Where would he find another girl while he's in the Army? He'll be with guys, not girls.Quote:
Originally Posted by beth911
Ok. What would your plan be for him after he graduates? Do you have a better idea than the Army?
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Where would he find another girl while he's in the Army? He'll be with guys, not girls.Quote:
Originally Posted by beth911
Ok. What would your plan be for him after he graduates? Do you have a better idea than the Army?
My brother found a girlfriend when he was in the marines. And someone else said that their friend went in the army and forgot all about his girlfriend and met another girlfriend while he was there
Beth, I am using a quote from one of your first pages of posts because there have now been 420 posts, many people taking their time and energy who are basically trying to share with you what is best in a situation like yours and that is to bail. Walk and don't look back. If he loves you, he will return to you. If he doesn't, nothing you can do will ever change that.Quote:
Originally Posted by beth911
The energy you have put into a person who is not returning your love, who is doing his own thing time after time, should be a red flag to you to start giving yourself some respect and be open to another who will return your love, give you respect and not make you so miserable.
If he looks sad, he can always call you. You are always available to him. He knows that.
Give yourself some credit for being a human being who can stand strong, accept what is obvious. If he is hiding truth from you about his feelings, his need to tell you those feelings will drive him to do so. If you do not hear from him, you will know you misread him.
You say you don't believe in God, yet you have had dreams you asked for to help guide you and the dreams appear from your post to be saying there is someone else out there who will want to hold your hand, want to love you. God does exist and He wants good for your life. He wants to lead you to someone who can bless you with acceptance and love and give you all this guy cannot and will not.
Make a decision for you. He walked away a long time ago. I know that hurts your heart. It would mine also but I would hope someone would say to me, what I am saying to you, "Walk away, regain your self respect as the person you are meant to be. Fill your life with positive, healthy emotions and when those hurtful feelings and doubts that you are doing the right thing surface, cast them down from your mind. Start living in the present and not in the past. You have a bright future but as long as you struggle to hold on to the possibility of this guy returning to you, you have made your own prison." Break free Beth and live your live with boldness, strength, self-respect.
Be thankful for those who have stood with you as you hurt, appreciate their kindness. Repay that kindness by becoming the person they are hoping for you to become, happy, strong and independent. You can do this... it will be difficult, you have placed yourself in a never ending circle of unhappiness and panic. Make a decision in your head, your heart will follow. As you begin to wean away from the "drama" of this situation, I promise you, you will look back and be sad for the time you have put into a person who offered very little in return. Most guys want to hold onto some tiny part of each women they have dated, you know, just in case the next one doesn't work out. You are allowing him and yourself to dictate how you live every day.
CHOOSE WELL BETH! YOUR WHOLE FUTURE DEPENDS ON THE CHOICES YOU MAKE TODAY, THE NEXT MORNING, THE NEXT MORNING, AND SO ON.
I would venture to bet that most people who have posted to you have had similar experiences in their lives where they were crazy about a guy who once was Mr. Wonderful then moved on yet tried to hang on, just a bit. That is why as you look for someone to tell you what you want to hear, you are finding people telling you what you need to hear.
I wish you the best but only you can make that happen.
Two guys out of kazillions that go into the military... If you make yourself interesting while he's away, he's coming looking for you.
What do you think he should do when he's out of h.s. (if he doesn't join the Army)?
Wondergirl agrees: Trouble is, he's come back and things have been good lately. Intermittent reinforcement.
My point exactly! He is intermittent in his attention and commitment. The trouble as I see it is not so much that he comes back and things have been good from time to time but that Beth is willing to allow him to continue the same pattern over and over and over again which only causes her pain. From her posts, he is back, things are good, he is gone, he is happy flirting with someone else and such with someone else, Beth is caused pain, he is back, he is gone and so it continues. My concern is not for him, but Beth and her self-respect, and future happiness. I don't want to see her establish a pattern by habit to allow guys to continue to do to her what this guy has done. Put it to him once, next time he is gone, have some self-control and say "No thank you!" Every End Is A New Beginning! New beginnings are exciting and healthy and offer a future, not a constant instant replay that causes pain. I am not saying it is an easy decision but just saying it is a healthy one emotionally.
For several months, Clough and Grammadidi and I and many others have said exactly that, to no avail. Unfortunately, we cannot be there to hold her hand and give her advice when he calls or comes around or when they see each other at school. When she finally got herself together enough to ignore him and start making a life without him, he noticed and rang her chimes. She unfortunately opened the door.Quote:
Originally Posted by jrebel7
Intellectually, she knows what she should do.
