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-   -   How do I get her back? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=327563)

  • Apr 16, 2009, 05:53 AM
    talaniman
    Just because we think about a person a lot, doesn't mean we can't do other things that we enjoy, and make us happy.

    For sure your healing will be slow, and you will stay confused, if you still talk to her, or spy on her life, and worry about what she is doing, or thinking, and with whom. That only keeps the emotions stirred up, and fresh within you.

    Time to make new memories, and heal.
  • Apr 16, 2009, 06:51 AM
    liz28

    As long as your staying in contact with her you will never heal. Your just continue to fall into her web and let with the emotions your having now.

    You don't have to the answer the phone when she calls, don't you have caller ID? You don't have to open a text you receive from her. I think you it is okay that she is doing the calling and not you but you need to see how this is affecting you. Your left questioning everything and on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

    Change your number since your unable to ignore her calls.
  • Apr 21, 2009, 01:39 PM
    idunnno
    Yeah, I understand that I should stop worrying about her and that it will just make the healing much worse. But how do I come about doing that? She is not with the guy yet, but she said she's going to find out whether she wants to be with him or not. So I find myself everyday, wanting to know what's happened and if she has found out anything. I can't just forget about her and everything I'm worried about?
  • Apr 21, 2009, 01:49 PM
    none12345
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by idunnno View Post
    yeah, i understand that i should stop worrying about her and that it will just make the healing much worse. but how do i come about doing that? she is not with the guy yet, but she said shes going to find out whether she wants to be with him or not. so i find myself everyday, wanting to know whats happened and if she has found out anything. i can't just forget about her and everything im worried about?

    You are missing the point everyone has been telling you here!! Stop contacting her and disappear from her life. That is how you heal. Don't think about her anymore, keep yourself busy. Focus on other things, other people who won't leave you for someone else. Its normal to want to know what is going on but if you do, you ll just prolong your healing. Just keep busy, not much more I can say. Good Luck

    - none12345
  • Apr 22, 2009, 09:17 AM
    idunnno
    Yeah I've been keeping myself busy with school and hanging out with my friends. But in the middle of all these things, she still pops into my head. I doubt she wants to talk to me anyway, so not talking to her won't be a problem. Its just getting her out of my head...
  • Apr 22, 2009, 11:31 AM
    none12345

    Once you spend more time away from her eventually you ll find yourself not thinking of her as much anymore but honestly dude you are still young. I find that at the age, people aren't ready for a serious relationship or settle down yet because they want to enjoy their youth. So should you!! Stop worrying about this and one day that special someone will walk into your life.
  • Apr 22, 2009, 03:29 PM
    idunnno
    Yeah that's the reason she broke up with me. Because she said were too young for this type of relationship. But now she's thinking about getting with a guy she's known longer than me, so it would be more serious. Hah I don't understand it at all.
  • Apr 22, 2009, 03:53 PM
    Fuzzball_Kara

    Youth is <3. At this age you're so fresh and good reputation and you can mold your life into anything you want too. These emotions could block good thought. Right now you need to think about yourself and how much awesome fun you're going to have. Get busy! Life isn't made for sulkin! Every time you get a good opportunity, don't let it go. When you're looking back on your life you'll be glad when you healed and got your life back on track. I regret a lot of my past but I healed. And I met the most amazing man ever who knows how to party it up! But the point is, you got to have you some fun dude!
  • Apr 22, 2009, 04:07 PM
    lighterrr

    Totally agree fuzz
  • Apr 23, 2009, 10:32 AM
    idunnno
    Yeah, I guess its just jelousy that's driving me towards her. Because the only thing that bothers me is that she can actually be doing a lot of stuff with another guy.

