Ask Me Help Desk - My Girlfriend of a year and a half.she wants a "break".

Ok, so now my time to ask your advice..

I have agreed with myself not to contact her. But every night she sends me a message to tell me how much she loves me and to say night. Should I reply to these?

Also, if she texts me during the day to ask me what I'm doing, should I reply? I'm afraid if I don't reply, she will give up on me..

She has told me that she taken advantage of me lately because she sees me every day and she wants a break to see what she's missing.. She has told me that once she sees what's she's missing, she will come back and ask me to start seeing her again.. When this happens what should I do? Tell her no to keep her sweating, tell her I'll think about it or what?

I really do want this girl back in my life. We got on very well and didn't row that much. I understand that she wants to be single for a while..

Of course you can reply. But as a friend and minimal.

Let her go.
Would you want her back after she tests out other guys? If it works out with the other guy, she's gone. If it doesn't work out, she's comes back to you? If you do take her back you are a butt kisser and she will never have respect for you...

Face the hard cold facts - Its over

All right, so I had been in no contact with her at all today (she had texted me twice to say she loves me and she's thinking of me to which I didn't reply to) until she logs onto MSN tonight. I don't speak to her and after about half an hour, she starts to speak to me.

Her cousin is up (she only sees him once a year) and she tells me that he's going home on Thursday. She suggested that I come over tomorrow to see him before he goes home (when her cousin is up, I usually see him every day). I told her, "we agreed we weren't going to see each other any more".. that was really difficult to do and I really wanted to go but I knew that she was the one that wants this break, and I want to make her sweat.

Have I done the right thing? Or should I go tomorrow and try to sort this out?

You're doing the right thing. If she wants the break then let her have it. As for seeing her cousin, maybe you should... well, if you can find a way to get around her.

You need to step back and take a hard look at how you are being used, manipulated and led around by the nose. Absolutely no contact with her at all. Disappear from her life and get your own.

Dude, I don't have time right now to give you the Chuffing you deserve. But this girl is using your a$$. She is stringing you along, keeping you in her emotional web and making you play this game with yourself. Just stop. She wanted a break to see other people. In other words, more accurate words she dumped you. She didn't think you were good enough for her. She will only think your good enough if she dates other people and they become bigger wusses then you so she can manipulate them as well. Then she will do the same damn thing. She doesn't care one damn bit about you, and if you don't believe me ask yourself this... "Would I Dazza treat her like this?" I'm not psychic, I know you wouldn't. Why? Because you know it's not right to play with people's emotions and you wouldn't do that to someone that you care about. Well she obviously feels differently then you, so nut up and put an end to this BS by this bottom feeder.

Ok people, here I return. Now, what you lot doesn't realise is that she's got a lot to think about at the minute.

Her mum has a new boyfriend who is going on holidays with them (they're going in 10 days), her dad is in hospital feeling ill, all her dogs are dying (2 of them have already died), she's going to see her favourite band in concert very soon, she's working every day (she only started the job).. she's only 15 so I'm assuming that she has a lot to think about...

Now, she wants a break to see what she's missing.. I don't care what any of you say, she DOES care about me. She sees me every day and she has got so used to us being together that she is now taking me for granted. She didn't dump me, because when I told her we're better off breaking up completely, she didn't want to.. she says that we'll be better than ever when we're both ready (I also told her that I was taking her for granted too)...

So, to make this break, a "break".. I need to be not talking to her.. I want her to see what she's missing. When I'm at home, I think about her because I have nothing else to do.. I usually end up texting her then.. when I don't text her, she texts me and that sets me off again...

So what should I do? Block her from MSN? Not reply to her messages, go out and not be about home very much?

Any advice is appreciated as I'm really struggling at the moment. I have met two other girls since we fell out... I don't like any of them.

I know you went out with her a long time, and it hurts like HECK...
Worse than anything you can think of... BUT:

She's not missing anything - you are. (Don't let her make that happen.)

You're 15, so enjoy that. 90% of the planet is older than you.

To do list: There's... sports, girls, school, girls, video games, girls, girls, girls, school, friends, movies, girls, and pizza... (Not necessarily in that order.) And girls.

Block your MSN, stay off the computer awhile, get in a fight with your sibling, make your parents buy you something to cheer you up and be PUMPED! You have your whole life ahead of you.
TRUST ME. If you ignore her, and be happy (fake it if you have to) it will
Be the best (and only thing) you can do to make her think about you... And you now need to go (try) enjoy yourself...