True, one cannot hold another's hand and be there at each turn. At some point, Beth will have to make healthy choices on her own. That is why I wrote to her. To encourage her to do so. I know that Craig and Didi and Tal and many other's have been there to try to help her and encourage her to do the same as I encouraged her to do in my post.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Perhaps intellectually, she knows what she should do but I don't think it hurt anything for me to post to her and encourage her to have some personal growth in her life. She will find her way in time. I have no doubt. It is nice that she has had you to bounce things off as she struggles through this situation. The more input one receives, the more perspective one is able to grasp. Sometimes I have heard the same thing several times, perhaps something as simple as a well-known quote and always liked it but because of a certain circumstance I was in at a particular time and I heard it again, I was more open to the full truth and understanding of it's meaning. So the more Beth reads of other's perspectives, the more she will be able to make up her own mind and reach a happier place. I believe we are all pulling for her to be happy.
Like I've mentioned and makes sense... he's a sociopath. That pretty much explains it all.
I know he loves me but its like he's afraid to show it.. possibly because of how his family is and how he was raised. He doesn't show it all the time and it makes me wonder. He does other things that make me wonder. But then he does a lot for me and I know he really loves me. But its like he doesn't fell like a "man" if he shows it. But sometimes he does anyway. But I can't understand him, because to me if you love someone, you show it all the time. I just think that's how it should be. And that's where all out problems are. Because I get on him about it and then he gets mad at me for that. And that's really our main problem but it leads to a lot of big problems. What should I do? I'm really glad that I finally noticed where the problem starts. Now if I could change that, it could make everything get a little better. Please help me
Have you ever told him in a non-confrontational manner how you feel? I sense that the two of you don't communicate the way you should. I don't buy the whole "not feeling like a man" thing at all. What are the "other" things he's done? It might provide more insight.
Also, the more you push him, the more he is going to back away. Maybe you are pushing too hard? If you do that, he will back away even further. You said yourself that you "get on him" about it, and he gets mad. Well stop getting on him. You can't make him do or feel anything he doesn't want to. Nothing you do can convince him, unless he wants to do it himself.
Stop bugging him about it completely, if you want him to stick around. You are expecting him to act the way you act, and he's either not ready, or doesn't want to. You can't change that.
If you can't accept him the way he is, and deal with it, you don't have a relationship! You can't change anyone.
I been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years and he isn't the romantic type at all and ever since our parents found out about us having sex he never wants to go to each others houses. And he won't go in any stores with me or anything because he hates going places and he like to just be stuck in the house all day or be outside some place. He won't even go with me somewhere really quick to just pick up one thing. But some how I still know that he loves me even though he doesn't always show it like he should.
So, I am really close friends with my brothers fiancé. And a guy she works with names adam likes me and he is a really sweat guy. He just wants to love someone and to be loved. And I decided it wouldn't hurt much to be just friends with him because I don't have many friends anyway so I'll be friends with anyone that I know doesn't hate me. Well a couple days ago me and adam started texting each other and last night we met at my brothers house and left to go hang out. I let him drive my car and when he went to give me my keys back when I went to grab the keys he grabed my hand. And we just kind of walked around wal mart just because it was the only place open past midnight.
He kept trying to kiss me but I wouldn't let him. And every time we would hug or anythng I just felt like running away. I just didn't feel right about it. But he is such a nice guy and I know that if I was with him that he would treat me exactly how I want to be treated.
But its not him that I want. I want the guy I been with for 3 years. And I want him to be more like the other guy. I haven't given up on him yet and because I haven't given up I gave him time to slowly change into a better person and in 2 years he is about half way there. Its just that we never see each other when we know we could and we never have anything to do and nothing to talk about and I feel like we are almost nothing nymore. Like we been married for a long time or something.
I don't know its really confusing and I don't think I really worded this the way that I should have worded it.
Is it considered cheating to hold hands with another guy, even though you kind of just feel sorry for him and you know that there is nothing there?
And I was really sad that my boyfriend called and I missed his call because I was hanging out with another guy. But I can't tell him anything because he will leave me and I can't let that happen. I just don't want this to go on anymore but now that I see that I could have a better guy I'm just so confused. But really I don't want anyone else at all. And I don't want to hurt either of them. They are just being themselves.
What should I do?
First of all you do not know that this new guy would treat you the way you want to be treated. No one can predict the future.
There are going to be things about your loved ones that you don't like.Just as I am sure there are things your BF does not like about you.You take the good with the bad and accept them for who they are. And if you can't do that you move on and allow them the opportunity to meet someone who they are more compatible with.
You can't change people and if by some miracle you get them to conform to your wishes you are going to have a resentful guy on your hands who is going to wish he never met you.
In my book,holding hands is cheating.
The only way to improve your relationship is to be open and honest and respect the differences between the two of you and learn to compromise.
