In New York there is a program called P.I.N.S.


PINS STANDS FOR "PERSONS IN NEED OF SUPERVISION".

PINS is not for abused children and it is not for Juvenile Delinquents who commit illegal acts. It is intended for misdirected and confused young people who are acting out bad behaviors, hanging with a "bad" crowd, not complying with reasonable household rules or who run away from home. It is a tool for keeping them on the right track until they are able to make good decisions for themselves and to curtail the growth and continuation of inappropriate activities

I do not know your state but there may be a similar program in your area.

Best of luck.

Your right artlady. I live in New York and hear about this program. There is also a program called The Door that helps trouble teens and they provide anything from counselling, support groups, family counseling, and a big brother or sister. They even have a legal team on hand and they take the teens on trips. They offer many other things too. There are so many programs available to teens.

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Originally Posted by artlady

In new york there is a program called P.I.N.S.


PINS STANDS FOR "PERSONS IN NEED OF SUPERVISION".

PINS is not for abused children and it is not for Juvenile Delinquents who commit illegal acts. It is intended for misdirected and confused young people who are acting out bad behaviors, hanging with a "bad" crowd, not complying with reasonable household rules or who run away from home. It is a tool for keeping them on the right track until they are able to make good decisions for themselves and to curtail the growth and continuation of inappropriate activities

I do not know your state but there may be a similar program in your area.

Best of luck.

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It seems that everything that has been suggested has not been enough and there is a reason it won't work... hopefully she can get somewhere with this :)

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Originally Posted by chrissymarie

A 17 year old male, threatening his mothers life, completely disrespecting his younger sister and all his elders including his own mother, who cannot be punished does not need a hug. In my opinionthis is not good advice.

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I didn't say their life was threatened. I said it could be. You can't just throw your son by the wayside. And it is a younger brother, not sister.
Thank you for all your help. I will look into the pins thing.

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Originally Posted by cmunsey

i didn't say their life was threatened. i said it could be. you can't just throw your son by the wayside. and it is a younger brother, not sister.
thank you for all your help. i will look into the pins thing.

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The possibility that he could threaten her life and the thought that he would is enough to throw anyone to the wayside. Maybe not permanently but at least for a little while. Being a threat to someone's life is very serious so if your not being serious when you say it is a possibility just don't say that. As for PINS, It is a really good idea to look into it but you can't just find out then throw him the information and hope he goes. If no one can punish him you can't expect to go where you tell him to either. His mother should make going to PINS his only option to get out of a very torturous punishment.

Good luck with everything. I hope you actually do do something about this situation.

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Originally Posted by chrissymarie

The possibilty that he could threaten her life and the thought that he would is enough to throw anyone to the wayside. Maybe not permanently but atleast for a little while. being a threat to someones life is very serious so if your not being serious when you say it is a possibility just dont say that. As for PINS, It is a really good idea to look into it but you can't jsut find out then throw him the information and hope he goes. If no one can punish him you can't expect to go where you tell him to either. His mother should make going to PINS his only option to get out of a very torturous punishment.

Good luck with everything. I hope you actually do do something about this situation.

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Okey dokey

Anger is often a self-defence mechanism to keep people at a distance because the person has been hurt. The angry person doesn't want people to be close because he can't take the pain of being hurt anymore. So the best way to protect himself from that hurt is to lash out, to make sure nobody gets close.

Somebody needs to see through this and be adult enough and mature enough to love him in spite of his self-defence of anger. Shipping him away without support will only re-enforce the abandonment issues he already has.

If you must seek professional intervention, please have someone there to (figuratively or literally) hold his hand, and YES to give him a HUG when he is overwhelmed.

You are right, do not throw him by the wayside; never give up, too many people have already and that in part is why he is so angry.

He is but a child screaming for help, to a true loving parent or grandparent this would be obvious; to an outsider in our culture all they can see is someone in need of punishment.

Be the Grandparent I know you can be and help your Grandson.

PINS is a mandatory program. He would have no choice as he is under 18.Its like a type of probation,without a record.
The state dictates what is allowed and he must comply.
It is also a way to help a parent who is at a loss ,there is counseling and such that is mandated.

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Originally Posted by TexasParent

Anger is often a self-defence mechanism to keep people at a distance because the person has been hurt. The angry person doesn't want people to be close because he can't take the pain of being hurt anymore. So the best way to protect himself from that hurt is to lash out, to make sure nobody gets close.

Somebody needs to see through this and be adult enough and mature enough to love him in spite of his self-defence of anger. Shipping him away without support will only re-enforce the abandonment issues he already has.

If you must seek professional intervention, please have someone there to (figuratively or literally) hold his hand, and YES to give him a HUG when he is overwhelmed.

You are right, do not throw him by the wayside; never give up, too many people have already and that in part is why he is so angry.

He is but a child screaming for help, to a true loving parent or grandparent this would be obvious; to an outsider in our culture all they can see is someone in need of punishment.

Be the Grandparent I know you can be and help your Grandson.

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Thanks Texas parent!! My feelings exactly.

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Originally Posted by cmunsey

i have a problem with my grandson. he is very disrespectful to my daughter. he says f you and other things to her. what can we do?

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You're not alone, he's like every 17 year old in the country, it's adolescence. It sucks for everyone, including him, but it's just one of those things that has to run it's course. It lasts for a couple years but he will snap out of it, especially if he goes to college, and he'll apologize for being such a jerk.

Just don't give up on him. He wants a challenge, so give it to him.

... And I wouldn't hug him or treat him like he's 7 and not 17, treat him like a man and I guarantee you'll be well received.

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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

You're not alone, he's like every 17 year old in the country, it's adolescence. It sucks for everyone, including him, but it's just one of those things that has to run it's course. It lasts for a couple years but he will snap out of it, especially if he goes to college, and he'll apologize for being such a jerk.

Just don't give up on him. He wants a challenge, so give it to him.

...And I wouldn't hug him or treat him like he's 7 and not 17, treat him like a man and I guarantee you'll be well received.

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Hug's aren't reserved for the young, you would be surprised how many adults consider a hug a normal sign of affection. Do you not hug your mother, grandmother, dad, uncles, family at all? If not, how sad for you.

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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

You're not alone, he's like every 17 year old in the country, it's adolescence. It sucks for everyone, including him, but it's just one of those things that has to run it's course. It lasts for a couple years but he will snap out of it, especially if he goes to college, and he'll apologize for being such a jerk.

Just don't give up on him. He wants a challenge, so give it to him.

...And I wouldn't hug him or treat him like he's 7 and not 17, treat him like a man and I guarantee you'll be well received.

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Yes I agree but he will never go to college.