On top of getting over her manipulative ways, you'll come to realize in a few years or so how you want to be treated. You shouldn't settle for anything less, don't sell yourself short. In a few years you're going to be so busy (especially when Junior - Senior year) when you are applying for colleges and the last thing you want on your mind is some girl who is stringing you along while you have your own stuff to do.

High school can be hard, but it's more of a test to see how you can learn and figure out how to handle the real world. I've been out almost two years now and I still have trouble, as most people much older STILL need help.

Go hit up a sports team, get active, get fit, keep your mind, body and attitude healthy and clean.

Think about it like this, what's more attractive than being a smart, confident (but not cocky) individual with a real world outlook on life and an education to take you far.

Something I wish I did was take some lower division college courses while still in high school. I was in a class and there was a SOPHOMORE in high school in my same class. He was taking 9 units (3 classes) during summer courses (6 weeks)

Yeah, you lose some of your free time to... sit and do nothing, but if you started NOW and get all of your lower division courses complete, especially at a far cheaper price than any uc or state.. you're set bro. You'll not only go into a jc, uc or state with your general ed complete (or at least close to complete) You can finish a 4 year college in 2 if you stick to it.

You're 15, don't worry about girls and love and sex and all that stuff.

Kevin

Oh Dazza,

How lucky are you. Today I DOOOOOOOO have time time to give you the proper Chuffing you deserve. Hold on tight. Dazza it's nothing personal you are about to be Chuffed.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Ok people, here I return. Now, what you lot doesn't realise is that she's got alot to think about at the minute.

God she uses, you like an emotional tampon. Your actually making excuses for her behavior. She has enough time to text you, and MSN you, and toy with you, and throw her emotional garbage at you. Yet you take it and use it as an excuse for her behavior. Do you think the guy she's really looking for acts like this?

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Her mum has a new boyfriend who is going on holidays with them (they're going in 10 days),

Wow she's going on vacation. Such a tough life.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

her dad is in hospital feeling ill,

And yet she still finds time to get on MSN and talk to you while dumping all her problems on you.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

all her dogs are dying (2 of them have already died),

Well the dog lover in Chuff can certainly relate. Losing a dog sucks. It sucks bad. When I lost my dog I didn't have anyone to dump my emotional pain on. I had to suck it and work through it. I'm glad she had you. To bad if the reversed happen you wouldn't have her.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

she's going to see her favourite band in concert very soon,

While that certainly is stressful.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

she's working every day (she only started the job).. she's only 15 so I'm assuming that she has a lot to think about...

I work everyday. Even today on my day off I got a call about some damage at where I work. I still don't go around using people to be my emotional tampon while I look for someone else.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Now, she wants a break to see what she's missing..

Then why doesn't she take that break? All she seems to do is text, and IM you. It's like she has all these issues and she found somebody that will listen to all of it. As a woman that certainly isn't something she would find attractive in a man but it certainly something she would like to have around so she doesn't have to deal with the issues.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

I don't care what any of you say, she DOES care about me.

Oh my.

Hold... on... a min... ute.

Oh man that was funny. Thanks, I really needed that.

It turns out that some vandals did a bunch of damage at my place of business overnight. The worst part is I don't even own what they vandalized so I have to break it to the guy that does own it, and it's thousands of dollars worth of damage. Normally I wouldn't post something like that here but since you like being an emotional tampon I figured I'd throw some of my problems at you as well. You don't mind do you? I mean after all I do care about you so that's all that matters I just feel like I'm missing something if I don't answer other posters.

Hey tampon, wake up. She's using you. She does NOT care about you and all you are is a way for her to dump her problems. If she did care she would not have dumped you... yeah remember that, she dumped you.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

She sees me every day and she has got so used to us being together that she is now taking me for granted.

That's her story huh.

My story is you made yourself so available that she had no reason and no challenge in the relationship. But she also didn't want to get rid of the only guy she knew that was her tampon so she said "I need a break."

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

She didn't dump me,

Oh God please take the show on the road. Tampon I can't stop laughing.

A break is another word for dump. Call it what ever word you want you are not in a relationship with her so by that very definition. But for you act I'll accept that you got breaked which I guess means you got broke. She broke you. Congratulations, you're a broken man.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

because when I told her we're better off breaking up completely, she didn't want to..