Beth 911, I think your not being honest with yourself. Your looking for love in the wrong place. Your boyfriend in unavailable to you, that's a red flag, its going to get worst. This other guy you met, you don't know if he will be the good guy your looking for. I think you need time for yourself, and forget the guys right now.
The fact that you feel the need to hide this from your significant other, shows just how guilty you feel about all this. You are not focused on your current boyfriend for companionship and using excuses like you feel sorry for Adam, unfortunately, just doesn't cut it. In my opinion, you are cheating (maybe I'm biased). Is this the reason why some guys don't like their girls making other guy friends? Maybe. I mean, how would you feel if you found out your boyfriend was holding hands with another girl and spending time with them behind your back. Who the heck cares what the reasoning is, you just don't do it!
You guys have been together for 3 years. You need to handle things in a mature and responsible way or all will be lost. Like the other posts have mentioned, you know nothing about Adam. Some people tend to keep their masks on in the earlier stages (then again some never take it off to the point where it doesn't matter anymore). If your going to give up on your 3 year relationship, then at least have some decency and respect for your boyfriend and tell him what's going on. However, if you give in this easily every time something better comes along, I can tell you that you won't have many successful relationships in the future. I can also tell you that there will always be someone better out there. You may have already, but I suggest reading or rereading the stickies in the forum.
We encounter endless temptations throughout our lives and the decisions we make in response is basically what defines who we are. Do yourself a favor and don't allow yourself to be labeled as the cheater.
I think your not happy with the way things are with your current boyfriend- if that is the case- sort that out and end that relationship.
You can't change your boyfriend to be how you would like him to be- he either is or he is not...
The fact that you like someone else-- should tell you deep down the current boyfriend your with may not be the one?
I think you need to really sit down and thinking about everything- if he is not the one- let him go- DO NOT CHEAT- that will be a very low thing to do.
YOu are already "hanging out" with someone else, so that is already cheating, just not having sex, you are giving your time and emotions to someone else.
It sounds like you are very young, living at home parents involved?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ip-163044.html
Is this the same guy you might cheat on?
Yeah that's the same guy.
And today, adam got all mad and said that the whole thing was just a lie and that he never liked me in the first place but I also heard from someone else that that wasn't true.
And because of all of this I feel like I have realised that me and my boyfriend never go do anything togther and he never wants to go anywhere or do anything and he doesn't want to hold hands out in public or anythng. He won't even come over to my house anymore or let me at his house if parents are arounnd. I'm 17 he is 19 and adam is almost 21. At least adam was holding my hand out in public and wanting to go places with me and do stuff... my boyfriend is really plain and never wants to do anything or even really talk about anything and I'm getting bored with the relationship. I awore on everything for the past 3 years that I couldn't ever leave him and that I would always love him and I think I finally got myself to understand that I will be OK with out him if I could just find someone else who can make me happier because all he ever does is try to make me mad and he thinks its funny.
But right now neither of them will talk to me and I don't know what to do at all. My boyfriend won't talk to me because I mentioned that I think he needs to quit holding me back in life and that we should do more together and that I want to see him more and he just told me to leave him then.
Why do you feel the need to jump into a relationship right after a 3 year relationship? That's not healthy, you have to find yourself again and not depend on someone always being there to cushion the fall
Well I really want to be with this other guy now but he won't talk to me anymore and doesn't like me now. And he acts like I don't even exist. I have sent several text messages trying to get him to talk to me and he ignores every one of them and even though we didn't know each other that well I never felt as happy as I did with him. And now my question is, what is it I need to do for him to talk to me? I've tried everything
He really really liked me a lot befroe but then all of a sudden he thought I would get attatched to easily and be too jellous.
So he wouldn't even give it a chance and he just started saying he thinks I'm crazy and all this stuff when all I did was try texting him to ask why. And if he gave me a chance that would all change but he won't even talk to me now.
I have a boyfriend of 3 years but he doesn't ever want to do anything anymore and I'm bored with the relationship and I met a really sweet guy who is like everything I ever wanted. At first I only wanted to be friends and he wanted more than that. We hung out one night about a week ago and held hands and he tried to kiss me but I wouldn't let him. Then I decided I wanted him more than my boyfriend of 3 years. And the day after I made up my mind he said he only wanted to be friends. He told my sister in law (he works with her) that he thought about giving me another chance but that I over reacted to that so he is afraid of how I would be if we were only together a month or 2 n then broke up.
Now he doesn't like me and wants me to leave him alone.
He isn't even responding to my messages. I apologised a million times and I just really wish I could be with him. I keep having dreams I go back to that night at the lake when he tried to kiss me and that this time I did let him.
