L I have just been agreeing to everything my dad says, and he is being to nice to me. I've never seen him so nice before, but I can't complai, because he hasn't shouted at me since. Also my mum is coming home early than expected so that's even better. Thanks for all of your help guys, I really appreciate it, if he does anything like that again ill be in contact with childline. :)

That's great news about your mum coming home soon. Your dad's being so nice now makes thing easier, but that's sometimes called the "honeymoon phase" and can quickly change. So try not to let him catch you off guard. Good luck!

I'm really happy for you! If anything comes up, or you have other questions, just ask away!

You've been really mature and smart through all this. And I think everything will go just fine! And good for you for keeping those numbers in mind. If you need them, they will help greatly. :)

Good luck,
And I hope everything stays for the best!

Yayyyyy, that's what we're here for...

So happy we could be of some help. Xo

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Originally Posted by rockchick182

To be perfectly honest, i would never move to Cardiff with my mum, as much as i would love to to get away from my dad, but i refuse to leave my friends, also my mum smokes alot, and when i was with her, i had to go to hospital because i stopped breathing, my lungs were clogged with smoke apparently which stopped me from breathing. So i don't want to leave my friends and my mum smokes to much, i would like to move with her, but i will not move if unless my life depended on it.

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I'm sorry, but your life does depend on it-he will totally lose control and possibly kill you! You have to tell your ,other stop the friggin smokes and be a mother and look after ME! I'm sorry, but you need to know, HE IS OUT OF CONTROL-even your mother avoids him? HE needs to understand that this is not "fatherly love/behaviour" and you need to move out for your own protection. Two years before your mother returns?? I think you might as well forget about seeing her again, because frankly, I think you are EXTREME danger.

PLEASE get help/move away from him.

If at any time you feel unsafe in your home, you should tell someone, anyone, even if you don't want him to get in trouble tell a friend, just in case, that way if anything happens, they know what going on. Like you said, Im sure your dad loves you very much, he just seems to have a bad temper, try tellng him, I know it may not work but at least its an attempt. Please though for your own safety, if you feel threatened you have to tell somebody, ecause sometime people even though they love you lose their temper a little too badly, and it may get physical, if you can't find a friend to tell, try a school guidance counceler, as well there I a child help phone you can call, it can be anonomous. But somebody needs to know, If I were you though, id tell a guidance counselor, just in case, I wish you luck, And I hope everything gets better for you.

Quite honestly we all are alone in this world. Some of us are lucky to have parents that do have our back, but still we have to learn to take charge of our own choices and experiences, to some degree as much as we can.

You have the choice to tell SOMEONE to help protect yourself. You owe yourself.

If not YOU, then who?

Yesterday my Dad and I had a fight. We were both shouting at each other because he had cut back my time again and I am 15 so I should be allowed to stay out longer than he lets me to. But he got me really annoyed that I picked up my phone and I started walking towards the door so I could leave, he put his arm in the way so fast that I walked into his fist and he said 'That was your fault and you deserved it'. I then screamed in his face to let me past and he punched me in the face, I now have a black eye and he refused to let me leave the house. When my sister came round to take me away from him he and my nan wouldn't allow it because they both said that I was in the wrong for shouting at him back. My mum has moved closer to where we live but she still lives a long way a way. My sister, my mum, my auntie and a couple of my friends know what he has done. But I don't know what to do because I am refusing to move because I will not leave my friends nor the rest of my family even if my life depended on it.

He has anger problems. Someone preferably an adult needs to have a heart to heart talk with him about his problems and then he needs to get some professional help. It will not get better until he learns to deal with his anger. It there someone in his family that you could talk to and that could sit him down and have a real serious talk with him?

Rockchick, I'm so sorry your father hit you. It was obviously deliberate and he has no right to assault you. It was not your fault. Please go to a doctor right away and have them make a record of your black eye and tell them exactly what happened, as you told us. Go to the doctor (or a clinic) EVERY time he hits you.

Have you talked to anyone at school? Have you asked your sister to try to get legal custody of you? This situation is intolerable. You are old enough to say where you want to live. It is not okay and it is NOT worth your life to stay. It's quite possible you can stay in the same area as your friends without living with your father. Please, please look into the options. Even if your father does not kill you but only continues to hit you, this situation is extremely bad for you psychologically. You deserve better and your whole life will be better if you act now on to protect yourself from your father. Go for it! It's the most important thing in your life now, so make it a priority.