You don't really think she was giving up her emotional tampon, do you?

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

she says that we'll be better than ever when we're both ready

How nice of her. You know what's funny about that besides the line itself. It's the same line every other girl uses when they want to keep there emotional tampon stringing along hoping for false hope.

Guess what. It's working! Sure you are making excuses for her, telling all of us with more life experience that we are wrong, your actually defending her stupid behavior and the way she treats you.

Score one for her and a big fat zero for her emotional tampon.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

(I also told her that I was taking her for granted too)...

Oh God.

So she threw you under the bus, and told her to drive over you again.

I can just imagine how you said it, "your Dad's dying, you are about to go on vacation, and now I'm taking you for granted, you are right I you need a break. Contact me anytime."

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

So, to make this break, a "break".. I need to be not talking to her..

Finally a grain of sanity in all this.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

I want her to see what she's missing.

Exactly. Now we are getting somewhere.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

When I'm at home, I think about her because I have nothing else to do.. I usually end up texting her then..

Well stop texting her.

Here is my get over break up solution. I'd recommend making a list of things that you want to do in the short term only. Hang that list up so that you see it when you go to sleep and when you wake up and start working on those things. The more you focus on those things the better you'll start to feel and less you'll think of the ex.

I also recommend that if you don't have a gym membership you get one. Working out is a great way to get out of the house but also make yourself feel better. Get on a elliptical or stairmaster and just go for 10 or 15 minutes. Get off and rest and then do it again for another 10 or 15 minutes. I promise you, you won't be thinking about anything else other than what your doing. Plus it's healthy for you. Even if you don't get a gym membership take a walk, and go for long ones if you have the time. It gets you out the house, clears you head, and makes is healthy for you. If you have something else you like that's physical do that. Anything that creates motion in your body is good for you.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

when I don't text her, she texts me and that sets me off again...

Stop accepting texts.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

So what should I do? Block her from MSN?

Yes.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Not reply to her messages,

Yes.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

go out and not be about home very much?

Yes... or do things that need to be done at home.

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Originally Posted by DazzaB

Any advice is appreciated as I'm really struggling at the moment. I have met two other girls since we fell out... I don't like any of them.

Forget about girls and figure out what you want from a girl. Also figure out what you want from yourself and what you will accept and will not accept from a woman.

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she's only 15 so I'm assuming that she has a lot to think about...

Leave this 15 year old alone and broaden your horizons. There is agreat big world with a lot of fun stuff to do and your way to young to get stuck on a female. You had fun, great. Nows the time to move on, and stop letting her put you on hold while she does her thing. How old are you anyway??

He's 16

Yes, he is 16 and they have been dating for 1.5 years.

Well, kids these days... back in the old days, I wasn't even allowed to talk to boys at the age of 15,LOL.:D

Ok well as you know we're going out "casually".. but after reading Chuff's posts I've realised how bad she has treated me! I haven't been in contact with her since Saturday night and she hasn't bothered to text me or anything..

We aren't on a break any more we are going "casually"... should I ring her and tell her that we should go on the break she wanted? Or just leave it until she contacts me?

What would be the point? Casually date someone else.

Give her the break she says she wants and you start seeing other people. At your age there's no need to go exclusive. You've got lots of options so exercise them.

Going through the same thing and it suks! A lot! I'm 18 and she's 16 and she said the same thing although I have smothered her the past 2 weeks I'm stopping by not calling her or txting and I even deleted mysapce lol so do the best thing for you and stop all contact and gl hope you get through it!

Ps: many other girls out there although I can't take my own advice

Has any one noticed how a simple break, turned into casual dating? That's how easy you can move from LUV, to being put in the friend zone. Fellas especially the younger guys, when a female says break, don't do anything but give her what she wants and seek your own happiness. Hanging around waiting gets you confused, and makes you look downright silly waiting for a bone. Leave the drama and chaos behind you, and move forward and enjoy the freedom of being a happy single guy. Dazz, are you a happy single guy??

Hey, a very similar thing happened to me but the other way around when I was 16, I was devistated when we split because he wanted to see other people but I moved on and found someone else quite soon, then he decided he wanted me back, we got back together but only so I could have the satisfaction of dumping him. I'm 26 now and he still chases after me! And I'm married with a kid. She will soon realise what she's missing out on when she see's that your moving on with your life, just get out there and meet someone else that's my advice, wish you all the best :)