And my sister in law is sick of hearing me talk about it
She doesn't think he will change his mind. And now he won't even be friends with me. Its like I no longer exist to him. And he is like everything to me
And I know that he did like me before just bacause before he was around me he kept asking my sister in law if he looked OK and if I would like it and blah blah blah and he was telling her I look good and I seem cool but he thinks I would be too jellous. And some how I managed to give him the wrong idea. He made me happier in that little bit of time than anyone has ever made me in my life. And every second with him I pretty much just laughed until I cried
How long have you known him?
This new guy? Sort of a few months.
I don't see him much though. He is friends with my brothers fiancé and works with her.
And he's everything to you already?
It seems like it. No one has ever made me so happy or enjoyed being around me so much. And now he won't talk to me at all. And I don't know what to do. I just wish I could have someone else talk to him and him listen to what they say so he can change his mind hopefully
Lol and my horoscope says that I may think that someone hasn't been listingin to be but that I will get a response later that shows they care and were listening all along. Lol
Sorry to say it won't happen. He's over you.
What's with J? I thought he was everything to you.
I'm bored with how he never wants to go anywhere or do anything. Its like we aren't even together. And this other guy just got the wrong idea sme h0w 0r things wuldnt be this way.
S0rry my 0 is somewhat broke. It w0rks when it wants.
This other guy... went out on a date with this one girl that he works with and I never did like her. They went on a date yesterday. He is almost 21 and she is 15. But I don't know if I care anymore or not. But I think I might give my friends friend a try. J's making me really bored with the relationship and he don't let me do anything so I have to do some things behind his back which makes me start doing more and more behind his bacck to the point where I'm just not honest with him anymore and I'm beginning to feel like I just don't care anymore. I wish I did but its like I just don't feel anything. I don't care but I don't not care. I don't know if I love him anymore. I want to but I just don't feel it. I'm really confused and I feel like we are just strangers anymore and he don't let me do anything at all.
Wasn't that J's big thing anyway? -- controlling your time and space. Btw, that 21 y/o is facing life as a sex offender if he messes with that 15 y/o. Back to you and J -- I'd think you all are too busy shoveling snow these days that you don't have time to worry about relationships. Every time I listen to a weather report, you are getting more snow! Anyhoo, dump all the guys for a while and get your own act together. What's in your future? You'll be a senior in the fall, or you'll graduate this spring? What next? Community college and a certificate in a vocation you will enjoy? Flipping burgers for the rest of your life at MickeyDee's? Get yourself going and make some progress with yourself. Forget the guys for now.Quote:
Originally Posted by beth911
If I forget them I sit around the house all day and do nothing but listen to music. Where does that get me? At least john pushes me into doing something with my life.. probably x ray tech
No school? Will you graduate in May? Whatever happened with him and school and the military?Quote:
Originally Posted by beth911
And this 15 yr old is kind of a um... I can't think of an appropriate name for it. Lets just say she has like 5 other boyfriends. And just last week she was cheating on one guy with two other guys and he left her then she kept cutting herself and she didn't understand why he left.
So I'm sure she will just cheat on him too.
He told me when we were talking that that girl was so annoying and all this stuff... obviously not.
Yeah we graduate in spring.
I don't know what he is doing.
I try talking to him about it and he can't be serious about it. I can't talk to him at all about anything/ the only time he is ever serious is when he is mad and then he don't want anything to do with me
Cutting?? She has bigger problems than you or I do! She must really hate herself big-time!Quote:
Originally Posted by beth911
I have the same situation. We are teens. Don't limit your choices. DumP both guys and start fresh. This time keep your options open. Trust me by keeping yourself in this sitution your keeping yourself from all the other guys out there who I'm sure would treat you way better.----p.s what your doing is called cheating, not physically but emotionally.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years now. I am 18 and he is 19. It seems as if he is just6 not a people person and thinks he is the best and smartest person in the world. He is not what would be considered a loving person and doesn't want to have kids or get married... but he seems to want to still stay together for a very long time. He is not the type to kisss od hug and because of this I feel so hurt. I know he loves me because of the things that he does for me and I am really the only person that he talks to because he is such a loner. He expects me to be like him. We never really argue like we used to but its so hard for me to hold all this in and he will get mad when I tell him and that only makes things a lot more worse. Its so hard to explain and I am probably giving the wrong idea but its like he does love me but he is jus5t to afraid to show that he cares about me or he doesn't know how some how. I don't know what I should do about this. Please help me. He is the same way to his family and his mom said she would have his dad talk to him about how he acts like that to get him to stop but she hasn't yet and I'm afraid it weill only make things worse but she said that she knows what she is doing and she is sure that it won't get worse. But I have been waiting so long for them to have this talk and it still hasn't happeneed and I am too afriad to bring it up to her for some reason. What should I do?
This seems to be a problem, but to solve it, all you need to do is talk to him. If you guys aren't on the same page (meaning you understand both situations and will try to work on it), maybe you should consider being alone for a while and see what you really want.
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