I have a question. Do you have a boyfriend and is he one of the friends you don't want to leave?

Also, how are you doing in school lately? Is your father's violence distracting you from doing your work?

Donn, I know of no evidence that anger management stops violent people from hitting their loved ones. Since the dad is experiencing no negative feedback on this, he is likely to feel justified and continue or escalate his assaults on his daughter. She needs to get adult help in going to live elsewhere--with her sister or some other safe haven.

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Originally Posted by rockchick182

When my sister came round to take me away from him he and my nan wouldnt allow it because they both said that i was in the wrong for shouting at him back. My mum has moved closer to where we live but she still lives a long way a way. My sister, my mum, my auntie and a couple of my friends know what he has done. But i don't know what to do because i am refusing to move because i will not leave my friends nor the rest of my family even if my life depended on it.

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Who is your nan? Is that your father's mother?

If your sister, mum, and auntie are not helping you get out, approach a teacher or counselor at school. If they don't help, go higher to the head of the school. Got to a clinic for battered women--which is what you are now. Do this now while you still have the black eye.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

have a question. Do you have a boyfriend and is he one of the friends you don't want to leave?

Also, how are you doing in school lately? Is your father's violence distracting you from doing your work?

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Yes i do have a boyfriend. Yes he is one of the friends that i will not leave. I feel reall embarressed to say that, but i love him to much to let him go, and he knows what my dad has done to me/has been doing to me, and he is getting so annoyed that he has had to be restrained by his mates because he gotso angry with my dad that he wanted to go to my house and basically kill him (Not literally of course)
And no, my dad has not distracted me from my school work, i am doing extremely well in sciece and english at the moment.

You don't need to be embarrassed. I kind of guessed. It's understandable that you would lean on someone. It's a good thing as long as it's helping you. (But, yeah, you don't want a confrontation between him and your dad.)

And I'm so happy you are doing well in school despite everything. It's good for you now and will be good in the future, plus it gives you more credibility in standing up for yourself. Adults can't write you off as a slacker.

So, who can you get to help you find a safer place to live? Can you make a list with the pros and cons?

Sister?
Mother-- too far away
Friend's parents
Aunt?
Boyfriend's parents?
Anyone else?

I know I'm being pushy, but I'm concerned. :)

Well the problem is that my Nan and my Dad will not allow me to leave the house because I have already left my mum because she moved and I didn't want to, and they said to me that I can't keep switching back and forth because it is not right. =/

I understand they object, but at your age that isn't the final word. So, you made a mistake in going to live with your father. That doesn't mean you can't change your mind. Enlist the help of other adults. Is no one in your life willing to stand up to him?

You shouldn't have to spend the next several years being hit by your father. It's not right.

And if no one in your family can see that, find a stranger--a school counselor, a battered women's shelter worker, or a doctor. Did you go to a nurse or doctor with your black eye?

Well if I am being honest I don't see the point in asking for help because no one in my family will stand up to him because he beat my mum when they were together which is why she left him. And no I didn't go to a nurse about my eye, I didn't see the point

Hey... the point is to make a documented report so if things keep happening they can show that this has been a pattern. Especially helpful if you are trying to get out of the house.
If you don't believe that any of these people will help you... do this. When you go to school have your sister pick you up afterwards and take you to the police station. File a report and say that you would like to move into your sisters home as you feel you are in danger at your home. They can help you make a legal move. And do this soon as you still have the black eye. Or at least take a picture of it with your camara so you can take it with you but it is better to go while you still have it.

Also... I know you moved out of your mom's house but did she have full custody of you? I personnally wouldn't have allowed you to move in with your father based on the background but she was trying to make you happy. Did she actually transfer custody to your father or does she still have "custody" of you? If she still has full custody of you then your mother is the one who can say if you can move again or not. She could take you out of his house and place you at your sisters. Look into this hun.
Please don't just ignore this... it will get worse. It got bad enough with your mom to break up a marriage. It will get worse for you. Next time he might break a bone or knock you out.
I hope you take a stand and pursue moving to your sisters more so then just asking your dad if you can go. It is going to take more then that. In the meantime don't argue. Even if what he is telling you isn't fair just accept it and use it as motivation to move out. And anyway he has the right to make rules for you whether anyone else agrees with him or think they are fair. So just get yourself out of that situation.
Good luck and I hope things work out and you get out of there soon!

Kraussnumber2 is giving good advice.