessarry to show some one how they are acting affects others, by reflecting their behaviour. I know I was being rude, did you?
Yes we all saw her name, and we all gathered that it was a possibility that she was 13, but we didn't want to asssume, every one knows what that means.
And how old are you brother? I wonder what you would generally figure my age is from my name? Though you have more to go one than that... How mature do you think we are?
Also, when I was 16, and even now, I know more 16 year olds with Bigger issues than any adult I know... And it's not because the 16 year old choose to have the issue. Your generalization seems to be relative only to your area. Hmmm, poverty is lame indeed.
We are apart of the general population.. :confused:
"...my statement about mudweiser being pretty was uncalled for ,but its relevant."- You
How is mudwiser's looks relevant to Pandabear13's situation? You tell her not to act on hormons but turn around to do what you told her not too? Once again, I've seen many couples where the less attractive is in control, either way its an unhealth relationship, because "healthy realtionships" tend to be about equality, and working together.
Sorry, I don't recall saying anything about Mudwiser being wrong or right in your statement, or that is relative to what you just said, you may have to find that line. My momory is not the best, but its getting better.
"Plus this isnt my question or thread, i expressed my opinion, so she wasnt here to help me."- You
You may have missed my point. I meant that Pandabear13 is here for our help, and support. You gave an opinion that didn't seem to be very nice, and so I called you on that. Because in my opinion, I don't think it's nice to be remarking on how some one is good looking when some one else is feeling low because you tell them they are "...too young to know" - Dr.Hook. If you really like her, why not PM her or something, or talk to her on a nother thread? Just a suggestion.
I didn't say you were here for help, you are here to offer help to some one else aren't you?
"And dont come on here challenging me about my statements or calling me out like you think your some big shot, like a douche, thinking everything you know is world rule, because everyones opinions here are different."- You
Haha, I was simply suggesting those things, very strongly, as in mirroring your example. That was all. I got what I expected, and I kind of hope you will see that what I said to you was of little difference form what you said to her. But, here's to hope. Really, can't I share my opinions? Or are you the only one?
Also, I'm flattered that you think that I see myself as a "big Shot" and that what I know is " world rule." BUt, I'm but a simple person. Willing to help those who seem to be in need, but not to the point that I loose myself. I"m curious, why are you so angery?? It would apear that you are very sensative about your opinion?
"if one fits the piece." hummm, kinda like "if the shoe fits!"
"Do you really think that a 13 year old understands the true meaning of love and caring for someone?"-You
Do you understand the true meaning of love, and caring for someone??? I know I don't. I've never ever seen nor heard of any one who does. Love, life, and respect my brother. "All are one, and on is all." Led-Zeppelin - stairway to heaven.
An adults issues are thier own. We create our own stress, by buying redonkculous objects that we really don't need. Then go into finacial crissis, and still buy needlessly. Kida lame. Adults are just big kids really. Every one makes mistakes, and more often than not, continue to make the same mistake even after learning better. That i woud think relates to the ignorence of how our brains work. The ability for our brains to alter, or neuro plasticity.
"As younger people tend to "think" that every relationship is true love and every small issue is a big problem, which is most probably nothing to begin with." - You
Ever hear of over generalizing? How about general missconception? Or possibly relative irrationality. I don't know but i do wonder if maybe we should ask her more questions before we chalk her yp to some stero type. As you have done to me as well. I understand my words were agresive, i was using them as sort of an example to show you what you where doing, also, I'm sure i was a little frustrated so i may have gotten carried away. I am only human...
"Quit being mr professor and over analyzing everything everyone has said because if you were right you'd have a show and not Dr Phil." - You
Over analyzing, eh? Hmm, that is true some times you have to ignore the why, and admire the state of being... Am i being a professor, or are you just frustrated that i'm quetioning your opnion? If i were right eh? Dr. Phil is just a man like you or I.
Its a nice ideal the love you put, not my cup of tea...? haha, but really thats a good one. I see love as being, When two people as individuals can love, forgive, know and be them selves, with out the otherperson being there for them. This allows for self confidence, independence, and growth. Then when these individuals come to together, as happy individuals, they can persue a happy relationship, other wise the pain of thier personal burdens may just break them. Very sad but it happens. When a relationship is healthy the couple should beable to, love/laugh/cry/adventure/explore/learn/grow/trust/honor/respect/be understanding/be compationate/be kind/be passionate/be safe/be independent/and much more together. There are times; however, when people do grow apart. Then if you truly love some one, wyou will learn to let them go, even though it feels like you're being tore in half and left empty and lost... Yes, love requires knowing when to let go.
My my, you are an angry little guy. haha. You crack me up. But really. Jedism is most useful when aplied to relationships. But be mindful my aggressive friend, for what you see on the out side is not always a true representation of what is on the inside.