    And thank you guys for helping me on this
  • Apr 23, 2009, 10:56 AM
    Romefalls19

    The first time you find out your ex is sexually involved with someone, it will hurt you if you allow it too. I found out on Valentine's Day that my ex planned on sleeping with her boyfriend. She broadcast it all over the place we worked, I was too preoccupied with the gym and meeting new people to let it bother me. I wasn't about ready to let her bring my good mood down.
  • Apr 23, 2009, 11:09 AM
    lighterrr
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Romefalls19 View Post
    The first time you find out your ex is sexually involved with someone, it will hurt you if you allow it too. I found out on Valentine's Day that my ex planned on sleeping with her boyfriend. She broadcast it all over the place we worked, I was too preoccupied with the gym and meeting new people to let it bother me. I wasn't about ready to let her bring my good mood down.

    Good advice rome
  • May 12, 2009, 03:28 PM
    idunnno

    I know I shouldn't be calling her, but I had to. And this time she told me that she met a guy about a week ago and they talk everyday. She now is going to prom with him.

    Now I find myself thinking about it all day and night. I can't get it off my mind. She has lost all interest in talking to me and is now directing all her feelings towards a guy she met a week ago.
  • May 12, 2009, 04:27 PM
    kctiger
    So who told you that you can't enjoy life too? YOU CAN! It is one woman dude, not the end of the world. I know it hurts, but pick yourself up and carry on. Also, I am sure you have now learned NOT TO CALL or contact her again. See how much it sucks? I know, been there. Get busy, get active and have fun. Life only sucks when we let it.
  • May 12, 2009, 09:55 PM
    mogdor

    You're in high school man, people rarely stay with their high school sweethearts for life. Say you get back with this girl and get married at 18... by the time you're 25 (if it even lasts that long) you're going to start feeling like you never got to "play the field" and you'll think to yourself "why did I get married so young???".

    Good news, this future didn't happen, you can change it now! Don't sweat it, you're going to meet plenty of other women, I guarantee.
  • May 12, 2009, 10:16 PM
    talaniman

    What was so important that you had to call? Fess up, you WANTED to call her.

    See post#31, that was a fair warning, and now you have learned the lesson of NC, the hard way. Cheer up, we all did.
  • Jul 11, 2009, 11:37 AM
    idunnno

    I now know that I can't ever go back. I know 100&#37; that it will just turn out to be a mistake, but now I have to get over her. She now has a boyfriend, and I find that he is what is making me think about her. I always think what they could be doing and what they have done, etc. She talked to me the other day, and I could clearly tell that she liked him very much.

    How are some ways that I could just get over her? I know that is what I truly want and is best for me. So I never have to worry about her ever again.

    -Thank you
  • Jul 11, 2009, 01:24 PM
    Janmarie
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by idunnno View Post
    Is there anyway i can help her realize that she still has many feelings for me?
    any help is great.
    Thanks!

    No you cannot "help" her to realize anything especially when it comes to her "feelings." Feelings are hers and hers alone. You cannot change how someone feels about you when they have already made up their mind that they just don't have it for you. She may still love you, she may still think about you and I am sure that she does, but she is young and needs to explore the world out there on her own. She may not want to be in a relationship right now because she may feel limited to what else is out there and she probably doesn't want to regret ever stepping out and experiencing that. If you love her then support her as she finds herself and remain friends. But do get on with your own life and find your own joy and happiness. You are young too and there is a huge world to explore.
  • Jul 11, 2009, 01:53 PM
    liz28

    You need to let go and accept that things are over for good. I know it is easier said than done but give yourself time because time heals all wounds.

    Right now your not even at place to be friends with her due to your feelings for her. You don't have to stand by her side to support her because you have your own life to live and is still going through the motions over her.

    So give yoursqlf time and don't be to hard on yourself but whatever you do don't call her. NC is for you not her. The good thing about life is that you live and you learn so hopefully you learnt something from all of this.

    Best of luck!
  • Jul 11, 2009, 03:13 PM
    ajGambino
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by idunnno View Post
    How are some ways that I could just get over her? I know that is what I truly want and is best for me.

    Go NC. Who cares if she still wants to keep in touch, do this for YOU.

    Go NC and never look back.

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