I believe in Jedism, yes. What about it do I believe?? Ah, now the facinating part. I did not say I believe in Jedi's, nor Sith nor anything else of the Fantasy sort. What do Jedis believe? In the force, and since there is something called Mitochondria, very small organismes that generate power for Cells. Very similar to the idea of "Midichlorians". Yep, the force. Can we do mind tricks, sure, I don't see why not. It may take some training, but who knows what our brains are capable of. Meditaion is very hard, but people should do it to quiet the mind, and gain peace of mind. “Do or do not... there is no try.”- Yoda Either you will keep trying until you get it, or you fail. Then again we can learn from failures, so it's not a compleate loss.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”- Yoda People who react to fear, or let if fester, or give it strength, well you see the pattern. A person maybecom angery, then possibly hate, then ultiamtely suffer. This is fairly universal, but not always. Some stay or jump any where on there.
"Luke: What's in there?
Yoda: Only what you take with you.” We have to face what we bring with us as well as any tasks before us.
“[Luke:] I can’t believe it. [Yoda:] That is why you fail.” This one seems to apply to all we don't want to see what we are most of, whether it's true or not doesn't matter, bcause its like opening the door to a room with your worst fear inside. It's scary. How can you beride of something you can't see. What's more facinating is how can you ever over come something if you can't see yourself being able to do so? There must be away for there to be an out come.
See why I believe in Jedism? The wisedom is there, maybe you've heard it else where in different words, but that's not to say the wisedom is any less or great.
It is not weekness to forgive some one, for it is an attribute of the strong. "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Mahatma Gandhi Say what you want about my choice to stay, but I know that the part of me stayed for her. I asked her after a week if we should just split, but she cried, so I figured she was just confused. I stayed the next week and a half, a total of three weeks. I was a shattered man then, trying to be strong enough for he to have space, and see her come home to get ready to go out with another man, some one she claimed to be her "friend". I accepted that, because she and I had not talk to any friends, nor made any new ones since we'd moved to that city two years before. She always told me how amazing I was, and how different I was from any onther guy, how kind, caring, loving, and such. So, yeah, I stayed for her. I didn't know they were actaully dating until after she told me she didn't love me. It all made sense then. I see now that I should have left, but I'm sure I'll learn to forgive myself for that. If you love some one, some times waiting is all you can do. But once it is clear that they are dating others, or fooling around on you, or cheacing on you, best to move on and find yourself again.
Also, I've got friends, and a relative who've waited for their lovers. They are all married with kids now. My situation just turned out different that's all. Something else lays before my feet. Your words only speak for your opinion, which is only a fraction of what reality is, just like mine is too, or any ones for that matter.
Better a side dish that cares, than a main dish that doesn't.
Well, so very long sorry every one. Yes you to Heartbroke. I do have a habbit of being long winded, but most ideas from me go a little deeper than most are used to going. Profound truths are some times confusing, and take time to explain. Especailly if it's a profound paradox.
"Believe nothing no matter where you read it, no matter who said it, no matter if I said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense." - Buddha
"There is no fire like greed, no crime like hatred, no sorrow like separation, no sickness like hunger of heart, and no joy like the joy of freedom.
The tongue like a sharp knife kills with out drawing blood. Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace." - Buddha
Be not so angery brother, for your opinion is no less valid nor important than any one else's. I only hope you may alter your words so people that are asking for help are not feeling under attack. This is a site for getting help as it is called, "Ask me help Desk".
Peace and kindness.
P.S. I'm sure I've contradicted myself in there some where I hope no one is confuddled by it.
Fair enough mudwiser.
Peace and kindness be with you.
WOAH lol what the hell is going on in here? I would like to bring something into this discussion. Lets not fight in this thread that's a little over doing don't you think?
First of all, panda is 13. You can't say she doesn't know what love is. She has her own perceptions on what love and even though it might not be what is generally accepted as love, she believes what she has is love. But sometimes the cold hard truth is what people need to put them into sense. She still has a long way to go and yes she is younger than all of you. She has yet to figure out the deeper things to love and in time she will.
And Panda, the advice here is good and it is the truth no matter what people say and if you don't like it, its your life who are we to tell you what to do? If you believe it should be done your own way, by all means but you will only to figure out that in the end all we tried to did was to save you some pain. We've all been through stuff like this and usually when people tell you they want space it means you got to back off and most likely it's a break up.
At first I do believe if you truly love someone, than you would wait for them forever. But now not so much. How can you truly love someone when all they do is take from you and don't return your love and instead picks someone else over you? I got to admit, I'm 20 and I still don't know what love is. Love is confusing and I still have lots to learn and so does panda but sometimes we got to distinguish between fairy tales and reality.
Regardless of your age I truly do believe that no one can fully understand the concept of love, although people can have further insight of what love is through experience. I would want to wait for my ex forever at first even though she is with someone else and I do truly think I love her but at same time she's treated me like crap the day she left me for someone else. Actually I don't know how long I will be willing to wait for her but I feel like I can't anymore.
I believe that if for true love, you don't wait for someone but in the end, you ll find your way back to each other. That's what I believe TRUE LOVE is.
Well. A month and a half and your already in love... hmm... that's quick but people fall diffrently.
Well, don't be one of them girl who has to know what he's doing, where he is, who he's with. Don't ask him all that. He's w. you not someone else.
Another thing you don't need to talk to him 24-7 so don't call him, text him, myspace exc. Him all the time. A cute text once a day is nice or maybe a hey babe or something and if the conversation keeps going then you...
Just don't be up his a$$. Excuse my french... hope this helps.
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